Hurt Feelings
by chocolatemademedoit
Summary: A sequel to A Childhood Missed. Crane has left for college again, but there are still some unresolved matters for a few of the brothers, not to mention some new developments. Lots of brotherly love, misschief, fluffy scenes and a bad word or two. Rating M for corporal punishment/spanking (just to be sure). Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I enjoyed writing that last Seven Brides for Seven Brothers story so much that I couldn't stop writing about them. It's scary posting this now as, unlike the previous story, this isn't finished yet. It's a work in progress. That means that there certainly won't be daily updates. Might be a week before there's a new chapter.

Hope this story will be enjoyed!

Chapter 1

"Damn it, Evan, how often do I have to tell you? Huh?" Adam threw his gloves down on the table.

Evan had been sitting at the kitchen table eating his afternoon snack and jumped to his feet as soon as he heard Adam yell his name, getting some distance between him and his older brother. "I…what did I do?"

"What did you do?" Adam slammed his fist on the table, immediately regretting it and cradling his hand, "Damn."

"Adam…," Brian appeared in the doorway, a wide-eyed Guthrie next to him.

"Adam said…" but before Guthrie could finish that sentence Brian had his hand over the boy's mouth.

"I know what he said, buddy, but that doesn't mean you should repeat it."

Adam groaned, "Sorry."

"Does that mean he gets his mouth washed out like we do?" Evan asked innocently, but both older brothers were well aware the boy didn't mean it that innocently. "Or does he have to wash his own mouth out?"

Adam looked to the ceiling, as if the solution to all his problems was to be found there, "You have bigger issues, buddy, than my cussing. And Guthrie, I shouldn't have said that. I'll put a dollar in the jar."

For Guthrie that was enough to start cheering. The jar was an old jar they had on the kitchen counter. When Adam or Brian swore they would put money in there and on the next trip to town the money would be used to buy candy. It didn't happen often nowadays because the two hardly ever swore anymore, that the younger ones knew about anyways. "When are we gonna go to town?"

"Not until Saturday, buddy, we still have more than enough leftovers from Thanksgiving. In fact, we could feed an army." Brian had to laugh at Guthrie's disappointed face. "Don't worry, it'll be Saturday soon enough." It was Tuesday, after all.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere," Adam took a hold of Evan's arm just as the boy was about to sneak past him.

"But I didn't do anything, Adam, I even passed my test today. Did all my homework at school because Miss Landon was ill today and…"

"I'm not talking about school. I'm talking about this morning. I'm talking about the time Brian and I had to spend today getting all the pigs back in the pen."

"Oh…" slowly realization dawned on the 13-year-old. "I thought I…"

"Well, you thought wrong. You forgot to close the gate, didn't you? You were in a hurry because you wanted to spend some more time with Diablo."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave it open, honest."

Adam rolled his eyes (something he'd yell at the kids for), "If I had a penny for every single time one of you kids said the word honest when you're trying to talk your way out of trouble, we'd have money to buy that new generator. And maybe a new roof."

"But Adam, I really didn't mean to do it. I thought I'd closed it."

"I'm sure you did. But you didn't, Ev, and because of your rush to get to that colt, Brian and I spent two hours chasing pigs. And we didn't have two hours to spare. There was too much to do as it was. So guess what?" Evan looked anxious. Adam was notorious for coming up with the most horrible punishments. "You get to do our evening chores on top of your own."

On the worst-punishment-scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, this was actually a three, but still Evan balked. "That's not fair! It was an accident!"

"A costly accident," Brian added. "Look, it's simple, Evan, I need to get dinner started. We have to make sure everyone's done their homework. I still have to check the Jeep because it was acting up earlier. And you just admitted you already had your homework finished anyway, so you were probably gonna go play or hang around doing nothing. Now you can make yourself useful and make up to us for having to work extra."

"Brian the practical. I simply call it a fitting punishment," Adam looked at Guthrie, "Did you get everything ready to finish that science project?"

"Yeah it's in the living room, Adam. I was waiting for you to help me," Guthrie had actually been waiting since he'd gotten home. Homework wasn't his idea of fun, but this science project was an assignment he was actually looking forward to, mostly because it meant working together with his oldest brother.

"Good, I'll go wash my hands and will be with you. Evan, I suggest you get to it. Now." Adam didn't even look at his brother as he walked to the sink to wash his hands.

Evan was momentarily lost for words but then he stomped his foot and shouted, "No, I won't! I know it was stupid, but it was an accident. Why can't Daniel help me? Or Ford? If we do it together it goes faster. It's not fair that I have to do it alone."

"Daniel or Ford didn't leave the gate open," Adam dried his hands and turned to Evan. "I'm not telling you again, Evan."

"I don't care! I'm not doing it."

"Fine. You're not working with Diablo for the rest of the week."

"The rest of the week?" Evan's face betrayed the shock the boy felt. He'd expected a threat, maybe a swat, maybe being dragged out to do it, but not this. "I just forgot…you can't just…"

"I can and I will. I'm done arguing with you, little man."

Evan tried to fight the tears, but he was fighting a losing battle. Angrily he wiped at his eyes. "Why are you doing this? You're so mean."

"Adam…," Guthrie appeared at Adam's side, "Evan didn't mean it. He's crying. He really is sorry."

Adam put his arm around Guthrie's shoulder, "I'm not so sure he's really sorry for leaving the gate open. And he's certainly not sorry about his attitude and refusal to do as he's told. But don't worry about it. It'll be okay."

"Come on, Ev," Brian now made his way over to Evan, trying to get the boy out of the kitchen, "I'll show you what to do while Adam helps Guthrie." It may have looked like a comforting grip on his brother, but in fact, he was steering Evan outside with a strength the boy couldn't fight.

"It's not fair, Bri," Evan cried as they crossed the yard, "Why does Adam always have to use Diablo when he's mad at me?!"

"Well, Adam uses what works and this works well on you. But buddy, you had a lot of chances to do the right thing just now. Instead of apologizing as you should have, you started coming up with excuses. You forced his hand, buddy, and you know it."

"But three days of not working with Diablo…three whole days."

Even though Brian felt that Adam had been a little bit harsh, he knew that this wasn't the first time that Evan had made mistakes because he wanted to go to Diablo and it wasn't the first time Evan had defied Adam like this. "I know it's hard, but try to learn from it. How would you have felt if you had two hours of extra work because one of your brothers had been careless in his chores?"

Evan shrugged noncommittally. He knew Brian was right, but that didn't mean he had to admit it.

"I bet you would be mad. And I bet you would like some help to get everything done that had to be done. And you would have liked an honest apology. A heartfelt one."

Another shrug followed, but Evan avoided eye-contact and Brian knew the boy was listening.

"I think that if you had apologized right away to Adam and asked him how you could make up for your mistake, things would have ended differently. Don't you think so?"

"Maybe," Evan's voice broke and he wiped at his tears again, "I just never think about that when I've done something wrong. And now I'm in trouble again…"

"And you didn't have to be. I'm sorry, but you really have to learn to handle being in the wrong better." Although Brian was known for his hot temper, he was usually pretty good at admitting it when he was in the wrong. Usually. What the younger kids didn't know was that it had been a steep learning curve for him. "I was the same way and I usually made it worse for myself. And like Dad, Adam's good at finding what hurts the most. With you it's Diablo. For me it was being grounded from playing on the team. The threat alone was enough to get me to behave for a week at least."

"But that hurts the team too."

Brian nodded, "That's why it worked so well. And your punishment now hurts Diablo too. Which is another reason it works. We don't want others hurt because of our mistakes. Hmm?"

They'd reached the barn and Brian nodded at the stalls, "At least you get to be around him while you muck those out." He laughed at Evan's face. "Yeah I know…not my best attempt at a joke." He ruffled Evan's hair, "You'll get through it, kiddo. And maybe you'll be a little wiser now. I gotta go back to start supper."

With a deep sigh Evan reluctantly got to work as Brian made his way back to the house. Part of Evan was hoping Ford or Daniel would show up soon to start their own chores so he could somehow get them to help him. Another part was thinking that might not be such a good idea. Not only didn't he want to admit to them how stupid he'd been, but he also knew that if Adam or Brian found out, he'd been in even deeper. And very, very deep down, he knew that Brian was right. He should have handled it better. He could have avoided it. And yes, he had been stupid. He owed it to them. As soon as that last thought popped up all thoughts of unfairness and asking his brothers' help vanished as snow in the sun and he started working harder.

"Adam, how far is Mars away from us?"

"You have your book there. If you don't know, you look it up."

Guthrie got his book, but still gave Adam a puppy look, "Why can't you just tell me."

"You have to learn to look things up, buddy. What if no one's around to ask?"

"There's always someone!"

Adam had to laugh. The boy had a point. Being the youngest of seven meant that young Guthrie had never been left on his own. Partly out of protectiveness, but mostly it was just the way it was. "Still, at some point it'll happen. But don't you think we should paint the planets first before we put them at the proper distance?"

"Oh yeah," Guthrie hit his forehead in an over-dramatic gesture, "Duh."

"You know I don't like that word, buddy."

"But it's not cussing, is it, Adam?"

"No, it's not as bad as cussing, but it's a bit disrespectful."

"Why?"

"Because when you say duh, you're actually saying the other person is stupid, or that you yourself are stupid. And neither is very nice to say, isn't it?"

"But I was stupid."

"No, you are not stupid, you just didn't stop to think it through. You need some help planning things like this. Doesn't mean you're stupid. I don't ever want to hear you call yourself stupid okay?"

"Okay, Adam, I won't. And I'll never call anyone else stupid either."

"Good." Adam handed Guthrie the red paint so he could paint Mars, the boy's favorite planet. "Why do you like Mars so much?"

"Cause it's red."

"Oh…don't you think it's got to do with all the talk of Mars and Martians?"

"No, Martians are scary. They don't exist, do they, Adam? It's just make believe, right?"

"I think so, yes," Adam wasn't going to start a theological discussion, but he wasn't sure they were the only ones in the entire universe either. "Maybe elsewhere, but I don't think they're on Mars. There's no water on Mars, right? And all living creatures need water."

"Oh yeah, Miss Cindy said that. It's really cool there, with lots of mountains and canyons. Much more than we have. You think we could ever go there and go mountain climbing?"

"Well, you just looked up the distance….I think it's a bit too far to travel."

"Oh yeah. But I bet it'd be cool."

"I think so too, buddy, very cool."

Brian was listening to their exchange from the kitchen. He was sitting at the kitchen table peeling potatoes and as he worked he could feel his feelings turning negative again. He wasn't exactly angry at his older brother, but definitely disappointed. The accusation had hurt him more deeply than he wanted to admit. He'd brushed it off as Crane had come to him to apologize for putting him in that position. Brian's heart had gone out to the younger brother as he saw him standing in the kitchen when he and the kids came back from berry picking. He had to mentally correct himself, Crane was just as much one of the kids. That had been their mistake all along: treating Crane like an adult, when in fact he had been only a little boy. Not little anymore now, but Brian and Adam were very much aware of how much they'd let the boy down during his teenage years. And they were even more determined to make up for it. So instead of making a joke, Brian had pulled Crane into a big hug. Not one of their usual one-armed ones or the big bear hug Brian had given his brother when he'd stepped off the bus. No, a comforting hug and he could feel the difference in Crane's reaction to it. It told Brian more than any word Adam could have said.

" _It's okay, kiddo," he'd replied, "You didn't put me in that situation. You did something foolish, you were punished, and now it's over. That's how it works, Crane. No hard feelings. Just don't do it anymore." Crane's promise had been sincere and heartfelt and Brian had nodded, "Good, that's all I need to know."_

And he hadn't lied to Crane, he didn't hold it against the boy. But Adam was a different story. His older brother seemed to want to believe the worst in him. Of course, he'd jumped at Evan's and Ford's throat as well. But he'd apologized to the boys and made it up to them. There had been no apology to Brian. And that hurt. He pushed the hurt away again and put the potatoes on the stove before getting out the string beans. He'd made the meatloaf the previous day and cut it in individual slices now to fry in the pan. He'd learned to leave it overnight to have the flavors come out better. He hadn't known that when he first tried to make it. Of course, it had been dry as a bone then, never mind the flavor.

Outside he heard Ford and Daniel pushing each other around. He wouldn't interfere as long as they kept it playful. Another thing they had learned to recognize. The sounds between playful roughhousing and actual fighting were different.

"Hey Brian," Ford popped his head through the kitchen door, "Can we have some cookies?"

"May we," it was an almost automatic correction and Brian didn't wait for a repeat of his words, "And no you may not. Dinner will be ready in half an hour."

"So? You know I won't spoil my dinner."

Brian had to give him that. Ford could never seem to get full. It was a part of the teenage years with boys, it seemed. "I know, and the answer is still no. You had your snack after school and now you'll have to wait for supper."

"Did you make dessert?"

Brian had to grin now, "Yes, I made dessert. Or rather, we still have dessert left."

"yeah but that's pumpkin pie." It wasn't Ford's favorite. "I was hoping for something else."

"Well, you already had the last piece of the apple crumble. The blueberry pie was gone by Friday. Pumpkin pie is all that's left. And you can stop that sigh. You know you'll eat it anyway."

"Doesn't mean I like it."

"You could just have an apple."

"That's not dessert."

"For some people it is."

Another sigh from the 12-year-old. "Not fair."

"Hey, buddy, you get supper, you get dessert, you want for nothing, so no complaining. Or there won't be any dessert for you." It may have sound like an empty threat considering Ford's preference for other desserts, but truth was that Ford really liked every dessert possible, pumpkin pie was just at the bottom of that list of favorite foods. And so Brian wasn't surprised when Ford conceded right away.

"I'll stop…I'll go play."

"Chores finished?" Brian called after him.

"Of course!" He could hear Ford's answer just before the door slammed shut. He sighed, knowing he should get up to tell Ford off for not closing the door properly, but he'd had a rough day and was tired, so pretended he hadn't heard it. He was just glad Adam hadn't heard it or the guy would have yelled again. Suddenly Brian grinned. It wasn't unthinkable that Adam was pretending not to have heard as well. They were both tired.

"So did you finish your model, Guth?" Brian was loading up the mashed potatoes, his favorite potato dish, and glanced up at the youngest sibling.

"Uh huh," Guthrie had just picked up his glass of milk to drink.

"Take a couple of bites first, buddy, don't want you filling up on milk before you had any of the food." Brian watched Guthrie put the glass back down. "Will you show me after dinner?"

"It looks great," Daniel commented, making his youngest brother beam.

"Ya think so, Danny?"

"Yes, I really think so, Guthrie," Daniel reached over and ruffled Guthrie's hair, "I think you'll get a really high grade for this. Maybe even an A."

"Or an A+," Ford grinned, "At least Brian and Adam will have one more brother who gets the grades to go to college."

"It's a bit early to think about college with Guthrie yet," Adam took the bowl of mashed potatoes from Ford who had gotten it passed on after Brian, "but yes, we'd like all of you to go to college."

"Not me," Ford groaned at Evan's words, knowing they could easily lead to yet another discussion, "I'm gonna do rodeo. Don't need college for that."

For once Adam kept his cool, knowing this was far too soon to have this battle with this particular brother. "Just do well for now. It's a bit early for any decisions. Did you finish the chores?"

Brian held his breath, but was pleasantly surprised at Evan's answer, "Yes, sir….Adam?" Evan waited until Adam looked at him, "I'm sorry I caused you and Brian so much extra work. I'll try to be a lot more careful from now on."

It earned him a big smile from both oldest brothers, but it was Adam who reached over and squeezed his shoulder for a moment, "Thank you, Ev, apology accepted."

"How did your test go, Danny?" The boys wondered why Adam always had to spoil dinner by talking about school.

Daniel shrugged, "I never know until I get it back."

Something in the boy's tone made Adam think there was something wrong, but not only didn't he have the energy left today to actively go looking for trouble, he also knew that things always got out eventually. So he didn't press. "I would think you would have a better idea whether or not you found the questions difficult."

"Well, I don't. When I think it went okay, I get a low grade, and when I thought it was difficult I pass. So I don't know."

"Something we can maybe work on," Brian took over. "Maybe it's a matter of confidence."

"Doubt it. I'm just not smart enough to go to college. Besides, by the time I'd leave Crane's just coming back. If I went to college I wouldn't see Crane for 8 whole years."

"You've just seen him last weekend," Evan couldn't help pointing it out, despite the full mouth of mash and meatloaf.

"Evan, that's disgusting," Brian chided, earning him a cheeky grin from the boy, but Evan did close his mouth. "He's right though, Danny, you've just seen Crane, two weekends within 4 weeks, and one was a long weekend too. You're being a little over-dramatic. It's not like you never see your brother."

Another shrug from Daniel, "Feels like it." Saying goodbye again had been hard for the 14-year-old.

"He'll be back soon enough. Next month anyway, for Christmas."

"Maybe he won't. Maybe he never will again."

Daniel's morose thought caused the youngest of the McFaddens to look up in fear, "Crane's not coming home?"

"I wouldn't, if I were him," Daniel didn't look up from his hardly-touched plate.

Tears filled the sensitive 9-year-old's eyes, "But he has to!"

"Of course Crane's coming home," Adam glared at Daniel now, "Stop upsetting your brother. If you're gonna be this way you can finish your supper in your room."

"Fine!" Daniel picked up his plate and left the room, stomping up the stairs as he did. For once, the rest of dinner was a quiet and somewhat tensed affair.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to everyone who left a review, either logged in, as a guest (can't reply to you by PM, but know I appreciate your reviews) or private reviews. You have no idea how much those reviews mean.

Chapter 2

"Danny?" There had already been three knocks on his door, but Daniel didn't answer. He continued to stare at the ceiling. There really was no peace in this house. No escape from his brothers. There was always someone there to pester you. Sure, it was nice when you needed them or wanted them, but when you wanted to be alone, there was bound to be a brother coming after you.

Unlike the previous two brothers, his youngest brother didn't give up so easily. And he was always harder to ignore, especially not when you'd unwillingly upset that little brother. Another knock and Daniel spoke up, "Go away, Guthrie, I wanna be alone."

"But I brought you pumpkin pie."

"I don't want any."

"But you love it." Guthrie sounded honestly surprised and Daniel groaned.

"Not tonight."

"Crane'll be back. Adam promised me."

Normally, Daniel would have found the 9-year-old's insight and empathy extraordinary. Unfortunately, he was feeling too lousy and absorbed in his own misery to give the words much thought. "Adam can go stuff himself."

The door swung open and in the door was the man who supposedly needed to go stuff himself. Daniel didn't even cringe.

"Guthrie," A bad-tempered Daniel wondered why Adam's gentle voice was always reserved for his younger brothers and not him, "why don't you go and get ready for bed while I give Daniel his dessert.

"Not the bad kind, right, Adam?"

"Huh?" For a moment Adam didn't know what Guthrie meant, but then he had to smile, "The bad kind is called just desserts, so Daniel is fine." He took the plate and gave Guthrie a little push towards the bathroom, but the boy still had some doubts.

"Are ya sure, Adam? Cause you looked mad and you sounded mad and Daniel didn't do nothing bad."

"He didn't do anything bad."

A bright smile appeared on Guthrie's face, "Good!" And off he ran.

Adam shook his head smiling as he stood in the doorway for a few moments, looking at the angry 14-year-old's back. Daniel had turned over the second the door opened and was now looking at the wall, determined not to acknowledge Adam.

"You sure you don't want pumpkin pie?" When there was no reply Adam stepped inside and closed the door. The room was actually rather tidy for a teenager's room. He couldn't help wondering if Crane had tidied when he was home, because he'd always thought it was because of Crane that the room was always so tidy. He sat down on Crane's bed and picked up the fork. "Well, it's a shame to throw it out…" Still no response and so he pretended to take a bite, "Sure is good pie….was that a snort I heard?" But after the snort Daniel had gotten himself under control again and so Adam put the plate down on the small bedside table. "Look, buddy, I'm sorry. It's not an excuse but I've had a long, hard, and rotten, muddy day and I was in a grumpy mood to begin with. You didn't say anything really mean or horrible, you were just voicing your own sadness over not having Crane here now. I get it. And I shouldn't have blamed you for Guthrie getting upset."

Now a soft sniff was his answer and he moved to Daniel's bed. He reached out to Daniel's back and hesitated for a second. Daniel and he were at each other's throats so often that he wasn't sure what to do anymore. Daniel could easily be offended by the gesture and then this whole thing might quickly escalate into something nasty. He decided to take a risk, but placed his hand on the boy's arm instead of rubbing his back. He could feel the body stiffen, but Daniel didn't shrug him off and after a few moments he relaxed ever so slightly.

"I know you miss Crane. We all miss him, but you two are so close that it's harder on you than any one of us. And I'm sorry."

"Like you care."

"I care, buddy. I wish you didn't have to miss your brother."

"You told him to go to college."

"Daniel, you know why I did that."

"Yeah, cause you wanted him gone."

"That what you think? I just don't believe that you believe that."

"Why not? It's the truth. You yelled at him and told him he was going whether he liked it or not. You never used to yell at him."

"You know I wasn't really yelling at him. I was helping him."

"By yelling at him? That's stupid."

"No, not really. Crane really wanted to go, but he felt like he couldn't leave. Couldn't leave Brian and me to have to do without his help. Couldn't leave me to do the bookkeeping. Couldn't leave the ranch. Couldn't leave you….his heart was pulling him in different directions. So I helped him be a little selfish for a change, to think about what was right for him."

"Not for us."

"What's good for Crane ultimately is good for us too. It's just hard to see it right now."

Another noncommittal shrug from Daniel.

"And you've visited Crane. You know how much he enjoys being there. Would you really begrudge him that? After everything he did for you?" Adam knew it was a low blow, but he hoped it would get through to Daniel.

Daniel, on his part, was struggling with his emotions. One second he was sad, the next angry. And now Adam had added guilt to it as well.

"You think about that, okay, buddy?" Adam had kept his hand on Daniel's arm and now dared giving it a quick rub and squeeze. "I'll leave the pumpkin pie here, just in case you feel like it in a little bit." As he left the room he congratulated himself on not losing his temper at the unresponsiveness, like he normally would have. But then, he knew it had been hard for him too, to say goodbye to Crane again. The realization he had come to over Thanksgiving had not helped. It had actually been harder this time than it had been the first time. For some reason, over the holiday, Crane had finally become one of his kids too, someone he was responsible for despite being 18, and he worried even more now.

As he closed the door he saw Brian look at him from the top of the stairs. He answered the questioning look with a shrug, "I don't know." The look Brian threw him told Adam that he had messed up at dinner. Well, he knew that. He just hoped he'd used the right words to help Daniel. He wasn't sure. He had relied on Crane too long. And again he felt that pang of guilt at Crane's missed childhood or rather, teenage years. Giving Crane that spanking, hearing his cries, knowing how much he was hurting him, had torn Adam apart. He knew it was the right thing to do. He knew he'd do it again if he had to, but it killed him to do it.

And he'd kept a close look on his little brother all during Thanksgiving dinner, noticing every shift and hidden wince. And every time he saw it, it was like a dagger through his heart. But the hug Crane had so readily accepted and the shy smile he'd given his big brother when Adam had pulled him on the soft sofa next to him after dinner, those were equally painful. Painful and wonderful at the same time. Because it was clear that Crane needed this too. The boy craved the comfort and love from his family. He'd always had that love, but the comfort had been lacking. And raising him.

And when Adam now looked at Daniel, Evan and Ford, all older than Crane had been or the same age, it was impossible not to realize how differently Brian and he had treated Crane. It was hard not to be overwhelmed by remorse over that. No matter what Crane had told him. Or Brian for that matter. So he tried to atone. And he did so by learning from Crane. He'd never had Crane's patience but he was trying to think before he spoke. As he walked down the stairs he had to grin. His parents had tried to teach him that all his life. Apparently, he really was the type to have to learn by experience, learn by making mistakes.

The sight of Evan and Ford sprawled out on the floor playing a card game that looked a lot like Poker, brought him out of his reveries. "What did I tell you about gambling?"

"But Adam," Evan protested, "We're not gambling, we're just playing for matches."

"Yeah, it ain't like real gambling," Ford added.

"It isn't like real gambling."

"See? Even you say so, Adam."

Evan rolled his eyes, "Adam was correcting you, Ford, not agreeing with you."

"Oh," Ford sounded a little confused, "So it is like real gambling?"

"Well…," Adam hesitated. "It's not exactly the same, because you can't lose real money and get in trouble. But you might get the idea that you're really good at the game and start playing for real." He sat down on the floor with the boys. "And you know what? When you play for real money, all of a sudden the game changes. The thought of winning or losing real money does things to your mind and you play differently."

"We won't play for real, Adam," Ford leaned against Adam and was immediately rewarded by an arm around his shoulders.

"I believe you, buddy."

"Are you saying we can't play poker, Adam? Are we in trouble?"

"You're not in trouble, Evan." The boys visibly relaxed at those words and it made Adam wonder if he really was such a strict parent. But all he wanted was to protect his brothers, keep them safe, for now and the future. "I'm curious though. Where did you learn this game?"

"From Johnny's big brother Tony. He was home from college and we were playing Go Fish and he said he knew another game that was more fun." Evan had to agree with Tony that Poker was more fun than Go Fish, but he wasn't sure he should tell Adam that.

Adam wondered if he should have a word with Johnny's parents. And then he wondered if Crane was playing Poker as well. Maybe it was something they did at parties at college. Adam felt it was a waste of money and could only lead to trouble. He tried to get his thoughts back to the situation at hand. "It's not so much a bad game, it's just a card game. It's just that it's usually played for money and I don't want you getting the idea that it's fun or that you're good at it. So I'm not forbidding it," He decided to take a huge leap of faith, "but I'll say I prefer you playing Go Fish or another card game."

Evan filed that away for later. After all, Tony had also mentioned something called Black Jack. If another card game was okay, maybe they could ask Tony about that next time he was home.

"Okay, Adam," Ford was immediately ready to accept Adam's words, "we won't play Poker no more." The boy was just glad he wasn't in trouble.

"We won't, Adam," Evan echoed his younger brother, causing Adam to smile. Apparently he got through to them without blowing up at them.

"Good, you have no idea how glad I am to hear that. So what do you say to a game of Go Fish then?"

It wasn't often that Adam played games with them. That had been more Crane and Crane wasn't there now.

"Really, Adam? Really?" Ford was already collecting the cards to shuffle them. "That's so cool."

"Yeah sure," Evan tried to play it cool, but Ford's excitement was catchy.

When Brian came down from making sure Guthrie was washed up, teeth brushed and all, he nearly fell from the last step seeing Adam on the floor playing cards. "Wish I had a camera here. Just so you can never deny this happened."

"Oh hush you!" Adam laughed, "didn't you have a Jeep to check?"

Brian groaned, "Darn. And it's getting dark too. Well….I might as well see if I can do something about it or if it has to wait till morning. It would be real nice if there was coffee when I get back inside."

"Hmmm," Adam grinned at the retreating back, "Maybe the pixies will make some."

It caused the younger boys giggle but Brian just shook his head as he shouldered into his coat. "Funny, bro, real funny."

Daniel's mood had not improved the next morning. In fact, chewing on his angry thoughts all night had caused them to fester. By the time he came downstairs to do his morning chores there had already been some door slamming and an angry word or two. Wood chopping was something that worked well for working off anger, but working with the animals didn't and Daniel's chores consisted mostly of that in the morning.

"Whoah!" Brian called. The man had stepped into the barn to immediately have to duck out of the way of flying hay. "The horses never did anything to you, buddy!"

"I'm not doing anything to them," Daniel retorted, but disproved his words when his next toss missed Evan's horse Diablo by an inch.

Brian immediately grabbed his arm and shook the boy a little, "Hey! You never, ever take your anger out on an animal. Be glad Evan wasn't here to see that or he would have been the one taking out some anger. At you. And then I would have had to get mad at the both of you."

"So?"

"So?" Brian was baffled. The anger he was watching reminded him a lot of the anger Daniel had felt in the early years after their parents' deaths. But he thought the boy had dealt with all that anger. "Look, you're done here. I don't want you anywhere near the horses or any other animal as long you can't keep your anger under control."

"That's bull shit, Brian!" Daniel struggled against the hold on his arm, but Brian wasn't giving an inch.

"Excuse me? You've got a choice now: dollar in the jar or soap."

"How about neither."

"I can make it both."

"What the hell, Brian? You gonna give me a whipping too?"

"Why would I give you a whipping?"

"Isn't that what you and Adam do?"

"You know very well that we don't do that lightly. A bit of swearing or attitude or back talk isn't going to get you a whipping. Where do you get these crazy ideas?"

"Not crazy."

"Well, I'm not giving you a whipping and I don't know where you're getting the crazy idea that that is what we do. But I stick to my decision: you're not working with the animals until I feel I can trust you to keep your anger under control. I'll rearrange the chores. And you owe the jar a dollar, assuming you weren't going to choose soap. I should make it two cause you swore again, but I'll stick to one."

"No," Daniel sure didn't want to taste soap. And he knew he should be extremely grateful he was offered the choice as the monetary option was usually reserved for the two oldest McFaddens. And he knew that if it had been Adam he'd already been spitting soap.

"Good. Now, I'll finish up in here, you go inside and give some thought to why you're angry and who you have to talk to to fix it. Because holding on to anger is like drinking poison while expecting the other person to die from it. Doesn't work that way. You think about that."

With that he let go of Daniel's arm and the boy took off. Daniel didn't like being forced to think about what he was feeling. He was still torn. And he needed Crane to sort it out for him. He really needed Crane.

"Adam! Brian!" Guthrie was the first to run into the house that afternoon, "I got an A!"

"An A? A real A?" Brian picked him up and twirled him around in the air. "That is great, kiddo! I knew you could do it."

"Me too, Guth," The boy was passed on to his biggest brother, "And you did it yourself. I just helped you plan it out. You did great."

"And you know what? Miss Cindy said that it was the best in the class. And it'll be showed at the Christmas…the thing they do…"

Adam laughed, "You mean at the Christmas Parent Day? You're saying she'll have it displayed with all the best projects the kids did all semester?"

"Uh huh!" Guthrie was so excited it was making everyone smile. "That's what she said."

"Well, I'll be…."

"Well, you and me both, Bri," Adam hugged Guthrie close. "I'm so proud of you!"

"You'll be there, right? You'll come? You'll all be there?"

"Wild horses couldn't keep us away, kiddo," Adam assured.

"We'll all be there. Hopefully even Crane."

"You think so, Brian?" Guthrie looked hopeful.

"Well, don't get your hopes up, but Crane's coming home for Christmas," Adam didn't want Guthrie disappointed if Crane wasn't home on time, "So hopefully he'll be on time. But otherwise we'll show him pictures. Okay?"

"Okay," Guthrie trusted his oldest brothers without question.

"I guess the squirt told you already," Ford commented as he walked through the door. "He was bouncing all the way home on the bus. I doubt there's a person on that bus that doesn't know he got an A."

"Well, rightly so," Adam finally put Guthrie down, "He has a right to be proud. He did really well. Where are your brothers?"

"Eh…Evan's in the barn."

That was no surprise. Evan usually went straight to the barn to give Diablo an apple and say hi. It was what got him through the day. The fact that he was grounded from working with the horse didn't mean that he couldn't go see him, which was a blessing for the young teenager. It was hard enough as it was.

Adam waited another second, but no more information was forthcoming and it was clear Ford didn't want to say more either.

"And Daniel?"

Ford pulled a face. "Adam…." He hated that Evan had gone straight to the barn leaving him to give Adam and Brian the bad news. "I don't wanna tell…"

"What did he do, Ford?" Adam insisted.

"Did he get detention?" Brian guessed.

"No…not exactly…"

Adam groaned, "That doesn't reassure me, buddy."

"He got in trouble, I think, but no detention."

"So why isn't he home?"

Ford's face was a picture of misery and Brian took pity on him. He pulled the boy over to the sofa and pulled him down. "It's not like your tattling, Ford. Unless he's somewhere you know we don't want him to go….Is he somewhere dangerous?"

"No, honest. He's safe."

"Well, as safe as he can be with his attitude, getting in trouble at school and not coming straight home as he's supposed to," Adam groused, but he got started on pouring glasses of milk and slicing some fresh banana bread. They were always hungry at the end of the school day and dinner was still too far away. He sat Guthrie at the table to eat his piece of banana bread while listening to his brothers in the living room.

"So you're telling us that he's safe, but doing something we don't approve off. And he'll be home late."

Ford nodded against Brian's side. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong, buddy. That's all on your big brother. He shouldn't get into trouble and he should get on the bus after school instead of doing other things. I won't make you tell me as long as I know he's safe and not off to Alaska or something."

That made Ford giggle, "No, he doesn't like the cold."

"Well…or Florida."

"He likes it fine here. He's just really mad. Why is he so mad?"

"Well," Brian thought for a second, "I wish I knew, but you know what? Things always come out in the end. It may take some time, but eventually we'll hear what's wrong. And then it's probably something that would have been so much easier to fix if he'd only told us sooner."

"Like when I had trouble with math last year and never told you."

"Right, just like that. If you'd have told us, we could have helped you with your homework. Crane would have loved that. But since you never told us your grades on your homework and the smaller tests, it got out of hand."

"Can't you just make him tell you?"

"Doesn't work that way. He has to be ready to talk. You know how stubborn he can be." Daniel wore his heart on his sleeve and was very sensitive, but he when he didn't want to talk, he usually clammed up and nothing could make him talk. "But don't you worry, things'll be alright."

"I hope so, cause he keeps picking fights with Evan."

"Ah…well, if things get out of hand there, I'll deal with it. Or Adam. Why don't you go and eat something? Hmm? There's fresh bananabread!"

That put an instant smile on Ford's face and the boy practically ran to the kitchen leaving Brian to worry about what on earth Daniel could be up to now.


	3. Chapter 3

Another big thank you to those who reviewed, including the guest review and PM's. They mean so much.

Chapter 3

"Son, if you ain't gonna buy a ticket you gotta make room for other people."

Daniel looked up at the uniformed man standing suddenly in front of him and then looked around him at the absent crowd of people trying to get to the ticket window. "What other people?"

"Full of sass, ain't ya? Don't matter there ain't no other people. There could be. But you're blocking the way."

Daniel rolled his eyes, something he always got in trouble for at home, "If there's no one here, why does it matter that I'm blocking it? Which I'm not really. I'm just standing here."

"You've been standing there for the past half hour. Are ya trying to memorize the timetable?"

"No…just…"

"You can't read?"

"Of course I can read!"

"Hey no need to get testy. I'm just trying ta figure out why you've been standing here looking at that board for 30 minutes."

Daniel shrugged, "Isn't against the law, is it?"

"Noop, no law."

"So?"

"Well, ain't no bus for another 45 minutes. And ya let the other one go. So you're not going anywhere."

"Maybe I am."

"Look…I gotta know…are you a runaway?"

"Me?" Daniel looked startled. Was he? No, he wasn't running away. He was only looking at the timetable. Right? Not like he was actually going.

"Anyone else here?"

"Eh no…but….I mean…no, I'm not a runaway. Why would I run away?" Yeah, why would he? Not like Adam would really kill him. Just make a good attempt at it.

"Okay, so you're not a runaway. Waiting for someone?"

Hell yeah. But Crane wouldn't come home for another month. Daniel shook his head.

"Ya ain't going nowhere and ya ain't waiting for someone. What are ya doing here?"

"I'm just standing here!" Daniel found himself yelling. "Why does everyone always have to give me such a hassle? I'm JUST standing here!"

"Whoah…buddy…no need to yell at me. Now I think ya better run along and go home before I start yelling too."

Daniel threw another longing look at the board. He so wanted to jump on the next bus and leave. Not that he wanted to leave his family. It wasn't even about getting in trouble with Adam and Brian, although he wasn't looking forward to that. It was Crane. Crane could help him make sense of it all. And there was a lot he didn't understand. A lot that made him angry and he didn't know why it made him so angry. But he also wasn't sure whether Crane would really answer him, could help him. Crane had been different this Thanksgiving.

"Go on now…run along." With a little push Daniel was sent on his way and he went. He knew he wasn't going to wait for the next bus to go to Davis. Even if he'd had the money. And of course, he knew he'd made his own life more miserable by not going straight home. Yeah, Adam was definitely going to kill him. Especially because he still had a very long walk home ahead of him.

"I don't care he'll miss dinner. He should have done as he's been told if he wants any supper."

"But Adam," Guthrie gave his brother the most wide-eyed look possible. "He'll go to bed hungry."

"He'll have to be here in order to go to bed hungry, squirt," Ford snorted. "So far, he's hungry somewhere else."

"He's hungry, Adam! Aren't you gonna look for him?"

"I would, Guthrie, if one of your other brothers would tell me where I could find him." Adam gave Ford and Evan a hard look. Not that that had done any goo the previous 20 times he had tried it.

"Adam, I really don't know where he went to," Evan repeated again.

"Yeah, honest, Adam, he never even showed up after school."

"Then how did you know he'd gotten in trouble at school, Ford? Hmm? You were awfully hesitant to tell me about it."

"I just heard, Adam."

"Adam, Ford's telling you the truth," Evan supported his younger brother. Then he sighed, "We only knew that cause I talked to Barry on the bus. And he told us that…" He stopped mid-sentence.

"What did he tell you?" Adam got right in Evan's face. "I'm not playing games here, Evan. I need to know where your brother is. And I need to know now!"

"No yelling, Adam!"

"Guthrie…go wash your hands, I need to talk to your brothers."

"You're not talking, Adam, you're yelling."

Adam groaned, "You're right, I know, I'm yelling."

Evan couldn't help being a little resentful when Adam didn't even yell at Guthrie for talking back. He was positive that if it had been him, he'd have gotten an earful. Life wasn't fair. The boy didn't see that with Guthrie it was an honest comment, made in childish innocence, whereas in Evan's case, or Daniel's or Ford's for that matter, it would have had an impudent tone to it, an attempt to outsmart their older brother.

Brian had hung back till then, leaning in the door frame watching Adam and he finally shook his head, "Adam, I think you may be yelling at the wrong people here. I admit, the right one isn't here, but I don't think we're getting any further interrogating these two. And you and I both know that neither of us could eat not knowing where Daniel is. They might think we're tough as nails, and of course we are, but we worry like mama used to do." Having worried over his brothers for the past six years had made Brian regret all those times he'd made his own parents worry.

"So you're saying we should just sit here and wait and do nothing? I can't do that!" Adam was so tense he couldn't even sit let alone wait. He hadn't been too worried right away, but it was nearly supper time now and his stress levels were rising by the minute. For the past 20 minutes he had been trying to get some answers from Ford and Evan. In vain.

Brian pulled Ford and Evan over to the table and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, holding the boys in front of him. "I know you don't want to tell us why your brother got in trouble. I respect that. It's Daniel's own responsibility to tell what he did. But he's late two hours now and it's dark. And if he's out there he may be in trouble. What we need to know is, is this trouble he got into so bad that…well, that he might be afraid to come home?"

Adam suddenly grabbed Guthrie and hugged the boy to him. Hearing Brian voice what he had been fearing himself was just too hard. He sat down in the chair next to Brian and held Guthrie on his lap. "Is it?"

Ford shook his head, but it was Evan who answered, "No Brian, I promise. It's nothing really bad at all. He didn't even get detention. And he's not suspended. Nothing bad like that."

Following Brian's example, Adam put a hand on Ford's arm, the closest to him of the two boys. He kept his voice softer now as he coaxed, "I'm sorry for yelling and for doubting you, but we're worried. Very worried. And if you know anything that could tell us where he might be, that will help."

"I don't know, Adam, not really," Ford glanced at both Adam and Brian, "I really don't."

"Nothing at all?" Adam tried again, even more gentle.

"I don't know," Evan said, "Daniel doesn't talk much. He was angry. He's been angry since Crane left."

"Okay, so he's been mad. And he's still mad." Adam felt like yelling again, out of pure frustration. He'd already called Daniel's friends. No one knew where he was.

"You know what?" Brian suggested, "Since he's missed the bus, he's on foot, and that means there's only one route he'll take: the shortest. Why don't I take the Jeep and go looking for him. And you get dinner finished. I'm sure I'll have him home in no time."

Adam bit his tongue. Part of him knew that it was very likely Daniel was, indeed, on his way home, on foot, and if he was, then they knew exactly what way he would be coming. But there was a part of the oldest McFadden that easily came up with all sorts of scenarios that weren't as optimistic. Still, he knew, for the younger boys' sakes, he shouldn't voice those. "Sounds like a plan."

"Better than sitting here looking for answers these guys here can't give us." Brian was already shouldering into his jacket. "See ya in a bit. With our little delinquent."

It wasn't until he heard the Jeep's engine that Adam started moving. "Okay, I need the table set and could use a hand with the salad…..wash your hands first."

"He'll find him, Adam, don't worry," Evan's rare moment of sensitivity melted Adam's heart. It made all the arguments he had with the 13-year-old worth it.

He almost didn't do it, but remembered that he had recently come to the conclusion everyone needed a hug every now and then, and so Adam pulled Evan in a quick hug. "Thanks, buddy, I know he will."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," With every step he took Daniel regretted his decision not to get on the school bus when he had the chance. Why on earth had he felt the need to go for a walk? To end up at that stupid bus station checking out timetables? He kicked his foot and another pebble flew through the air in a cloud of dust and dirt.

He'd thought about taking the longer way and trying to hitch a ride, but the thought alone made him cringe. Not only would Adam absolutely kill him, but if there was anything left of him by the time Adam was finished Crane would take care of the leftovers. If he was lucky. If he was unlucky, it would be two hour lectures, repeatedly. Yeah, that would be more painful than being killed by his older brothers.

"This is stupid!" Another pebble had to suffer because of his mood. It was a long walk to begin with, but when you were tired and upset and it was late, the walk became twice as long. Funny how that worked. He'd have to ask Crane about that once. Crane would know why that was.

He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the approaching headlights until the Jeep was only a few yards away and the lights were blinding him. He stopped, immediately realizing who it was. So he waited, watching the Jeep come to a halt, the door thrown open and Brian to get out. He wryly congratulated himself for guessing right.

"Hi."

"Hi? You're kidding me?" Brian crossed his arms to refrain from grabbing the boy and swatting him, "You better think of something better before you see Adam or he'll definitely kill you."

"He'll kill me anyway."

The dejected tone brought Brian over and he draped his arm over the teenager's shoulders. "Come on, I bet you're cold, hungry, tired and sore. All on top of feeling miserable. Not the best of times to talk. So let's get you home and fed and then maybe we'll talk. But please, just please…be smart about this, kiddo, and don't 'hi' Adam."

"Kay," Daniel allowed himself to be walked to the Jeep and when Brian opened the door Daniel got in without argument.

Brian sighed as he turned the Jeep around. His inclination to swat his younger brother had disappeared. One glance at the boy leaning against the door told him that Daniel was one messed up, miserable little pup. Still, he couldn't resist a few words, "You worried us sick, kiddo."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, well I doubt a simple 'sorry' will fly with Adam either."

"I don't know what to say. Nothing I can say that won't make him mad anyway."

Brian had to admit the kid had a point. Adam was bound to blow a fuse and there was little anyone could do. Then after the yelling Adam would start talking. Adam really didn't do scared very well and even though Daniel hadn't really been missing, just had taken an unauthorized detour after school, Adam was scared. Brian knew that for a fact, because he, too, had been scared. He'd been scared right up to the moment he'd noticed the dark figure in his headlights. He'd had a few moments to calm down. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to refrain from swatting if he hadn't had those few moments.

"You may be right. But what you do is just let him yell for a bit. Let him get it out of his system. He was worried, kiddo. We both were. And you know how Adam gets when he's worried."

"Yeah shoot first, ask questions later."

"He's not quite that bad, but yeah. So let him get it out of his system. Don't say too much. And then be honest with him."

"He knows I got in trouble at school?"

"Well, we know. But we don't know what kind of trouble."

"I thought for sure Evan would tell you all about it."

"No, they didn't."

"Really?"

"Really. So…you wanna tell me now or would you rather wait till we're home?"

"I thought you said I'd get to eat before you made me talk."

Brian glanced sideways, "No need to sass me, kid. The fact that I'm ready to listen doesn't mean I'm not mad."

Daniel ducked his head. Why did everything he said have to come out wrong? He didn't mean to but somehow it never came out the way it sounded in his head. Or sometimes there was nothing in his head, the words just came out and they were never good words. And then there was this thing inside that stopped him from taking them back.

"I'm sorry," yeah, like that would help. Crane always said that words were cheap. What mattered was actions. You had to show you were sorry, not just say it. But how did you show it?

Ahead the lights of the house appeared and Daniel felt his stomach starting to do summersaults. Suddenly, there was a hand on his knee. "It'll be alright. I gotcha, kid."

In the yard, Brian made him wait in the Jeep until Brian had gotten out himself and walked around. Daniel knew it was a protective action, but still it made him mad.

The moment he saw his oldest brother storm outside, though, and noticed the look on his face, the 14-year-old was glad to have his other older brother right next to him.

"Where the heck have you been, young man?!" It didn't take Adam more than a few seconds to reach them. Not enough time for Daniel to decide to run and hide. Adam immediately grabbed him by the arms and shook him. "Not coming home, no message, no phone call, nothing!"

"Found him walking home. Looks like he's been walking for a while," Brian said calmly. "Why don't we grab some supper first and then get the other kids to bed before we talk?" He gave a pointed look to Adam and then a motion with his head towards the porch where the three youngest McFaddens were looking on, at least two of them with fearful eyes.

Adam was torn, he wanted answers and he wanted them now, but when he followed Brian's gaze he knew his brother was right. This was not the right time and place. And when he was completely honest with himself, he knew he was not in the right frame of mind to deal with Daniel. He needed to calm down first. "Alright, you get inside. Wash up. We'll talk after supper. But you bet it'll be a long talk, because I want some answers."

"Yes, sir."

Brian couldn't help feeling proud when Daniel did exactly as he'd asked him to: just stay quiet and say yes sir.

As Daniel walked past Adam the man gave him a good hard swat causing the boy to stumble forward a little. But for once, the boy kept his mouth shut, just stifled a yelp and walked on to the house. Brian let out a sigh in relief. They'd survived stage one. But like Adam, he was ready for some answers too. He placed a hand on Adam's back, "We'll get to the bottom of this, but I don't think he was doing anything he shouldn't have, aside from not coming home. He's just messed up and miserable. Nothing we can't handle."

"Yeah, I know…I was just so worried, man."

The two of them followed the rest into the house to finally have dinner, an hour later than normal.

While Brian and Adam got the other three to bed, with Evan under strict instruction that he could only read for another 30 minutes and then it was lights out, Daniel was still sitting at the kitchen table. Adam had suggested - why did adults always have to call an order a suggestion, like you actually had an option to say no - that he'd try and get some homework done since he hadn't done a single thing yet. Not that he could get much done in the time it took the two to get the boys in bed. And Daniel knew he wouldn't be too far behind. Especially not after the stunt he'd pulled today.

He tried to concentrate on the letters on the page, but they just didn't want to make sense. Usually he didn't mind history, but not today. Who cared about the past anyway? The past wasn't today. And people didn't learn from the past, or else there wouldn't be any wars, so why bother studying it? Daniel didn't get it. In an act of frustration he shoved the book across the table and watch it fall over the edge. It landed on the floor with a thud and Daniel buried his face in his arms.

"That book must have done something awful to you."

Daniel looked up in the slightly mocking, yet still compassionate face of his second-oldest brother, who was holding the offending history book in his hands.

"Did it?"

"I got frustrated." It was a lame excuse and Daniel knew it.

"Hmm…I have some better ideas to work off frustration." Brian placed the book in front of him and sat down as well. "Did you manage to get anything done?"

Daniel shrugged, "Not much."

"I know, it's not easy studying when you're upset. I remember once having a math test to study for but mama had yelled at me and sent me to my room. So I was too miserable to study. And I was afraid daddy would get mad as well when he came home and heard what I'd done. So I was anxious as well and that didn't help the studying either. Then when daddy did come up, he just talked to me. Mama was a bit out of sorts because she was pregnant with you and pregnant women get a little emotional sometimes, it's hormones."

"She yelled cause she was pregnant with me?"

"Uh huh. All in all I hadn't done anything really bad. She just had a bit of a short fuse at the time. So daddy explained and helped me with my homework. And all of a sudden the world was a whole lot brighter."

"I remember that day," Adam said from the doorway. "I'd gotten in trouble as well. Worse than you."

Daniel was startled by the appearance of the other older brother. "I'm sorry. I didn't get much done."

"It's okay, I know it's not easy to study when you're upset."

"That's what Brian said too."

Brian laughed, "Well, guess who taught us that particular line?"

"Daddy?"

"Yup, the one and only," Adam laughed as well, but then became serious again. "We have some talking to do, kiddo."

"You still mad?"

"Do I look mad?"

Daniel studied Adam's face and shrugged, "Guess not, but I don't know for sure."

"I'm not mad anymore, Danny, honest," Even Adam had to smile at the use of that particular word. "I'm a little upset still, I won't deny that."

"We have a right to be, don't you agree?" Brian added and Daniel nodded, looking down at the table, studying the lines in it. All the little imperfections caused by years of use in a busy household with seven boys were easier to look at than his brothers' faces.

Adam reached out and cupped Daniel's face, lifting it to look into the boy's eyes. "I was afraid you'd ran away, kiddo. That you were too afraid to come home. I was afraid you'd taken off."

Daniel's eyes grew wide. How could Adam know where he'd gone?

"Were you going to?" The look on Daniel's face scared the oldest.

"No…not really. I just needed a walk after school. I'd gotten mad and I couldn't sit on that stupid bus and pretend everything was okay."

"But you didn't start walking home right away, did you? You would have been home much sooner."

Still unable to look anywhere but at his brother's eyes Daniel answered Adam's question, "I just walked. At first I didn't even know where. I wasn't paying attention."

"And then?" Brian prompted when Daniel fell silent again.

"I ended up at the bus station. But I wasn't going anywhere. I just looked at the bus and at the time table. And I couldn't walk away for a while." Tears started to fill the teenager's eyes and Adam found himself wishing the boy was still young enough to take on his lap. But even if he didn't have a problem with it, he knew Daniel would. Instead, he moved his hand a little and rubbed Daniel's cheek. The words had been shocking for the two young men though.

"Were you looking at the schedule for the bus to Davis?" Brian guessed and had his answer when the tears started to fall. "Oh buddy," Brian reached out and rubbed Daniel's back.

"I'm sorry." The words sounded strangled as if the sensitive boy was trying his best to hold a lot more tears back.

"It's okay to miss Crane," Adam's voice was softer than usual.

"I know you said I shouldn't begrudge him his dream. And that he had been torn between everything he wanted and needed and thought he had to do. And I want him to be happy and this is what makes him happy, I just…I miss him!"

Adam got up and pulled the crying boy up and in his arms. It surprised him how easily Daniel leaned into the embrace. His voice was husky from his own emotions. "It's okay to cry, kiddo, I know how much you miss him. And he misses you too. We all miss him. You have no idea how much I miss him."

Suddenly, the crying turned to anger as Daniel pulled back and punched Adam's chest, "No you don't! You gave him a licking! Now he'll never come home and it's all your fault!"


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thank you all for your reviews, PM's, following and for favouring my story (and even for just reading without all that!). I'm just so honored. I am lost for words. I write for my own enjoyment and never thought of posting here before. To find that people actually like what I write is amazing! I can only hope that continues.

Chapter 4

Adam was temporarily frozen in place as his little brother pounded on his chest like a 5-year-old with a temper tantrum. Giving Crane a licking had been one of the hardest things he'd done in his life, right up there with the two other whippings he'd had to give a little brother and only topped by that night he'd had to tell his brothers their parents had died. Knowing it was a deserved spanking had not helped against the feelings of guilt over hurting a little brother. As the oldest the care for the younger ones had been drilled into him for as long as he could remember, even with Brian, and Adam had hardly been more than a baby himself when Brian was born. Still the words 'be gentle' and 'he's littler than you so you have to be careful' resonated through his mind. The thought that he sometimes had to intentionally hurt one of them in order to avoid bigger hurts was immensely painful to the young man.

Brian watched the emotions pass his brother's face and his heart when out to both Adam and Daniel. They were both hurting. He knew Daniel wasn't really hurting Adam with his fists, but the emotional hurt was real. For a moment the tough looking 22-year-old wanted to grab Daniel and make him see sense, but something held him back. He had no idea what or why, but somehow he knew this was something the two had to start solving between themselves if Adam had any chance of providing Daniel the security and comfort the boy needed. Replacing Crane was impossible, but Adam needed to step up and be a parent to Daniel.

So with difficulty Brian leaned back in his chair and waited until Adam finally took Daniel's hands and held them in his own.

"Whoah…kiddo…I…I'm not sure where you got the idea that I want Crane gone, but I can promise you it's the furthest of the truth."

"Then why'd you give him that licking?!" Daniel struggled against the hold Adam now had on him. "You didn't hafta do that!"

"We can talk, Danny, but you gotta stop fighting. You wanna fight, that's fine, but then we can't talk."

"All you'd tell me is lies anyway!" Daniel struggled harder, but although he could have easily kicked Adam in the shin (or worse) the angry teen never did. "You pushed him away. You don't like him. Maybe you're jealous that he gets to go to college when you didn't." The cracking voice betrayed the fact that he was fighting tears.

"Is that what you really think, kiddo?" It surprised Brian how Adam managed to keep his voice this gentle. He didn't fight back, didn't yell. All he did was hold the boy and talk softly. He had to give it to his brother, he'd learned a lot in parenting. "Really?"

"Must…cause…cause why would ya…..I mean…." But Daniel wasn't sure what he thought anymore. He was just hurting and was lashing out.

"I think you know why, if you stop and think for a moment…." Impulsively Adam pulled Daniel closer in something that resembled a hug and although the body in his arms stiffened, Daniel didn't pull away. Adam wished they were in the living room now because it would have been easier to pull the boy next to him on the sofa. These kitchen chairs created too much distance. "Danny….can you answer a few questions?" He felt the nod against him and continued, "Did Crane give you the impression that he wasn't coming back?"

Daniel shrugged, "No, but I just know…" at the last word his voice broke and Adam knew the tears were falling. Sitting down he simply pulled the boy on his lap, not giving him the option of getting up.

"Did he give the impression that he was mad at me?"

Another shrug, "He must be."

"Because you'd be mad if you had been in his shoes?"

A small nod was Adam's answer. Brian got up to make hot chocolate. The best cure for upset boys if ever he knew one. It had been their mothers remedy and as far as he knew, it had never failed. He opened the fridge to get the milk and listened as he poured it into a pan.

"Have you seen Crane look mad?"

"Guess not…"

"Did he glare at me or avoid me?"

Even Daniel had to admit that his big brother had done the exact opposite. It had floored him at the time, that Crane could actually smile at the man who had just given him a licking. He remembered that evening after dinner when Crane had sat down next to Adam on the sofa. Adam had pulled him close and Crane had actually leaned against that same man who'd caused him pain earlier that day. And it had been clear that Crane was in pain. The perceptive boy had noticed his brother shift a few times in his chair at dinner, an obvious attempt to find a more comfortable position, but not finding one. Yet, Crane had leaned into Adam the same way Daniel would have with Crane if Daniel had been the one in trouble. The same way Ford could sometimes lean against Adam. Or any of them.

"He didn't, did he?"

"No..."

"Danny, Crane wasn't upset."

"But he cried."

"Hmm…yeah…he did. I thought no one but the two of us would have noticed that, but I guess you knew what was happening so afterwards you kept a close eye on him."

"yeah…"

"Well, I can't say there was a single time I didn't cry when dad took me to the barn."

"Same here," Came the soft confession from the stove. Brian wasn't one to cry easily and certainly not one to let others see it. "Wasn't the pain either, although it hurt plenty."

"I agree. I took worse pain on the field playing football. But the disappointment in dad's eyes. The knowledge that I caused that. Knowing I'd messed up that badly. That's what caused the tears."

"So Crane cried cause he disappointed you?"

"Well…that too, I know, but if you think about it…think about who else he thinks he's disappointed…."

"Mom and dad?"

"And wouldn't that make him cry?"

Daniel had wiped his eyes a few times, but now the tears fell freely, "He'd feel awful."

"He did. He felt like he let mom and dad down and he felt like he'd let you down too. Because Crane feels he should have protected you from drugs. He felt horrible that you found that joint."

"But I'm not a little kid."

"You're his kid brother and he has to protect you. That's what got him to decide to confess in the first place."

Brian held his breath knowing what those words would do to the 14-year-old on Adam's lap. As he stirred the cocoa into the milk he could hear the boy breaking down. "He didn't have to tell you. I wouldn't have told. If I hadn't gone into that drawer, he would have never smoked that thing and no one needed to know. It's my fault he got in trouble."

"Shhh…." Adam pulled the boy a little closer to him, "it's not your fault, buddy. Crane made a decision to do something illegal. Something that wasn't safe. And something he knew I wouldn't approve of, or Brian, or mom and dad. And by doing that he set himself on a course. The moment he took that first joint was the first step to where he ended up on Thanksgiving. You finding that thing in his room didn't change that."

"But he'd already stopped," Daniel cried.

"I know and I'm proud of him for that. He realized he had taken risks with his own health and life and that of others and stopped. And I'm also very proud that he wanted to confess to me. And between you and me, I think he still might have told me if you hadn't found it. Because I think that's the kind of person Crane is. He can't lie. He's honest to a fault."

"Ya think so?" The hopeful question tore at Adam's heart strings.

"Yeah, I really do. He may not have realized yet that he would, but I think he would have told me, ultimately. I think that licking was a way to get rid of some guilt he was carrying. It's not fun to go through, but it can help."

"Maybe…" Daniel wasn't ready to admit that just yet and Brian had to grin, thankful he had his back to the other two.

"And I think a lot of your anger at me was actually you feeling guilty that Crane was trying to protect you."

Daniel looked up at Adam now, "No licking's gonna make me feel better."

Now Brian had to laugh out loud, "Good for you, buddy. I was never one to go and ask for one either."

Adam chuckled, "Okay, I worded that wrong, or the timing of the statement was wrong. But really, you don't have to feel guilty. Crane loves you and would protect you against the world if he had to. Nothing you can do to change that. And confessing was the right thing to do. He knew that. I though he explained that to you."

"Yeah well…." Daniel had the good grace to look abashed, "I wasn't listening too well. He tried."

"That's what you get when you let your anger do your listening. You end up missing what is actually said."

Daniel nearly rolled his eyes at Adam's words, "Yeah, I guess I should write that out and put it above my bed."

Putting three mugs of hot chocolate on the table Brian said, "I think we all have things we could remind ourselves of every now and then." He disappeared into the pantry to get the marshmallows.

"I think he means me," Adam whispered conspiratorially in Daniel's ear causing the boy to chuckle a little.

"I think so too."

As Brian returned and started adding marshmallows to the steaming liquid in the mugs Adam became serious again, "I'm sorry I had to give Crane a licking. I'm sorry you felt like you were stuck in the middle. I'm not sorry for giving him that licking, I just wish there hadn't been a need. But messing with drugs is dangerous."

Daniel nodded, "Crane said that. He said he could have messed up his future if he'd gotten into a fight while high or in a car or let himself get dared into something because he was high. Even if he didn't. And he said it's no good to feel like your brain isn't yours. Or your body isn't. I don't see why people like it."

Adam smiled, "Neither do I. And I'm glad you remembered what Crane said about it." He cupped the boy's chin and looked in his eyes, "You still mad at me?"

"I guess I never was really mad…"

"Yes you were and that's okay. What's not okay is the way you dealt with it."

Daniel wanted to look down but Adam was still holding his chin. "I'm sorry for hitting you."

"Well, I would have rather you'd yelled at me right away, even punched me. Staying away for hours was much worse."

"oh…." Tears welled up again. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are and I'm not mad anymore. And I understand why you were so upset. But still…I can't let you get away with it, can I? Just like I couldn't let Crane get away with what he did."

Daniel's eyes grew wide, "You're gonna take me to the barn too?"

Now it was Adam's turn to roll his eyes, "Did you lie, break the law or risk your life? No, so don't be silly. No need for the belt to come out. But before I pass judgment I need to know what the trouble was you got in at school."

"Maybe we should drink that cocoa while we talk about that," Brian suggested as he sipped from his own mug. "Wouldn't want it to get cold."

Daniel wanted to slip off Adam's lap, but to his surprise Adam still wasn't letting him go. Instead the man gave him his mug before taking his own. "Is it that bad that you can't tell us?"

"You're gonna yell…" Although a part of Daniel wanted to continue feeling the comfort of being on Adam's lap, another part wanted to put some distance between himself and his oldest brother.

"Well, I can't make any promises, but with your brothers in bed already, I doubt I'll be yelling too loud."

Brian had to chuckle, "Yeah, he wouldn't want to wake up the little monsters."

"They're not monsters!" Daniel protested and both older brothers smiled at the protectiveness in Daniel's voice.

"Why don't you try me, kiddo? Hmm? We've just been able to talk about what was bothering you. That went really well. And I already know you didn't get detention and you're not suspended, so it can't be too bad."

"I got an F in English."

"An F?" Adam didn't yell, but that was more because he was too surprised to do so.

"For that last assignment?" Brian prodded.

Daniel nodded, a little surprised there hadn't been any yelling yet, despite the fact that his little brothers were asleep.

"But…" Adam raised his eyebrows and couldn't help the hesitation, "you had to write a poem, right?"

"Yeah…"

"You're forever working on lyrics and songs. How on earth can you get an F for writing a poem?" Adam was stumped. "I've heard your songs. They're good."

Daniel blushed a little, "Thanks, but eh this one…eh…I'd rewritten it after Thanksgiving. And I guess I put a little of my mad in it."

Brian had to bite his lip in order not to laugh. The older brother in him wanted to laugh, but even though Adam was the official guardian Brian knew that he was the other parent in this family and as a parent he couldn't laugh. He couldn't help the twinkle in his eyes though.

"I think you'd better get that poem. I assume you've got it with you for me to sign."

"Yes, Adam," the respectful response got both brothers' attention. They exchanged a look as Daniel slipped off Adam's lap. His book bag was next to the chair he'd been sitting on while doing his homework and so he didn't have to walk far to get his homework assignment out, the big circled F on it standing out like a big fat pimple. "But…" He still didn't give it to Adam. "I didn't mean it…"

Adam simply held out his hand until the boy reluctantly placed it in his hand. When he wanted to sit in his own chair Brian reached out and pulled him over to him, holding him against him while Adam read. Brian could feel the tension in Daniel's body and rubbed his arm a little, "Can't be that bad…Adam hasn't exploded yet." But Daniel felt like crying.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to the young boy, Adam carefully put the piece of paper on the table. By then the threatening tears had fallen and a confused Brian was ready to burst, curiosity and concern warring inside.

"I'm sorry, Adam," Daniel didn't dare look at Adam's face as he tearfully said the words.

"Why? The assignment was to write about your feelings about your family and you did. And the poem is well written. I may have wished you'd written something else, but it is what you felt. I don't see why it would deserve an F."

Daniel looked up in confusion. "Huh? But…I mean…"

"Yeah I know, kiddo, you wrote about me. And it's not very favorable. You didn't like me much when you wrote it. So? There's no profanity in it, it's just heart felt emotions. And there's nothing else wrong with it. Did your teacher say why you got an F?"

"Not really. Just that that wasn't the assignment."

"I think it was the assignment, the result just wasn't what she was expecting. What had others written?"

Daniel shrugged and Adam could guess. Brian could too and they all felt that intense pain every single time they thought about the loss of their parents. Brian held Daniel close to him. "Oh buddy…."

Silence filled the large kitchen for a few minutes. All three boys lost in their memories and pain. Then Adam cleared his throat, "Well, I can't say I like it, but I'm not going to yell and you're not in trouble for this. In fact, I think I'll come into town tomorrow to talk to your teacher, because I don't think an F is fair."

Daniel looked like it was snowing in June. "No way."

"Way. It's not fair. And I want my kid brothers to be treated fairly. When you deserve an F I won't argue, but when you don't, you shouldn't get one."

Brian finally reached for the poem, unable to restrain himself any longer, "Okay, I gotta know!" As he read he started laughing, but then grew more serious, realizing the pain and insecurities the boy had come from when writing this. And he also knew how painful it had been for Adam to read it. Over Daniel's head he threw Adam a look of compassion only to have it shrugged off. It was a part of being parents the two brothers knew, but it wasn't easy.

Just like it wasn't easy to punish the kids for misbehavior and both brothers knew there was a teenager still waiting for the verdict, not that Daniel himself would ever bring it up.

"I get that you were upset, especially after school and well…this F, but it's no excuse to just stay away until past dinner time. So I can't let it go without punishment, buddy."

Daniel groaned, "I know….but I'm really sorry, Adam."

"And that counts for a lot, but I don't punish you to get back at you, Danny. I punish you because I want more for you. I love you and want to make sure you're safe and grow up to a decent, honorable and considerate man." Like Crane, Adam though, and he couldn't even take credit for that. Crane had raised himself. He pushed the pain and guilt over that reality away. "By all means I should ground you for a week, but I happen to know the pantry needs a good cleaning out, shelves washed down, everything sorted and stock taken. That should take you a couple of hours. I expect that done by Saturday by which time I'm sure you'll have a good list for Brian for the groceries and you can help him get them."

Daniel looked like he'd get sick any minute, "Man…that bites…."

"Well, you're not supposed to like being punished," Adam said calmly.

"Can't you just whack me and get it over with?"

That caused the older two to laugh. Adam reached out and ruffled his head, "Noop, not this time, kiddo. I think giving up your own time will teach you something about the amount of time you've worried us."

"Yeah, I guess," Daniel still looked thoroughly disgusted, but couldn't deny that the punishment fit the crime. And in all fairness, he wouldn't really have wanted to trade for a spanking anyway. Still, cleaning out the pantry and going grocery shopping was not his idea of a good time.

"But do it again and you'll find yourself over my knee, buddy."

Daniel wasn't sure which threat was worse: the barn or this. He swallowed hard, "There won't be a next time, Adam."

"Good, then you have nothing to worry about. Well, finish up that cocoa and then I think you'd better head for bed. I'll write you a note for your homework. Just this once, mind you!"

"Thanks, Adam!" He hadn't gotten any of his homework finished and the thought of having to explain to all his teachers why, was awful. It would probably lead to notes home or detention and then he'd be in trouble again.

"Well, I know what it's like to have to do homework when you're this upset and you're already in trouble for not coming home, can't punish you twice for that." While Adam spoke Daniel sipped his cocoa, spooning the half-melted marshmallows out in between sips. The other two were happy to follow his example.

"I really don't feel that way anymore," Daniel said ever so softly after finishing his chocolate. He pointed to the poem lying on the table. The words were soft enough that Brian had a hard time making out what he'd said. Adam, however, had heard them clearly and kissed the boy on his forehead before hugging him tightly.

"I know, kiddo, but I'm really glad to hear it. Because I love you lots."

"I love you too." With his face buried in Adam's shirt it was a miracle the man heard it, but the muffled words caused Adam to blink against the sudden wetness in his eyes. And again he realized just how rarely they actually said these words.

When Daniel had finally gone up to bed and Brian was washing the mugs and pan the second-oldest mused out loud, "Wonder what I did wrong to end up having to go grocery shopping with Daniel?"

Adam locked the kitchen door and laughed, "Oh if you want an answer I can think of one…"

"Punishment for too many times going out on week days?"

It was no secret that Brian's nights on the town were a sore point with Adam, but the older man didn't take the bait this time. "I wouldn't dare punish you."

Brian laughed, "You couldn't enforce it if you tried." He finished the dishes and turned around, "It's fine, I need an extra pair of hands anyway. Only problem is we need a few other things as well. Guthrie needs new boots, he's grown out of them already. And Evan's only got one good pair of jeans left, the rest is all worn. And we need to start thinking about Christmas presents while it's not too busy. I'd almost say we all need to go to town. Maybe split up? Me the grocery store with Daniel and Ford and you clothes shopping with Evan and Guthrie. Then next week we need to really go out and get the Christmas stuff done."

"Oh God, Christmas…I don't want to think about that just yet, but you're right. Okay, okay, we'll go into town on Saturday. And we'll split up. Should be interesting, to say the least."

"Especially since Evan will want to spend all day with Diablo after being grounded from working with him for three days. I think you just drew the shortest straw for Saturday."

Adam groaned, "I think I did. Maybe afterwards I will be the one going out. I'm sure I deserve a few drinks after that ordeal."

"Hey, go for it, buddy," Brian said in a more serious tone, "You deserve it anyway, never mind Saturday."

"I just might."

* * *

"Miss Morgan?"

"Yes?" The petite red head turned around. "That's me."

He didn't think she looked old enough to be out of college yet. "My name's Adam McFadden. I was hoping you'd have a minute to talk."

"I have a minute, but...oohhh," Adam could see the look of pity cross her face as realization of the full situation came back to her. He hated seeing that look and unfortunately he had an abundance of experience with it. "I see."

He ignored the pitying look and got to business , "I would like to talk with you about Daniel's assignment."

"Of course, come on in. I usually come in early to prepare. I don't start until the second period." She opened the door and let Adam in.

"Why don't you sit down?" She sat down behind her desk and pointed at the extra chair near the window on the other side of the desk. Adam would have preferred to stand, but sat down and crossed one leg over the other. Then decided against it and put both feet on the floor again and leaned forward a little. He envied this woman who looked perfectly composed and at ease in this room.

Adam felt the complete opposite. Back when he was in school he'd been popular, good at sports as well as academics and there wasn't a classroom he'd felt ill at ease in. But his role was different now. And despite the fact that he'd been doing this for 6 years now he still wasn't used to being the parent. He wasn't Mr. McFadden. Mr. McFadden was his dad. But he'd learned that in school he needed to be Mr. and not Adam.

"I'm sorry I had to give Daniel an F. He usually does well in English."

"It surprised me. Especially with this particular assignment. Did you know Daniel writes lyrics?"

"Really? I had no idea. How wonderful."

"Yes, really," Adam tried not to study her, but couldn't help himself. She was pretty, even if she was dressed far too formal. Not that he felt that girls needed to wear miniskirts, but this skirt was so long that it reached half way to her calves and the blouse would have suited a 70-year-old woman. It was the bun in her hair that was worst, though. As she pushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear, he found himself wondering what she would look like with her hair loose.

He pulled himself out of his fantasy, chiding himself for getting distracted like that. "So you see, it's hard for me to understand how he got an F for his poem."

"Have you read it?"

"Yes, Daniel showed it to me. I've signed it. But I don't agree with your assessment of it."

"But surely, having read it, you can see its inappropriateness."

"No, not really," Adam leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "I can feel hurt by it. I can feel upset that my brother felt that way about me. But isn't that what poetry is supposed to do? Make you feel something?"

"A poem about your family or a family member should certainly be heart felt, but the bitterness was out of proportion."

"How long have you been teaching teenagers?"

"I don't see what that has to do with this." Adam could see he'd touched a nerve. She sat up a little more straight and her lips became a thin straight line.

"I have been raising teenagers for the past 6 years and it's my experience that with teenagers, everything they feel and every reaction is out of proportion. Joy, anger, fear, sadness, it's all bigger than life and it overwhelms them, mostly because they don't understand their feelings. Daniel was overwhelmed with emotions and he lashed out. But the poem was about a family member and it was very well written."

"I don't like your insinuation that I don't know teenagers."

"It's not an insinuation, Miss Morgan," Adam said calmly, "I'm merely stating that if you don't see this poem for its worth, you don't understand what drives teenagers."

"And you do?" She couldn't help the defensive tone.

"Like I just explained, yes, I do. At least, I try hard to. I get it wrong a lot of the time. And sometimes I need help from others, including my brothers. But I try."

"Well, I have more experience than you think." Again, she kicked herself for getting defensive. She knew that would never help her in this discussion. But she was getting flustered.

"I'm sure you do. But I still don't see why you felt you had to give an F for a perfectly fine poem. Aside from the hurtful content of the poem, there was no profanity in it or other inappropriate language. In fact, he got his feelings across in beautiful English, using metaphors, similes, meter and rhyme." He had to stifle the smug smile as he saw the insecurity cross her features. She was clearly surprised that a cowboy like him would know about poetry. "So what did the other students write about? Their dad? Their mom?" He could tell from her expression that he was right and went in for the kill, "If Daniel had written about our father and how he'd missed him growing up, using the same skill in writing, I'm sure you'd have given him full marks. But Daniel can't do that. Because it's too private and hurts too much." It hurt him too, but when it came to his brothers there wasn't a thing he wouldn't do, including talking about the pain of losing their parents. "It may be 6 years ago, but we live with it every day. I'm his dad now, for all intents and purposes. And that fact is what makes him angry. He wishes I could just be his big brother. So he gets mad at me. Makes perfect sense to me. This poem is about all that. And if you can't see that…well…you're not the person I thought you were."

She swallowed hard. Adam was right, she hadn't seen that. All she'd seen was angry words, aimed at his brother, with the intent to hurt him. And she couldn't understand wanting to hurt someone this badly. Having siblings herself she had reacted as a hurt older sibling. But was she big enough to back down? "I guess…" she started and those words were enough for Adam to know he'd won. The F was gone. He didn't even have to hear the rest. As she continued he watched the same strand of hair she'd pushed behind her ears spring free again and again he wondered what she would look like with her hair loose.

As he left the room, the piece of paper which now adorned an A+ in his hand, she followed him with her eyes until the door closed. Then she let out a deep breath. She found herself trembling a little. Never before had she met someone who made her feel like this. She wasn't sure she liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

Hi everyone, I feel very grateful with the reviews I'm getting. Clearly the story is being read by many and that alone is amazing, but to find people actually send in reviews, leaves me almost speechless (I'm seldom really speechless hahaha). So my sincerest thanks to everyone who left feedback in one way or another, either by PM, guest reviews or signed in reviews.

Thank you!

Catherine

Chapter 5

"No way! I'm not going. I don't care that my jeans are worn. I've waited three whole days to work with Diablo. There's no way you're taking that away from me." Evan may have shouted the words, stomping his foot for emphasis, but those who knew him well knew that he was close to crying. "It's not fair!"

"Look, this is not up for debate," Adam wondered why he always had to be the bad guy. Not that Brian never told them off or laid down the law, but for some reason this usually was Adam's chore. It never dawned on the quick tempered man that it was his temper that made him the bad guy. Usually, he exploded before Brian had a chance to open his mouth. Which pushed Brian in the position of the reasonable and comforting peace-maker. If Adam would only hold his tongue he'd find his right hand man stepping in much more often. "You are coming with us and that's final."

"You said I could work with him on Saturday. And now you say I can't. That makes you a liar!"

"No one said you couldn't work with him, just not all day. Now are you done with your tantrum or do we need to deal with that?"

"I'm not having a tantrum. Tantrums are for little kids." The teen felt embarrassed and although Adam could be quite intimidating when he stood before you with his arms crossed, looking at you with those icy eyes, Evan had a hard time backing down.

"If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…," Adam didn't back down either. "You have one chance, buddy, one chance to get your coat and get ready to go and then you can work with Diablo after we get back. If you don't, not only there'll be no working with Diablo but I'll also deal with your temper the same way I would that little kid you say throws tantrums. And you'd still end up coming to town with me." He held up one finger and Evan knew exactly what it meant. He felt he was far too old for that treatment, but he also didn't want Adam to 'deal with him'. He shifted from one booted foot to the other while trying to find the right words to back down. And he knew he'd have to do it quickly. Adam wasn't known for his patience.

Finally figuring Adam hadn't said he had to say sorry or agree with anything he'd said, Evan just did exactly as he'd been told to do in order to avoid trouble: he got his coat and put it on. He couldn't help the mumbled, "Still don't like it," though.

"I know you don't," Adam wasn't one to insist on 'yes sir's, but Evan's attitude was starting to get to his last nerve. Still, the boy had backed down and he'd known beforehand this would be hard on the teen. So he placed a hand on Evan's back as he led him through the door, "And I don't blame you for not liking it. But sometimes we have to do things we don't like. You two behave for me in town and I promise I'll make it as short a trip as possible. You'll still have all afternoon."

"Okay," The words came out a bit belligerent, but Adam knew Evan would try hard. Now all he had to worry about was getting Guthrie through the stores. He didn't think it would be a problem, but you never knew.

Brian only had to see the two to know that Evan wasn't a happy camper. He sighed and partly blamed himself for suggesting the trip. But Saturdays were the only days for this and there weren't many Saturdays left in the year. For a moment he wondered if they couldn't have gotten the boots and jeans next weekend, but he knew the Christmas shopping alone would take up all day. And would take 10 years of his life, probably. He was glad they'd already told the boys about next Saturday, so there wouldn't be any surprises.

"Come on, you two," Ford called out, "were waiting for you!"

"Hold your horses, Ford, we'll get there," Brian grinned at the excited boy. At least one of them was excited. Ford never minded coming with him and Brian often took him, even though it always made the trip longer. Ford was always full of 'suggestions' for groceries. And Brian usually didn't agree with the suggestions.

Evan was quiet all the way to town. He was determined not to make a fuss all morning, just so they could get home quickly, but that didn't mean he had to play mister Happy. And so he didn't.

Murphys wasn't a big town and you wouldn't find the big department stores there, but there were a few smaller stores the family frequented.

Having dropped off Brian, Daniel and Ford at the grocery store Adam drove on to get his own shopping done. If he was honest he could use a new pair of jeans as well, but as always, the boys' clothes were more important. Brian had made him promise to at least look, though, and so he would. First on the agenda were boots for Guthrie.

"These are nice, Guth," Adam pointed at a pair that was sitting on one of the display tables. He wasn't one to shop long. He'd see what he liked, buy it, and leave.

"They're not as nice as the ones I've got, Adam," Guthrie didn't look too impressed with the brown boots.

"You can't keep wearing those, Guth, they're too small."

Not that Guthrie would complain. For one, he wasn't one to complain easily. But secondly, the boy loved these boots. He'd wear them to bed if he thought he'd get away with it. Still, a growing boy needed fitting footwear and so despite the fact that new boots were costly, Guthrie was getting new ones.

"Why not?" Guthrie insisted. "They're still fine…look," and to prove his point he walked through the store ignoring the fact that his toes were getting squished with each step.

"Yeah right," Evan commented, "You can't even walk straight. Come on, these boots are great."

"You just want to be done quickly." Guthrie may have been only 8, he was no fool.

Adam hid a grin at Guthrie's perceptive words. "Well, let's see if there's a pair you do like."

But Guthrie found fault with every pair his brothers found him.

"Come on, Guthrie, you're taking ages and it's only a pair of boots."

"Yeah, like you think that way when it's about your boots, Ev, you're worse 'n me!" Guthrie retorted.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Whoah," Adam interrupted before this could get out of hand. "That is not a game we're gonna play. Now, kiddo, one way or the other, these boots are being tossed. So unless you want to go around on your sneakers from now on, you'll find a pair you like."

"You can't wear sneakers on a ranch," Evan rolled his eyes and Adam groaned.

"You're undermining my authority here, buddy." Surely, at 13, the kid would understand that Adam was bluffing here, but apparently not.

"Just stating a fact, Adam."

"Yeah I know…that's why he needs boots, genius."

"Oh," Evan got it, but a little too late as Guthrie wasn't fooled. But Evan wasn't done yet. The blonde teen got over his surly mood, for the time being anyway, and sat down next to his little brother. "Why do you like these boots so much, Guth?"

Guthrie shrugged, "They feel good."

"Now come on, I know that's not all of it," Evan looked at Adam for help. The blonde was lost for ideas.

"They were just hand-me-downs, Guth," Adam got on one knee in front of Guthrie, "Don't you want new boots for a change?" As fast as the boys were growing it happened often they didn't even get to wear out clothes before they grew out of them. They would usually get new shoes and boots because they had learned it was important for the development of the feet, but when money was tight, they didn't always have the opportunity. As the oldest, Adam couldn't know exactly what it felt like not to get new things, but he had witnessed more than one tantrum over it in their family. Brian had never liked it and had let their folks know, until dad had put a stop to it. The tantrums had stopped, but Brian had continued to hate it. And he wasn't the only one. So in a way, it surprised the young man that Guthrie wouldn't jump at the opportunity to get brand new boots.

"They were Ford's," Guthrie said softly.

"Yeah I know," Adam nodded. "They're just old boots."

"Ford said they're special boots."

"Aahhhhh…." Evan shook his head and looked at Adam, "I think I know what this is about. We…well, two years ago I got Daniel's old ones. And I wasn't happy about it." He had the decency to blush a little. "I'm sure you remember."

And Adam did remember. Only too well. Evan had thrown a typical epic pre-teen tantrum. He'd kicked the boots across the room and had called Adam every bad word the then 11-year-old could think of. "I'm glad you still remember."

"Yeah…not something I could easily forget. Still ashamed of it." Evan looked down for a second and then looked back up, "I guess Crane never told you that he came up to talk to me after you…well…."

"No, he didn't," Adam saw no reason to embarrass the boy by finishing that sentence for him. "And I can see why he didn't. I'd told everyone to leave you alone to think about what your behavior."

"You mad at Crane now?"

Adam smiled as he looked at the anxious face glancing up at him. "It's two years ago. I think I can let it go. And it seems Crane managed to do what I didn't."

"Yeah."

"What he tell you, Ev?" Guthrie asked.

"I think you know, buddy," Evan looked pointedly at Guthrie. "You never threw the same kind of tantrum I did, but I know you didn't like it. And then Ford knew what Crane had told me, so he had a talk with you….right?"

"Uh huh…he said they were special."

"In what way are they special, Guthrie?" Adam still didn't get it.

"It's not like getting something old and useless, it's like getting something that has something extra."

"Something was added to it," Evan continued, "It has extra value. Extra strength or extra beauty. It's like how you used to love riding Dad's horse after…well, after."

Adam blinked against the tears that suddenly burned his eyes. After their parents had died he used to go to the barn when the kids were asleep and he'd take care of Apple. And whenever he was out on the ranch on horseback, it was on the big Bay. It brought him closer to his father and it helped. "Yeah…it's extra special. And that's what Crane told you?"

"Yeah, and I told Ford and Ford told Guthrie."

"They're special, Adam!"

"I know, Guth, but there comes a time to let go." He made a mental note to than Crane for this when he saw him. "Ford is still here and there will be more of him you can have. And the new boots will have something different that is equally special."

"Really?"

Looking into the expectant eyes of the 8-year-old Adam tried hard to channel Crane. His younger brother was so much better at this than he ever could be. Crane would know exactly what to say. "Well, you get to put something of you in these. And then when you've grown out of them, you get to hand them to someone else."

"But I'm the youngest. There's no one after me, Adam."

Guthrie was right, of course, and Adam had to think for a moment, "Well, I know that. But you know that we donate things to charity when we can't use it anymore. Like the toys you're too old for now and clothes. So someday, some little boy will get to wear your special boots and he'll be really happy and he'll have something to protect him, because of you." Adam held his breath, praying he'd said the right thing.

"Okay," Guthrie glanced around and spotted a pair of boots that were very similar to the ones Evan was wearing. "Those look nice."

Evan smiled, "You got taste buddy."

Adam had to agree. An expensive taste at that. And no one in the family to hand them down to. But then, these were going to be special boots. With special powers. And he'd just told the boy that they would be passed on to someone at some point. "Why don't you try them on," He conceded.

In the grocery store Brian was having problems of his own. They'd already been there half an hour and he still hadn't gotten more than 5 items of the list.

"But Brian," Ford argued, "Adam really likes it with honey."

"I know he does, Ford, but it's more expensive. And we just don't have the money."

"But he works real hard for it, don't you think he deserves it?"

Brian sighed while Daniel hid a grin, "He deserves it, but he's sensible enough to know he can't have it. We're getting the plain ones, sorry, buddy."

Daniel crossed it from the list, "We need flour. And baking powder."

"Okay, this aisle," Brian led the way to the next aisle. "You really need to come along more often, Danny. You're sending us crisscross through the store. When you do this every week you learn how to make a list according to aisle."

"But that's not how it's in the pantry," Daniel argued, "Made more sense to make the list as I went over the different shelves."

"Maybe, but ultimately, my way saves time."

"Well, maybe you should do it next time then."

"Nice try, kiddo," Brian playfully pushed Daniel, "This was punishment remember? And just think about this for a moment: for you it's punishment, for me it's a weekly chore. Does that sound fair to you?"

"You're older," Daniel pointed out.

"But Daniel," Ford was always the champion of justice, "Brian was doing it when he was still in high school. I'll help you next week, Bri."

"Thanks, buddy, that means a lot," Ford's kind heart always warmed Brian, "Your main job is school though. And your regular chores: cleaning your room, dishes when it's your turn, your bathroom when it's your turn, feeding the chickens. All those things."

"I always have time left, Brian, I can help you instead of playing some times."

Brian wondered how a little reality check for Daniel had turned into Ford offering to sacrifice his spare time to help. "That's really sweet of you, Ford. Thank you." He loaded flour and baking powder into the cart. "Wasn't sugar on the list as well, Daniel?"

"Eh yeah…"

"See? So next time write down sugar along with all this, so you don't have to come back to this aisle again. Efficiency!"

Daniel pulled a face at Brian's back, quickly straightening up when Brian turned around at Ford's giggle. "Yes, Brian."

"Hmmm." Brian had a pretty good idea what went on behind his back, but chose not to make an issue of it. "What's next?"

"Brownies!" Ford looked longingly at the sales display at the end of the aisle.

"I can make those myself."

"But they're on sale, Brian! So that saves time. Efficiency, right?"

Daniel couldn't help the giggle at Ford's words, "He's got you there, Brian."

"You have to weigh efficiency against cost, boys," Brian pointed out, "It may be more efficient, but it's cheaper to make them ourselves. And talking about baking, we need cocoa. I finished the last bit on hot chocolate."

"You made hot chocolate?" Ford stood still in the middle of the next aisle. "When did you make hot chocolate."

"Earlier this week."

"And you didn't make me some?"

"You were already asleep."

"But that's not fair!"

"And why is that not fair, Ford?" Brian looked at Ford now. "Should everyone else stop eating and drinking just because you're in bed?"

"No, of course not, but…Brian….hot chocolate!"

"Don't worry, I'll make some tonight."

"Okay," appeased, Ford continued on.

Daniel gave Brian a pointed look, though, "That sounded an awful lot like bribery to me."

"Bribery? That's a mighty big word, kiddo," Brian grinned, "I'd call it encouragement."

"Hmmm keep deluding yourself."

It earned him a cuff to the back of his head from the deluded one, "Keep it up, buddy, keep it up."

"I'm planning to," Daniel grinned as he rubbed his head, more for show than because the cuff had actually hurt. "Beans are next. And potatoes."

"We're out of potatoes?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, if we're not you're gonna be peeling a whole lot of them for mashed potatoes this week."

"I happen to like mashed potatoes."

"But you don't like peeling."

"No, but I've got younger brothers."

"So do I…you!"

"Not funny, not funny at all. But we really need them."

"Okay, I believe you."

"Brian!" Ford had walked ahead of them and now came running back. "Can we get fish sticks?"

"Fish sticks?" Brian could feel a headache coming up from behind his eyes. "You don't even like fish sticks." Not to mention the fact that he felt they were a complete waste of money. They were hardly nutritional and that meant 10 packs of fish sticks weren't enough for one McFadden dinner.

"But Guthrie does. He loves them."

"When does Guthrie have fish sticks?" Brian never bought them and the boys brought lunches to school.

"Sometimes he has lunch at school."

"You mean he throws his own lunch out and buys lunch at the cafeteria?" Brian tried to keep his voice even, but didn't quite manage and Ford noticed. Realizing he was in the process of ratting out his baby brother he started to back track.

"Only when there's fish sticks. It…was last year…"

"Don't worry. I'm not going to yell at him. But throwing food away is not okay."

"I think it was when he forgot his lunch."

"Hmm…" Brian pushed the cart along. There was no need to yell at Ford anyway. "Well, we're not getting fish sticks. We can go fish tomorrow and have fish for supper."

"Fried?" Ford looked hopeful.

"Whatever you boys want."

"Fried!" The boys chorused and Brian shook his head. He preferred smoked, but fried was good too.

"Can we get some ice cream, Adam?" Guthrie finally looked up from the new boots on his feet. He had opted to wear them right away and his eyes had been glued to them ever since leaving the store.

"Ah come on," Evan complained. "We were gonna go home right away."

"Well, I did promise you a very quick trip, but it's almost lunch time so even at home you'd have to eat. Why don't we get some lunch in town and then you can go straight to Diablo when we get home. Sound like a plan?"

"I guess," Evan wasn't completely convinced, but seeing Guthrie's happy face he couldn't complain too much.

"Of course, that all depends on how well Daniel and Ford behaved at the grocery store."

"But isn't it unfair if we have to suffer when they misbehaved?"

Evan couldn't help chuckling at Guthrie's innocent question. "Yeah Adam…."

If they didn't know any better they would have thought Adam was a bear, the way he starting grumbling. It started as a rumble in his stomach and then that sound escaped his mouth. It caused both boys to laugh. "Oh laughing at me now huh? Maybe I should change my mind about lunch and ice cream…."

He wasn't fooling either of them. Instead he found himself being jumped on by both, in the middle of the street. "okay, okay, okay…I'll give," He held up the bags with jeans for both Evan and himself, "I surrender. Ice cream it is!"

"What's that about ice cream?"

"Brian, please tell me those two behaved like little ruffians and we don't have to give them ice cream."

"Nooooo Brian….don't let Adam get away with that!" Guthrie hadn't quite managed to keep his voice down when speaking, so it felt like the entire town could hear him.

They had gotten their jeans right next to the grocery store, so had parked there. While talking they had reached the car about the same time Brian did. The other three had a full cart of groceries and Brian was supervising Daniel and Ford as they were loading all the grocery bags into the old pickup truck. Getting all the McFaddens in their Jeep was already quite impossible, but with groceries added it was just easier to take the truck. And the boys loved bouncing around in the bed anyway. Although there always seemed to be a fight over who got to sit in the cabin with Adam and Brian.

"Now how can we get ice cream when I've got groceries in here that will spoil if left out too long?" Brian pointed out the obvious. "And you know we still have a drive home too. And I'd have to have the boys move it all to the cabin."

"Can't we just get ice cream then?" Guthrie pleaded quickly supported by the others.

"We don't need to have lunch here."

"Speak for yourself, Evan!" Daniel gave his brother a little push. "I happen to be hungry."

"You're always hungry," Evan retorted with a push of his own.

Daniel shrugged, "So are you."

"That's true."

Adam had put the bags in the truck as well and now held up his hand to stop the talk, "I don't see why we can't go to the diner and have a nice lunch. You know Marie will love a chance to spoil us and you also know that she'll be perfectly happy keeping the perishables refrigerated for us."

Brian laughed, "Alright, I give in. I was trying to save us some money, but I guess you're not worried about that. And I would love some of Marie's beef stew."

"We have things to celebrate. Guthrie's A for his project and Daniel's A+ for his poem, just to name two." Adam winked at Daniel. The sensitive teenager still couldn't believe Adam had actually managed to get his F changed to an A+, just by talking to his teacher.

"Can't argue with that," Brian conceded, although he wasn't making it hard to be convinced. He loved going to the diner. "Off to Marie's it is."

Marie's diner was only a little way down the street and so a few minutes they pulled into the small parking lot. Before the car was stopped the younger boys were already jumping out, causing Brian to yell, "Hey! You know better!" As soon as Adam had turned the engine off Brian was out the car and grabbed the first one he could reach, which happened to be Guthrie, by the arm. With his free hand he landed two firm swats on the boy's jean glad backside.

"That is dangerous, Guth." He tried to ignore the yelps and the teary eyes. Guthrie had always been a sensitive little boy and even a warning could bring on tears. It was always hard on the oldest two to discipline the baby of the family. "Ford!" He crooked his finger at the next in line. Ford looked like a deer caught in the headlights. But Brian's gesture was clear and he slowly came over. As soon as he was within reach he, too, found himself grabbed by the arm and slightly turned so Brian could swat him. The three swats hurt and he couldn't help the little rub. He was young enough to be more concerned with the pain than anyone seeing him smacked.

As Adam watched Brian deal with the boys he glanced at Evan sitting next to him, "Bet you're glad you're up here today."

Evan pulled a face, "No kidding." He usually was the first to jump out. Adam always yelled at them for it, but usually left it at that. Brian, apparently, had finally had enough of it. The two slowly got out of the car.

Outside, Brian focused his attention to the one furthest away from him. Daniel had made sure to get out of the way as soon as he realized Brian was actually upset enough to start swatting. He ignored Brian motioning him over. There was no way he was voluntarily walking over to receive his swats. "We were pretty much stopped."

"You were the first out. You're the oldest and are teaching them to jump out of moving vehicles?" Brian knew he and Adam had done the same thing as kids, but it wasn't until he had become a parent that he realized how scared it made a parent. He pointed to the ground in front of him. "Here! Now!"

"No way…you're gonna swat me."

"You bet I am. I swatted your brothers. Don't you think you deserve any less?"

Every fiber of Adam's being longed to step in, but he knew he shouldn't. If he did, Daniel would lose the respect he had for Brian.

"I'm 14."

"I am well aware of your age."

"I'm not Ford or Guthrie…" the words were out before Daniel realized that they were insulting to his younger brothers. He blushed a little and glanced at them. "I didn't mean it that way."

"Yes you did," Ford looked disgusted. "Geesh, you're only two years older 'n me. And I think you're being dumb to push Brian. And a coward."

The words hurt and Daniel glanced back at Brian again. "Can't I just say I'm sorry?"

"Noop. You have three seconds to get your butt over here or we'll take this inside for the full version of this."

Boy, things could get out of hand easily. Daniel hesitated for one second, but self-preservation kicked in and he quickly got himself within Brian's reach. "Wise choice, buddy."

Daniel tried to remain stoic as Brian landed four hard swats on his backside, but when he tried to pull away he felt two more and they made him yelp. "Ow!" Guthrie had gotten two, Ford three, being older he'd known he'd get one more, but he hadn't counted on double. "That's not fair. I got way more."

"Shouldn't have fought me, buddy." Brian held on to his arm, "We done here or do you need more?"

Two angry eyes looked up at Brian, but Daniel was sensible enough to back down, "No sir, we're done."

"Good," Adam had been leaning against the car watching the proceedings and straightened up now, "Goodness, boys, was it worth it to get to the diner a few whole seconds sooner?"

"We didn't even get there sooner," Guthrie was the wise one.

"Exactly," Brian agreed, "Shortcuts never work out in the long run. Now…standing outside smelling all that good food is making me hungry." He ruffled Guthrie's hair making the boy smile again, and then pulled Ford over, "No hard feelings, kiddo. Just don't do it no more."

"Anymore," Ford corrected with a grin and Brian laughed.

"I guess that cheek means you're over it."

Ford never was one to stay upset too long, unlike Daniel who would likely sulk the rest of the day.

"If it isn't my favorite family!"

"Marie!" Adam smiled at her and found himself pulled into a big hug.

"Marie….Marie…look at my new boots! Adam got me new boots." Guthrie proudly showed off his new prized possessions and Marie was suitably impressed.

"My, those sure are fine ones, Guthrie. And they look just like Evan's too."

"Uh huh, they're the best, Evan says."

"They sure are," Evan hugged her as well.

"Hope you've got a table for us," Brian got to business, making them all laugh.

"Of course I've got a table for you. I'd throw people out for you!" Marie looked around and reorganized things so they could all sit at the big round table near the window. The groceries were quickly stored in the kitchen, so Brian could rest easily not having to worry over milk going bad. And then Marie handed out menus, even though that wasn't necessary. The family came there often enough to know it by heart. And she didn't even need them to say what they wanted. She knew exactly what each single one of them liked best. "Fried chicken?" She asked Evan and Daniel and both boys nodded, Evan a little more enthusiastically than Daniel.

"Or something else, Daniel?" She asked, wondering what was wrong with the boy.

"Fried chicken sounds good, Marie." As upset as the boy was, he'd never be unkind to Marie. She was like an aunt to the boys.

"Good! Adam…steak I bet."

"You know me too well."

"And me, Marie?" Guthrie asked looking at her expectantly.

"Let me see…" Marie placed her hand on Guthrie's head and closed her eyes, "Ah yes, it's clear now. Hotdog and fries."

The boy's jaw dropped. "How do you know? Last time I ordered a burger."

"That's my secret, little one." She chuckled as she walked off. The specials were on the black board above the counter and Guthrie didn't realize he always ordered the first thing on it. She wasn't about to tell him either.

"Well, brother," Adam grinned at Brian, "We survived!"

"Yeah, we did, but I'm not starting a celebration just yet. We still have next week's shopping trip too. That will be the real challenge. Remember last year?"

Adam groaned, "Wish I could forget."

"What happened to what's done is done?" Evan piped up and Adam smiled at him.

"You're right, buddy, it's done. And it wasn't that bad, I know. But it was exhausting for Brian and me, that's for sure."

"No kidding," Brian agreed. "So please, take it easy on us this time."

All boys, except Daniel, laughed and Ford said, "we always try, Brian. It just doesn't always work out that way."

"You trying is all we can really ask for," Noticing Evan was staring at another table, Brian snapped his fingers, "Hey, buddy, it's not polite to stare."

"I know…I'm sorry, but," Evan looked at Daniel, "That looks like your English teacher, just…different…"


	6. Chapter 6

AN: A shorter chapter this time. Just the way it worked out for this one. Hope you'll still like it.

Again a big thank you to those that review, in whatever way they do it. But also thank you for simply reading. It's great hearing from readers, it truly makes my day, but just knowing it's read is very satisfying already.

Since I can't send a PM to guest reviewers: a special thank you to my faithful guest reviewer. You may feel like you don't know what to say, but your reviews mean so much to me! They make me feel like a much better writer than I really am and make me aspire to get better.

Chapter 6

"You mean Miss Morgan?" Daniel asked as he started to look around.

"Don't look," but Evan was too late and Daniel had already turned his head.

"Far out!" The 14-year-old exclaimed. "She doesn't look anything like she does at school. Weird. Don't know what is different though."

"Her hair's loose."

All eyes turned to Adam now. No one had noticed that he had turned around as well.

"Her hair?" Daniel looked over his shoulder again and nodded, "Yeah you're right." He looked back at Adam in surprise. "Didn't know you'd been checking her out."

Adam couldn't help rolling his eyes, something he'd scold his brothers for, "You don't have to check a girl out in order to be perceptive. In fact, it's something you could do learning early on: girls like it when you notice things about them. Like a new dress or a new hairdo. Or new perfume."

Brian laughed, "You listen to your big brother, Danny."

"Yeah, but Brian…Adam's not looking at dating her. So why should he notice?"

"Make it a habit to notice things like that, no matter which girl, and you'll always be fine," Brian knew better though. Adam wasn't one to notice things like that. Brian was. His love life depended on it. Adam was different. He hadn't dated at all since he had gotten guardianship of his brothers. He'd barely looked at girls. Things had been different when he was still in school, but their parents' deaths had changed everything. Brian studied his brother as the man glanced at the teacher at the other table.

"Still weird. I mean…it's my teacher!" Daniel wrinkled his nose.

That made Brian laugh, "Hey, I've dated teachers. They're people too."

"You didn't date my teacher, did you, Brian?" Guthrie inquired.

"No, I never had the pleasure, buddy," Brian reassured, "she's a little out of my league, I think."

"And she's probably about 60 years old."

"She's not quite that old yet, Ford," Brian corrected. "I'd guess around 40, but you never ask a lady's age, so I guess we'll never know." He hoped all this would distract the boys enough not to notice Adam's wandering eyes.

"40 is really old, though," Ford commented.

"Mom was 40." The words left Brian's mouth before he had a chance to think. The effect was instantaneous. The mere thought of their mother dying in that horrible car crash at the age of 40 brought a silence over the table. It was definitely more of a distraction than Brian had been working for.

"Oh," Ford's eyes filled with tears as did Daniel's and Brian could kick himself.

"I'm sorry, buddy," Ford usually felt too old to be cuddled in public, but now he allowed Brian to pull him on his lap. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm not crying."

"I know…neither am I," Even Brian felt the tears sting his eyes.

"Wonder why she's here all alone," Adam had completely missed Brian's faux pas, which told his brother more than the oldest would like, "You'd think she's waiting for a friend, but she's clearly finishing up her lunch." It wasn't until that moment, when he turned his head back to their own table, that he noticed all the sad faces. "What? What happened?"

Brian cleared his throat, "I think a bomb could have gone off and you wouldn't have noticed. So the better question is: what happened to you?!"

"Why would something have happened?" Adam's defensive was another clear sign to Brian. "I'm just concerned about a fellow human being."

"Suuuuure," Brian couldn't help teasing a little.

Ford had quietly slipped off Brian's lap again. The mood had changed and they were all grateful for it. Well, all, except Adam. The man was starting to feel a little embarrassed. He was no fool. He'd clearly missed something and the reason was that he'd been staring at Daniel's teacher. Their food served now, he tried to concentrate on his steak instead of either Miss Morgan or Brian's teasing comments, but it was difficult.

"Daniel," the familiar voice behind Adam and Daniel caused both of them to look up startled, but for different reasons.

"Miss Morgan, ah I eh…" Daniel stammered.

"Dear me, I would think you'd be more eloquent judging from your school work. Maybe you need some tutoring, young man," Miss Morgan teased causing the teenager to blush fiercely.

"What Daniel meant to say was 'good afternoon, Miss Morgan," Adam glanced at the embarrassed teenager and watched him nod.

"Yes, ma'am, good afternoon, but eh..no need for tutoring."

"I was just teasing, Daniel, you're fine."

"Oh"

Adam laughed, "The word tutoring is enough to make any school child shudder."

"Anything to keep them in line, Mr. McFadden."

They looked up when everyone started to chuckle.

"Mr. McFadden," Ford was on the floor.

"It's just Adam!" Evan laughed as well.

No one in town called Adam Mr. McFadden, except in school and so they weren't quite used to it.

"Watch it, boys," Brian warned, "It's not polite to laugh."

"You were laughing too," Daniel pointed out, "I could see the corner of your mouth turn up and you looked like you were trying hard to hold it in."

"That's what you do when you want to be polite, Daniel, you hold it in."

"You didn't succeed."

Daniel's assessment caused the younger three to giggle again and Brian caught himself rolling his eyes.

"Oohhh, Adam, Brian rolled his eyes," Daniel 'tattled' with a big grin on his face.

"Brian is an adult, you are not. There's a difference." It was all Adam had to offer.

Miss Morgan had watched it all with amusement, "Well, can't say life is dull with the McFaddens."

"Never. It does get loud though," Adam mused, "And exhausting."

"I can imagine," Miss Morgan adjusted her purse which was almost sliding off her shoulder. "It's nice, reminds me of home. I'm one of 6 children as well. There was always something going on."

"There's actually 7 of us," Adam pointed out, "Crane's away at college right now."

"Oh my, 7, that's even more." She looked impressed, "But you're raising 6, well…5, considering you," she nodded at Brian, "are an adult."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm raising even him," Adam's mischievous eyes told her he was teasing his brother. He wasn't disappointed.

"Hey!" Brian ripped a piece of the roll on his plate and flicked it at Adam who simply caught it, shaking his head.

"See what I mean? Definitely one of the children."

"Yes, I can see that," She agreed smiling.

"Just because old Adam here doesn't know how to have fun, doesn't make me a child," Brian hoped his little plan would work. If not, at least he had fun.

"I'll have you know I do have fun at times."

"Then why do you never go out anymore? You're young. You should go out and have fun. You'd love the band that's playing tonight at Lucky's but will you go? Of course not."

"I might," Adam protested, although he knew he hadn't in the past.

"Oh I heard of that band. Some of my colleagues at school said it was very good."

"There!" Brian jumped at the opportunity Miss Morgan had just given him. "I have a brilliant idea, if I say so myself. Why don't you two go together."

"Oh…I…" It was Miss Morgan turn to stammer.

Brian gave Adam a challenging look, "Unless you're afraid to either go out or to leave the kids alone with me."

"Of course I'm not afraid to leave them with you. Don't be ridiculous! In fact, it would be nice not to have to be the one being at home on a Saturday night."

"See?" Triumph sounded in Brian's words as much as it showed on his face.

"Brian," Adam sounded exasperated. Why didn't his brother see he was embarrassing Miss Morgan here. And what if he didn't want to go out with her? Brian could be so inconsiderate at times! "I don't appreciate," he was going to say 'being put on the spot', but realized that would have been even more inconsiderate. To Miss Morgan, that is. Relieved that he'd caught himself in time he managed to change his words, "the way you're putting Miss Morgan on the spot here. She may have plans already and you're making it sound like she's desperate for a date."

"Actually, you're the one who's desperate," Brian winked at the blushing young woman standing next to Adam, clutching her purse.

"I have to apologize for my brother, Miss Morgan," Adam ignored Brian and looked at Daniel's teacher.

"It's quite alright, Mr. McFadden," She reassured, although she did feel rather embarrassed, "It's clear he means well."

"That's what our mother always said when he'd gotten in trouble with Dad….again."

She laughed and Adam had to admit her laugh sounded nice. "Well, I've heard the same word often enough to know that we usually do mean well, even when we go about it the wrong way."

Brian leaned back, "Right way, wrong way…you're giving me a headache. Just ask her already!"

She saved a helpless Adam, "You don't have to if you don't want to, of course, but I think I'd like to go and I wouldn't mind having someone with me. I've only been here since the start of the school year and I don't know too many people yet. It's difficult for a young woman to go into a bar alone."

From an early age Adam had been taught to be a gentleman at all times and the role suited him well. Her words tug at him and he found himself nodding, "I would be honored to escort you."

It made Brian stifle a chuckle, "It's clear you don't go out enough. You sound like you're stuck in the 17th century."

She laughed, "Well, maybe a little, but I'll have you know, sir, that some women like it when a man has proper manners." She looked at Adam again, "I'll see you tonight then…I live right next door at number 3. Is 7 all right?"

"7 it is…I do feel at a disadvantage, you know my name, but I don't know yours. Your first name can't be 'miss'."

"No, it's Emily. Emily Morgan." Her expression suddenly changed as she turned to Daniel, "And hope you won't tell your classmates that. I'm young enough as it is, don't need my authority undermined by my students calling me by my first name."

"I wouldn't…Miss Morgan," And Daniel wouldn't. In fact, he wanted to forget he even knew the name at all.

"I'll pick you up at 7 then, Emily," Adam tasted the name on his lips. The name suited her. As he watched her walk off he noticed how the sun made her hair glow even more than the red already did. It bounced on her shoulders. Yes, she definitely needed to have her hair loose like this.

"Adam's going on a date," Evan grinned, "Who would have thought!"

"It's not a date," Daniel snapped, "They're just going to listen to the same band."

"He's picking her up, taking her to the bar and will probably buy her drinks," Evan listed each item off on his fingers, "If it walks like a duck….sounds like a date to me."

"Can we please drop this subject now and enjoy our meals?" Adam's tone was terse and the boys suddenly looked a bit wary.

"Geesh, I didn't mean nothing by it, Adam," Evan immediately became defensive.

"Anything," Brian's correction was almost automatic. "Adam, they really didn't mean anything by it. Neither did I. Other than being happy that you're finally getting out of the house for a few hours. Gives me the chance to stretch out on the sofa and watch my shows as soon as I've got these four in bed….which will be early!" He stretched the last word and watched three pairs of eyes throw daggers at him.

"That's not fair, Brian!"

"I'm just teasing, Ford," Brian ruffled the boy's hair. "I'm not changing any bedtimes tonight. Now how's that steak, Adam? I have to say the stew is fantastic."

"It's good," Adam couldn't help the small nerves building in his stomach. He hadn't been on a date in 6 years. Well, almost 6. He'd had one date not too long after their parents' car crash. It had been a disastrous date. His life had changed so much, no girl his age was able to relate to him anymore. Or maybe it was the other way around. He found their topics of conversation trivial and shallow. He had to admit it was a bit unfair to them, but he simply couldn't sit there and talk about their lives when at home his baby brothers were crying themselves to sleep and needed him or Brian or Crane to hold them. Of course, Crane had needed holding too, but hadn't let on to that. No, dating had simply taken a back seat to raising his brothers.

"Can we still have ice cream?" Guthrie's one-track mind brought all the brothers back to the important things of the moment, the younger ones at least.

"I still see an awful lot of hotdog and fries on your plate."

"I'll finish it, Adam," Guthrie assured, "I don't want Marie thinking I don't like it."

"What do I hear?" Marie appeared behind Guthrie, "You don't like my hotdogs?"

"I do!" A startled Guthrie turned his head as he picked up the bun to take a big bite, "See?"

"Guthrie!" Adam sighed. He knew at home table manners sometimes suffered, but when they were out he did try to instill some manners. Often he failed.

"What?"

"We don't have to see the food once it's in your mouth. That's disgusting," Adam chided.

"Sorry," Guthrie closed his mouth, but not before a piece of meat had fallen back on the plate.

"Well, I'm glad to hear and even see you're enjoying it, honey," Marie leaned over and kissed Guthrie on the top of his head. "You always do like my food. And I bet you'll want ice cream. I do have some delicious apple pie to go with it if you boys want…"

Six mouths started to water and Adam knew he'd give in. He threw Marie an accusing look, "You're one wicked woman, you know that, don't you?"

"And proud of it, young man!" She laughed and walked away.

After they all had finished their apple pie and ice cream they could head home again. For Evan it was a good thing that on the way back he wasn't in the cabin or he'd have gotten into trouble before they even reached home. He was a little too impatient to get there as quickly as possible and kept grumbling in the bed of the truck about Adam driving at a snail's pace.

"Will you shut up already," Daniel finally had enough of it.

"Don't tell me to shut up!" Evan argued.

"Well, someone has to. It's driving me nuts listening to your whining."

"I don't whine, Danny-boy…"

At that Daniel gave Evan a push, "Don't call me that."

"Don't call you what? Danny-booooyyyy…"

"Stop it you two," Ford stepped in, "You're gonna end up fighting and then Adam's gonna get mad."

"I don't care," But Daniel did care. Deep down, anyway.

"Neither do I," Evan gave Daniel another push, but Ford placed himself in between them.

"About 10 more minutes and we're home and then you'll have all afternoon with Diablo. Are a few extra minutes really gonna be worth the trouble you'll be in?"

"Ford, the voice of reason," Daniel teased, but Ford's words had gotten Evan to think things through.

"He's right. I don't want to get in trouble. I haven't been able to work with Diablo for three whole days. I'm not risking it."

"Chicken," Daniel had no idea why he was as mad as he was, but he felt bitter and wanted to lash out at someone.

"Not gonna bite," Evan shook his head and started a game of 'I Spy' with Ford leaving Daniel to stew on his bad mood all by himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Have to start with yet another thank you to all the reviewers. You all blow me away. I never expected such lovely words (yes, I'm a perfectionist, so my work is never good enough). And I'm so glad this story is received well. The first flames will probably come with the first spanking, but hey...I did put a warning on the story.

Do want to say one small thing about something a guest reviewer said about Guthrie's rebellious side. I personally never saw it as rebellion, but more a 12-year-old (an almost teen) trying to assert himself, to earn his place in the family. And yes, like another guest pointed out: a boy wanting to be like Adam. Having said that, however, I promise you I won't write him as a complete angel, a compliant little boy. I do think that him being 8 in this story makes a bit of a difference.

Chapter 7

"Damn it!" Another shirt landed on the bed. "How difficult can this be? I do it every day for crying out loud."

Adam was glad his door was closed because he could only imagine the ribbing he'd get from his brothers. It really shouldn't be that difficult to get dressed. He did it every day. He usually just grabbed the first shirt in the closet along with a pair of jeans and he was done. Why would tonight be any different? Okay, so he hadn't been on a date in a while. Make that in a couple of years. Okay, about 6 years. Goodness, had it really been that long ago? He had to admit it had. He'd been 18 on his last date. Just 18. And he hadn't taken half an hour to find the right clothes, that's for sure. Although, if he was completely honest to himself, he had taken more time to get ready than Brian was going to let him forget. He'd known what he'd wear, but had taken the time to do his hair just right and to shave, use his favorite cologne. Now, he had no idea. He didn't even know what cologne he used. He supposed it was the brand that happened to be on sale. Brian was always looking for a good deal. Crane had trained them well when it came to spending money wisely. They even used coupons.

He was about to pull another shirt out of the closet when he heard yelling outside. Groaning he looked out the window, trying to stay out of sight in case anyone looked up. It looked like Evan wasn't keen on bedding down Diablo and heading inside. Brian's body language didn't promise much good for the 13-year-old if he didn't stop his protests soon. Adam was about to open the window when he stopped himself and decided to let Brian handle it. "Serves him right too."

The dark-haired ladies man wasn't exactly his favorite person at the moment. Some of the curse words he'd uttered in the past half hour had been directed at his brother Brian. How dare he set him up like that, put him on the spot! But there was no way out now. He might as well get it over with. And if he didn't leave in about 10 minutes he would be late and his mother had taught him a gentleman never kept a lady waiting. Never.

"Oooohhh Adam's going on a da-ate…" Ford's teasing song was accompanied by Brian's whistle and Adam rolled his eyes.

"Yeah yeah, you can all stop now," Adam's rough reaction didn't fool a single McFadden.

Brian was leaning against the wall, not even trying to hide the grin on his face. "A tad nervous, big brother?"

Adam had to restrain himself. He would have loved to wipe that smirk off Brian's face. "Why should I be nervous? Just going to listen to a band. In the company of another adult. It'll be nice to have another adult to talk to for a change."

"Sure…" Brian's tone implied he didn't believe a single word of it.

"You don't like us no more, Adam?"

"No, Guthrie," Daniel answered before Adam could say anything, "He doesn't like us anymore."

"Daniel!"

"I was just correcting Guthrie's grammar, Brian."

"Somehow I doubt that." Brian's voice had turned to ice.

In the meantime Adam had gone over to Guthrie and had lifted the boy up in his arms. Guthrie immediately wrapped his legs around Adam's waist, just like he'd done when he was a little younger. "I will always like you, buddy, always. Nothing can ever change that. Nothing that happens, nothing that I do, nothing that you do. Okay?"

"Okay, Adam…" The youngest brother was usually easily reassured, especially by Adam. "Bring me back something?"

"I'm only going to be out for a few hours. You'll be asleep by the time I get back."

"Who knows…you might get lucky tonight and then you won't be back until tomorrow….or the day after…" A hand on his bicep stopped the flow of words that was coming out of Daniel's mouth.

"Upstairs."

"Why?" Despite Brian's hand on his arm the teenager wasn't ready to give in.

"You know exactly why and if you don't I'll explain…but for now…you're going to your room and you'll stay there until I say otherwise."

"That's not fair, Brian! I didn't do anything wrong…"

"One…"

"Geesh." The boy just managed to refrain from stomping his foot. "You'll hafta let go of my arm first."

Brian did let go, but only to land a hard swat on Daniel's backside. "Two…"

"Ow!" Daniel made the decision not to push Brian any further and quickly, albeit not quietly, made his way up the stairs.

"Adam, what's getting lucky mean?"

"Never you mind, Guthrie. And don't you go repeating it. It's why Daniel's in trouble now. That and his sass," Adam had learned that whatever the kids threw at them wasn't meant personal but he still couldn't help feeling just slightly hurt. It was hard not to take it personal.

"Oh…"

Putting his own feelings aside, Adam placed the young boy on his feet again, "Goodness, you're getting heavy, Guthrie. Won't be long and you'll be too big for me to lift."

"Really, Adam?"

"Really! And you won't want me to anyway."

That sounded ludicrous to the youngest, "No way…"

"You'd better get going, bro, if you don't want to be late," Brian put his hands on Guthrie's shoulders, "We'll be fine. I'll deal with Daniel's mood."

"Thanks, bud…" As Adam went through the door he nearly bumped into Evan who just got back from the barn. "Whoah…"

"Sorry," Evan offered.

"No worried. You be good for Brian now."

"Yes, sir."

The word 'sir' and Evan's countenance caught Adam 's attention, but he decided it was between Evan and Brian. It was nice not to have to worry about all this for a night. Yes, a night off, that's what this was. And as he got into the Jeep he decided to enjoy it to the fullest.

"Brian?" Evan waited until he heard the Jeep drive off, but remained in the doorway.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry about earlier."

"I know you are, kiddo, it's okay. You did what you were told to do."

"Yeah, but I could have been nicer about it."

"Yes, you could have." Brian wondered how often his own behavior had caused his parents to think the same thing. More often than he'd like to remember, probably.

"Are you…are you still mad?"

It was amazing how these teenagers could go from being belligerent and thinking they were 23 instead of 13, to sounding younger than Guthrie. "No, I'm not mad," Brian watched relief wash over Evan's face.

"You should be."

"Oh?" Brian couldn't completely hide the smile, "how so?"

"Well, I…I acted like a fool. You told me exactly how long I had and then I had to come inside. And when you reminded me I should have just done that."

"That would have been nice, I have to admit."

Guthrie and Ford were playing a game, but neither boy could hide the fact they found the conversation much more interesting.

"I don't know why I didn't."

"Well, I think you felt you had to try. You were probably hoping I would be more of a pushover than Adam and give you a few extra minutes."

Evan's head shot up, "No, I don't think you're a pushover. Really." Silently, Brian was glad to hear those sincere words. That thought had killed him. "It's just…I don't know…it's like I have to push..."

Brian nodded thoughtfully, "I remember that, believe it or not."

"You were right to yell and I wouldn't blame you if you were still mad…"

"Hmm are you asking me to punish you?"

"NO!" The panic in Evan's eyes was almost comical. "No, I just feel…I…"

Brian walked over to the boy and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pushed the door close with his foot, and walked Evan into the room. "I tell you what…you plant your backside on that sofa and don't you dare move or look away from the television. It's Ford's turn to choose tonight."

"Yes, sir."

Brian grinned as he watched as realization dawned on the teen. Ford and Evan both liked to watch the same show on Saturday nights, in fact, they all did. So it wasn't a punishment at all. "Kiddo, you know we don't hold grudges in this family. Once I'm done yelling I'm done yelling. I yelled at you, you did what you had to do. So that was it. Over and done. So who wants popcorn?"

Adam had been sitting in the Jeep outside number three for 5 whole minutes before he finally worked up the courage to get out. And he'd only gotten out when he realized she could probably see him through the window and would wonder why on earth he didn't ring. Maybe she'd worry he was thinking of reasons to back out. And a McFadden never stood a girl up. Not if he could help it.

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. But as soon as he'd knocked he noticed there was a bell too and so he pulled it. The door opened and he looked into the amused eyes of Emily.

"Goodness, one moment I think you'll never get out of your car and the next you can't get me to open the door soon enough."

He blushed, but couldn't help a small chuckle, "I was more at ease with this at 18 and that says a lot."

"So far you're doing well…you got out of the car and you knocked…and rang the bell," She couldn't help teasing him a little. He sure looked nice when he blushed a little.

"That was the easy part. Saying something when you look as nice as you do…that is the hard part."

"Ah…and that's the next step. You've checked the compliment-box."

"This would be the moment to give you flowers," Adam looked at his empty hands.

"Good thing you didn't. I can't see the joy in taking a living thing and putting it in a vase to watch it slowly die."

Adam stared at her for a few moments, lost for words and suddenly overwhelmed with emotions.

"Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry if I've offended you."

"No…it's just," Adam tried to pull himself together, "It's what my mother always said. She loved flowers, but never in a vase. I remember when Brian and I were still very little and we'd been typical little boys, horrid and loud." At the time neither boy had known their mom was pregnant and even if they had, they wouldn't have known that their new baby brother was tiring their mother out. "To make up for our behavior we picked her some wild flowers and when we brought them to her, she told us exactly that. She was very kind about it and she did put the flowers in a jar, just this once. Then she helped us plant more flowers in the garden. Anyway…I've never heard anyone else say that. You took me by surprise a little."

"I'm sorry…," She could tell Adam didn't talk about his mother very often. But the emotions were in those deep eyes.

"No need to be, honest…," Then he laughed, "There I go saying 'honest' when I never believe the kids when they use that word. But I do mean it. There's no reason to be sorry. It's a good memory." But even 6 years later, it also hurt to think about her and Emily saw that. "Well, if we want good seats we'd better get going. It doesn't start till 8, but Brian says they attract quite the crowd."

"Almost bedtime, Guthrie."

"Aw please, Brian, can't I finish watching this?" Guthrie was snuggled up against Brian and looked up with pleading puppy eyes.

"It's only 10 more minutes, Bri," Ford came to Guthrie's aid.

"10 more minutes, but then I don't want any dawdling or pleading. Straight up to brush your teeth and off to bed."

"Yes, sir," Guthrie beamed. He knew he'd end up sleeping next to Brian at some point anyway. Brian had started to sleep on the pull out sofa downstairs and when Guthrie had been really little he slept next to him. But as soon as he'd started school they had made him sleep upstairs because they didn't want him staying up too late. The boy had gotten used to sleeping next to his big brother, though, and very often, when he woke up at night, he found his way downstairs to sleep on the sofa as well. Brian grumbled, but always wrapped an arm around him and let him snuggle in. If he was there, that is. Sometimes Brian was on a date. Guthrie didn't like those nights.

"And I can stay up another half hour, right?" Ford tried.

"Nice try, buddy, 15 minutes. You know exactly what you're bedtime is. Evan 15 minutes later."

Evan looked at the clock. He knew on a Saturday night his bedtime was a quarter to 9 pm. If you asked the 13-year-old he would tell you that not only was it ridiculously early, but it also made no sense. Why not round it up to 9? What difference did those 15 minutes make? Adam's standard answer to that was always that if 15 minutes didn't matter, they could always make it 8:30 pm. That usually shut Evan up pretty quickly. He couldn't wait till he was 14, like Daniel, and could stay up till 9. He also didn't think it was fair that Guthrie got to stay up till 8, and even 8:30 now. No matter how he did the math, that never added up. 'Life's not fair', was Brian's answer. Fact was, the older brothers had stuck to the bedtimes they themselves had had at those ages. If it was good enough for their parents, it was good enough for them.

Suddenly Evan had another thought, "You're 22, right, Brian?"

"Yes, I am."

"That makes you 8 years older than Daniel."

"I see your math lessons are paying off."

"Don't tease me, Brian!" Evan wasn't really insulted, because he was working up to his big revelation. "So if you get an extra 15 minutes for every year older, and Daniel's bedtime is 9…..that means yours is 11."

Brian laughed, "Well, usually I am in bed long before that, buddy. Morning comes…"

"Early on a ranch." The chorus made it clear this was yet another thing the boys had heard all their lives.

"Still, when you're out you're never home before 11, Brian!" Evan persisted.

"Hmm interesting that you should know that when it's a time you should be long asleep," Brian gave his younger brother a hard look. "Are you up when you shouldn't be?"

Of course there were times one of the boys woke up when the 22-year-old made it home, but in this case Evan had a better answer, "Adam said so himself. When you're 'sleeping it off' on the sofa he rants at breakfast how you never made it home till long past midnight. It's not healthy to put in a long work day after that."

"Hmm, well, it's not good if it happens a lot. But the good part about being 22 is that as long as you do your job well no one can complain about you losing a bit of sleep but you yourself. I don't have a curfew or a bedtime anymore."

"Evan's just being silly, Brian," Ford piped up, "He's just looking for ways to stay up longer."

Evan kicked his brother, "Shut up!"

"Hey!" Brian was quick to put an end to it. "There's no kicking and no telling your brother to shut up."

"He's trying to get me in trouble," Evan protested.

"Am not!"

"I think I know the difference between tattling and just telling it how it is, buddy," Brian kept his eyes locked on Evan's. "And you are just looking for a reasoning to extend your own bedtime or curfew. Not gonna happen."

"Dang, I thought I was on to something there."

Evan's forlorn look made Brian laugh again, "Well, it was a dang good try, I'll give you that…."

"It made no sense anyway," Ford grinned at Evan, "Cause when Crane went out he had to be home by midnight. So at some point the whole 15 minutes extra per year changes again."

Brian tousled Ford's hair, "That's right, kiddo. It changes when you turn 16. Then the weekend curfew and bedtimes get a little different. We'll talk again when we get there. Okay…show's over, Guth…bedtime for you."

"You guys talked all through it," Guthrie complained. "I never got to hear anything."

"Should have said so at the time, kiddo, too late now. And you did promise no dawdling or pleading….." He let those words hang in the air and watched Guthrie nod.

"Yes, sir…night Ford. Night Evan. Night Brian…" He gave Brian a hug and whispered, "Are you coming up to tug in me in?"

"Of course….and then I'll have a talk with Daniel." Brian figured the moody teenager had stewed long enough. He looked at the other two. "You get to bed on time. Even though I may not be back downstairs in time to tell you to, I will hear and I will know. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," the two chorused.

"Good."

Daniel didn't acknowledge the knock on his door. He kept on banging the wall with his right fist every few seconds. He didn't stop when the door opened, but grumbled, "Why do you even bother knocking when you come in anyway?"

"Well, I see your mood hasn't improved much," Not that Brian had expected it to. Daniel usual got in a worse mood when he was allowed to stew on his thoughts and feelings. But he had felt it was important to remove the teen from the situation at the time and then didn't want to spoil the evening for the other boys by dealing with the one who was clearly misbehaving and disrespectful. That wasn't how things worked. "And what did the wall do to you?"

"Nothing."

Brian walked over to Daniel's bed and sat down next to the boy. "Let me see your hand."

"Why?" Another bang.

"Because I say so should be reason enough," Brian kept his voice calm, but although he wasn't as quick to act as Adam was, he still lacked Crane's unending patience. "I want to see if you've hurt yourself."

"You're so stunned."

"Hey!" The tap at Daniel's hip was a clear warning. "That's what you're here for, remember? Disrespect." Daniel shrugged, but held out his hand anyway.

There wasn't much to see, no scratches and Brian didn't think the hand would bruise. "Well, I guess the wall will survive considering your hand is fine."

"Told you."

"You did, but I'm responsible for you so I have to make sure," Brian let go of Daniel's hand and the boy immediately went back to banging the wall. "Hmm I do get the impression the wall did something to you. Either that, or you're really trying to hurt yourself."

"That's stupid."

"Yes, it would be."

"I'm just banging."

"Does it help?"

"No."

"Then why continue?"

"Cause it gets to you."

"Hmm do you think it's smart to tick off the guy who's come up to discuss the consequences of your earlier misbehavior?"

Daniel shrugged.

"Well, you bang all you want. As long as you don't hurt yourself and don't knock a hole in the wall, I'm perfectly fine with it. It's kinda rhythmic. Sorta soothing."

That stopped the boy. "Geesh, do ya hafta ruin everything?"

Hiding a smile Brian got up and carried the desk chair over to the bed, turned it around and sat on it backwards, leaning his arms on top of the back of it. "Sit up, Danny. I want to have a talk with you and I want your attention for it." When Daniel didn't move right away he continued, "It's not a suggestion. Every bit of disobedience or disrespect you add now will be added to your punishment as well."

It got Daniel to sit up but the glare he shot at Brian could have killed the man on the spot, if looks could kill, that is. "Why do I hafta be punished at all? Or any more than you already did? You sent me to my room and I didn't get to watch television at all. And it's Saturday night! We always watch television and have popcorn. Bet you had popcorn without me."

The pout made him look like he was 10 years younger than he really was and Brian had to hide a grin again, "Yes we did. You needed time to think, not time to distract yourself. Saturday night with popcorn is a treat. Do you think you deserved a treat?"

"Why not? I behaved all day. Even at the store."

"Yes, you were a good help at the store, aside from the whole grocery list thing." He raised his eyebrows when he noticed Daniel was about to roll his eyes, "Uh uh…remember what I said." It did stop the eye roll and Brian continued, "and you were fine at the restaurant. But ever since we had lunch you've been moody. You've been picking fights with just about everyone. It's like you're looking for someone to have it out with, someone to give you the chance to have a real fight. If that's what you want…all you have to do is come to me and say you want a boxing match. I'm perfectly willing to give you some more lessons."

"I don't need more lessons."

"Okay, fine, but when you go around picking fights without being honest about wanting a fight, don't be mad when things don't exactly go your way."

"That makes no sense whatsoever."

"Makes perfect sense. You wanted to lash out…." Brian, too, had had time to think about the reason for Daniel's mood. "I think you're upset Adam's on a date. Now, either you begrudge your brother a bit of fun in his life or it's about the person he's on a date with."

Brian didn't get a verbal reaction, but the way Daniel's body suddenly slacked, like a deflated balloon, told him he'd hit the nail on its head. Now it was a matter of deciding which of the two it was. In fact, it wasn't too difficult. "I'm thinking you're not the kind of person to be angry that your older brother goes on a date for the first time in 6 years. The same older brother who would do anything for you boys. No, you're a good person. You'd never begrudge him that."

"Of course not," Daniel's mumble was hard to hear, but Brian did.

"Of course not," He nodded, "So it's the fact that he's dating your teaching. Or rather, is on a date with your teacher, to be precisely."

"Brian, it's embarrassing!" Figuring he'd said enough Brian waited now, hoping the boy would finally let it all out. "You bet everyone's gonna know. And they're gonna let me know it. They'll say she'll give me better grades so my brother likes her better and they're gonna call me teacher's pet. But in fact, it's gonna mean that everything I do is gonna get back to him. I'm gonna be in trouble all," the dragged out the word 'all', "the time. And to avoid being accused of favoritism she's gonna be tougher on me. It's not fair!"

"That's a whole lot of assumptions, don't you think? And very premature at that. I mean, this is a first date. They may not even like each other enough to go on a second one. And even if they do, she only teaches you one class, there are many more with many other teachers."

"Still."

"Still, it could happen. I'm not saying it couldn't…"

"You're not?" Daniel looked stunned.

"No, I'm not. It could happen. And if it does, it would be something to talk about."

Daniel was quiet now, clearly thinking it over.

"But yelling or picking fights with your brothers, or being disrespectful isn't going to win you points in a grown up discussion, do you think?"

"I guess not…"

"No, I guess not. The wise thing would be to go to Adam and tell him what you're concerned about. And I know he'll be fair and he'll listen. And he'll also try to find solutions if anything you're concerned about now would really happen. But when you do it in a way you've been doing today…kiddo, you know Adam. That kind of behavior only gets you in trouble. And for some reason it completely shuts down his hearing."

Daniel laughed a little, "Yeah, it sure does."

"So, wait it out. No sense worrying over something that hasn't happened yet."

"Okay." Daniel really meant it and his tone showed it.

"So…that leaves something else to discuss, doesn't it?"

Daniel's face fell and he suddenly felt his palms get a little sweaty. "I guess."

"Oh I don't guess, kiddo. That display downstairs…really? What were you trying to do?"

"Correct Guthrie's grammar?" It was a halfhearted attempt. Daniel knew he'd done more than that.

"Let's try the truth."

Studying the floor Daniel conceded, "I was trying to rile Adam."

"By worrying your baby brother."

"I didn't think about that."

"You should, kiddo. You're a lot older than Guthrie is. He's only 8 and he looks up to you. When you tell him something, he'll believe you. And even if you had really been trying to correct his grammar, that other part showed your real intentions. You were trying to embarrass Adam."

With a blush Daniel nodded. "Yeah."

"And it worked. You even hurt him."

"I did?"

"You did. He doesn't show it, but you did."

"Oh." The thought that he could actually hurt Adam was an odd one. It should have made him feel powerful, but it didn't. In fact, it made him uncomfortable.

"Do you know how nervous he was when he came downstairs?"

"But you teased him about that."

"Yeah, I did, but there's a difference between gentle, brotherly teasing and what you did. And as long as you don't know the difference, you have to be careful." Brian took Daniel's chin in his hand and held his gaze. "He was nervous. It's his first date in years and he is worried. His last date didn't go so well."

"I didn't know that."

"Of course not. You were only 8 at the time. But believe me when I say he was nervous tonight. In fact, I'd say he was terrified. Part of him wanted to back out. But he's too much of a gentleman to do that."

"But why my teacher, Brian? Of all the women he could date, why my teacher?"

"They clicked." Brian wasn't about to explain the clear physical attraction. "It was crystal clear. So I gave them a little push." He decided to steer the discussion back to Daniel's behavior. "So instead of being honest with Adam about your concerns, or be supportive of him when he was nervous to begin with, you decided to lash out at him, not only hurting him, but Guthrie as well."

"I'm sorry…" Daniel knew words were weak, but he hoped they could be a start.

"Now you are, but you never think about what your words cause when you do it, do you?"

Daniel shrugged again, "It's hard, Brian, to think when I feel like that. Then later…"

"Later you feel sorry, but then it's hard to back down. I know. Now, earlier you implied you didn't know you said something bad, something Guthrie shouldn't repeat. Getting lucky. Do you really need an explanation?" He had let go of Daniel's chin, but now took it again, firmly. "And honesty please."

Daniel swallowed, "I don't need an explanation."

"Then explain it to me."

"Aw Brian…"

"No, I want to make sure you do."

"Cause…cause it's about…" Daniel tried to turn his face away, but Brian had a good grip. There was no way to hide the blush that was creeping up, or the awkwardness of having to look into his brother's eyes when he said the word, "sex."

"Well, in a way, but sex isn't a bad word."

"Neither are the words getting lucky. You get lucky when you win the lottery, or when you didn't study for a test and the teacher is sick."

"Yeah, you'd be really lucky in that case, but don't count on stuff like that, kiddo."

"Of course not." But in fact, all kids did at times.

"So it's not the word sex, it's not about the literal words getting lucky. So why is it something I consider inappropriate?"

Daniel tried to find the words. He knew, but he didn't. And he didn't know how to explain either. Finally Brian put him out of his misery. "It's the context, kiddo. When you say it in the context of a guy going on a date, it relates to sex. And not in a nice way."

"But isn't that what you always…"

"Don't you go any further, buddy." Brian held up one hand to stop Daniel. "I am not telling you how my dates go. And I'm not sitting here allowing you to imply I treat girls badly."

"I…" Daniel stammered, "That's not…that's not what I meant…"

Brian sighed as he realized he'd been right and Daniel hadn't truly understood what he'd said. In a way he had, but he'd missed the real implication of the words. Brian wasn't one to skirt around topics, not even if that topic was sex. "I'm glad to hear that, kid, but it is kinda what you implied. You could say worse things and no, I'm not teaching you those. But this is bad enough." He let go of Daniel's chin and leaned on his arms again. "Let me see how I can explain this. For starters, Adam is going on a first date. So if he 'got lucky' as you call it, they would have sex on their first date." He had to almost grin as he watched Daniel's face go a little green at that. Brian had to admit he didn't like thinking about the fact that their parents had sex at least 7 times, because that was just…an uncomfortable thought. So Daniel probably felt the same about Adam. But the older brother had a lesson to teach here, "Daniel, nice girls usually don't have sex on their first date. Girls that do end up with their numbers on the walls in restrooms. So you saying he might 'get lucky', implied that your teacher isn't a decent girl, that anyone can just call her for a night of fun and 'getting lucky'. And what goes for girls also goes for guys. They, too, have a reputation to uphold. So not only did you say your teacher wasn't a nice girl, but neither is Adam."

Brian could tell his words were having an effect. "See how you hurt and embarrassed Adam? He was hurt you'd think that about him. And embarrassed that you'd say something like that about your teacher and himself."

"I'm sorry…" And Daniel truly was.

Brian figured it was enough of a lecture for now. He didn't want to get into the whole difference between sex and making love and how the words getting lucky related more to the former than the latter, because he'd feel even more of a hypocrite than he already did. In his own case, it was usually sex. Sure, he liked the girls, but they were seldom special. Not that it happened as often as Adam seemed to think. In fact, the opposite. Still, he'd only met one girl once that was special and she'd gone off to college while he stayed here with the family. Not that he regretted staying, but he had missed her for a long time. He forced his thoughts back to the conversation, "Now that you understand, will you ever say it again?"

"No sir!" Daniel didn't often call Brian sir when he didn't have to and so Brian knew it was very sincere.

"Good. And since you didn't fully understand what you were saying, I'll leave it at that. But if you ever disrespect a girl or woman, or your brother, like that again there will be consequences. Understood?"

"I understand, Brian. Honest…and I do mean honest," Daniel added knowing how his brothers felt about that particular word.

"I already explained to Guthrie that he shouldn't repeat it and why, although he got a slightly different explanation than you did."

"No kidding."

Brian reached over and cuffed him lightly, "Yeah, no kidding."

"So we good now?"

"We're good. But Daniel…" Daniel looked up in trepidation, "this attitude of yours needs to stop. This is not the first time this week it got you in trouble. So far the penalty was a loss of freedom. The next time you'll lose a little more. Clear?"

Daniel swallowed hard. Brian wasn't specific, but that made it worse. The teen would rather know exactly what he was facing. Usually Adam was the creative one when it came to punishments, not Brian. But when Brian did get creative, he was much, much worse than Adam. Still, the threat could also mean a more physical punishment (he couldn't allow himself to even think the word spanking) and that might be worse. Realizing Brian was waiting for an answer the teen nodded, "Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, go brush your teeth and get ready for bed. I need to check if your brothers are in bed and then I'll come check on you."

"You don't have to, you know. I mean, Guthrie still likes to be tucked in, but I'm 14, I'm not a little kid anymore."

"Aww…you're telling me you don't want a bedtime story? I'm hurt!" Brian laughed as he put the chair back in its usual spot at the desk, "I know I don't have to. But I want to. Sometimes I think Adam still checks on me! Can you imagine?" He winked at Daniel and then gave the boy a quick hug, "Now, off you go."

With a tap on the backside he sent the dark haired teenager off and then went to check on Evan and Ford. He was very pleased to find them in bed already. He couldn't resist pulling up the blanket a little higher on Ford, basically tucking him in. "Night, buddy." But Ford was barely awake enough to hear or feel the kiss on the top of his head.

Evan was still awake and lying on his side watching Brian. "Time to go to sleep, buddy," he told the boy as he walked over to Evan as well. When there were others around Evan pretended he was too old for hugs, but when he was in bed he still liked to be fussed over just a little and Brian was only happy to oblige. He fussed a little with the blanket and ruffled his hair, "You worked well with Diablo today, kiddo. I'm real proud of you for that."

It made the boy smile. "Thanks, Brian. He's so great though. He doesn't even need me."

"Oh he does…you two make a great team." Unable to resist Brian leaned over and kissed Evan on the top of his head just like he'd done Ford. Evan pulled a face, but didn't protest, just snuggled under the blankets a bit more. "Night, kiddo."

"Night, Brian."

"I had a really good time," Adam pulled over in front of Emily's house. He was almost sad to see the evening end.

"You sound surprised," Emily teased, willing to postpone the minute of getting out of the car for a few more moments.

"Well, I will admit I was a bit nervous. I told you it had been a while since I was on a date."

"Well, that's not so strange all things considered."

"Yeah, too busy and…," Adam hesitated, "My life had changed so much that I found it hard to relate to girls my age. You're different."

Emily smiled, "I should hope so! I'd hate to think I'm like the school girls you dated."

"Oh you're far from a school girl, more like a schoolmarm," It was Adam's turn to tease and he was rewarded with a playful punch against his arm.

"You keep it up and I'll show you how mean a schoolmarm can be."

"Sounds…interesting," Adam grinned. "But seriously, I'd like to go out with you again some time, if you'd like."

"Well, of course I'd have to check my agenda and check with my people, might have to wash my hair."

"And I might have to sort out my sock drawer."

"See? We are very busy people…"

"Absolutely."

"I guess it all depends…"

"On what?" Adam wondered what she was up to.

"Well, on whether you're gentleman enough to walk me to my door, which I think you will, considering the fact you've been a real gentleman all evening, and…on how well you kiss when we reach the porch and you kiss me."

"I guess I've got a test to pass then."


	8. Chapter 8

Another huge thank you to those that left a review and those that send me private messages. Thank you to fiction is life for telling others outside about this. That makes me feel very humble.

Hope everyone likes this chapter as well. It was only partly planned, but sometimes that happens when you're writing.

Chapter 8

A scratching sound at the door caused Brian to shoot up to a sitting position. His first instinct was to check whether Guthrie was still asleep. Brian had only just pulled out the sofa when his little brother had found his way downstairs and sleepily crawled under the blankets. Now the younger boy was vast asleep, thank goodness. Next, Brian slipped out and reached for the rifle in the cabinet.

Then he heard grumbling outside, grumbling in an awful familiar voice and he grinned. Leaving the rifle where it was Brian made his way to the door, unlocked it and opened it. "What time do you call this, mister?!" He thought it was a pretty good impression of Adam's own tone and voice, which in turn was very alike their own dad as Adam matured.

"What the…" Adam rolled his eyes, "Why'd you lock the door when you know I'm out?"

Brian grinned, "Hmm I seem to remember a certain older brother doing that to me a few weeks ago. Not so fun now the shoe's on the other foot, is it?"

"You came home drunk at 2 am. I'm home by midnight, sober."

"Ah…but according to our younger brother Evan your curfew and bedtime is a quarter past 11, young man, so you're late. Hmm what would a fitting punishment be?"

"Huh?" Adam walked past Brian and the younger man closed and locked the door again. "What on earth did I miss?"

"Oh nothing, just a very interesting technique in stalling. Didn't work, but I have to give the boy extra points for trying. It was a good night here. We can survive without you for a few hours, as you see." He leaned in the kitchen doorway now watching Adam take a class of milk, "Much more important is the question how your evening was…"

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." Adam put the carton back in the fridge.

"Ah so there was kissing involved. Good to know you still know how that works. Or did she have to give you some lessons first?"

"I don't need any lessons, thank you very much."

Deciding not to tease any further Brian became more serious, "So you had a good night?"

"Yeah, it was a good band," It was Adam's turn to tease.

"And good company."

"Yeah, that too…," Emptying the glass Adam hid a secret smile, "that too."

"So you still mad at me for giving you that little push?"

Adam sighed, "Oh I wanted to throttle you. Be glad you're not Daniel's age."

"Yeah you were pretty peeved."

"But no, I'm not mad anymore."

"In that case…a thank you would be nice."

"Don't push it, buddy. It was still a rotten thing to do."

Brian laughed out loud, "Even if it worked out well."

"Even if it worked out well. I like her."

"I'm happy for you. Adam, you deserve to be happy. To go out and have fun. To have a girlfriend."

"Daniel didn't seem too happy about it." Daniel's words were still ringing in Adam's mind.

"Ah don't mind him. He's just worried because it's his teacher. He's afraid you're gonna hear every bit of mischief now and he thinks the other kids might tease him. We had a good talk about it."

"Wish Crane was here."

"Yeah, well, he'd probably tell us there was much more to this, some deeper hidden fear, but honest, Adam, I talked with him and he's fine. If something happens at school he'll talk to you or me and we'll sort it out. And he's mighty sorry he hurt you tonight."

"Still can't believe he'd think I'm the kind of guy who sleeps with every pretty girl."

"Like me, you mean."

Adam looked shocked, "No, I didn't mean that and I didn't say that. I'm just hurt that he thinks that, that's all."

"He didn't know that that's what he was saying. Adam, he hears things, he uses words, but he doesn't know the impact of them, the implication of what he's saying. I set him straight and now, well, you know Daniel, he'll try to make it up to you, at least apologize."

"That would be nice." Adam stifled a yawn, he wasn't used to staying up this late. But he knew there was something else he needed to address. There was a nagging feeling that he was leaving something important unsaid. But he was too tired to think. "Well, considering it's apparently 45 minutes past my bedtime, I'd best head up."

"Morning comes early…"

As Adam passed the sofa he stopped and looked down on the sleeping 8-year-old, "If you'd rather he slept in his own bed you know that's fine, don't you?"

Brian shrugged, "It's fine. I guess he got so used to sleeping in my bed when he was little that it's become a habit. I don't mind." He'd never admit it, but he kinda liked having his baby brother close by, to keep an eye on him. "Besides, it gives everyone upstairs a bit more room."

Adam sighed, "You don't have to sleep here either. You've always had a bed upstairs."

"I know…I like this better. I'm the gate keeper."

"Well, gate keeper, I'll leave you to it. Night."

Brian slipped back under the covers as Adam made his way upstairs, "Night." But sleep didn't come easy. Not wanting to wake Guthrie Brian tried not to move around too much, so he listened to the sound of the clock ticking the minutes of the night away hoping it would lull him to sleep. It didn't work. It wasn't until Guthrie turned in his sleep and draped his arm over his big brother's chest that Brian felt his body relax a little. He placed his hand over Guthrie's and closed his eyes, finally drifting off.

* * *

"Give it back, Trevor!" Guthrie shot to his feet as the older boy snatched the marble out of the ring.

"Won it fair and square," Trevor taunted, "Sure's a beaut."

"You didn't win anything! You cheated." Guthrie glared, although behind the glare the tears were threatening.

"I did not cheat. The way you play I don't have to." Holding the marble above his head the boy continued, "If you want it so badly…try and get it."

Guthrie did try to snatch it from his hand by jumping up, but missed and frustrated he stomped his foot, "You're being mean."

"Right! You only got to play cause you're a bully and now you're a cheat too," Bobby, a friend from his own grade, agreed, "Give it back, you cheat."

"Nah, I think I'll keep this." Trevor studied it, "I kinda like it."

"It's MINE!"

Trevor pushed him aside and started to walk off. Realizing Guthrie was about to attack to older boy Bobby held him back, "It's not worth it, Guthrie. He'll eat you for lunch. And then you'll have a black eye at least and you still don't have your marble back."

"But it's mine. It's not fair."

"Just ask Santa for new ones."

Trevor was still close enough to hear and he snorted, "Yeah, ask Santa for new ones….you two are such babies."

"I'm not a baby!"

"You are if you still believe in Santa. Must be because ya don't have any parents. They would have set ya straight by now about the whole deal."

And at that Guthrie lost it. Despite Bobby's attempts to hold him back Guthrie launched himself at the 12-year-old. He got at least a good punch in before the boy fought back. It was an unequal and unfair fight, of course, but Guthrie would have happily struggled on if it wasn't for the strong hand that suddenly lifted him off the ground by the scruff of his neck. It wasn't until he was on his feet that he noticed that a whole crowd had gathered around them. Trevor was restrained as well, but still struggling.

"Alright, show's over!" Mister Williams called out, "Recess is over." He gave Guthrie a little shake and with a glance at his colleague, said, "And you two can explain to the principal what on earth happened here!"

* * *

"Come on, Guthrie, over here!" Brian called out from the truck.

Guthrie looked a little startled seeing the truck. "What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like, squirt? Picking you and your brothers up. Had an errand to run in town, the tractor broke down again, and figured I might as well save you all some time with all those stops."

"Oh." Usually, Guthrie would be happy to have ride home, it did save a lot of time, but today he wasn't in any hurry to get home.

"Come on, hurry up, need to pick up your brothers too." Trying not to wonder why Guthrie was dragging his heels Brian just opened the passenger door and waited until the boy was seated. "What's with the long face, kiddo?"

"Nothing."

"Hmm…bad grade?"

"There's nothing, Brian, honest."

There was that word again: honest. But he let it go for now, figuring whatever was bothering the boy would come out eventually.

Minutes later all four boys were in and the family was on its way back to the ranch.

"Are there any brownies left, Brian?" They weren't even home yet and Ford was already thinking about snacking.

"Nope."

"Ah boy, I was looking forward to them."

"Then you should have left some. You had the last one last night."

"Oh yeah," Ford conceded. He looked through the back window at Evan and Daniel in the bed of the truck. "But they had some too."

"Not saying you ate them all, but since you had the last one, you should know there aren't any left."

"Yeah…I guess…you could have made some though." Ford was seldom lost for ideas.

Brian nodded, as if he contemplated that idea, "Yes, I guess I could have. If someone had brought their laundry down to the laundry room like they were supposed to, and had cleaned the bathroom like they're supposed to, yes, I might have had some extra time then, but now I had to pick the clothes off the bathroom floor and your bedroom floor before I could do the laundry. Not to mention the state of the bathroom."

Ford had the decency to blush, "I would have done it after school."

"You were supposed to do it before school."

"I know. I'm sorry, Brian."

"You need to stop being sorry and start doing your chores better, buddy. You're 12 now. It's just making sure the sink and faucet are wiped down right away, towels on the rack or in the hamper. It's not like we expect a whole lot. But it has to be done. If you don't wipe it down it gets harder and harder to clean."

"it's not just me that uses it," Ford offered a small protest.

"No, it's not, but this week it's your turn and it's not to standard. And it was your clothes I was picking up off the floor. So guess what? There'll be no treat for you when we get home. Instead of that I've got a little list of chores that need to be done before you go to bed today. If that means no tv or playing games, so be it. But you will do your homework." Of course he'd made sure it was a manageable list, but one that would keep the easily distracted boy busy for a bit. He almost felt sorry for the blonde when he saw the crestfallen face. He had a feeling it wasn't so much the extra work as having to miss his snack and time with his brothers to play. "I know you don't like it, kiddo, but hopefully you'll remember from now on."

"Yes, Brian," Ford felt he was too old to cry over a little lecture, but within two minutes his great day had turned into a horrible, miserable day.

Brian sighed and concentrated on driving. Maybe he should have left it till they were home. Now he had two quiet boys in the cabin. The silence was deafening. One glance sideways told him they were both on the verge of crying. Goodness, how did mom and dad do this? He remembered a day where all 7 of them had been in trouble, even little Guthrie, who had only been a toddler had finally pushed mom too far. If mom and dad could survive that day, surely he could survive this day.

As he pulled into the yard he was pleased to see last weekend's lesson in town had stuck with the older two as both Evan as Daniel waited until the truck was completely stopped before jumping out. "Alright...snacks, chores, homework everyone. I need to get this part to Adam so we can get the tractor back up running. It'd be great if you guys could help with the rest of the chores. This tractor really put us behind. Ford, your list is on the kitchen table. Make sure it's done well. I'll be checking." He didn't wait to see if he was obeyed, but made his way over to Adam who was working on the tractor. He didn't even have to look at the man to see he wasn't happy. Made sense. They'd had a lot of plans for the day and the tractor breaking down really had set them back.

"Found it. Hope this works."

"Where the hell have you been?" Adam got to his feet and slowly pushed his open coat back and placed his hands in his side. "Doesn't take that long to drive to town and back."

"Whoah, partner, no need to start yelling at me."

"What was it this time? Or should I say, who was it? You just happened to see Marcy and you just had to offer her a cup of coffee? Or oh no…you ran into Frank and you decided one beer wouldn't hurt while you chatted up some new girl in town."

"Hey!" he angrily shoved the new part in Adam's hands. "You and your damn assumptions all the time. I get that you're frustrated. I get that today didn't work out as it should have. But that doesn't give you the right to take it out on me. Wanna know what took so long? The hardware store didn't have it. So I had to drive a bit further. By the time I drove back through Murphys I figured I might as well pick the boys up and get them here sooner, so they might be able to help with the regular chores while we finish this. Does that meet your approval, boss?"

If Brian wasn't so frustrated he would have laughed at the sudden deflated look, it was like someone had let the air out of his brother, "Oh…yeah, I didn't know that."

"No, you didn't. And so you just assumed stuff. Don't do that anymore, Adam. You know me better than that."

"Yeah, I know…I'm sorry, really sorry. Between this piece of machine, being tired already, and a phone call from Guthrie's principal I just about had it for today."

"Apology accepted…wait a minute," the last bit of information suddenly clicked, "a phone call from Guthrie's principal…might that explain his silence on the way home?"

Adam had put the part down and brushed his hands off on an old rag, "It might. He's supposed to have a note for me. They wanted to make sure I got it."

"So you don't even know what happened yet."

"Not completely. Just that he got in a fight."

"A fight?!" Brian couldn't imagine their little brother getting in fights in school. Not that it should surprise him. Guthrie was a McFadden after all. But so far, Guthrie had stayed away from fights. Of course, until this year, he had an older brother in school with him to stick up for him. Much to his dismay. "He got paddled?" It didn't happen often anymore in school, but fighting on school grounds was still cause for a paddling. The thought of his baby brother getting a paddling at school made him feel sick.

"Yeah, I know, I can't even let my mind go there. Sure, he's been in trouble with us a few times, but at school? It breaks my heart."

"It makes me sick. I know he shouldn't fight…and I know it didn't kill us…but this is Guthrie…"

Suddenly Adam realized he hadn't answered the question, "Sorry, no, no…he didn't. Not sure why. The letter will explain."

Brian studied Adam's face for a moment, "So….are you going in and demand to see that letter?"

"No," Adam said carefully, "I'm going to give him a chance to give it to me voluntarily."

Brian nodded, recognizing the strategy, "I figured. I hope he won't take as long as you did that one time."

Adam shuddered, "No one's as dumb as that."

Laughing, Brian slapped Adam on the back, "Your words, brother, your words." Then he glanced at the tractor, "Wanna try and get it working now?"

"Might as well. If we do it now we can get an early start tomorrow."

"Oh goodie…early starts. My favorites."

* * *

"Barn chores are done," Daniel stood at the sink washing his hands when Brian and Adam came in. "Guthrie and I did them. Evan started supper."

"So I see. Thanks, guys, that means a lot that you covered our word. We got the tractor fixed so we can try and catch up on our work tomorrow." Adam joined Daniel at the sink. "I feel like I should get a shower instead of just washing my hands."

"Well, there's time. You've been under that tractor for hours. So go and shower. I'll just wash up and help Evan finish supper." Brian pushed Adam away from the sink and winked at Daniel, "Looks like Evan could use a hand."

"Hey, I got the potatoes in the oven and Ford made a salad. Just the pork chops left."

"Well, perfect timing then," Brian washed his hands while Adam made his way upstairs, grateful for the opportunity to shower. "You did well, Ev, thanks. Ford, you too, the salad looks great."

"It was on the chore list," Ford stated softly.

"Yes, it was," Brian agreed.

"As was unloading the laundry and folding it."

"Right. And you did that? All folded neatly?"

"Uh huh," Ford nodded. "You can check if you want."

"I think I trust you."

"Thanks," Ford still kept his eyes on his older brother.

"Something on your mind, champ?"

"They were just regular chores. Stuff that had to be done today. But that you didn't have time for."

"Hmm hmm."

"So I just made up the time that you lost today."

"That was the idea yes."

"I'm sorry you had so much to do today." Ford suddenly found himself studying the floor. He finally got the message. "We all have to work together. If I don't do my jobs someone else has to work harder."

Brian felt his chest swell to twice its size, at least, that's what it felt like. In two big steps he was close enough to pull Ford in a fierce hug, "That's exactly it. I am so proud of you, buddy, so incredibly proud."

"I don't feel so proud. I shouldn't have done it…I won't slack again, Brian, I promise."

"It's okay, kiddo, really, we all make mistakes and we forget things. I know you're not lazy. In fact, you're a hard worker. You just get distracted easily. But I think you made a huge step today. And so I really am proud."

"I won't forget again."

"Alright, then enough said. Why don't you get the pork chops from the fridge or they'll never get cooked."

Adam's shower had been quick, but refreshing, and by the time he got downstairs his brothers were finishing setting the table. "Looks great!"

"Team effort!" Evan grinned as he slipped into his seat.

"So I heard. Proud of you, boys."

"It was fun. Even if I'd rather have worked with Diablo."

Adam laughed at Evan's words, "I'm sorry, buddy, tomorrow, I promise."

"It's okay, chores come first. And homework."

"I got mine done at school," Daniel scooped a large amount of oven roasted potatoes on his plate. "No math's today. Toa…I mean, Mister Quackenburg, was ill."

"Good catch, mister," Adam couldn't help pointing out. He really didn't like all the nicknames the kids came up with for their teachers, but couldn't deny that Brian and he had done the same thing. They had both had this Math's teacher as well and the nickname Toady seemed to still be around. "So did you have to stay inside during that period?"

"Yeah, they had us sit in the cafeteria so they could keep an eye on us. Figured I might as well do my homework."

"Smart thinking."

Daniel gave a little smile, "What else was there to do?"

"Ford and Evan, much homework?"

"Not much, but I got a history test tomorrow," Evan swallowed a huge bite of pork chop before speaking, remembering his manners for a change, "But I studied on Sunday, so it shouldn't take too much time."

"Well, I can quiz you if you'd like," Brian looked at Guthrie, who was just pushing his food around. "Something wrong with the food, Guth?"

"No, it's fine."

"Then why are you playing with it instead of eating?"

"Just not hungry, Brian," To prove that he was trying Guthrie pricked his fork in a piece of cucumber and brought it to his mouth.

"Hmm you're not getting sick, are you?" Adam reached over and felt the boy's forehead, only to have his hand pushed away.

"I'm not sick, Adam."

"Okay, if you say so. Any homework?"

The boy nearly choked on his cucumber, "Just a bit." He coughed and took a sip of milk. Then he focused on his plate again and the fine art of pushing potatoes around.

While drinking some water Brian glanced at Adam. He hoped the man wouldn't leave this too long. Guthrie was clearly suffering. Adam, on the other hand, wanted to give Guthrie the opportunity to come clean himself, without being confronted. Hard as it was, he'd feel better in the end the older brother knew.

"Do you need help with your homework, Guth?" The oldest McFadden tried.

"I can do it."

"Okay….so now that we got that all covered…and since you already know Brian and I had a rotten day…how was yours?"

"No math's, I was happy," Daniel grinned.

"It was school," Evan shrugged, "But lunch was fun." That made them all laugh.

"And how was your day, Ford? It seemed you were in a good mood when I picked you up," Brian hadn't missed how the boy's mood had immediately shifted when he'd been scolded.

Ford's face broke out in a grin, "Got an A+ for science."

"An A+? Wow!" Adam looked suitably impressed, "I'd say that calls for something good for dessert."

"Oh and where are you gonna get that?" Brian challenged, "Brownies are gone, I didn't bake anything..."

"Oh ye of little faith," Adam grinned, "you leave that to me. There is enough to make my special Adam's messy cake."

"Oh God," Brian groaned. "It's gonna make a mess!" But the boys were already cheering. Well, two of them were and they were loud. But not loud enough for the oldest two to miss the fact that neither Ford nor Guthrie was cheering. "Ford? Don't you want dessert?"

"You said no treat today," the boy looked like he was about to cry and Brian rolled his eyes.

"That was about the after school snack. Nothing to do with dessert, certainly not when it's your own treat for doing so well in science."

"Oh," A smile broke through now. "In that case…" and the boy whooped.

One down, one to go. But Adam beat Brian to it, "You don't sound excited either, Guth. Are you sure you're not feeling ill?"

"I'm sure, Adam. I'm just not hungry."

"Not even in Adam's messy cake?"

Guthrie slowly shook his head, but by then everyone had gone quiet, noticing the tears that were slowly dripping down the boy's cheeks.

"Guthrie, whatever it is, it can't be that bad that you can't tell me," Adam encouraged. Part of him wanted to put the boy out of his misery, but he knew from personal experience that there was a lesson to be learned here. 8 was old enough to learn it, even if he could tell Brian didn't completely agree.

The boy simply shook his head, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Guthrie was in his usual seat next to Brian, but Adam held out an arm inviting him. "Surely you know. Come here," he caught himself before he called his brother baby, knowing that would truly insult him. "kiddo." Before he finished speaking the kid was in his arms already. "Hey…are you sure it's that bad?" A nod against his chest was his answer. Adam motioned to the rest to finish their supper and they quietly did. "I doubt it. I promise I'll listen to you. I won't jump to conclusions." If he'd looked around he would have noticed a few hidden smirks and knowing faces. They had all been on the receiving end of those conclusions at times.

"You'll get mad." Adam had a hard time hearing Guthrie's words, but rubbed his back hoping to calm the boy down. For some reason, he knew that there was more behind this than just being worried over being in trouble.

"Well, all I can say is that it's usually never as bad as you fear it will be."

"This time it will be."

"Okay, take a deep breath now and just blurt it out. You'll feel better, I promise."

"He's right, Guth," Daniel stepped into his big-brother shoes and tried to help his brother, "I always thought he'd kill me, but he hasn't yet. And he won't. He can't help you if you don't tell him."

Well, hallelujah, Brian thought, some of those words were finally sinking in. But he kept his opinion to himself.

Guthrie kept his face hidden, but pulled away from Adam. He walked to the living room and returned with an envelope. He didn't look at anyone, not wanting to see their faces. He would have seen surprise and maybe slight amusement. Not because they thought it was funny that Guthrie was in trouble. But they'd all had a note home every now and then, trust Guthrie to think it was a big drama. Of course, the boys didn't know what was in the letter.

Adam waited until Guthrie handed him the envelope and then slowly opened it, taking the letter out. He took his time reading it. "Do you know what's in here?"

Guthrie shrugged, "I guess."

"So….why don't you tell me?"

"I got into a fight."

"Yes, that's what it says here. But I'm pretty sure you didn't just walk up to someone and started punching."

"You started a fight, Guthrie?" Adam wasn't sure if it was surprise or admiration in Evan's voice, but he didn't like it.

"Did you, Guthrie?" He looked at his youngest brother. "You started it?"

Guthrie nodded, "Is that what the note says?"

"Doesn't matter what the note says, Guthrie, I want your story. Your side."

"I started it." A collective gasp followed the words.

"And why? With whom?"

Guthrie shrugged, "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does!" Adam tried not to sound exasperated, but it was hard, "I can't believe you would just start punching. Something must have happened." He decided the boy needed a little help or they'd be there all evening, "It says here the other boy is 12 and a head taller than you are."

"Trevor. He was kept behind last year," Guthrie explained.

"Trevor Manning?" Ford's eyes grew wide. "You fought Trevor Manning?" At Guthrie's nod, Ford looked at Adam, "Trevor's a bully, a big bully! He's the same guy I got in a fight with last year. Remember?"

"I remember….didn't know this was the same guy," Adam thought for a moment. "Was he teasing you? Bullying you?"

"I guess…we were just shooting marbles and he came and started playing too even if we didn't want him to. He said we couldn't stop him. And he cheated. And then he took my big marble. And…and….then he called me and Bobby babies. And he..he….he said….he said I was a baby cause mommy and daddy are dead…."

You could have heard a pin drop, each McFadden in his own personal hell. Then Adam pulled Guthrie in a tight hug again. "Oh Guthrie…that was a mean thing to say."

"I'm not a baby!"

It caused a nervous laughter at the table and it broke through the collective sadness. "No, you're not," Adam agreed.

"You're pretty darn tough to take Trevor on, Guth!" Ford praised and Guthrie managed a little smile.

"Don't encourage him, Ford. I know it was brave, but it wasn't smart, Guth," Adam scolded, "For one, he's much bigger than you and you could have gotten hurt. I'm amazed you are not hurt."

"It didn't last long….he hit my side though."

"I'll check you over later. But Guth, it is also against the school rules. Now, your principal seems to think you were provoked and because Trevor is so much bigger she is leaving it at lunch detention for three days, which is pretty darn nice of her. You do know she could have paddled you for this, right? Even if you were provoked."

Guthrie looked sick, "Now everyone's gonna think I'm a baby because I wasn't paddled."

"Oh you want a paddling?" Adam looked as stern as he'd ever looked at their baby brother and the boy cringed.

"No, no I don't, Adam."

"Smart answer." Adam slowly folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. "See? I didn't get mad. I didn't yell. You're still in one piece."

"But I'm in trouble, right?"

"You bet you are. But nothing that you won't survive. Go on…finish your supper, so I can do the same before it's totally cold. And then I'll whip up some magic dessert. Then while your brothers clean up my mess," He grinned at the others before turning back to Guthrie, "You and I will have a little talk about holding your temper after which I'll sign this note."

"A talk or a talk?" Guthrie couldn't help asking.

"Eat your supper, kiddo," Was Adam's only answer and Guthrie figured that was answer enough.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews and PM's. I wish there was a way to reply to guest reviews, but know that I'm incredibly grateful for your words.I'm so glad that people feel I've captured the McFaddens well. And rest assured, they will all continue to have their own place in this tale!

Well, on with the story.

Chapter 9

Adam's messy cake dessert did its name proud. It consisted of a slice of pound cake topped with ice cream, chocolate sauce, raspberry sauce, whipped cream, crunched Oreo cookies (or any other cookie if they were out of Oreos) and any fruit they happened to have, raspberries this time. It was a mess, especially because he liked to squirt the sauce on from a height and swirl it around a bit too much.

Adam fondly remembered the first time he'd made it. Guthrie hadn't even been born yet, Brian was on a sleepover and their parents were out for a few hours leaving Adam to babysit the little guys. They'd already had supper, early, but the kids were begging for dessert. So Adam had dug into the pantry, found everything he liked when it came to sweets, got ice cream from the freezer, and under loud cheering he had gone to work. They all loved it. Of course, he hadn't cleaned up after himself and so mom had given him an earful about making a mess and feeding his brothers all that sweet stuff before bedtime. Ever since that night, whenever their parents were out, Adam had made them Adam's messy cake. The only thing he'd changed was the cleaning up afterwards, making sure the kitchen was spotless.

Despite the fact that Guthrie was in trouble, they all devoured their treat, even Guthrie himself. It proved to Adam he'd been right. The anxiety over having to tell Adam about the note had been too much, but now that the truth was out, the boy placed his trust in his older brother and guardian. Adam was sure there were still a few knots in his brother's stomach, but they didn't keep him from enjoying his dessert. The amount of trust in that made Adam feel very humble.

When everyone was about done the oldest looked at Brian and without having to ask Brian got to his feet, "Come on, guys, let's get this mess cleaned up. It's great stuff, but Adam sure knows how to be messy…."

"No kidding…," Ford started to collect the plates while Daniel got started on washing the dishes already in the sink.

"I'll clean the table," Evan got up and got a rag. Within seconds the kitchen was buzzing with activity allowing Adam to quietly slip out with Guthrie.

Guthrie was quiet as they walked up the stairs. He didn't fight Adam, but seemed subdued. Not that Adam felt it wasn't natural for the boy to be a little subdued under the circumstances. He definitely preferred it over Daniel stomping up the stairs the last time he'd had to have a 'talk' with him. But it was hard to see the normally lively and cheerful boy so quiet.

"Alright, kiddo," Adam opened the door to Guthrie's bedroom, not that the boy ever spent a full night there. When their parents had been alive Guthrie had been the only one with a bedroom of his own: the nursery. There were 5 bedrooms, so the remaining three bedrooms were shared by the other six sons: Ford and Evan, Crane and Daniel, Adam and Brian. It had taken Adam some time, but eventually he'd moved into their parents' bedroom. Originally it was meant to give Brian his own space. Brian had not slept in his own bed since the day they had heard the news and Adam had wondered if him moving into mom and dad's room might entice his younger brother back into his room. He knew that he himself used the quiet time at night to cry his own tears, tears he couldn't shed during the day because he was too busy comforting his brothers. He figured Brian, too, needed that private time.

It hadn't worked. Sure, Brian had thanked him and pretended to sleep there. But one night, Adam had come downstairs to find Brian on the pull out couch again, cuddling with a sleeping Guthrie. The two oldest boys had exchanged nothing but a long look and Adam had given up. They joked about Brian being the gate keeper, but Adam wondered if that wasn't what Brian really was doing: keeping the house and its inhabitants safe. In the only way he could think of. And Guthrie had naturally found his spot there, since being alone in the nursery had made him cry through the night.

The nursery had been transformed into a little boy's room as Guthrie grew older, the cot making place for a real big boy's bed. Soon he'd grow out of the room, but Adam wasn't sure moving him into the bigger room next door would ever work. He'd leave it for now.

"Why don't you change into your jammies, you'll be more comfortable," Adam knew he was stalling and he knew he shouldn't. Any stalling on his part would cause anxiety in his baby brother.

Guthrie shrugged. He preferred his jeans actually. They seemed a more sensible outfit for what he thought was about to happen. They offered more protection and were less likely to be pulled down. "Do I hafta?"

Adam studied the little boy for a moment and then nodded, "Yes, you have to. It makes it easier for me to check your side. And when we're done, you'll need to get your homework done and then you're off to bed anyway."

"I don't get to go downstairs anymore?" Tears filled Guthrie's eyes. "I didn't say goodnight yet."

"Shh," Adam kicked himself. Sometimes it was easier to punish the teenagers. At least they didn't tear at his heart strings as much. Then again, they usually did anyway. "Let's not make this harder than it has to be, champ. Put your pj's on and we'll talk."

"I don't like your talks." But Guthrie did start taking off his shirt.

"No, I don't suppose you do. I don't like them either."

"You don't?"

"No, I really don't. In fact, I hate them."

As he pulled his pajama top down Guthrie looked at Adam with innocent eyes, "You don't have to do it."

It made Adam smile and that helped against the somersaults in his own stomach, "I wish I didn't, Guth, but I'd do a really bad job raising you if I didn't."

"How come?"

Adam waited until Guthrie had finished changing and then sat down on the boy's bed. Pulling him over he stood Guthrie between his legs. "Because it is my job to teach you things." As he spoke he lifted Guthrie's top a little to check the boy's sides, not finding any bruising, just a bit of red skin. That was a relief at least.

"You do a real good job, Adam. You always do."

"I'm glad you think that, but sometimes teaching you isn't all that fun." He took Guthrie's hands in his own. "For either of us. But I love you and that sometimes means doing things that aren't fun."

"I'm sorry," Guthrie studied his hands in Adam's.

"Can you look me in the eye?" Adam waited, but it seemed Guthrie was unable to do it and so he freed one hand and tipped Guthrie's chin raising his head until their eyes met. "We need to talk about what happened, buddy. You attacked someone. Now, I'm not saying Trevor wasn't mean to you, I'm not saying you didn't have a right to be mad at him, but I know you know what you should have done…." A small nod against Adam's hand followed, "well?" Adam prompted.

"Tell a teacher."

The small voice broke Adam's heart already, but he continued, "Yes, exactly. You know they would have handled it. There is always a teacher outside during recess, so there's no excuse not to."

"But…but he just got me really mad."

"Hmm mmm, I know he did. And it was really mean of him. And being older and bigger than you, even if he hadn't been as mean as he was, he shouldn't have fought back. That's why he did get paddled."

"He did?" Guthrie's eyes bulged. "But I started it."

"It wasn't his first fight. Your principal knows her students. I'm sure she knows he's a bully. And I'm sure she knows how to handle it. But you didn't give her much of a chance today."

"I guess not."

"No, I guess not. And since you did, you broke the rules. Right?"

"Uh huh, but I didn't mean to…"

Adam sighed thinking about the many times he had uttered those words as a kid and about the number of times he'd heard them himself. Too often to count. "And that's the problem, buddy. You didn't mean to break the rules, you just got mad and reacted and started punching. That's the biggest problem here, Guth, and I think you know it. When you just let your temper get the better of you and start punching bad things can happen. Not just in consequences from me or others, which get worse as you get older. But you can't just punch someone because you're mad. You could get hurt yourself. Or you could really hurt someone else. What if Kevin had been a younger boy who said something that mean? And you could have really pummeled him? Hmm? You might have really hurt him. I can't let that happen, kid. You can't let that happen. I need you to start thinking."

"I will, I promise!" Guthrie was still forced to look Adam in the eye and it gave Adam a good look in those sincere, innocent eyes.

"I know you mean that promise, but next time you get mad I need you to remember that promise."

"I'll remember! I'll really remember, Adam." The boy still held out hope of getting out of being punished, but his brother's face made that hope fade very quickly.

"Well, I have to do what I think is right. And I think it's right to help you remember next time. I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt in a fight with a big boy like that again because you got mad without meaning to. I love you, Guthrie, and I have to keep you safe."

"I'm really sorry, Adam," The churning feeling in his stomach had returned. He didn't know it matched Adam's own churning stomach. "I don't want to worry you. Or hurt you."

"I don't want to hurt you either, but I'd rather you felt a little bit of pain now than end up really hurt in a fight or hurting someone else." With his hand still on Guthrie's face he stretched out his thumb to brush the tears on the left side away. "What'd'ya say we get this over with?" He felt the nod more than he saw it. "You're getting a spanking for this, I'm sure you figured that out, right?" Another nod against his hand while more tears fell.

"Are you gonna use the…the…"

"The hairbrush? No, I think my hand can do the job just fine. You got in a fight, you didn't lie about it, I didn't have to ask you for the note."

"You knew?"

"Yes, kiddo, I knew. Your principal called me."

"Oh…"

"Remember that in future and save yourself a lot of worrying over when to tell me. As quickly as possible is usually the best for your stomach."

"No kidding!" The heartfelt expression almost made Adam laugh again.

"But, like I said, you told me yourself. That was very brave. And you didn't lie. And you were provoked. So I think my hand will work."

"Your hand hurts plenty."

"I'm sure it does….now, enough talking, kiddo." Adam patted his left knee.

"Do you..I mean…do I have to…"

Knowing exactly what Guthrie was asking Adam shook his head, "Not this time." He was certain his hand could do enough damage over the thin pajama bottoms anyway. He watched Guthrie swallow hard and for a second wondered if he had made the right choice letting the boy find his own moment to bend over. Maybe he should have simply taken his arm and pulled him over. But the next second Guthrie bravely lowered himself over Adam's left knee. "Good boy….now, I'm not giving you a number like I did last time with the brush. We'll just see how it goes."

"'Kay," Guthrie's breath hitched and Adam knew it wouldn't take long for the boy to start sobbing.

He pulled his little brother slightly forward, causing the feet to leave the floor and he knew Guthrie was quickly grabbing a handful of his bedspread and burying his face in it as well, because the sound was suddenly muffled. Looking down on the twitching bottom Adam had to swallow a lump away. This never got any easier. "Ready?" He knew there was no real answer to that question, he'd always cursed it as a child. You were never really ready. But now that he'd been in this position himself, he knew why dad had always asked it. He didn't want to take the kid by surprise, give him a little warning it was starting.

"Uh huh," Guthrie's voice was barely audible, but it was enough.

He gave the boy one small pat and then lifted his hand higher and let it snap down, resulting in a muffled squeak. It broke Adam's heart, but he knew there'd be a lot more noise soon. In fact, it only took three more swats like that for Guthrie to cry out. Much as the boy tried to be brave, knowing he'd earned this spanking fair and square, he simply couldn't stop the pain from finding a way out through his mouth. And for some reason his legs had a life of their own. They were wriggling and kicking a little. He tried not to kick Adam, but it felt like he had no control.

Adam, on his part, wasn't too bothered by the wriggling. He had his arm around Guthrie's body and could easily keep him in place. And he knew Guthrie wasn't fighting him. It was all involuntarily reaction to the pain. The man simply landed swat after swat, left, right, middle. He didn't have to see the skin to know it was turning red quickly. What did bother him was the heartbreaking crying that came from the bedspread.

He paused and rubbed Guthrie's back for a second, "I know it hurts, buddy, but you'll get through this. It'll be over soon and then we're done. And I know it'll help you remember next time you start losing your temper."

"I won't…..I won't do it no more, Adam….I won't…"

"Sshh….never make promises you're not sure you can keep. Just do your best. And know that I'll always be there to catch you. Even if my way of catching you may hurt for a bit."

"It hurts!"

"I know…almost done," And with that Adam hugged Guthrie's waist again and resumed the spanking.

The small reprieve had been nice, but now that Adam was smacking again the heat intensified and the boy started wriggling even more. "I'm sorryyyyyyyyy…"

"I know, buddy, I know…" Adam didn't miss a beat as he spoke and soon he felt the body over his knee shaking with sobs. Taking that as his cue that it was time to finish this up he gave Guthrie two more firm swats right in the middle of his bottom and then let his hand rest. His other arm released its hold on Guthrie's waist and instead he started making circling movements with his hand on the boy's back while Guthrie cried his heart out. He was glad he didn't have to look Guthrie in the eye right now, because his own eyes were wet too. With his right hand he wiped his own eyes dry and waited for the sobbing boy to calm down enough to help him up.

It took a few moments, but Adam allowed him all the time he needed, all the while rubbing Guthrie's back. Finally, the sobs turned to sniffles and Adam helped him stand. Not that Guthrie stood for long, because he immediately launched himself into Adam's waiting arms. Not all McFaddens were as eager for a hug after a spanking, but Guthrie always was. And Adam was glad for it, because he badly needed them himself. He nuzzled Guthrie's hair as he hugged the boy.

"You know I love you lots and lots, don't you?" He whispered into his hair.

"Uh huh…to the moon and back."

"Right, to the moon and back. I'll never let anything bad happen to you. Even if you may think this was bad…"

"It's not." Guthrie's words were clear and the older McFadden was slightly surprised at them.

"It's not? You think you deserve more?"

Guthrie looked up at his brother with a disgusted yet shocked face, "NO! I mean…no, sir, I don't."

"You don't have to say sir, buddy, just be respectful."

"Kay…I meant…it hurts, but I know there's worse hurts."

Adam couldn't help it, he pulled his brother on his lap and held him close. Yes, there were much worse hurts, they all knew that only too well. As he cuddled his baby brother he couldn't help wishing he could have given Crane this same level of comfort after his licking at Thanksgiving. It was a silly thought of course. Crane was 18, a little too old to sit on his lap, but he knew the boy had missed out on too many of these moments growing up. Guthrie's voice broke through his sad reveries.

"Can I have hot chocolate while I do my homework?"

Adam had to blink. He was still digesting this spanking himself, but Guthrie was already thinking about the next thing on the agenda. He had to literally shake his head.

"I can't? Please, Adam…"

"I didn't shake no, I just shook my…never mind…yes, I think we can do hot chocolate. Not sure if there are still marshmallows."

"There are, I know so. Cause Daniel put them on the grocery list."

"And what's your homework?"

"Just my spelling words."

"Okay, well, you may do them here, or downstairs with the rest. Your choice."

"They won't make fun of me, would they? Cause I cried like a baby…"

"No, they won't make fun of you. You know that. And you didn't cry like a baby." Didn't matter if it was Crane or Guthrie, they all worried about crying. "I always cried when daddy spanked me. Your brothers cry. Nothing to worry about."

"Kay…downstairs then." And with that Guthrie simply slipped off Adam's lap and headed for the door. The only thing that betrayed the fact that he'd just had a spanking was the quick rub he gave his bottom as he walked through the door.

Shaking his head Adam followed him downstairs. It was amazing how easily Guthrie bounced back and moved on after crying his heart out only minutes ago. He had a hard time wrapping his head around it. He certainly knew he never had when he'd been in Guthrie's shoes.

As he reached the bottom of the stairs he heard Daniel's voice on the phone. The first words caught his attention and although he didn't want to eavesdrop, he couldn't help slowing down slightly.

"I know, Crane, but that's just cause I didn't have English today. But what about tomorrow? What if she says something? What if the guys say something? What if someone knows?" Daniel listened for a while, nodding even though Crane clearly couldn't see it.

Staying out of sight Adam continued on to the now very clean kitchen. Brian was sitting at the table quizzing Evan for his history test while Ford was working on his own. Guthrie had slipped into Adam's chair and grinned as he saw his big brother come in.

"I see you found the best seat in the house," Adam lifted the boy up and sat him on his lap while Guthrie opened his book. It was clear why the boy had chosen this chair. Sitting on Adam's lap must be more comfortable than sitting on the chair itself. "Want me to quiz you or do you need to study them first?"

"We did them in school today, but you can make hot chocolate before quizzing me…"

"Ah yes, I did promise that, didn't I?"

Brian hid a grin. Adam could be a big softy. "I'll have one as well, thank you."

"Hmm I guess I'm making hot chocolate for everyone," Adam pretended to grumble, but he didn't mind. He actually liked hot chocolate himself. Especially if there were lots of marshmallows. "Did Crane call or did Daniel call Crane?"

"Crane called," Ford answered before Brian could, "He said he needed a break from studying for finals. He said the letters were dancing in front of his eyes so he knew it was time to take a break."

"He'd better not take too many breaks," But then as an afterthought Adam added, "And he'd better not forget that he needs three meals as well. He tends to forget to eat when he's studying."

"You old mother hen," Brian teased.

"Brian just told Crane exactly that," Evan betrayed his brother with a big grin.

"Eh tu Brute!" Brian quoted. "I'm calling you a traitor, by the way."

"I know. Crane taught me that one," Evan's grin seemed plastered on his face.

"Just be glad it's Adam making the chocolate. If it had been me you wouldn't have gotten any."

"But since it's me and he's just helped me...," Adam dipped deep into the bag of marshmallows, "He gets extra."

"See, ya just have to know who's really in charge, Brian," Evan teased.

"Yes, Brian, remember that well," Adam laughed out loud at that. He didn't even have to see the scowl on Brian's face to picture it.

* * *

Brian quietly slipped under the covers, trying not to wake his sleeping brother. After Guthrie had finished his homework and chocolate Adam had called bedtime. There had been no protest, which was to be expected after just having been punished, but Guthrie did plead to be allowed to sleep downstairs. Since they were all working in the kitchen anyway, Adam hadn't seen a problem and neither had Brian. So Brian had pulled out his bed and Guthrie had quickly gone to sleep, undisturbed by the chatter in the kitchen.

Not that the chatter had continued long. While Ford was off to bed Evan had begged to be allowed to say goodnight to Diablo and hadn't been denied. How could they deny when usually he was allowed to work with the horse for an hour after school. Today there hadn't been any time. And true to his word, Evan had returned right on time to go up and brush his teeth, which left only Daniel. Since the boy had already finished his homework at school he was free to do as he pleased, which turned out to be playing guitar in his room.

Normally, the oldest two might have worried about one of the boy retreating like Daniel did, but they were too tired. It had been a long day, physically and mentally. And spanking Guthrie had completely drained Adam. By the time it was time to tell Daniel to turn down the light Adam was falling asleep over his newspaper and Brian had offered to check the barn and lock up giving Adam a very early night. Not that Brian was far behind. It was only 9:30 when the second-oldest, the one known for his late nights, slipped under the covers as well.

He turned over lying half on his belly and pushed one arm under his pillow, fully intending to be asleep within 5 minutes.

"Brian?"

He kept his eyes closed, hoping that by pretending to sleep Guthrie would let it go.

"Brian?" The whisper got a little louder, but Brian still kept his eyes closed. He wondered if he could manage a fake snore, but he feared that would give it away.

"Brian!" That wasn't a whisper anymore and it was accompanied by a poke in his ribs. "You're awake. You can't be asleep already, you just got in."

Slowly Brian opened his eyes, "Okay, you got me. I'm awake."

"See?"

"What is it, Guth? I thought you were sound asleep." Brian rolled on his side, and propped himself up on his elbow, mirroring his little brother's position.

"I…I got a question."

"I have a question."

"You too?"

"No, kiddo, it's I have, not I got."

"Oh…"

"What kind of question, buddy? Can't it wait till tomorrow?"

"Nuh uh…cause…cause they'll all hear and they'll think I'm a baby."

"Hey, buddy, no one says you're a baby. Or thinks it."

"Yeah…Trevor called me a baby. Before he said that about mama and daddy…he called us babies cause Bobby told me to ask Santa for new marbles. "

"Ah"

"Like we were babies for talking about Santa."

"That wasn't very nice of him," Brian had a sneaky suspicion where this was going to. Part of him wondered why Guthrie couldn't have talked to Adam about that when they were upstairs. Of course, they'd had other things to talk about. And Adam could be rather rational about things like this. In fact, this was more up Crane's alley. But Crane wasn't here. And it was too late for a phone call, especially since that would mean waking up the dorm supervisor, which would reflect badly on Crane.

"Brian?"

"Hmm mm?"

"Is Santa only for babies?"

"Is that what you think? Or is that Trevor thinking?"

"Brian," Guthrie's voice sounded exasperated, "you're not answering. You're doing that…that…"

"Evasion? Avoiding?" Brian knew exactly what he was doing.

"Whatever you call it. But I mean it. Is it just for babies?"

"Ford makes a list, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, but you don't."

"No, that's true, I don't." Now he kicked himself. This had never come up before with the other three so close in age. And when it was time for Crane to start questioning the existence of Santa, well, mom had dealt with that. He knew that up to that moment Adam and he had faithfully written letters to Santa just like Crane.

"And neither does Adam. Or Daniel. And we're going Christmas shopping next weekend. And well…it doesn't really make sense, does it?"

"What doesn't make sense, buddy?"

"Well, to go Christmas shopping when Santa makes the gifts. And it's called the toy shop at the North pole, but I'm the only one getting toys. Do they make all those other things as well?"

Brian let out a deep sigh. To his surprise he felt a bit emotional at the thought of their baby brother losing that innocence. There was so much lost already, why did he have to lose his faith in the magic of Christmas too?

"Brian? You're not saying anything. Is it true? I mean…Trevor's not the only one who says Santa doesn't exist."

"Well…and don't think I'm avoiding the question, but what do you think happens?"

"I think you take the list and the milk and cookies, and you buy the presents."

"If that's what you think happens, why do you ask me if it's true?"

"Cause…cause well, cause that makes me a baby. You all think I'm a baby. If you didn't you wouldn't have lied to me and have me think it was all magic. You could have let me get you something too."

"Oh kiddo…" Brian reached out and pulled Guthrie close. "We don't mean to exclude you. Santa is part of the tradition. It's not really a lie. We all like to believe in magic, it makes the world feel nicer."

"Still means I'm a baby for believing so long."

"No, it doesn't. Adam was 9 and I was 8 when we stopped. Crane about the same age. I think most kids stop at that age." Damn, where was Crane with his vast amount of information and sensitivity?! "It's normal. Part of growing up."

"Does that mean I don't have to make a list for Santa?"

"Well, not for Santa if you don't want to. But we'll still need a list, you know. Unless you'd like us to guess what you want for Christmas…."

"I'll make a list!" Apparently that had been the main concern because the body in Brian's arms relaxed.

"Now that I'm growing up…does that mean I get to stay up later?"

"Nice try, buddy. No. But it does mean you get to shop for Christmas presents yourself. Hope you've saved your allowance." The sick look on Guthrie's face was comical. "Just teasing. You don't have to buy anyone anything. You can if you want to, but you don't have to."

"Okay…maybe I can make something."

"I think that would be really nice. I can help you if you want."

"No, it's for you and Adam."

"Well, if you need help, I'm sure one of your brothers will be perfectly happy to help."

Guthrie snuggled closer and deeper under the covers. "I like that I know. But I don't like that I didn't."

"I can understand that. I really can." He knew one day Guthrie would understand and might even long back to the simple days where a bit of magic was all that was needed to save the world. To try and distract Guthrie from more talk and just get them both to sleep he started humming one of his favorite country songs, purposely staying away from the regular nursery songs one might sing in these situations. He didn't get to finish it, because halfway through, Guthrie was asleep and seconds later, Brian was too.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Hey Guthrie, Ford" Daniel leaned over to the seat in front of him where Guthrie was sitting next to Ford, "Christmas lists tonight. Better make up your mind about what you wanna ask Santa."

"Yeah," Evan said, "Don't wanna get those lists late to the old guy."

"Don't be silly, Daniel," Guthrie didn't even look back at his brother. "You don't gotta lie to me no more."

"Sorry?" Daniel was taken aback a bit by his little brother's response.

Now, Guthrie slowly turned so he could look at all three brothers, "You don't hafta lie. I know."

The two oldest boys exchanged a glance and Daniel carefully asked, "You know…what, Guth?"

"I'm not a baby, Daniel. And you don't gotta pretend either, Ford. I know, okay. And it's pretty mean that ya'll lied to me so long."

"Who…I mean..how," Evan was lost for words, but Daniel was a bit quicker.

"Did that Kevin kid say something to you?"

"Maybe," Guthrie shrugged.

"I'm gonna kill him," Evan mumbled to Daniel, but out loud he said, "He's a bully. Since when do you believe a word a bully says?"

"Yeah, come on, Guth," Daniel may have continued to try, but he had a strong feeling it was all for nothing. "What does it matter what stupid Kevin says?"

"Cause it's the truth," The normally easy-going boy, sounded pretty mad, "you all lied. At least he told me the truth, even if he was mean about it."

"But Guthrie," Ford quietly spoke up, "why are you so mad about it?" He couldn't remember being mad when he found out. He'd felt a little silly maybe, but that was it.

"I'm not mad. I just don't wanna be lied to no more!"

Suddenly the bus came to a halt and the boys realized they were at their stop. Guthrie was the first to get up and as soon as he was off the bus he started running. He didn't stop running until he'd reached the house, leaving his younger brothers to try and catch up with him.

"Guthrie! Hold up!" Daniel hollered as he ran, but it was no use. The boy may have been the youngest and shortest, but he was fast.

"Whoah," Adam caught Guthrie as he passed the barn. "What's the rush, kiddo?"

"Nothing!" Guthrie snapped and tried to continue on to the house.

"Watch your tone, Guthrie," Adam warned, but he didn't let the boy go. "Doesn't sound like nothing to me."

Just then the other three got to the yard, "Guthrie," Daniel was slightly out of breath – running and yelling at the same time tended to do that to a person, "Come on, why get so mad? So Kevin told you."

"I'm not mad, I just don't wanna talk about it," but Guthrie's tone betrayed his emotions.

"That's just Kevin, kid," Evan still held out hope that they could save this Christmas for their little brother.

"It's not Kevin. I don't listen to him. Brian said so too."

"Brian?" Daniel was stunned for a moment, "Brian told you there's no Santa?"

Adam felt like he was watching a tennis match, looking from one to the other, but at the last words he snapped out of it, "What? Why on earth….BRIAN!"

"What's up, bro?" Brian appeared in the barn door. "Where's the fire?"

"That's a rotten joke, mister," Adam glared at him and Brian had the decency to duck his head. Fire was one of their worst nightmares.

"Sorry, you're right."

Brian's quick apology mollified Adam, but then he remembered what he wanted Brian for in the first place, "You told Guthrie there's no Santa?"

"Don't yell at Brian," Guthrie protested. "At least he didn't lie about it when I asked."

"Whoah, Adam," Brian held up his hands as if to ward off an attack, "I'm not the bad guy here."

"I can't believe you!"

"I can't believe you!" Brian retorted. "Guthrie asked me and then he gave me his own hypothesis which I confirmed. I didn't do anything we haven't done with the others. He came with questions, so it was time he learned the truth."

"Yeah, Adam, I'm glad I know," Adam had let go of Guthrie and the boy was standing in front of the two now. "I just don't want no more lies."

"Anymore lies," Adam corrected automatically.

"Right," Guthrie refrained from rolling his eyes, although he wanted to, "Anymore lies."

"That's it, Adam," Brian put his hands on Guthrie's shoulders, "Guthrie's ready to be a full part of our Christmas tradition. No more excluding him, he even wants to get us some presents, right, kiddo?"

"Yeah Adam," Guthrie leaned against his older brother while he looked at Adam, "I like that I know."

"He just doesn't like that he didn't and he doesn't like the idea that we lied about it even though we have all been in the same shoes," Brian explained further.

"Gosh, Guth, it's not real lying, it's just a part of Christmas," Evan looked at the others for support. "Ford didn't get mad when he found out."

"I think," as usual, after speaking without thinking, Adam had quickly come to his senses again, "part of the reason Ford didn't get mad was that he was now a part of the grown up secret and got to keep it for Guthrie's sake. Whereas in Guthrie's case, it tells him we don't see him as anything but the youngest."

"The baby," Guthrie said with disgust and the others laughed.

"You're far from a baby," Evan grinned, "Kevin's big brother is in my class and apparently you gave him a black eye." Before Adam could say anything he continued, "Yeah I know, he shouldn't have punched another boy in school, but I can't help thinking he was very brave for doing that. Nowhere near a baby!"

"Let's not go there, Evan," Adam sighed. "But you're right, Guthrie, you're not a baby. I'm just…" Suddenly he found himself blinking against tears. He tried to pull himself together, but it was difficult, "Well, still need those Christmas lists from you all, so after dinner, we'll get to it."

"From you too, Adam," Guthrie insisted. "And Brian."

"Well, all Brian wants is a good looking date, doubt you can fix that, buddy," Adam teased, not realizing that once again he was insulting his partner in parenting.

Said younger brother let it roll off his back this time and just shook his head, "World peace might be a good one too. Or a new tractor. Gosh, I'd love a new tractor."

"Wouldn't we all," Adam sighed.

"And you Adam?" Ford looked at their oldest brother. "Are you going to make a list too?"

"You bet I am. Top of the list: peppermint sticks!" Adam grinned. It was what he'd put on his list for the past six years, but he did love peppermint, so he was always happy to get it. "Okay, guys, go and get changed and get to those chores. The quicker they're done, the more time for fun."

"And for Diablo!" Evan was already on his way, followed by the rest, leaving Adam and Brian behind.

"I'm sorry, kid," Adam looked his brother in the eye, "I shouldn't have yelled."

"No, you shouldn't have," Brian agreed, "But it's okay. It was a shock, I'm sure."

"No kidding," Adam looked at the door to the house as the boys disappeared through it. "I knew it was coming. I'd just hoped…"

"for one more year," Brian finished Adam's sentence, "Yeah me too. He asked me last night in bed and I hedged a bit, but I wasn't gonna lie to him. I asked him what he thought was the truth and he had it, spot on. There wasn't a trace of hesitance in his voice. No wish to be reassured in his belief. And I felt like crying."

"He's growing up," Adam sighed.

"Yeah, and fast too. Getting into fights, no more Santa," Brian shuddered, "Before we'll know it he'll hit puberty and start to raise hell."

"I'm not ready for that, bro," Adam walked back into the barn, "It feels like yesterday that I was still changing his diapers."

"You?" Brian figured a little humor would help Adam more than commiserating, "I don't recall you changing many diapers. You had me doing most of that."

"You were just so good at it."

"That was your excuse for everything you didn't want to do."

"Perk of being the oldest, little brother, just one of the perks."

* * *

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I –

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

"Well recited and well memorized, Michelle," Emily Morgan looked at her class room. It was clear most of her 9th grade students had little interest in Robert Frost. Their minds were on football, cheerleading, the upcoming weekend and other more fun things. In fact, anything but poetry probably sounded good to them. And here she was, trying not only to teach them the technical side of poetry, but convey her love for it as well. She realized it was a lost cause, but she refused to give up. Her mother always did say she was the most stubborn of her children. So she continued on, "Who can tell me what it means?"

It was almost funny to watch them look at each other, willing someone else to raise a hand and by doing so saving their classmates from having to answer her question. No one wanted to be the one to say something about a poem. Not in front of their peers. Finally, she looked at the one girl in the front row with her arm raised high in the air: Mandy. There was always one in every class. One who always had an answer. One who always raised her or his hand. And although every student wanted someone else to do it, there was little gratitude when that particular student did it.

"Mandy?"

"It means that you shouldn't always look for the easy way out, miss. When you have a choice between two roads, it's tempting to take the road that everyone else takes. It's not easy to be different, to go against the grain. But sometimes you have to. You have to do what's right, not simply do something because everyone else does it." Mandy seemed pleased with her answer and most of her classmates were nodding dutifully.

"Then how come the second stanza says both roads look just as worn? Sounds to me like they're equally traveled."

"You didn't even raise your hand, Daniel McFadden," Mandy snapped at the boy behind her. "Don't you know your manners?"

"While Mandy is right that you should have raised your hand," Emily spoke up, "you also raise a good point, Daniel." Mandy glared, but kept her mouth shut. Daniel seemed to have a small smirk on his face, but Emily wasn't sure. "For Friday, I'd like you all to think about that. You have all memorized it now and that was fine. But poetry is about more than memorization. It's about more than rhyme schemes and meter. So now read it again and this time, use your mind for more than that. Really read it. Daniel's comment about the second stanza is something you should keep in mind whilst reading, as well as the first two lines of the fourth and last stanza. But there's something much more important. Something most people forget when they read, whether it's a novel or a poem: the title. Robert Frost gave this poem a title."

Mandy's arm flew up again and even Emily had to work on not rolling her eyes. "William?"

The straw blond boy in the last row looked confused, "Miss?"

"What is the title of the poem?"

"Oh eh, it's called The Road Not Taken, Miss."

"Exactly. That's your other clue, people, the title. So for Friday I would like a 500 word piece from each of you on the meaning of this poem. No references or research needed, just close reading and some thought." A collective groan sounded and she glanced around the room, "I could make it a 1000 words." The sick look on their faces was comical, but they all started writing their homework down. "Good, I'll see you all Friday then."

As the students filed out and Daniel passed her, she couldn't resist saying something. "Well done, Daniel. At least one of you was thinking today."

Daniel blushed and looked away as he mumbled, "Thanks, Miss." He couldn't leave the classroom quickly enough and she sighed. Daniel seemed uncomfortable around her all of a sudden, more so than normal for a student. She hoped it wasn't because she'd been on a date with his oldest brother. Not that Adam had called her for another date yet, at least not formally. He'd called the next day to thank her for a wonderful evening. She'd hoped he would ask her out again, but when she'd tried to give him a subtle hint in that direction, he'd changed the subject. She shook her head as if to literally get rid of all thoughts about mister Adam McFadden. She had another class to teach before the school day was over.

Outside Frank gave Daniel a friendly push as he teased, "Well done, Daniel….well done…."

Mandy wasn't so friendly, "Teacher's pet."

"Am not!" Daniel gave her a disgusted look.

"Are too: at least one of you was thinking…" Mandy's impression of Miss Morgan was not a favorable one. "You make me sick!"

"You're just upset Miss Morgan didn't like your explanation," Frank couldn't stand Mandy and although he felt he had the right to tease his best friend a little, he'd immediately jump to Daniel's defense if someone else did it. And if that someone else was Mandy he did it with pleasure. "Good luck with your essay, you're gonna need it."

"I'll get an A, you'll see," Mandy was used to getting A's.

"Sure," Daniel pulled Frank along. "We're gonna be late for history if we don't hurry."

"Don't let her get to you, man," Frank tried as they hurried to their next class, but in Daniel's mind all his fears were being confirmed.

* * *

"Hand me a couple of nails, will you?" Adam had just slammed the last of his nails into the piece of fence he was working on. "I wish we had more durable fencing. It sure gets old fixing these..thanks," He took the nails and hammered away.

"Dad liked these," Brian took his water bottle and gulped some water down.

"Yeah well, dad was old school."

"In more ways than one," Brian put the water bottle back and resumed work as well. "There's nothing wrong with it and we don't have the money anyway."

"No kidding. Don't even know how we can afford Christmas presents."

Brian grinned, "Like we always do. You say this every year, Adam, but when it comes down to it, we always manage."

"Good thing Crane got a full ride to Davis or this year really would be different." Adam wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve. It wasn't warm by any means, for California anyway, but working hard did make you sweat. "I worry about him, but at least the financial worries haven't gotten worse."

"True. Damn, that boy is smart. Smart as you."

"You're just as smart, Brian. If things had gone different…well, you could have gotten a scholarship as well, I'm sure."

That line of thought was too much for Brian to handle and he quickly changed the subject, "So, you're going out with Emily again this weekend?"

"Haven't asked her."

"You're kidding!" Brian was so surprised he nearly dropped his hammer. "Why on earth not?"

"Don't know. Just haven't."

"For someone so smart, you sure can be dumb, big brother."

"Hey, you seldom date the same girl twice."

"Assumptions, assumptions." But there was truth in the statement, Brian did rarely date the same girl twice.

"Just observation, little brother."

"We were talking about you, Adam. I thought you liked her. You had a good time, didn't you?"

"Of course I did."

"So…ask her again."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's just…I have too many commitments. I have responsibilities."

"You're not alone in this, you know."

"I know. And I'm glad you're here, but I can't help it. Part of me feels like it's all on my shoulders. Like it's my responsibility. Like you had a choice, but I didn't."

"So, if you were a widower with kids, would you never date again?"

"I don't know…it's not like I've got two young kids. I've got teenage brothers I'm raising. And one of them doesn't seem too thrilled at the idea of me dating her."

"Dan'l will get over it."

"Maybe…maybe not."

"No maybe about it. One way or the other, he'll get over it. You can't let that stop you, Adam."

Adam sighed and leaned on the fence post. "Maybe I'm just scared."

"Even more reason to call her." Brian got a mischievous look on his face, "Or I'll call her and set you up again. You know I'd do it too."

"Don't you dare!"

"Then do it."

"Okay…okay, I'll call her." Adam glanced at his brother, "You've got a date this weekend?"

Brian shrugged, "Was thinking of calling Suzy, but we hadn't set anything in stone yet. You call Emily, see if you can get that all important second date and I'll work my own party life around it." He grinned, "Things could get interesting around here with both of us going out all of a sudden. We'll have to be careful."

"Well, Crane'll be home soon, for two weeks anyway. We'll just make him babysit while we're out every night." Even though it was just talk, Brian couldn't help thinking it was good to see Adam a bit more lose.

* * *

"Are we going to put up the Christmas lights this weekend as well, Adam?" Ford handed the last of the plates to Evan to dry and started cleaning the counter top.

"I'm pretty sure we'll be gone all day Saturday, so if we do, it'll be on Sunday." Adam looked at Brian to see what his thoughts were.

"Yup Sunday will be the big day. This year, I want NASA to see our house on their photos from space." Brian laughed, "I just might have to buy more lights when we're at the mall."

"No way!" Adam warned, "We have enough lights. We don't need the extra expense."

"Stop worrying, I'm just teasing you." Adam wasn't a fan of too many lights and Brian knew it. Brian on the other hand, could go a bit over the top, but he, too, liked things a bit simpler.

"And the tree?" Guthrie carried his books into the kitchen, "Are we getting a tree as well?"

"We always get a tree, silly," Ford playfully shoved his younger brother.

"I meant this weekend!" Guthrie shoved back.

"No, not this weekend, buddy," Guthrie's face fell at Brian's words. "We'll get a tree the week before Christmas. That way it'll still be nice and green and fresh."

"But all the good ones will be gone by then," Guthrie remembered their search for a good tree the previous year. It hadn't been easy to find one.

"Last year we went and bought one, but we could just cut a tree ourselves. Wouldn't be the first time." Brian hadn't talked it over with Adam yet, but he figured the man wouldn't disagree. He wasn't disappointed.

"Why not? Like you say, we've done it before. Don't even know why we didn't last year."

"That was because when we got the tree home the year before that, there was a huge spider in it and someone here got scared." Daniel looked at their littlest brother.

"Me? I'm not afraid of spiders," Guthrie protested.

"Well, you were when you were 6."

"Well, I'm all grown up now, so I'm not afraid no m..anymore."

Adam laughed, "You're growing up, let's put it that way. Okay, we'll go and cut our own tree. Which means our weekends are filled." All the dishes put away, coffee made as well as tea and biscuits put on the table, they were set for home work hour. "Who needs help with their homework?"

"Can you quiz me, Adam?" Ford asked, handing Adam his topography worksheet.

"Sure."

"I don't have homework…all I gotta do is practice my spelling words again." Guthrie had to practice his spelling every single day, but it usually didn't take him more than 10 minutes.

"I've got math…." Evan had opened his book and was already at it. On the other side of the table Daniel was rereading his poem. It wasn't due until Friday, but it was still fresh on his mind. Since he'd memorized it, he'd been able to put some thought into it while doing his chores, and so now he was writing down his thoughts on the poem. He actually liked it. It was better than Emily Dickinson, that was for sure. He didn't like reading that death poem they'd studied. Frost he could stomach better. And he felt like he actually got what the man was saying. So despite his upset over Adam dating his teacher, he put some honest hard work into his short essay.

"Adam?" Guthrie had wrestled with the question for a while now and wasn't sure how to broach the subject, "Do we get our pocket money before we go shopping Saturday?"

Adam looked up from Ford's worksheet, "Don't you get your pocket money every Saturday morning?"

"Yeah…." Guthrie looked back down again. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Guth," Adam reassured, "I know why you want to know, but I promise you, you don't have to buy anyone presents."

"I want to," Guthrie kept his head down so no one would see the salty moisture that was pooling in his eyes, "I wanna buy you guys something."

"Ford wrapped up his last Math's test last year and put it under the tree. Nothing makes me happier than things like that." Adam's words made Evan look up.

"He also likes it when you do his chores for him."

"I can't do Adam's chores," Guthrie couldn't picture himself doing the heavy and more complicated things Adam did, at least in his mind Adam's chores were much more special than his own.

"Boys, no one has to buy us anything, right Brian?"

"Adam's right, guys, just knowing you're all happy and enjoying Christmas is enough. But if you really want to do something, do an extra chore, or sing us a song, put some extra work in something for school or make something. I've treasured that drawing Evan made when he was about your age."

Guthrie sighed, "That's not real presents."

"They are to us. It meant more than anything I'd gotten growing up." Evan's drawing had actually caused Brian to bawl his eyes out once he'd made it to bed that night and no one could see the tears. Their parents had only been gone one year and his drawing of their family, with Adam and Brian taking care of everyone while mom and dad watched over them from a spot in the sky, had not only been beautiful, but had spoken volumes of their new and changed situation. But also of the legacy Adam and he were trying to continue. "Make me a drawing of something you love, kiddo, and I'll be over the moon."

"Or make a new Christmas ornament. Anything. Really." Adam added to Brian's suggestions. In fact, Guthrie should know that his oldest brothers felt that way, because Adam and Brian had made Christmas lists along with the rest of them and their lists had consisted of things like that. Both of them had always bought each other one regular gift and although they did put some thought into that as well, it was often the little things their kid brothers gave them, that meant the most.

"Kay," Guthrie wasn't convinced, but it was clear he wasn't getting anywhere so he went back to his spelling.

Soon the youngest three were in bed and Brian and Daniel were strumming their guitars in the living room for a bit longer until it was time for Daniel to head up as well, and Adam figured now was the best time to place that all-important phone call. He knew he'd put it off too long. She'd probably think he'd lost interest. Or maybe she thought he was rude. That thought made him cringe. Mom would have been disappointed if she knew someone would think him rude.

Adam picked up the phone and held it in his hand for a few long moments while he tried to find the right words in his head. Everything sounded trite to him. Taking a deep breath he pulled out the piece of paper with her number and slowly dialed. Maybe she wouldn't be home. Then he could say he'd tried. Was he really hoping she wouldn't answer the phone? Of course not! He would love to go on another date. If he'd been a regular 24 year old he would have called her already. This was all about his specific situation.

"Hello?" Her voice startled him.

"Oh eh hi…I mean…It's me, Adam."

"Hi Adam, didn't know just the sound of my voice would make you stammer."

Adam cleared his throat, "I was trying to do something while I waited…no, in all honesty, I was just trying to think of what to say to you and you startled me."

"I should think I should be the startled one. After all, you're the one who called."

"Finally called," He said softly and there was a brief silence on the other end of the line.

"Yes, I have to admit I was starting to think you wouldn't call anymore."

"I needed to work up the courage, believe it or not." Adam didn't realize that, although he'd walked as far as the cord would let him, he was still easily within earshot and Daniel had looked up.

"For someone who looks bold and strong, you sure are shy at times," Emily laughed and Adam couldn't think of a more beautiful sound.

"Well, I'll have to get over that if I want to ask you out again."

"Ah….so you do want to go out again," she couldn't help teasing him a little.

"Yeah, I mean, yes, absolutely. If you want to as well."

"I think I can clear my schedule for you."

"I was thinking maybe…well, maybe grab a bite to eat some time?"

"Well, on Fridays I've got an extra-long lunch, so maybe.."

"I could drop by school and pick you up. There's this nice little Italian place that does a great lunch."

"Sounds great. Last class in the morning ends at 11:50."

"I'll see you Friday at 11:50 then," Adam missed the sharp intake of breath from the living room. "Looking forward to it."

"Me too."

The phone call ended and Adam stood there for a long moment, just trying to steady himself before walking back to put the phone back. It wasn't until he had the receiver back where it belonged that he noticed the quiet in the room. "Isn't it your bedtime, kiddo?"

"You're taking Miss Morgan out again? For lunch on Friday?" Daniel couldn't care less about his bed time right now.

"Yes, I am. I'm picking her up at school." Finally noticing the dark scowl on the teenager's face Adam walked over, "Something wrong?"

"You're picking her up at school!" The pitch of Daniel's voice rose to great heights. "Everyone will see!"

"Well, I don't see how it can be avoided that people will see. And I'm not about to go into hiding with her. I like her," Adam reached out to try and rub Daniel's back but the boy pushed his hand away before he could reach that far. Instead, the boy jumped to his feet and faced with balled fists. If Adam didn't know any better he'd think Daniel was about to fight him.

"I can't believe you! This is exactly what I was afraid would happen!"

"Lower your voice, mister." Adam's tone got real low as he issued the warning.

"Daniel…remember what we talked about," Brian got to his feet as well and firmly placed his hands on Daniel's shoulder. "Talk, don't yell."

"You said it wouldn't be bad."

"No, I said that it was no use worrying over things that hadn't happened yet. Tackle it as it comes. Same applies now. You have no idea whether anyone will see. You have no idea what they'll say about it."

"Stupid Mandy is already calling me teacher's pet. Just cause Miss Morgan paid me a compliment about my participation today. What do you think she's gonna say if she sees my older brother picking her up for a date? You think she'd just ignore it? She hates that literature and poetry isn't something she can just memorize and get a straight A. She hates that others are better at it than she is."

"You finished ranting now?" Adam looked down on his brother with a treacherously calm face. "Because if you are, you can get ready for bed."

"You're not even listening! Brian said you'd listen." And with that Daniel ran off. He stomped up the stairs.

"Don't slam the…" but before Adam could finish his sentence a loud bang rang through the house as Daniel slammed the door to his room closed. "Damn!"

Brian shook his head, "Well, that went well."

"Don't lay this on me, Brian. He shouldn't have yelled at me."

"I know he shouldn't. There was no easy way here. Except maybe not meet her at school.." Adam interrupted before Brian could finish.

"It was her suggestion, what was I to say?"

"Like I was going to say, before you interrupted me, if it works out that way, it works out that way. Daniel can't expect you to hide under a rock with her, even though there's fun in hiding out," Brian winked, trying to lighten Adam's mood.

"I'd better go up and talk with him."

"If you'd rather I do it.."

"No, you already talked with him, Crane even talked to him on the phone…it's time I had a little talk with him."

"A talk or a talk?"

"I know he was warned, but I can really see why this would upset him. If I were in his shoes I'm not sure I'd be able to stop from blowing up."

"You're going to let him off the hook?"

Adam had to laugh at the surprised tone, "Yeah, I know, not like me at all."

"I can't remember you ever letting any of the off the hook."

"No," Adam gave Brian a sad smile, "I learned from mom and dad to always keep my word, good or bad."

A wry smile played on Brian's lips now, "Yeah, dad never made threats, he made promises."

"Exactly. But even he let us off the hook once or twice. If the situation called for it."

"I know." Brian glanced at the stairs, "I'm glad you're not going to punish him. I think he really is upset about it. But it doesn't give him the right to be disrespectful, so he's definitely had his very last warning, as far as I'm concerned."

"I agree…" Adam took a deep breath, "I'd better not let him stew too long. You know how he gets. Should be back soon, fancy a game of checkers and a beer?"

Brian grinned, "Sure…especially the beer sounds good tonight." They didn't often drink on week nights, especially not at home, but every now and then, when all the kids were in bed, Adam and Brian enjoyed a quiet beer over a game of cards of a simple conversation. While Adam climbed the stairs, Brian set up the game and got two beers from the fridge in the basement. Then he took his guitar and went back to strumming it while he waited for his brother to return.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you all for those lovely reviews, either in private or on the site. It seems last chapter went over really well. Hopefully this one will as well.

Since I can't reply in private to fiction is life, I'll do so here: It's always sad to see that belief in Santa or any other magical beings end, but it's a part of life. Not sure if I could tell my little niece or nephew there's no such thing as Santa, like you. I'll leave that to their parents hahaha. Poetry and 14-year-olds doesn't go well together, but it's fun to write that ;-) And it's a field I'm comfortable with so it's easier to write. I'd be lost in a math's class scene. And more about Daniel's uneasiness here. It will continue even more, I promise. There are a lot of tiny story lines that will all be tied up by the end of this story. I hope so anyway ;-)

On with the story!

Chapter 11

Daniel tried not to glance outside, but it was hard not to when he could see their Jeep parked right outside the school. Couldn't Adam have parked on the other side of the building? Geesh. Right in view of his entire class. He wondered if Adam would come in. He also wondered what was worse: Adam coming in or Miss Morgan going out to meet him by the car? Would they kiss? The mere thought made him shudder and say a very quick prayer.

But he had no say in the matter. Adam had made that clear. Sure, his older brother had been very sympathetic when he'd come up to talk to him earlier that week, more sympathetic than Daniel had expected, but it had only meant he wasn't going to be punished for his rude and obnoxious behavior. Daniel would have gladly taken a whipping if it had meant Adam would cancel this date. Well maybe not gladly. But still, he'd make that deal in a heartbeat. Not that Adam would ever consider offering it.

Part of him was also angry at himself for being so selfish. It was as if he could look down on himself in those situations and he never liked what he saw. But he couldn't stop feeling the way he did either. The boy let out a deep sigh, why was this so difficult? He didn't like upsetting Adam. Yet, he kept on doing just that. Brian had definitely made that clear last night. He'd taken him aside and made him promise to stop giving Adam a hard time about Miss Morgan. Brian was right, Daniel knew that: Adam did deserve to have some time to himself, to be with a girl he liked. And when he made Brian that promise, Daniel had meant it. However, sitting in his class room right now, seeing the Jeep out there and thinking about his brother picking up Miss Morgan all his fears returned.

Finally the bell released them from their temporary prison some people called Spanish. Daniel tried to get out of the room as quickly as possible, but he wasn't quick enough. He'd only just managed to get through the door when Frank caught up with him.

"You in trouble?"

Daniel shook his head, but kept on walking, "Not that I know of."

"Just that I saw your brother's Jeep outside. Wondered if they'd called him." Frank shrugged, "I guess you'll find out soon enough if that's the case."

Relieved his friend dropped the subject so easily, Daniel nodded and followed him to the cafeteria. At least Frank seemed to be the only one who'd noticed the Jeep. Maybe Brian was right. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe he worried too much.

* * *

"You should see their faces when I mention poetry for the first time!" Emily couldn't help laughing when she saw Adam's face. "Yes, like that. Exactly like that."

"I'm sorry," Adam tried to straighten his face, "I really am. It's just…"

"You never liked it much yourself," she finished his sentence while she took her glass of ice tea.

"Mom's love of it skipped her first two sons. Crane gets it. And Daniel does. Evan, on the other hand, hates it. Ford and Guthrie, well, we'll have to see how it goes. Guthrie likes to read, but mostly adventure books."

"Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying to teach them poetry and literature at that age. It's discouraging. I guess, it's an acquired taste at best." Sometimes she really felt defeated, "And then you get a student like Daniel. And you feel hope."

"He's great when he likes the course."

"Well, we all are, I suppose," she smiled. "I don't think I was all that well behaved in the classes I didn't like."

Adam laughed, "True. I guess Daniel and I aren't so different in that respect." The smile disappeared, "But I sure wasn't as sensitive as he is. I never took things to heart the way he does."

"Are you sure about that? I mean…when you're 14 everything is blown out of proportion. Not being able to find your shoe is the end of the world."

The smile returned, but it was a wry one, "Let alone your guardian dating your teacher?"

"He's giving you a hard time about that?" Emily suddenly felt her throat constrict and carefully took another sip of her ice tea to hide her nerves. And maybe calm them.

"Nothing dramatic. He's afraid of being teased. That's the main thing, I think," Adam placed his hand over hers. "It really had nothing to do with you."

Just then their lunch was being served and he retracted his hand, although he held her gaze. Adam could kick himself for bringing up Daniel's mood. It was almost impossible for him, though, not to talk about his brothers. His family and the ranch were his life. What else could he talk about? Maybe cattle was a better subject. Or back to poetry? But he knew nothing about poetry.

"Did you always want to become a teacher?" Adam struggled on while digging into his pasta. He was glad he hadn't ordered spaghetti, because despite mom's endless attempts he had never mastered the fine art of eating that in an acceptable fashion. Lasagna was a safer choice.

"Well, my mom tells me I came home from my very first day at school stating I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. Of course, I thought I'd become a kindergarten teacher. The idea of studying literature didn't come up until I was about 16 or so."

Adam watched her skillfully twist her spaghetti on her fork, using her spoon to keep it in place. He was so mesmerized he almost forgot to talk, "You must have liked reading."

"Oh yes, I have always been able to lose myself in books. It was my quiet place with 5 siblings."

"I know all about wanting some time away," Adam swallowed a big bite before continuing, "If I wasn't helping dad on the ranch, I was stuck babysitting. Not that I hated it, but I'm glad my parents knew I needed things for myself too. For me it was sports, though. Getting away was playing football or basketball. Being with the guys. Hanging out after a game. I guess it wasn't so much about quiet time as it was about trying to become me."

"And now you're back at the ranch, raising your brothers."

"But not stuck. I guess I never realized I already was me. I didn't have to find it anywhere else, it was already there." As he spoke the words, Adam realized how true they were. Yes, Brian was right, he deserved things for himself, but he loved being who he was and where he was. He'd never trade it for the life he thought he wanted when he was 17. Not for the world.

* * *

"I thought we were friends, man."

"Huh?" Daniel turned his head to look at Frank who was standing next to him. They were early for their next class and had to wait outside the room.

"Well, unless you really didn't know your brother had a date with Miss Morgan, you lied to me this morning." Lying was something Frank despised. He'd been lied to too often at home and Daniel knew it.

"Man…damn it, Frank, I'm sorry, but…" It wasn't that Daniel didn't trust Frank. He trusted him like he trusted his brothers. The two had been friends since kindergarten. But to actually tell him about Adam and Emily? Somehow he hadn't been able to. "I didn't even want to think about it, let alone tell you."

"You sure? Cause it sounds like you don't trust me with a secret. I get that you don't want anyone to know, but I'm not anyone, okay." Frank really was mad, mad enough to have his hands balled into fists. Not that he would actually pounce on Daniel. He'd rather help Daniel fight others.

"I trust you. I just…it's like if I pretend it's not happening, it's not happening. I don't wanna talk about it. At all. Adam talked to me about. Brian did. Crane. They talk and talk and talk and they're right and all, but I get sick of talking." But deep down, he knew he'd been in the wrong lying to Frank.

"There's not telling and there's lying. I said I saw Adam and you said you didn't know what he was doing here."

"I'm sorry, okay, really," Daniel felt trapped. The one person in school who wouldn't have given him a hard time about it and he'd made him mad by lying.

"Whatever," Frank shrugged. With most other guys Daniel would have known that that was it, water under the bridge, done with, over. But not with Frank. Frank meant it like a girl could say it. Or like he could say it when Adam was hassling him.

"I'm sorry to keep you all waiting," A radiant Emily Morgan appeared behind them and opened the door, "I hope you're all ready for our dear mister Robert Frost, because I am!" The groan she heard as she stepped in, only made her smile this time.

* * *

"Ford?"

"Yeah?"

Guthrie hesitated. It had taken him almost 15 minutes before he'd even dared speak up and now that he had, he didn't know how to say what he wanted to say.

"What is it, Guth?"

"I…are you gonna buy Christmas presents?"

"I guess," Ford shrugged.

"Oh."

"Why?"

Avoiding eye contact Guthrie hid his worried face by looking outside, "Nothing."

"And you?"

Guthrie turned his head even more. He could feel his eyes well up and he sure didn't want to cry in the middle of the school bus.

Finally, Ford realized what Guthrie was so upset about. "You didn't save up cause you didn't know there was something to save up for."

A small, almost unperceivable nod was his answer. "I don't have nothing."

"Me neither," Ford admitted, "I had some money saved, but then I bought that radio controlled car and now I only have 30 cent. And the car broke down."

"I ain't even got that. I've got a nickel," Guthrie was still fighting the tears, "Can't buy nothing with that."

"Even if we put it together, it's not enough," Ford agreed. "We'll get to split up tomorrow at the mall, but there's nothing we can buy."

"A comic is only 25 cent, but Adam don..doesn't like comics and Brian…Adam said Brian wanted a date," Guthrie was thinking.

"Maybe we can get him a date," Ford was silent for a few moments, "Maybe at church Sunday."

"The girls at church are girls Adam has to approve of, right? Cause he sure don'…doesn't like the girls Brian dates." Both boys had heard Adam grumble about Brian's dates enough to get that impression. "Do you think they're…floozies?"

"Brian wouldn't date floozies, would he?" Ford frowned and then shook his head, "I bet that's just Adam being Adam."

"Yeah, and now that Adam has a girlfriend, maybe he won't mind so much when Brian goes out."

"I bet we'll find someone on Sunday."

"But Ford, how do we get someone to date Brian when we're asking for the date?" Guthrie wasn't quite sure how that would work out, "Do we tell her Brian sent us?"

"We have to find the right girl first." Ford had thought about that, but like Guthrie, he wasn't sure yet how to go about it. "Let's just see if we can find one first. Okay?"

"Okay," Guthrie felt more positive now, "But how about Adam?"

"Peppermint sticks. He likes those."

"But he always gets them. That's boring."

"Maybe, but I don't know anything else," Ford shrugged, "A song or a drawing…"

"I don't care what they say, it's still not a real gift. It's a baby gift," It was still hard for the 8-year-old to get over the baby-remark.

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Bet he'd like a new harmonica." Guthrie knew his brother had owned one, but it had gotten lost.

"Do you have any idea how much those cost!" Ford almost laughed at Guthrie's innocence.

"Lots?"

"Yeah, lots."

"Dang," Guthrie looked down at his hands, "Maybe we can find a way to make money? Offer to do chores? We can buy his gift later, right? In town maybe?"

"Not much time, but if Evan or Daniel will help get it, I'm sure we can." Neither boy was allowed in town alone and after school they always had to hurry to get to the school bus. But Evan had sports after school and Daniel was allowed to stay in town to hang out with a friend sometimes, so that might work.

"First we gotta think of a way to get more money," Guthrie was making lists in his head of things he could do. "Ohhh maybe we can be like the scouts and go around asking people if we can do chores for them to make some extra money."

"But then we have to stay in town. Adam ain't gonna like that, Guth," Ford was sure of that.

"We can ask, can't we?" Guthrie grinned, "There's no harm in asking."

* * *

"No!"

"But Adam…"

"I said no, Guthrie," Adam passed on the potatoes and took the salad from Evan. "I'm not changing my mind."

"Buy why not? We'd even be helping people." Guthrie hadn't put anything on his plate yet, a risky thing in the McFadden household, unless you were the youngest. As quickly as everything went from dish to plate to mouth, no one would let the youngest miss out.

"You wouldn't be helping them. You would be begging for money. Or exploiting the fact that they don't have anyone to help them." Finally a good, big spoonful of homemade applesauce and Adam was ready to eat.

"So if we wouldn't ask them to pay us it'd be okay?" Ford looked expectantly at his oldest brother.

"You're only doing it because you want to make money, so that's not a serious question." With that Adam dug in.

"But it is serious, Adam. I wanna know."

"You've got my answer. And that's that."

"You shouldn't talk with your mouth full," Daniel glanced at Adam who only raised an eyebrow in return. "Just saying."

"Hmm maybe you should practice the fine art of silence for once." Adam's words made the younger kids giggle, but Ford didn't let go that easily.

"You didn't say why yet, Adam."

"I don't really have to say why, buddy, my word is final."

"Ford," Brian spoke up, fearing a bigger argument than any of them was ready for, "I think you and Guthrie are still a bit too young to roam around town after school looking for chores. Maybe it would be different if we actually lived in town, but we don't. We just don't feel comfortable not knowing where you are. It's just too far away to town." He could tell Ford was ready to counter and frankly, if it had just been Ford the answer might have been different, but this involved Guthrie as well, so Brian quickly continued, "And there's the matter of homework and chores at home. Between school, chores, homework, dinner, bath, there's not much time left to do chores in town." The deflated look on the kids' faces broke his heart. "We all have responsibilities, boys, you too. And getting your homework done and your chores finished is yours. As well as having some time to play. You need to run around and play a bit too."

Guthrie blinked hard in order to will the tears away, "But I only have a nickel and we're gonna go get Christmas presents."

"Buddy," Adam sighed, "I told you, you don't have to buy us presents. Do something nice for us if you really want to give us something."

Guthrie shrugged and looked down at his plate. To his surprise it was filled. One glance at Brian told him his brother had filled his plate for him. He looked back down again and picked up his fork. He wasn't hungry, but knew Adam would make him eat at least some of it. As he picked through his food the tears dripped down, watering down the gravy.

After dinner Evan pulled the boys aside, "We can't talk here, but if you come to the barn we can talk in peace. Okay?"

"Why, Evan?" Guthrie couldn't imagine what his big brother wanted from them, but Ford nudged him.

"Shh, just wait."

"Right, Ford, just wait. See you in five okay?"

"Kay," Ford agreed and quickly finished wiping down the counter while Guthrie put the last of the dishes away. Guthrie trusted his brothers unconditionally, but couldn't help wondering what on earth Evan wanted. Ford, on the other hand, was excited. He knew Evan always had the best ideas and plans. Evan was a bit more daring than Ford was and he'd always admired that. Maybe Evan had the idea he and Guthrie had been unable to come up with. Stranger things had happened.

Five minutes later the two youngest boys slipped into the barn only to find it empty. Well, not empty, of course, but without the person they were looking for.

"Ev?" Ford glanced over a couple of stall doors, wondering if Evan was hiding in one of those.

"Up here, Ford," Evan's hear popped out over the edge of the hayloft. "Just come on up, no one will disturb us here."

Both boys quickly climbed up the ladder and settled on the hay bales. The hayloft was one of their favorite places. It was like a tree house, but even more secluded. Sometimes you could literally hide in the hay, because it was stacked so full, but other times, like now, there was just a stack against the wall. Evan had dragged a couple of bales off the stack and was in the middle of putting blankets on top of them. Hay always sounded very romantic to those who'd never handled it, but in reality the stuff got everywhere, stuck to you like crazy, and could literally scratch your skin open. Placing a blanket over it ensured you wouldn't have to spend half an hour getting all the hay off your jeans and coat.

Evan even had brought some cookies up and handed them out.

"You have a plan, Ev?" Ford came straight to the point while Guthrie immediately took a chocolate cookie and started to munch on it.

"I may have a plan, boys."

"To get more money?" Guthrie nearly lost half of the cookie as he spoke.

"That's gross, Guth," Evan pulled a face. "Not to get more money. Not in two weeks. Sorry, but unless you're willing to steal, there's just no way."

"Steal?" Guthrie's eyes went wide. "That's bad."

"I know," Evan agreed.

"The Bible says not to. It's in the…the Commandments"

"Yes, Guth, we know," Ford rolled his eyes. "And Adam and Brian don't like it much either."

Evan shuddered a little, "No kidding. Worst licking I've ever got. And it was just a piece of candy. Not that it matters how much you steal or what, it's the act itself." Clearly, the boy was repeating part of the lecture he'd gotten. A 9 year old Evan had tried to defend himself by saying it was just a piece of candy, but that argument hadn't gotten him far. It had merely led to an even longer lecture and a few extra swats for good measure. He hadn't gotten it in the barn, and was saved the belt, but there was a definite downside to getting spanked in your room: everyone could hear it. "Adam was right, though, I still can't believe I actually thought it was okay. It wasn't."

Guthrie was startled, "You stole?"

"Yeah, Guth, I did. Once, but once was enough. Never again. And I don't want you or Ford doing it either."

"We won't, Evan, I promise," Guthrie was quick to make that promise.

"As if I ever would," Ford said, disgusted at the thought that Evan felt he had to say that.

"Well, you might, if you were tempted," Evan explained.

"No stealing. We established that," Ford was ready to move on, "But you wouldn't have called us up here if you didn't have a plan."

"Yeah, sorry," Evan blushed a little, "Didn't mean to turn this into a lecture. I did have a bit of an idea, but it depends on what you guys were thinking of."

Guthrie and Ford exchanged a look and finally Ford said, "We were gonna get Brian a date, like Adam said he'd like. And Adam…we needed money to get him a harmonica maybe."

"He didn't play it much anyway," Evan shook his head. He pulled up his legs, putting his feet on the bale and hugged his knees. "He prefers the guitar. You know that. Or even the piano. A date for Brian? Where on earth? You can't go into a bar."

"We were gonna find him a girl in church on Sunday," Guthrie smiled brightly. "There's lots of girls in church."

Although Evan wondered if those were the kind of girls their big brother liked, he didn't voice those thoughts nor did he tell his brothers that Brian certainly never needed help finding dates, "He does like to date. But it's hard to pull it off as a Christmas gift. You can't very well wrap her up and put her under the tree." That made all three boys giggle madly.

"You'd have to put a bow on her," Ford laughed.

"Or in a box," Guthrie suggested, laughing even louder.

Finally, the fit of giggles subsided a little and Evan spoke again, "See? It wouldn't work. Even if I think it's a great idea."

"But now we have no idea left!" Guthrie quickly went from giggling to the first tears welling up in his eyes. "I wanted to give them a nice gift."

"Well," Evan dragged out the word, "I may have an idea for that. One that doesn't even cost much"

"What idea, Evan?" Guthrie leaned forward on his arms, in fact, he was leaning so far that he nearly fell off the hay.

"Well..," Evan grinned and then pulled his bale even closer to their heads were nearly together, "I have a great idea, but it really has to come from all of us. Even Daniel, so we'll have to get him involved as well…."

* * *

"So, any new chicks there?"

"What? No "how are your grades, Crane?" Crane teased his older brother.

"Well, I figured I'd start easy and then jump you with the tough questions," Brian lounged on the sofa, stretching out his long legs as he talked on the phone.

"Let me save you the trouble: grades are fine, as always. Don't worry, they're high enough not to jeopardize my scholarship. There are no girls really to distract me. I've learned my lesson there."

"Yes, girls are nothing but trouble," Brian grinned, "Just don't follow my example."

"Definitely won't, bro, I'm staying away from girls for now."

"Can't say the same for Adam."

"What? Oh yes, Daniel's teacher," Crane didn't have Brian's luxury of being able to lounge as he talked to him. He didn't have a private phone in his room, so had to share the phone in the hall way downstairs. During the long phone calls home at least every Friday it was a pain standing there trying to have a private conversation while people walked by, giggling, talking, calling out to each other. But he knew the extra expense for a private phone was too much right now. "Daniel told me about it."

"He's not happy about it, I know."

"He'll get over it, Brian," Crane was convinced, "He wants to be happy for Adam. He's struggling with all those teenage emotions and hormones. But you know Daniel, he's a great kid. He'll get there eventually. Adam shouldn't take it personally, it's just a teenage thing. You and Adam had the same kind of struggles when you were 14."

"Don't remind me!" Brian rolled his eyes, "I was a rotten kid."

"No, you weren't and you'd never have heard mom or dad say that."

"I know…but sometimes it's hard to look back at things and know how you acted, know how much of a pain in the butt you were."

"Talk for yourself, Brian!" Adam suddenly appeared behind the sofa, "Mind if I finally get a chance to talk to my little brother as well? A guy could start to feel his brother doesn't want to talk to him!"

"Adam wants a talk a well, buddy," Brian said in the phone, "so we'll got this short. Talk to you next week. Be good."

"Always…bye Brian!"

Before he'd actually finished his words to Brian Adam had already snatched the phone from his younger brother and shooed him off the sofa so he could sit down himself. "How're you doing, Crane?"

"Hi Adam, doing fine."

"Yeah? Grades good?" Adam didn't have to see Crane to know the boy was rolling his eyes.

"Of course they're good."

"Don't roll your eyes at me, young man."

"Then don't ask the same question every time you talk to me, Adam."

"Ready for finals?"

"yeah, pretty much."

"Yes or pretty much?" Adam was well versed in ways his brothers would tell him they weren't quite ready for something but didn't want him to know. "There's a difference as you know."

"I was the one who taught you to listen for those small differences in wording, remember?"

"I remember, so I know you're an expert at it. And you haven't answered my question."

Crane sighed, "I know, not trying to be evasive. It's a lot of work and I'm almost ready, just never feel you're quite ready. It's not like high school. Here, you never feel ready for an exam or a quiz."

"Okay, as ready as you can then."

"I'm as ready as I can be. The next two weeks are going to be tough, but then I get to come home for a couple of weeks for Christmas. Very much looking forward to that."

"So are we, kiddo, so are we. We miss you."

"You miss me being an go-between for you and Daniel." Crane said it teasingly, but there was a hint of truth to it.

Adam, however, denied it, "No, I'll admit there are times I wish you were here to help with the boys, but mostly we miss you, kiddo. Don't be mistaken about that."

Crane blushed and turned his face to the wall so the girl that came walking down the hall wouldn't see him. "I know. Didn't mean it like it came out."

"Don't worry about it. Just know we're here for you."

"That was easier when I was still at home, Adam."

Something in Crane's tone got Adam's parental radar up, "Something wrong, kid?"

Crane shrugged at the wall. He wasn't sure he wanted to talk to Adam about it, but on the other hand, he had to talk to someone.

Crane's silence caused Adam to worry. What on earth was going on? "Crane? Buddy? Hey, if something is wrong you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know, it's just…I'm not exactly in the best of places for a talk and I guess I already know what you're gonna say?"

"I'm not that predictable, am I?"

"You kinda are, Adam. You're gonna say to just let it go and focus on my studies."

Adam closed his eyes for a moment. Those words alone were enough to cause that tight feeling in his insides, "Okay, now you've got me worried, kiddo." He'd leaned back on the sofa, but was now sitting up straight.

"It's not about me, Adam, don't worry," but the words did little to calm Adam down. "It's just that there's something going on that's not right and no one wants to really talk about it. And that in itself is not right."

"Whoah….you've totally lost me, kid. I think you need to go back to the beginning."

"One of my professors was fired."

"Fired?"

"Yes, fired. For being gay." Crane let those words hang in the air for a bit and when no reaction followed he added, "That's against the law, Adam!(*) And even if it wasn't against the law, it's not right."

"I know where you're coming from, Crane, but many people have very strong feelings on this subject. A gay professor might cost them a lot of students."

"So you just give in because some bigots might not like what you're doing?"

"You're being a little harsh, Crane. It will take time for people to adjust. The law is still very new."

"I know. But that doesn't make it less valid. And it doesn't make it right to fire him."

"Maybe not, but if it's against the law, the best thing for him to do is get a lawyer and sort this out."

"Yeah, like that will help. A court case will mean he won't be able to work anywhere. No one hires someone who rocks the boat. It's one thing to have a gay professor no one really knows about, it's another if that person was involved in a huge court case over being gay. I'm not that naïve, Adam."

"I'm not saying you're naïve, but there are routes to go in case of wrongful dismissal. I'm sure your professor knows that."

"He does, but he has his career to think about. So now he's quiet hoping he'll find employment elsewhere."

"Sounds like he's being sensible about it."

"Adam! That's wrong! A man's been done wrong here and you say he should be sensible and just lay low?"

"I'm just saying that it's not your battle. He knows what his options are and he's chosen this path, there's nothing you can do to change that."

"Maybe I can," Crane said much more forcefully than he meant to.

Adam was quiet for a second, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I think there's prove that this is the reason he's been fired. And I think the dean or someone even higher up has been blackmailed into firing him. There has to be prove of that somewhere."

"Crane, you have finals!"

"I know, but that's only a few hours a day, the rest I can use to investigate."

"A few hours for the exam, the rest to study for the next one."

"I've studied all I can study. Last minute cramming is counter-productive. That's a fact, Adam."

"Even so, you don't have that time to run around campus on some kind of witch hunt."

"They're the ones on a witch hunt. I can't just sit here and be quiet while injustice is done. I can't, Adam."

"I'm telling you you'll have to!"

"I gotta go…"

"Don't you dare hang up on me, mister!" Adam didn't realize his volume had risen. Crane had already started to put the receiver down, but hesitated at Adam's edict. It took a few moments but finally he put the receiver at his ear again.

"Yes, sir."

"Oh God, I don't mean for you to 'sir' me all the time, but kiddo,"

"I know….I have my job here and that is getting my degree. I need to focus on that."

"Yeah…"

"See, I knew you were going to say that."

"Maybe I am predictable, but hear me out, Crane."

"Okay," Crane had a pretty good idea what Adam was going to say and he already regretted having told his brother. It was easier to act and explain or apologize later. If Adam laid down the law and he did what he wanted to anyway, he'd be disobeying his brother. Still, he listened respectfully.

"You do have one job there, which is focusing on your studies. Yes, have some fun in between, but you can't do anything to jeopardize that degree, kid."

"I'm not…sorry, I said I'd listen," Crane caught himself even though he still didn't think he was jeopardizing anything.

"Good catch, and thanks. Snooping around, going against the university's ruling on this, could definitely get you in trouble and jeopardize your future at Davis. You could end up on disciplinary probation just for being a trouble maker. Never mind what else they can do. I have been your guardian for the past six years, kid, I have to look out for you. I know your heart is telling you to stand up for those who can't defend themselves, to stand up for justice, and I love you for that character trait. But this is a grown man who knows exactly what was at stake, who until very, very recently could be legally fired because of his…eh…."

"Sexual orientation."

Adam took a deep breath, "Sexual orientation. And he also knows there's legal protection now, so he can take it to court. That's the way to go about it. If he doesn't, that is his choice. Keep in mind that the things you might do to help him, could also jeopardize his entire future."

Crane waited for a moment, not wanting to interrupt Adam, mostly out of respect for the man who had raised him from the age of 12, "I won't jeopardize his future, Adam, I promise. And you don't have to worry about my own either."

"I'll hold you to that promise, Crane."

"Yes, sir, I know and you can. I…Adam, I really have to go now. Someone else wants the phone." It was a little white lie, that might be the truth after all. A guy from the second floor was coming his way and he might be doing that so he could use the phone. It could be.

"Okay, I'll talk to you next week. Good luck on your exams…and…remember what I said."

"I will. Bye.." After hanging up Crane leaned against the wall closing his eyes.

"Hey, you finished with the phone?"

"Oh yeah..yeah I am." He gave the guy as much privacy as possible in the busy hall way and headed up to his own room to think up a strategy.

Back on the Circle Bar 7 Ranch Adam leaned back on the sofa, also closing his eyes. His hand was shaking a little, but he felt intense relief at having gotten the promise. Crane wouldn't break his promise. Suddenly he sat up with his eyes wide open. "I'm an idiot!"

"How come, Adam?" Guthrie said from the doorway, Ford and Evan nearly bumping into him.

"Nothing, Guthrie, nothing. You boys need to get ready for bed. Tomorrow will be a long and busy day." He never even realized that it was a bit odd all three did so without protest. All he could think of was 'Crane never did promise to stay out of it or even not to risk his own place at Davis.' All the boy had promised was not to jeopardize his professor's future. The next words had sounded like they also meant a promise not to risk his own, but all he'd actually said was Adam needed worry. That alone was enough to make the man lose nights of sleep worrying over the brother 2 hours and 100 miles away.

T.B.C.

(*) I am aware that in 1978 this wasn't against the law yet in California. It wasn't until 1979 that there was some form of employment protection, but I'm hoping you will all forgive me this little literary license. It worked well for the story.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: I'm overwhelmed with the number of reviews, PM's, readers, followers and people favoring my story or myself. The numbers were already rising when my favorite author Little Leaf of the Redwoods recommended me and then the numbers of hits went through the roof. I can't thank her enough!

Since I can't reply to reviewers who don't log in, I'll respond to a few things here:

\- Yes, protests and universities pretty much go together, right, especially back then! I was in a few myself when I was a student. Hopefully, Crane's ideas will be as innocent as mine were ;-)

\- In the series, only the oldest 3 are adults (well, okay, Daniel is 18, so technically one as well), the rest are teens, with the youngest 12. Since this is a prequel to the show with Crane starting college, they're all 4 years younger than they were on the show.

\- Glad nobody objected to me cheating a little where history is concerned. I do try to do my research (and history grrl has helped me a few times), like I actually made sure there was a mall to go to for them, even though it was a little bit of a drive. I even know which mall it is, but am not specifying it :-)

Okay, on with the story. A little bit shorter than the last couple of chapter were, but somehow this was the perfect place to cut it off.

Chapter 12

"Daniel! Evan! Hurry up, boys!" Brian was standing in the doorway, fully dressed, knowing their oldest brother was waiting impatiently in the truck. He wasn't sure what was going on with Adam, but the guy was definitely in a strange mood. He seemed preoccupied. Maybe it was because of Emily, Brian thought. After all, Adam wasn't used to dating and having a love life, let alone juggling it with parenthood. Yeah, that must be it.

"Brian, tell those two, if they're not out here in exactly 90 seconds I'm gonna leave without them," Adam leaned out the window of the truck. "I really wanna get there by the time the mall opens. Get a good parking spot. Avoid most of the crowds."

"Yes, Adam, I know…we all know, you only said it about 10 times this morning alone," but Brian laughed as he said it, avoiding a snarky reaction from Adam.

"We're here…we're here," Evan ran past Brian on his way to the truck, Daniel behind him at a much slower pace.

"Come on, buddy," Brian draped an arm around Daniel's shoulders as he accompanied him to the truck, "cheer up."

"I wish Adam would just let me stay here," Daniel said miserably. The fight with his best friend the previous day had put the teenager in a dark and broody mood. It was easier to be mad at the world, or even better: Adam, than acknowledging the fact that he had handled the whole thing wrong. Better than allowing his own guilt to overwhelm him. No, none of this would have happened if Adam had done the right thing and not date his teacher.

The only good thing about the entire day was that stupid Mandy had received a C for her essay on The Road not Taken. When the girl complained that it was unfair to be judged on her opinion alone, Miss Morgan had calmly explained that it wasn't her opinion she disagreed with, but her arguments. The girl had not truly read the poem, she had listened to what others said about it and she'd glossed over the actual words. So her opinion wasn't founded in the poem. Daniel's, on the other hand - and yes, he had been held up as an example to the entire class - was well founded in the text. He had clearly read it well and thought about the poem itself. It had made Daniel blush, and it had also triggered some mixed feelings, because this person who was praising him and whom he actually liked as a teacher, was also making his life difficult by dating his brother.

"Daniel! Come sit with us!" Evan called from the bed of the truck where the boys were sitting, blankets ready in case they got cold.

"There's room up front," Brian nodded at the cabin. Since the three youngest had apparently decided against sitting in the warm cabin with their older brothers, there was a spot for Daniel if he wanted it.

"This is more fun, Brian," Evan declared, as if it was the most natural thing to say. Brian had to be careful not to roll his eyes. Two days earlier that same Evan had complained that Guthrie and Ford had called shot gun before him and he'd had to sit in the back.

Daniel shrugged and climbed in the back, leaving a somewhat confused Brian to get in last.

"Wow, we really must be the worst big brothers in the world."

"I wouldn't worry about it," Adam shrugged, "It IS Christmas time, you know, I'm sure they're talking over some secrets."

"True," Brian agreed as they left the yard, "I guess it's just Daniel's mood that got me wondering."

"You'd think he was happier with Emily, considering the fact she gave him an A on that essay."

"You can be pretty dense sometimes. Don't you see that that is exactly what's making it even harder for him?"

"You been talking to Crane." It wasn't a question and the grin on Brian's face proved him right.

"Well, yeah, you know that boy's got that kid figured out."

Adam nodded, "That's a fact. And he's right, I know." He was quiet for a while and Brian didn't push. There were times he'd like to push a little, and he wasn't always sensible when dealing with his older brother, but other times he knew when to be quiet. It took a while, but when they were on the main road Adam spoke again, "Smart as that boy is, he can be a damn fool."

"Daniel?"

"No Crane."

"Oohh," That was unexpected. Brian waited, trying not to study his brothers face.

"Yeah oh indeed," Adam's jaw was set, his lips a straight line. "I shouldn't tell you, it'll spoil the day for you as well."

"It's spoilt yours already?"

Adam made a small gesture with one shoulder and one corner of his mouth twitched a little, "Spoil is a big word."

"You're worried about him?"

"Damn straight I am," Adam hit the steering wheel with the flat of his right hand, "That idiot is getting himself involved in things he shouldn't."

"Illegal things?" Brian tried to keep his voice calm, but Adam was worrying him and all sorts of scenario's were going through his head now.

"I don't know. Maybe. No, probably not, but still…."

"Adam, you're worrying me." Brian felt like stopping the car and beating the full story out of his brother if necessary.

"It may be nothing. He may be fine, but he's upset over some teacher being fired."

"I'm trying hard not to fill in the blanks here, but unless you start telling me a bit more, I will and I'll probably get it wrong and pull an Adam by jumping to conclusions."

Neither man was aware of the beautiful countryside they were passing through. Not that they took for granted the beauty of their surroundings. Far from it. But the two of them were too focused on their conversation to take in the beauty. Adam managed to keep his eyes on the road, for safety reasons, but that was it. "I don't jump to conclusions…," Adam didn't have to look to the right to know the look on Brian's face, "much." Then he took a deep breath, "Some teacher got fired for being gay."

"So Crane's joined some protest?" Remembering this was Crane they were talking about, Brian immediately amended his words, "Or starting a protest?"

"I wish that was all." Adam shook his head, as if trying to shake off his worries, "He thinks there's some foul play, something about the university being blackmailed into firing him and he wants to investigate."

"So? He'll ask around a bit…you don't think he's gonna ask questions that'll get him in trouble, do you?"

"Brian, I don't know. He might. The teacher already decided not to take any legal action, so that should be it, right? Case over. But no, not for Crane. I told him not to jeopardize anything, to make his exams his priority. But will he listen?"

"We're talking about Crane. The poster boy for being good."

"Yeah, except when he thinks what he's doing is right. You know that."

Now it was Brian's turn to sigh. The younger man stared out the window for a few long moments, not seeing anything, "He always did hate it when he felt someone wasn't being treated fairly."

"Exactly." Another slap on the steering wheel, "Damn it! Davis may not be far away, but it's too far to keep him from getting in over his head. What if he does something that causes him to lose his scholarship?"

"Okay, now you're doing exactly what Daniel keeps doing: worrying over things that haven't happened yet. Sounds like all he's doing is asking questions and maybe heading for some protest. They may not like that, but I doubt that'll lead to any real trouble."

"I hope you're right, Brian, I really do."

"For now, you have to let it go, man. I need you to get through this day with the boys. We need to bring our A game to keep an eye on all four of them and get all our shopping done as well."

"You think it's wise to let them go off on their own for an hour or so?" Adam shuddered at the thought of letting them lose in the mall.

"Not completely on their own. But in duo's I guess we'll have to. Daniel and Evan are old enough to keep an eye on Ford and Guthrie for a bit."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

* * *

"And why would I wanna do that?" Daniel was leaning back against the back of the cabin He'd been listening to Evan explaining their plan, but found it hard to get as excited as Ford and Guthrie clearly were.

"Cause they always get stuff like peppermint sticks," Ford argued.

"Don't you think we owe them a nice gift?" Evan looked at his brother in confusion.

Daniel just shrugged, "Don't know why."

"Why not?" Ford asked incredulously. None of the boys would voice it, but to them Adam and Brian were their parents as well as their older brothers. They were the ones who had dried their tears when they were sad, patched up scrapes and bruises, tucked them in at night, sang nursery rhymes and read stories, sorted out problems with teachers and were always there when they needed them. So in Ford's mind, they deserved the best gift they could find them and Evan's idea had been perfect.

"Don't you love them, Daniel?" Guthrie was watching Daniel with wide, innocent eyes and Daniel found himself crumbling. He could be nasty to Adam. He could give Brian a hard time. Evan and Daniel argued like cats and dogs at times. And even Ford, with all his cheerfulness, could get on Daniel's nerves, probably because of his cheerful attitude to life, when all Daniel wanted to do was be moody and contrary. Guthrie's innocence, however, always broke through the wall.

"Aw Guth, that's not it…"

"Then what, Daniel? I don't get it." Guthrie pulled himself closer to his older brother, sitting next to him. "I want to give them everything I can."

"And this is what we can do," Ford added.

"Okay…okay…I'll do it. But then we have to contact Crane too. He'll want to be a part of this."

A smile broke through on all three worried faces and Evan quickly agreed, "Of course! We'll figure out how to do it, but we will."

"Good, then I'm in. And I'm sure we can find what we need today," despite his mood Daniel found himself warming up to the plan, "I think I can ask my arts teacher at school if he can help. It's his hobby, I think, so I'm sure he can do it."

Immediately grasping Daniel's intention Evan beamed, "That'd be great! Adam and Brian are gonna be so surprised."

Guthrie was so excited he was literally bouncing causing the two men in the cabin to glance at each other in surprise. The mood in the back seemed to have changed dramatically.

Murphy's was such a small town it didn't have a mall. In fact, the nearest mall was about an hour's drive from the ranch, which is why it was quite an outing for the McFaddens. They only did it about twice a year. The Christmas shopping trip was a tradition, even if not every McFadden was a fan of shopping. Adam, in fact, hated it. He always had. Even as a small child he had tried everything he could think of to get out of having to go shopping with mom. As he got older those protest had changed tune, he'd found new arguments, but nothing had ever worked, except being ill, but then mom stayed home. Now that he was the head of the family, however, Adam made sure mom's Christmas tradition was kept intact. And now it was usually Evan who complained the most. Daniel actually liked going, mostly because there was a music store in the mall and he always made sure to have some extra money to spend on accessories for his guitar. Fortunately for Adam and Brian, Daniel could never save up enough money for the things he would really like, so there was enough to choose from for them to buy a nice present.

As they turned into the parking lot, Adam groaned. "I really hoped that by leaving early we'd avoid the crowd."

"It's two weeks before Christmas, there's no way there's not a crowd on Saturday," Brian gave a little shrug. "Coulda told you that."

"And you sat there listening to me going on and on about how glad I was we were getting here as the stores opened."

Brian couldn't help the small grin, "Hey, I wasn't about to burst your bubble."

"See if I get you a gift for Christmas!" Adam finally spotted a good spot – fortunately he wasn't too concerned about parking close to the entrance – and parked the truck, "Might just get you some coal and a switch."

"Hmm…I'd rather have Candy wrapped up in a bow, thank you very much."

"Get your mind out of the gutter! Geesh." Adam looked disgusted, but it was their regular banter and he didn't really mind.

"It's fun in the gutter every now and then, bro, you should try it some time."

"No, thank you." Adam turned off the engine and pushed the door open. Immediately the kids jumped out as well, leaving their blankets in the truck. "Hey, come here for a minute, all of you." He waited until everyone was gathered around. "There'll be no running in the parking lot. We stay together until we're at the food court. Guthrie, I won't force you to hold my hand," he ignored the boy's indignant look, "but you stay at my side, understood?"

The "yes, sir" may have sounded a little sullen, but Adam accepted it. "In the food court we'll spend the money from the swear jar on some hot drinks and a muffin…or whatever else you'd like, as long as it's reasonably, and we'll divide into groups. There will be no wandering off on your own. Guthrie and Ford, you are to stick to someone else the entire day. Even if we split in duo's, you two will not be together. Clear?" Two heads bobbed up and down. "The no wandering off alone goes for everyone! Understood?" Four heads bobbed this time and one split into a grin.

"Me too, sir?" The 'sir' was spoken in a teasing way and Adam reached out to cuff Brian on the head. Of course, Brian had seen it coming and ducked out of the way. It made the boys giggle and Brian felt his plan had succeeded. Sure, Adam was right to give that little speech, but it always put a downer on the entire spirit. Now they were laughing again.

"Okay, let's go…" Adam said a silent prayer, hoping the day would go well as they all headed for the entrance.

Half an hour and 2 blueberry muffins, 1 double chocolate muffin, 2 jelly doughnuts, 1 pumpkin spice doughnut, 2 large coffee and 4 hot chocolate later, the McFaddens were ready to hit the stores.

"Okay, first on the agenda is.." Adam started.

"Christmas presents!" Guthrie grinned.

Adam reached out and ruffled Guthrie's hair, "That too, champ. Don't worry." Looking at Evan and Daniel Adam continued, "Do you two want to go off together for a bit or are you fine with staying with us?"

Evan glanced at Daniel hoping to see some sign that the other boy wanted to, "I guess..if Daniel wants to."

Daniel shrugged, "Yeah, maybe we should."

"Good, Guthrie, you're with me, Ford with Brian. And let's say an hour and then we're all back here. Okay?"

"Not much time, bro," Brian had just returned from taking their empty cups and paper wraps to the trash can. "Why don't we make it an hour and a half."

Adam groaned, "Okay, an hour and a half." He usually knew what he wanted to buy and didn't need much time. Brian was different. He liked to look at different things and take his time deciding. Adam wondered how much of that time was also spend on buying gifts for different girls, but he didn't say that out loud. "Then after that, we'll split up again. Have lunch…."

"Don't give yourself a headache, buddy, just head off. If you're done sooner you can always take Guthrie to the toy store." Brian laughed as he draped his arm around Ford's shoulders, leading the boy away while Daniel and Evan went into the other direction, leaving a shocked Adam behind. If there was one thing the oldest did not want to do, it was going into a toy store.

"Don't worry, Adam," now that all his brothers were away, Guthrie felt more comfortable taking Adam's hand. "I won't ask for anything stupid and I don't want to go into the toy store."

Now Adam felt bad, "Aw it's fine, kiddo, I don't want you thinking you can't want stuff that kids your age want. Don't worry about it. So? Where shall we go first?"

"You're getting something for Brian now, right?"

"Well, yes, I think so. And for Ford, because he'll probably be with me after this."

They started walking away from the food court as they talked and passed quite a few stores before Guthrie said, "Adam? I know something Ford wants…."

"I'm sure he put it on his list if he does."

"Nuh uh," Guthrie shook his head, "Cause he feels he doesn't deserve a new one after he broke the other one. But he saved for it, for a really long time."

"You mean that radio controlled car he bought"

Guthrie nodded, "He was real sad when it broke."

Adam nodded thoughtfully, "I wish he'd asked my advice before buying it. I would have told him to save a little bit more and buy another one. This one was bound to break down."

"You knew it was no good?"

"Well, no good is a big word, but I knew as soon as I saw it, it wouldn't last long. Didn't expect it to break down within two days, though. You know what? I think you've just had a brilliant idea. We'll find him a new one. One that'll last him a while."

"And Brian?"

"Ah Brian….cologne of course. What else?"

Guthrie giggled, "I think he smells funny when he goes out. Do girls like that stuff?"

"They do….when it's used in moderation."

"What's mode….moderation?"

"It means using just enough, but not too much."

"Like you do."

"Like I do. But Brian doesn't really use too much of it. Not since Dad taught him how much to use after he nearly finished an entire bottle for his first date."

"Bet the bathroom stank after that."

"Sure did! Even after Mom had opened the window the place stank for hours."

* * *

"Come on, Daniel, you can't buy more than a new pick anyway," Evan tried not to sound whiny, but it was difficult. As much as he liked music there was only so much time he could spend in the music store, especially without money to spend. "We have other things to do. Remember?"

"Even if I can't buy, I can look and dream of what I'm saving up for," Daniel was admiring a new guitar. He couldn't help letting his fingers slide along the strings.

"That is not a toy, young man," A greying man in a brown suit with yellow shirt appeared behind him. "That guitar is much too expensive for some kids to play with. You break it, your daddy's gonna have to pay for it."

"I doubt that," Daniel's snarky response was a desperate attempt to hide the sudden hurt he felt.

"Oh he will. That's a Fender Stratocaster electric guitar. It costs a pretty fortune."

Daniel shrugged, "It may be good, but I prefer an acoustical guitar any day."

"Oh…you've had a lesson or two, have you? Well, maybe I can show you a few of those over there…" the salesman pointed at a selection in the back of the store.

"No, I like it here. I'd like to try this one."

"I don't think so, boy."

"Why not? You let that guy over there play," he made a motion with his hand towards a man playing another electric guitar. "And he's not even good."

"Daniel…" Evan touched Daniel's hand.

"That is a grownup who can actually afford to buy it. You're not. So leave the guitar alone and look at things better suited for your wallet and age. Or leave the store."

"I can't even look at things? What kind of stupid crap is that?"

"That's it…you're out of here, young man!" He took Daniel by the arm with the intention of dragging him out the store.

"Don't touch me!" Daniel pulled himself free. "I'm not doing anything wrong.

"I don't want punks like you in my store! Now you leave or I'll call the police!"

"What for? I didn't do anything wrong."

"Daniel," Evan urged, "Please, let's just go. We need to get Christmas presents, remember?"

"Evan, he's got no right to hurt me." Daniel was rubbing his arm.

"OUT!" the salesman gave him a push.

* * *

"So do you know what you're gonna get Adam?" Unlike his big brother, Ford wasn't really all that fond of shopping. He wasn't as bad as Evan, mostly because of his nature. He would find something interesting to do or look at no matter where he was. But that didn't mean he liked going from store to store to store.

Brian shook his head, "He won't like me buying him a new shirt, but boy, does he need one. He only buys those checkered shirts, but now that he's dating…"

"He needs to look a bit smarter," Ford chuckled.

"Yeah, you got that right."

"Maybe we should get him some cologne, like the kind you've got."

Brian laughed, "Oh buddy, we'd better not."

"How come?"

"Well, Adam's made it perfectly clear on multiple occasions that he thinks my cologne is too strong."

Ford shrugged, "Oh. Do your dates like it?"

"A girl gave it to me."

"While you were still dating her or afterwards?"

Brian pretended to take a swipe at Ford's backside, "Cheeky! But smart. You've already got an understanding of this dating business beyond Adam's, I can tell you that. It was while we were still dating, so no, it wasn't to get back at me."

Ford giggled, "Coulda been."

"I suppose so." Slowly the ladies man looked at his blonde haired brother, "Am I really that bad? I mean, do you think I just go from girl to girl?" It may have been an odd question to ask a 12-year-old, but he hadn't given it much thought before the words came out. "Sorry, I shouldn't ask you that."

But Ford shrugged, "You like going on dates, but you don't like having a real girlfriend."

Raising his eyebrows Brian thought about that answer. It was closer to the truth than he liked to admit even to himself. For a moment he didn't know what to say.

"Why don't you want a girlfriend, Brian?"

"It's not that I don't want one, kiddo, I just think I'm too young to tie myself down. And maybe I just haven't found the right girl yet. Maybe things will change when I do."

Thoughtfully, Ford nodded, "Maybe…." Suddenly he noticed some commotion in the store they were passing. "What's going on in there?"

Following Ford's look Brian's eyes grew wide, "That's Daniel and Ford. What on earth have they done now?!" But as he stepped into the store Daniel stumbled backwards from the strong push and although Brian tried to catch his brother before he fell, Daniel lost his footing. He fell on his butt, but that wasn't the worst. There was a crash as his head hit the stand of the ride cymbals of a drum kit. The cymbals crashed into the snare drum, which in turn fell into the crash cymbal which ended up falling on Daniel's head.

T.B.C.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks again for all the reviews, PM's, followers etc. You guys have no idea how much that means. Well, maybe some do, because at least some of you are writers too.

Anyway, here is chapter 13.

Chapter 13

"What…Daniel, you alright?" Brian immediately went down on one knee to check on his little brother. Evan was right with him on the floor. "Don't try to get up. Let me check first, okay, buddy?" Despite Brian's words Daniel did try to push himself up to a standing position, but when the world started spinning he decided sitting was a perfectly fine choice. In fact, he liked the floor very much. "Head hurt?"

The look Daniel gave Brian told the man enough, "Stupid question huh?"

Afraid nodding wasn't such a good idea right now, Daniel croaked, "Yeah, kinda."

"What happened? Did you trip?"

"That man pushed him!" Evan pointed angrily at the salesman who now gave them an indignant look.

"I did no such thing! Those two have been a nuisance from the moment they stepped into the store." He started picking up the pieces of the drum kit, checking them out as he did, "If there is so much as a scratch on this you are paying for it! First the guitar, now the drums..."

"You're lying!" Evan had gotten to his feet and if Brian hadn't done the same and held him back, he would have punched the man. "Brian, he's lying! Daniel didn't do nothing. He hardly touched the guitar."

"Hardly?"

"He tried the strings. Brian, you know Daniel can play. He'd never damage an instrument." Evan was adamant to defend his older brother. The two may have their fights, but when there was a common enemy they stuck together like glue. "And that guy pushed him to get us out of the store."

"Yeah, he did, Brian," Daniel had his hand on his head, rubbing the sore spot where the cymbal had hit him.

"And who are you?" the salesman looked at Brian.

"I'm their older brother. And I happen to believe my brothers," Brian's eyes turned to ice as he looked at the man.

"Punk kids! No discipline. That's what's wrong with this world. Just no discipline," The drums were all back in place and by miracle nothing was broken or damaged, not that he would admit that right now. "I want a word with your father! Maybe he can knock some manners into you all."

Brian's eyes turned even darker as he fixed the man with a glare, while ignoring that sick feeling in his stomach every time he thought about their parents. Instead, he chose sarcasm, "I'd love to give you our father's number, but unless you've got heaven's area code that's gonna be mighty difficult. My brother and I are their guardians," It was a little white lie, because technically, only Adam was their guardian, "So you're left with me. Now, did or didn't you push my little brother?"

"Of course I did not."

"He did, brian!" Evan yelled, "First he grabbed Daniel's arm and then he pushed him." Brian had held on to Evan, more to keep himself from punching the salesman than to keep Evan from doing so, but now he let go and was about to hit the man himself, when his arm was grabbed and he found himself being pulled back.

"You don't want to do that," a voice spoke in his ear. "It's not worth it."

"It'll make me feel a whole lot better, mister," Brian disagreed.

"Don't you even try it. I'll have you in jail so fast your head will spin," the salesman threatened. He felt braver now that it seemed the big angry man was being restrained. With someone in his corner, he managed to get the fear mostly out of his voice.

"See?" The other man, who was the same man Evan and Daniel had seen playing guitar earlier, spoke calm but with authority, "You hit him and he can have you arrested. Or at least get you in a lot of trouble. Not hitting him means he is the one in a world of trouble. Because, I am a witness to the incident, or rather, the assault."

"Assault?" The salesman's voice went up a notch.

"Yes, assault. These boys were admiring a guitar. They weren't doing anything wrong, yet this salesman took a dislike to them. He threatened them, manhandled one of them and then pushed your boy into the drum set. That, my man, is assault. If that boy is truly injured, we might be talking about a felony."

The salesman was starting to look a sickly shade of green and Brian had to hide the smirk that tried to will its way to his lips.

"Yeah, that's what happened," Evan was nodding. "That's exactly it."

"So, you're saying we should call the police?" Brian usually preferred handling things himself.

"Well, that's a possibility," The man agreed.

"You're kidding! You've got to be kidding," The salesman looked like he was about to faint. Now that he was faced with two adults he wasn't such a bully anymore. "I was trying to remove two punks from the store."

"Unfortunately for you, I will tell the police a different story," the other customer said calmly, "And since I happen to be a district attorney and unrelated to any of these people, I can't help but think they will believe me."

"But…but…." The salesman could only stammer, unable to form any logical sentence. Of course, there was nothing he could say that would turn this around.

"Of course," the DA continued with a glance at Brian and the boys, "that depends largely on these gentleman pressing charges against you. They might be willing to let this go with a phone call to your employer. I am sure he would like to hear how you treat your customers."

"I am the owner," The man tried to outsmart the DA, but he had his back against the wall.

"Well, in that case I have a feeling you'll want to apologize. You won't make any money from jail and even if you didn't go to jail, this is very bad publicity."

"Jail?" Daniel was slowly getting to his feet. "Isn't that a bit of an exaggeration?"

"Well," The DA said, looking back at Daniel with a quick wink, "In cases of assault that is a possibility for the judge. And you were hit on the head. No idea what kind of damage that did. Might get worse too."

"I feel just f…" but realizing the man was simply trying to scare the owner of the music store, Daniel shut his mouth.

"Exactly, never know with head injuries. So depending on your injury, this might be considered a felony and then this man here is looking at at least a year in jail. And that's not even counting the civil suit he might be facing, should you be inclined to sue him for damages."

Swallowing his pride the owner looked at the boys and Brian, "I do apologize." He sounded like he was choking on the words and if Daniel didn't know exactly how it felt to be forced to apologize, he would have laughed. As it was, he started to feel sorry for the man.

"It's okay," the boy quickly said.

"Hold on," Brian looked at the DA, "he's a minor, so it'd be my decision whether or not we press charges, right?"

"Brian!" Daniel looked shocked, but the DA nodded.

"Yes, that would be up to you, in this case."

"Much as I'd like to punch you, mister," Brian gave the owner another glare, "I'm glad this man held me back. But if you think I'm gonna let you off with an apology like that, you have another thing coming. Even our 8-year-old knows that's not a proper apology."

His hands in front of him, as if to ward off an attack, the owner spoke quickly, "Look, there really is no need for the police to get involved. It was a simple misunderstanding. I thought I saw the boy do something that he didn't. I overreacted." He wasn't sure what scared him more, the idea of being prosecuted or the thought of his business being hurt by bad publicity. "The boy seems fine, but I'm perfectly willing to pay for any medical costs if that is necessary."

"Hmm…sounds like excuses to me. I was always taught to take responsibility for my actions," Brian had his arms crossed as he watched the panicking owner.

"I can always throw in a gift certificate for the young man," Suddenly the owner looked even more panicked and looked at the DA, "Or is that bribery? I mean, I don't want to…"

"Don't worry. As long are you're not offering it to me, you're perfectly within the constraints of the law. Nothing can stop you and these people from coming to a mutual agreeable outcome."

"Well?" The man looked at the McFaddens with hope-filled eyes.

"Dan'l?" Brian wrapped his arm around Daniel's shoulders, "What do you say?"

"Brian, I….," Daniel hesitated.

"Take it!" Evan called out, "the sooner you'll have that new guitar."

"I don't want it that way," Blushing a little, Daniel looked up at Brian, "I mean, yeah, he was a jerk treating us like that. And he shouldn't have pushed me. But most of the rest was an accident. And I already accepted the apology."

Brian had to restrain every fiber of his being not to give Daniel a kiss on the top of his head, "I agree, kiddo. I think you've made a very mature decision." Then he looked at the owner, "Guess you're off the hook." Part of him still wanted to punch the guy, but instead, he simply looked away, "Thank you very much for your help, mister…"

"Harris. Frank Harris," Frank held out his hand and shook Brian's who introduced himself as well as the two boys. "I'm glad I could be of help." The four left the store together, leaving the owner behind to lick his wounds. "I have two boys of my own and I'd like to think someone would stand up for them if they found themselves in a similar position."

"Still, it means a lot," Brian insisted. "Including the fact that you protected me against myself."

"Brian likes to fight," Evan offered and Brian rolled his eyes.

"Out of the mouth of babes," Frank laughed. "But now this young man still has no guitar."

"Didn't have money for it anyway. Was just seeing what I was saving up for," Daniel shrugged.

"You play?"

"Yeah he plays! He's real good too," Evan boasted earning him a shy look from Daniel.

"Not that good."

"Yeah you are, isn't he, Brian?" Evan insisted.

"He's quite good," Brian agreed with the 13-year-old. "But his old guitar will have to do for a while longer. Don't think Santa has one on his list either." The last words were spoken rather ruefully, because both older McFaddens wished they could give their brothers more. Daniel had other ideas though.

"Of course not, Brian. Christmas isn't about big gifts. And it'll mean more if I've worked for it myself."

Brian's pride was as unmistakable as the boys' love for one another and Frank smiled, "That's a very good attitude, Daniel. It'll get you far in life."

"Just the way I was raised," Daniel may have made it sound like it was the most normal thing in the world, but Frank Harris had seen enough in his 10 year career in law to know that it wasn't.

"Well, in that case, you were raised very well," He shook their hands again, "good luck with your Christmas shopping. I guess I'd better get to my own as well. Spent too much time playing guitar in here…and badly too." He winked at Daniel whose eyes grew just a little wider. He hoped it was just a casual remark, because if the man had heard him say that earlier, he'd feel very bad. Frank reached into his pocket and retrieved his business card, handing it to Brian, "If that little bump on Daniel's head turns out to be something worse, just give me a call and I'll be happy to testify. It was nice meeting you."

"You too," Brian said. They watched the man walk off and then slowly turned and walked away from the store. "Well, that was an adventure. And I still didn't get my shopping done."

* * *

"So have you done your Christmas shopping yet," June plopped down on Crane's bed, "Or have you really been studying full time?"

"Well, pretty much," Crane grinned sheepishly as he looked at her over his shoulders. He was sitting at the small desk in his room, with his notebook open. He'd lost count how many times he'd read through his notes already, but with only two more days, he needed to get this done. "I've also been trying to come up with a plan to find out whether or not they were really being blackmailed."

"Blackmailed into firing John, you mean?" The redhead pulled up her legs and made herself comfortable. It was clearly a subject they had talked about before.

"Yeah," the grin had disappeared from Crane's face.

"I feel so bad for him, you know?" June's pretty features were usually enhanced by her bright smile, but now a dark cloud hang over them. "He's so nice and so passionate about teaching."

"He's the best teacher I've ever had. Who cares who he loves? I don't. You don't."

"No, but a lot of people do," June subconsciously plucked at imaginary fluff on Crane's quilt. "I had a terrible row with my dad about it. He said teachers like that are perverted and will corrupt us."

"My brother did his best to avoid saying things like that, but I don't know…" Crane didn't want to think Adam would be that narrow minded, but he knew he couldn't rule it out, "He may have thought it."

"So, instead of studying, you've been trying to come up with a plan to help John?" June got up and walked over to Crane, placing her hands on his shoulders, massaging them. "You're such a generous person."

"Hmm…don't know about that."

"Oh I do…." Before Crane could stop her, she'd reached out with one hand and pushed his book aside revealing a map of the campus. "I knew I saw you covering something up when I came in! So, tell me!"

"I can't." Crane tried to take the map, but she'd already picked it up. "Come on, give it back."

"I don't think so…," she held it behind her back as she backed away from him, "You'll have to tell me what the plan is first."

"Or I can simply take it from you." Crane had gotten up and reached around her.

She backed up even further. "You might rip it. And then what?"

"I'd get a new map," He did another attempt to take it from her but as she took another step back her legs hit the bed and she tumbled backwards, taking him with her.

"Crane, if that's what you wanted, you should have just said so," She giggled when he landed on top of her.

Crane didn't know how fast to roll off her and scramble to his feet, "Gee, June, I'm so so sorry."

"Silly! I was just teasing," She sat up again, "We're just friends. I know that. I respect that. In fact, it's what I like about you. You're nothing but a gentleman and a great friend. You're not one of those guys who only want one thing when they see a girl."

As soon as she let her guard down Crane pulled the map from her hands. "Gotcha!"

"Oh! That was a rotten thing to do!" The pout on her face made Crane laugh even more. "Why won't you tell me?"

"Because," Crane hesitated, immediately serious again, "I don't want you getting in trouble."

"You're going to get yourself in trouble?"

"I don't know. I might. I'm not afraid of it." Crane folded the map and put it in his pocket.

"Neither am I. You know that," She gave him a mischievous grin, knowing he'd remember that afternoon in their first week, when she'd got him to go skinny dipping. And that prank she'd pulled a few weeks ago on the guy who always tried to put his own laundry in with other people's.

"Not that kind of trouble."

"Maybe I can help. Even if just with planning it out. You're not the only one who's lost a great teacher, you know."

"It's just that this…" Again Crane hesitated. June had been a friend since he'd come to Davis. He'd confided in her a number of times. About his brothers, about his classes, his insecurities, his dreams, his fears. He'd lost her a little when he was with Heather, the girl who'd gotten him to use drugs, but he'd been able to earn back June's trust and they'd been best friends ever since. And part of him wanted to confide in her now as well. Yet, another part wanted to protect her from possible consequences. "June, I might be planning something illegal."

"So?"

"So?" Crane couldn't believe his ears. "That's not something to talk lightly about."

"Not the first time I broke the law, you know. Did you think skinny dipping was allowed?"

"No, of course not," Crane felt the blush creep up all the way to his ears thinking back to that day, "But that's different."

"Then tell me why it's different!"

Making a decision Crane groaned, "Okay…I'll tell you a part of it."

* * *

"Hey!" Adam finally raised his voice. "There'll be no throwing with food. It's bad enough that it happens at home, but I'm not having it here in the middle of the mall."

"It was an accident, Adam," Evan tried to look as innocent as Ford could. The problem was that not only was Ford better at his own look, it was also a very natural one to him, because he very seldom was guilty and if he was, he would look it. So Evan's attempt remained just that: an attempt and it didn't fool Adam.

The man leaned in to look Evan straight in the eye, his voice dangerously low as he said, "Are you adding lying to general misbehavior?"

Immediately Evan's expression changed, "No, sir."

"Then just say sorry, put that fry down and don't throw anything else. Clear?"

Evan wanted to roll his eyes, but he knew he was pushing his brother. If there was one thing Adam hated, it was lying. "I'm sorry, Adam. Honest." He put the fry in his mouth instead of putting it down, a small show of rebellion, but Adam didn't call him on it. After all, the fries were there to eat them, not look at them.

"Same goes for the rest of you: no more."

Daniel had stayed out of it, mostly. He was enjoying his burger and fries, while sipping coca cola. They didn't drink much of it at home, but he liked it. It also helped him as he digested what had happened. The incident in the music store had shaken him more than he liked to admit. Not that the man had really scared him, well not much anyway, but he wasn't used to being treated that way in a store. Back in Murphys everyone knew him and even the grumpy people wouldn't have thought he was about to damage something or even steal. And they certainly wouldn't have pushed him like that. It had all added to his already morose mood about a possibly lost friendship and his fears over Adam's dates messing up his own life. He wasn't sure he wanted to help his brothers with their plan, but he knew he'd hate himself if he didn't. And it would make Adam and Brian feel bad. Despite his issues with Adam at times, he didn't want to hurt his brother.

"So, has everyone done their shopping?" Adam took a big bite out of his own burger causing the tomato to fall out. Fortunately, it fell on the table, not his pants, because it was drenched in ketchup and would have ruined his jeans. He started cleaning it up with a tissue while he chewed.

"You're kidding, right?" Brian laughed, "Have barely started and we still need some extra lights to replace that string that broke down last year. And of course someone who will remain nameless," He glanced in Guthrie's direction as he said it, "broke one of the shepherds last year so we'll need a new one."

"It was an accident!" Guthrie said for the hundredth time.

"I know, kiddo, it's okay," Brian tousled the boy's hair, "I'm just teasing you. You get to pick the new one."

"As long as it's not a weird color!" Evan insisted.

"As long as it's a human one," Daniel added, "Remember that he thought baby Jesus was a lamb because of the song?"

Evan and Daniel laughed and even the oldest two had trouble not to laugh. Guthrie turned red, though, "Stop it! I didn't know, right."

"They're just teasing you," Adam said softly to him.

"Why does everyone pick on me? Pick on someone else for a change."

Adam wrapped his arm around his youngest brother and pulled him a bit closer, "I know it seems like they only tease you, but I promise you we all get teased."

"You don't." Guthrie wasn't ready to give in yet.

"Oh you bet I do," Adam looked at Brian, "That big guy over there likes to get under my skin as often as he can."

"And he me," Brian retorted, "he's pretty good at teasing too."

"Still, I don't like it," Guthrie pouted, "And teasing is only okay when the other person is okay with it. Otherwise it's bullying. That's what you taught me."

"You're right," Adam sighed, remembering that conversation very well. It was the same talk he'd gotten himself as a little boy. "We're sorry. But kiddo, you really shouldn't take it to heart so much. When we tease you, it's because we love you."

"I just didn't want a lamb for a shepherd," Daniel grinned wickedly, "How would a lamb shepherd lambs?"

"Daniel," Adam shook his head as he chided, "it's enough now."

"Geesh," Daniel didn't know why, but the gentle admonishment got his dander up and he raised his voice. "Can't say anything here!" He angrily put his coke down. Unfortunately, the force with which he did it caused the cup to tip over and the remainder of the cold liquid and the ice to spilled out over the table and unto the floor.

"Daniel! Was that really necessary?"

"It was an accident." Unlike Evan earlier, Daniel's words sounded more like a challenge than an excuse.

Adam glared at the boy, "Even if you didn't mean to spill that coke, that little temper tantrum you just had caused it."

Daniel bristled at that, "I'm not two! Toddlers have temper tantrums!"

"Exactly. So you should be far too old for them."

Daniel opened his mouth and closed it again. He hated having his own words used against him. And he wanted to do the same to Adam. Problem was, he had nothing. Nothing he could use. Nothing he could think of that wouldn't make it even easier on Adam to yell at him. And although he wanted to do some yelling of his own, something held him back.

Watching the emotions cross Daniel's face Adam knew he'd made a point, but he was about to make another point. "Do I have to treat you like a toddler with a temper tantrum? Because I tell you, you have been asking for it for a while now. Ever since you came back from school yesterday you've just been impossible. So I'm more than willing to put you over my knee. Right here and now!"

Daniel's eyes grew wide and everyone around their two tables went very quiet and looked on just as wide-eyed, "You wouldn't!" Daniel could kick himself, knowing that sounded like he was challenging Adam and he knew not to. But geesh, how dare Adam treat him like he really was a toddler?!

"I wouldn't?" Adam's voice had risen in volume, but now got low again. "You wanna try me, little boy?" He got to his feet and looked down at the dark haired teenager.

"I'm not little! I'm fourteen. I'm almost a man. And you're not my father!"

"I may not be your father, but I'm your guardian. What I say goes." Adam reached out and took Daniel by the arm giving him a little shake.

"Adam…let go! You can't." Tears filled the boy's eyes. His brother had grabbed him in exactly the same place the store owner had grabbed him earlier and the spot was sore. He tried to wrestle free, but that only made Adam's grip tighten around his bicep and hurt even more.

"I am done with the attitude," A swat landed on Daniel's backside, causing the boy to twist his hips away from the man. "I'm done with temper tantrums," Adam had no trouble finding his behind again with a hard swat. "And I'm very much done with the back talk!" The hardest swat of the three landed and Daniel bit his tongue in order to stop himself from crying out. "Now you sit your butt down, eat your lunch and the rest of the day you stick with me. When we're home you and I are going to have a long talk about your behavior and I promise you, one wrong move today and I won't wait till we're home. There's a nice big restroom I can take you to. Am I making myself crystal clear?"

Tears, anger and self-preservation were warring in the teenager, but finally self-preservation won out, "Yes, sir," he mumbled and as soon as Adam released him he lowered himself on his seat, keeping his head down. He didn't want to see the sympathy-filled looks from his brothers, nor did he want to see the faces of the strangers around them. He hoped they were all strangers. If he'd looked, he would have known their little scene hadn't even attracted too much attention. A young teenager being swatted by an adult was not an uncommon occurrence and they hadn't been as loud as they thought they were. Every other McFadden present tried to focus on their lunch as well, not wanting to look at Daniel for fear of embarrassing him.

Slowly Daniel took bites from his food, but as usual when he was upset, his stomach tightened and his appetite disappeared. The thought of people seeing him getting spanked, even if it was only a few swats, and the knowledge there was a real spanking coming, were enough for the boy to feel totally miserable and having to fight tears. As he nibbled he subconsciously rubbed his arm every now and then.

Adam felt Brian's eyes on him as he matched Daniel's slowness at sitting down. Deep down, there was a nagging voice asking him what the difference was between Daniel losing his temper and tipping the coke and him losing his temper and spanking his brother. Not that he didn't think Daniel deserved some consequences, he'd let it go on for too long probably, but he shouldn't have lost his temper. Brian's disapproving eyes told him exactly that. Finally, the oldest looked up at Brian and mouthed, "I know." Brian looked pointedly at Daniel and Adam got the message.

"Danny?" He said softly reaching out to the younger boy and touching his lower arm, the resulting flinch feeding his guilt. "Danny, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper."

Daniel shrugged noncommittedly, but didn't say anything.

"I know you're probably very angry at me right now."

"Yeah," the teen almost whispered.

"I can see that. I punish you for a temper tantrum and then act in anger myself."

"Does that mean we won't...talk at home?"

Adam had to smile despite himself, "We'll still talk, buddy."

"That's not fair."

"I can understand you feel that way. But I promise we'll also really talk."

"If it means you'll still sp…punish me," he hated actually saying the word spank, "I don't care."

"Well, I hope…" Suddenly Adam noticed Daniel rubbing his arm. Was that the first time? No, he'd seen it a few times. Surely, he hadn't held on that tightly, had he? "Are you hurting?"

"Of course I am, you just…"

"I meant your arm." Before Daniel could pull away Adam had his hand and pushed his sleeves up revealing a very red upper arm, the imprint of fingers there were starting to turn to bruises. "Oh my god…I...did I…" Adam felt weak in the knees. Had he been standing he might have fallen. He let go of Daniel's hand in shock and fell back in his chair. "I never…"

"I doubt that's your doing, bro," Brian calmed him down. He may have felt Adam should have handled Daniel more calmly, he also knew that he hadn't lost his temper that much. Yes, the man had been angry and Brian was sure the swats had hurt. But nothing that bad that it would still hurt now. So he also knew the bruising on the arm had another cause than Adam's grip. "I bet that happened at the music store earlier."

Daniel nodded. Although the revengeful feelings in him reveled in the fact that Adam was blaming himself for it, he wouldn't lie about it. And there was always that nagging feeling of guilt over all the back talk and behavior the past 20 hours. "Adam grabbed me right where that guy squeezed my arm."

"What guy?"

"Oh shoot…" After their first round they had only briefly met to regroup and rearrange the duo's and then at lunch there had been one thing after another. Brian had simply been doing too many other things to think of telling Adam. He had the good grace to look ashamed. "I never told you about the incident at the music store."

"No, you haven't!" Adam felt himself getting nervous. What on earth had happened in such an innocent place. A place Daniel loved! "You'd better tell me."

Brian gave Adam a quick update, with occasional help from Evan and Daniel, and as he spoke Adam's face became grimmer by the second.

"I'm going to the police! And we'll sue!"

"Adam, be reasonable," Brian tried, but Adam shot him down.

"You're not his guardian. I am. So it's my decision, not yours. And I say I'm going to the police." He never noticed Brian's expression of pure hurt. All he felt was this overwhelming need to protect 'his boys'. They may not be his, but his protective side felt that way anyway.

"Adam, please," Daniel spoke up again. "I know you're mad at me already, but please…it's not worth it. I don't want that man to lose his store or end up in jail or both or worse, I don't know…" the possibilities Frank had spoken about had shaken the young teen. "I just don't want to have anything to do with him."

Adam's look at Daniel were much more gentle now than they had been a few minutes ago. "Danny, this guy needs to know he can't do this."

"He knows. Honest."

"Daniel's right, Adam, he knows. I promise you. Frank was a great help there. Really put the fear of God in him. He was shaking in his boots. He even offered gift certificates."

"And rightly so, Brian, Daniel should have accepted."

Daniel shrugged, "I didn't want nothing from him."

"Anything," Adam corrected automatically.

"Anything from him," Daniel looked at his big brother with big expressive eyes, "I'd never feel okay with anything that came from him."

Finally, Evan piped up, "I think you should have."

"But I think I can understand where Daniel's coming from," Adam had kept his eyes on Daniel, "I'll respect that. But Daniel, what if he treats someone else this way? Some other kid. And there's no one like Frank to help him out?"

"I really don't think he'll do that, Adam. He never realized what it could mean to him or his business. Now he does. Please…I just want to be done with it."

"Alright," Adam conceded, "I still think it would be better, but I won't force you."

"Thanks," Now Daniel felt even worse about taking his mood out on Adam, and Guthrie, earlier. "And Adam…I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know why I got so mad."

"Well, having heard this, I think I can put it in perspective a little. It doesn't excuse you, we've talked about your temper before, but it helps knowing this." Adam got to his feet again and pulled Daniel up to give him a quick hug. Even though they were in public, Daniel didn't resist. It was the first time in at least a couple of days the boy allowed a hug.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you again for all those lovely reviews and PM's. It's wonderful to read them.

Unfortunately, I can't respond privately to guest reviews, but know that I truly appreciate every single word!

Only the first part of this chapter has been proofread and I normally wouldn't post without reading it through at least three times looking for typos and mistakes, but I'm afraid that if I don't post it now I'll lose my nerve. It's always nerve-wrecking to post chapters containing spankings. You know some readers are waiting for it, others are dreading that part and some not only stop reading but are disgusted by it (despite all the warnings in the summary). But this is my story and I need to write it the way I want to write it. However, that doesn't mean I don't get nervous posting this chapters.

Okay, enough with the stalling!

Chapter 14

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a beat up, ancient truck Hey!"

The boys in the back doubled over laughing as Ford finished the song. The boy didn't often take the spotlight, but after Guthrie had complained about a silly song about snow and sleighing when there clearly was no snow, Ford had changed the lyrics of the famous Christmas song and entertained them all.

"Better?" He mischievously asked the youngest McFadden.

"Much! Even if it doesn't rhyme." Guthrie grinned, "But it's a good thing Adam can't hear us, cause he wouldn't like it that you called his truck ancient and beat up."

Ford shrugged, "It's just a song. Adam can take a joke."

"Yeah, but he looooooves this truck," Evan chuckled, "If he wasn't finally dating, I'd think this was the love of his life."

"You can't love a car like that," Guthrie pulled a face.

"Well, tell that to the tons of men who love their car more than their wives," Evan couldn't help going on, "I heard mom say that to someone once."

"That's weird," Guthrie concluded.

If it wasn't for the wind and the noise of the motor, including some rattling Brian promised himself he'd look at, the volume of their song would have penetrated through the window to the cabin. But Adam would have chuckled. Instead, the two oldest were in a deep discussion about Christmas lights. Again.

"I just think it would look awesome to have one of those sleighs with reindeer on the front lawn. Show that we're in the spirit."

"No!" The disgust not only showed on Adam's face, but was heard in his voice. "I'll not have the ranch turned into some circus."

"I'm not talking about circus tents and elephants," Brian wasn't giving up. "Oohhh I saw a Santa in town we could put on the roof. All lit up you could see it in town!"

"Are you mad?" Adam glanced sideways, past Daniel who was sitting in the middle. The oldest McFadden had kept word and kept Daniel by his side the entire time.

"No, I'm just more of a Bob Cratchit and you're more of an Ebenezer Scrooge."

"I am not like Scrooge! I am nothing like Scrooge. I happen to love Christmas. I love turkey, I love stuffing, love chocolate, Christmas tree, presents…"

"You don't love mistletoe…" Brian poked Daniel in the ribs as he teased and making the boy laugh despite his horrible day.

"I like mistletoe. Just as long as there's no one underneath it that I don't want to kiss."

"You'd like it if it was Miss Morgan," Daniel chuckled and watched Adam blush a little.

"I might."

"We'll just have to test that theory some time."

"Don't you dare. Just…don't you dare, Brian. Because I'll…I'll…"

"Yes, Adam, what would you do? Punch me? Not after you've just kissed your girl you wouldn't. Of course, Scrooge doesn't kiss girls."

"I'll think of something." Adam turned off the high way at the exit. "And don't call me Scrooge!"

"If the shoe fits…" Brian was merciless, "You won't even have lights in the oak tree in front of the house. Or on the arch to the ranch."

"I never said that. Of course that's fine."

"Great!" A triumphant smile appeared on Brian's face.

It took Adam a full second, but then he hit the wheel, "Da….rn it! You planned this all along, didn't you?"

"Hey, no going back on your word now. You said yes, so yes it is."

With a glance at Daniel Adam nodded, "I won't go back on it. But I tell you, it's becoming more and more tempting to put coals and a switch in your stocking."

Brian shrugged, "I don't care what I get for Christmas. We'll have the best lit house in the entire county." He just laughed when Adam rolled his eyes and winked at Daniel. "He'll like it when they're all up. You're gonna help me right?"

Daniel hesitated a little and looked at Adam, then back at Brian, "I don't know…"

"It might be best if you and the boys got it all started so Daniel and I can get our little talk out of the way," Adam decided and Daniel felt his stomach tighten.

"Might be best," Brian agreed, serious all of a sudden. "I'd like to get at least part of it all up tonight. I've got a date."

Adam started to roll his eyes, but then shrugged, "You're home for dinner?"

"Of course. Not picking her up till 10."

"10?!" Again, Adam reigned in his temper. "No, that's fine. I know you're good for breakfast in the morning. And chores and church."

"Oh yeah…church." Brian had forgotten that. "Yeah, I'll be good for that."

"Great. I've asked Emily for lunch after church tomorrow."

Daniel looked absolutely abhorred by the idea. "At home?"

"Yes, at home. I'd like her to see the ranch and you boys."

"But she's already seen us."

"He's got you there, Adam," Brian butted in, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"She hasn't seen our ranch yet, or the house. And she hasn't met you all in your own environment."

Daniel groaned, "My teacher in my home….the ultimate nightmare!" He wasn't sure what was worse: the prospect of having his teacher in his home or the knowledge that not too long from now he'd get his backside tanned. Where was that third option when you needed it?

"Oh I can think of worse things," Brian held up his hand and started listing, "There's coming back to the locker room after showering and not finding your clothes. There's writing a sappy note to your girlfriend and having it intercepted by your teacher and read out loud in the class room. There's…"

"You can stop now," Daniel shook his head, "I know you. You could go on forever."

Adam couldn't resist, "That's because it's all happened to him. I could tell you a few more…"

"Never mind," Brian quickly interrupted, knowing his older brother had a bit too many stories about him. Some were definitely not meant to ever be repeated, especially not to their little brothers. Driving through the arch reminded him of Adam's little bombshell about having his girl over for lunch and that was the perfect way to get Adam away from all the embarrassments about Brian's youth. "We'll be nice to your new girlfriend."

"Speak for yourself," but Daniel immediately changed his teasing to a serious tone when he caught Adam's look, "Sorry. I'll…is it okay if I say I'll do my best?"

Adam draped an arm around Daniel's shoulder, "That's fine, buddy. Much better than a promise you're not sure you can keep."

"Then I'll really do my best."

It was still a little bit of a drive to the house from the moment they went through the arch, but before long they were there and all filed out of the truck, everyone carrying bags from different stores, trying to hide shapes.

"Okay, put those bags away as quickly as you can. It's 4 already and not much time to get at least some of the lights up." As Brian spoke he, too, ran inside to put some things away. It was always a bit of a challenge to go shopping together and make sure no one saw what you'd bought and then to hide it well enough too, but usually they'd manage. Of course, there had been the occasional time when someone had suspected something. And once, Guthrie had searched for his presents and actually found something, which turned out to be someone else's present, much to his disappointment. But those had been incidents, nothing more.

"Can I help, too, Brian?" Guthrie looked expectantly at his big brother, although he already knew the answer.

"You can help by telling us if everything's straight and working," Brian knew the boy really wanted to be on the roof with him, but there was simply no way he'd let his 8-year-old brother on the roof. This way he'd at least be able to help. "It's a very important job, kiddo. Imagine the strings being crooked or lights not working and us having to go right back up to change lights, huh? Can't have that."

Guthrie studied his brother for a moment. Part of him suspected he was being tricked, but he wasn't completely sure. Brian never lied. Sometimes he was a little too honest. So if Brian said it was important, it was. Slowly the boy nodded. "Okay."

The hesitance in Guthrie's voice told Brian that the trick wouldn't work much longer, but he'd take it for now and postpone the battle until next year. He was reluctant enough letting Ford up and Ford was four whole years older than Guthrie. "Great! Thanks, buddy, that means a lot."

Daniel had figured there was no point going back downstairs after he'd put away the few things he'd bought. He knew Adam wouldn't waste much time coming to his room. The teenager settled on his bed, sitting on the edge, his hands next to him. The thoughts were going through his head with such dazzling speed that it was hard to keep track of them. Just like his emotions. Ever since Crane had gone back to Davis after Thanksgiving Daniel knew he'd been pushing it. He'd been difficult, argumentative, inconsiderate and disrespectful. He'd had too many warnings. He knew that. But knowing you had a spanking coming and deserved it, didn't make it any easier to accept it.

And there was also a part of him that was still feeling resentful. Of all the women Adam could be dating, why did it have to be his English teacher? The lady in the grocery store was nice looking, wasn't she? And there was Miss Bates, the librarian. Maybe if she took off her glasses and let her hair hang loose she'd look okay. Of maybe the daughter of Mr. Barnaby, the baker. Anyone really. But no, Adam had to date Miss Morgan. And bring her home.

Silently, he asked himself if that really was all that was wrong. It wasn't a question he asked himself often, but Daniel was an extremely honest person and he had to admit that he'd felt angry at Adam before Miss Morgan showed up in the diner. So there must be something else. It couldn't still be about Crane getting…Daniel couldn't even think the word, but the thought of his closest brother in trouble with Adam was painful. And although he was all for honesty, he still felt that Crane, as an adult (in the teenager's mind anyway), could have simply kept his transgression to himself. But he wasn't upset about it anymore. He still didn't fully understand why Crane had felt the need to tell on himself. Had he really felt that guilty? Probably. Daniel could definitely understand guilt.

So what was Adam going to do? Would he be taking a trip to the barn? That thought made the dark haired youth shudder. He prayed he wouldn't have. He hoped that the fact that Adam had ensured everyone else was working at the front of the house, meant that he had wanted some privacy in Daniel's room at the back of the house. Made sense. But still, you never really knew, did you?

On the other side of the hall way, the oldest McFadden was having similar thoughts. He was sitting on his own bed, holding a hairbrush in his hands. Against the wall opposite the bed was an old dresser and on top of it his mom's old hairbrush. The sight still filled him with all sorts of mixed emotions. As a little boy he'd loved to watch his mommy brush her hair. A few times she'd allowed him to do it and those were treasured moments. But that same brush had also branded his own behind more times than he liked to remember. Brian's too, he knew. Crane once or twice. But the others had never felt it. Not that mom had never spanked the little ones. On the contrary, 6-year-old Evan had been over mom's knee about every other day at one time. The little boy had been the most mischievous of the bunch. And their parents didn't believe in dragged out punishments. Sure, Brian and he were grounded a few times, but mostly, transgressions were dealt with swiftly and painfully. It had upsides and downsides.

He turned the brush over in his hands. He hated having to use it. Every single time he hated it. But he knew it had taught him a few valuable lessons. Well, maybe more than a few, if he was honest and he usually was. The first time he had to spank one of them he'd known it would come to using a brush at some point. And he'd also known he could never use mom's brush. The emotional impact would be too much, not just on him, but more importantly, on the boys. Used to combing his own hair, not brushing, he'd actually gone out and bought a hairbrush. He could still remember Brian's face when he first saw it.

" _What on earth did you buy that for?"_ The second-oldest had asked.

" _To…eh…well, you know…I can't always use my hand like I did yesterday."_

The look on Brian's face had darkened, _"To spank them?! You actually bought a brush just for spanking them?"_

" _Yeah."_ Adam knew he had looked as sick as felt when he had said it.

" _Why? It's not like there's no brush in the house."_

" _Yeah, but that's mom's,"_ Adam had softly explained and then his voice had turned slightly desperate, _"Can you imagine being spanked with mom's brush now?"_

Brian's eyes had glassed over and Adam had known he'd made his point. That would always be too much of a punishment, no matter what the culprit had done. So that's why he was holding a brush that had never been used on hair in its entire existence. The only thing the wooden object had been used for, was spanking bottoms. Adam supposed he could have bought or made a little paddle, but somehow that had felt wrong. Mom had used a brush and so that's what he'd use. But only for big things. Life endangering stuff was dealt with in the barn, but any other big things warranted the brush. So was this one of those times or not? He sighed. He didn't want to keep Daniel waiting too long. He'd already waited hours since lunch time. It was time to get this over with.

As soon as Daniel heard footsteps in the direction of his bedroom his heartrate went up. He couldn't help it. He was nervous as hell. The knock on the door made him jump.

"Come in," He tried to keep his voice calm, but knew he failed.

As soon as the words had left Daniel's mouth Adam pushed the door open and stepped in. "Hey kid." Adam did manage to keep his voice calm as he walked over to Daniel's desk and carried the desk chair over to the bed. He turned it around and straddled it, letting his arms rest on the back of the chair as he looked at Daniel. He hoped the position would be less intimidating than sitting on it straight.

"Hey," After an initial glance up, Daniel had decided his hands were far more interesting to look at.

"We have a few things to talk about, don't we?"

"I guess," Daniel mumbled, still unable to look up.

"Can you tell me what we need to talk about?"

"Do I have to?"

Adam nodded sympathetically, "I know it's not easy, but yes, I'd like you to."

"Like me to is not the same as having to."

Adam almost grinned, "That's true."

"So? Would you like me to or do I have to?"

"Well, I could list everything you did wrong and go straight to the spanking part, but I'm not sure you'd learn the things I'd like you to learn from this if I did that. So yes, you have to."

"Oh." Daniel didn't like that much. Not that he liked the idea of Adam going almost straight to the spanking part of this. He liked to postpone that moment as much as possible. No, that wasn't it. He wanted to skip that part completely. But if it had to happen he couldn't decide whether he'd rather get it over with quickly or put it off as long as possible. It was an impossible dilemma. But he still wasn't talking.

Adam took a deep breath. He'd been in Daniel's shoes and knew how hard it was to admit where you'd gone wrong, especially if it was mostly attitude and back talk. "It would be easier if you could just admit to missing curfew, right?"

"Yeah," Daniel nodded almost imperceptibly.

"I know, kiddo. This is about your attitude more than anything and that's not as easy. Which snide remark crossed the line? Which part of disrespect did?"

"I hate talking about that."

"And I think that's exactly the reason we have to talk about it."

Daniel shrugged, "Would still rather not."

"Why is that, kiddo?" Adam hoped it might help the kid to open up a little.

"Cause I feel so stupid when I do." When Adam didn't say anything Daniel finally looked up. "It makes me feel stupid."

"Go on."

"Geesh, why do you have to be like this? I hate feeling stupid and you asking me all this is making me feel stupid." Daniel's voice rose a bit in pitch and he could hear it, but was unable to stop it. "See? That's exactly what I mean. I don't want to yell. I don't mean to yell. And I definitely don't want to be disrespectful. And then I do it anyway. That's just so stupid!"

"I'd say it's frustration and hormones. A combination of the two, probably."

"Yeah I'm frustrated. But hormones is such a cop out, Adam. I can't hide behind puberty."

"No, I agree. It explains it, but it's not an excuse. Because when you're aware of it, you can stop it."

"But that's just it!" Daniel could feel his hands start to shake, "I can't stop it!"

"You wish you could?"

"Of course. If I did I wouldn't be here now and I wouldn't feel stupid."

"Do you think it's the same as the anger you felt a couple of years ago? When you spoke to the counselor?"

"No," Daniel looked disgusted. "I was mad at the world then. This is just…I don't know…"

"But you learned a few ways to deal with difficult situations and emotions then."

Daniel looked back down again, "Yeah."

"Did you try those today or any time last week?"

"Maybe…not," Daniel softly admitted and then his head shot up again and he implored, "It feels different, though."

"I think it is different," Adam reached out with one hand and touched Daniel's arm, grateful the boy didn't flinch, "I haven't seen you completely lose it like you did those days. You just couldn't control your mouth."

"That makes me feel stupid again."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Cause it is stupid. I know not to."

"Yeah, you guys also know not to skip school, yet Evan still did last year."

Daniel rolled his eyes, "That's different."

"Why is that different?"

"Cause he just weighed the possibility of getting caught against the fun he was gonna have. And he figured he could get away with it. And so he didn't even think about the consequences."

Adam couldn't help a little smile, "He sure didn't. But did you? When you mouthed off? Did you think about the consequences?" He was met with stunned silence. "I figure you didn't. You got frustrated and you let that frustration out. Like when water boils in a closed pot? The steam has to come out"

Daniel slowly nodded.

"Could it be that saying something about what you're frustrated about earlier, might avoid you losing control?"

"Maybe." But then he'd have to know what to say when he was frustrated. And talk about emotions and all that hard stuff.

"That's not easy, I know. But it does help." Adam still had his hand on Daniel's arm and rubbed the sore spot a little. "Reminds me a little of what I did myself today when I lost my temper and grabbed you and swatted you in the mall." Daniel glanced up, wondering where this was going to. Maybe Adam would let him off the hook anyway? "I should have acted much sooner. I let the first angry words go. It wasn't too bad I felt. It was normal teenage behavior, I told myself. But allowing you to go on without consequences was a mistake." Daniel could literally feel his hopes being dashed. "I allowed myself to get frustrated and I didn't deal with your frustration soon enough to avoid bigger problems."

Daniel looked back down on his hands again. It was a good thing Adam still connected to him through his arm, or Daniel would have completely shut down.

"So I'm sorry I allowed that to happen."

Daniel really didn't like the sound of that. It sounded like Adam was going to become a lot more strict about his attitude. "That's okay, Adam."

"Thank you for saying that. You may not say it for the same reasons I say it, but I do appreciate your forgiveness in this. Having said that, kiddo, I did give you fair warning, didn't I?"

"Yeah but, Adam…."

"Hmm mm?"

Daniel wanted to say he was sorry. He'd felt bad every time he'd done it, but especially this afternoon, when he'd said Adam wasn't his dad. And then Adam had wanted to stand up for him, wanted to punch the guy's lights out, take him to court, go to the police, do everything a dad would do, yet still listened to him when he'd said he just wanted this over. And maybe Adam was right. Maybe they should have taken action. But the fact that Adam had listened to him and not forced him to do something he just wasn't ready for, had meant the world. And it had increased the guilt. But none of these thoughts came out. They seemed to get stuck in his throat. And all he could say was, "I'm sorry."

Adams hurt over the hateful words were pushed deep into his psyche. If Crane ever took a psychology class he'd have a field day exploring all this, Adam was sure of that. But Adam didn't address the words either. Because, frankly, not only did they hurt too much, but he felt they were true. Despite the hurt he'd felt, he knew Daniel was right. He wasn't their father. He wasn't Adam McFadden Sr and never would be. His father would always be better at this than he was. So despite his earlier words about not allowing emotions to fester Adam did just that. And so they didn't make much progress into getting to the underlying issues in their relationship. Instead of that, Adam said, "I know, kiddo, I just hope we can avoid this in future. Because I truly don't like doing this."

Daniel swallowed hard, knowing they were getting to the part of the physical pain now. "Neither do I. So don't do it."

"Nice try, but I'd do a very bad job raising you if I continued to let this go. And we've already established that by letting this go your frustration and behavior will only get worse."

"I don't think so."

"Unfortunately, I do and so I'm not letting it go any longer. We'll deal with this, here and now."

"That bites."

"I know it does."

"So, do I gotta go to the barn now?"

"The barn?" Adam was truly startled.

"Aren't you gonna strap me?"

"When have I ever strapped any of you for disrespect?"

"You strapped Crane."

"I didn't use the strap on Crane. I used my belt. Not that that really is any of your business, kiddo." Punishments were as private as possible in a big family. "Most important thing is, Crane pretty much risked his life and future with what he did. You didn't."

"But I'm older than the others. I just figured…"

Adam shook his head, "It's nothing to do with age, Daniel. That's no magic age where you suddenly grow out of a regular spanking and graduate" He used his fingers to emphasize the word graduate, "to the belt and the barn."

"Oh." Daniel wasn't sure if he liked that. Part of him wanted to feel more grown up and get it in the barn from now on. The other part, the one that had experienced that once, was perfectly happy avoiding it for the rest of his life.

"That is pretty much reserved for situations where you put your life in danger."

"Oh." Daniel knew he sounded as dumb as one of their cows now, but it was all he could utter.

"This was simple disrespect and back talk, letting off steam when you're frustrated. So we'll deal with that the way we always deal with that."

The look on Daniel's face really tore at Adam's heart. When he'd hit puberty himself, he, too, had hoped to avoid a trip over dad's knee from then on, but dad had quickly cured him from that misconception. He always hated it, but deep down, he'd hated having to bend over for the strap in the barn more. Not because it hurt more, and it did, but because he'd always felt a distance from dad there. Sure, dad had always been good with a hug, or if you didn't want one, a pat on the back and a few words of reassurance. There had always been comfort. But if Adam was completely honest with himself, he'd always felt more comfort the other way. And with his brothers, he always had trouble with the disconnect of the formal setting in the barn, the not-touching side of that. And if he did put a hand on a brother's back, it was more to steady, than for comfort. And he hated it. He wanted to feel close. He needed to. To remind himself of why he did it. It was far too easy to have one of them bend over and take a few licks. It was easy to disconnect. But what he did mattered. It mattered because he loved them. Loved them more than life itself. Not that he'd ever say that out loud, because it sounded too corny. But he did.

"I really gotta…"

Adam got to his feet and put the chair away. "Jep, you really gotta go over my knee."

"Do I gotta..I mean…" Daniel couldn't voice the words. They sounded childish and ridiculous. But the way he suddenly rubbed his jeans was clear enough.

"They can stay up. The brush hurts enough through your jeans."

Daniel's eyes grew wide, "The brush?!" He hadn't even seen it. He figured it was going to be either the barn or over the knee getting it with Adam's hand on the bare.

"If it was just this afternoon I would have left the brush in my room, but it's been disrespect on disrespect and backtalk after backtalk. If it wasn't for the fact that a) I had let it go on too long and b) that I know today was a very difficult day for you with what happened at the music store, the jeans would have come down for this. As it is, they can stay up."

Daniel wasn't sure whether he should be grateful or not. He didn't feel particularly grateful. In fact, he felt sick as he got to his feet so Adam could sit down. Not that Adam couldn't have used Crane's bed, but that just wasn't how things worked in the McFadden household. Not that anyone could explain it. It probably just felt more comfortable crying into your own bedspread than someone else's. Adam sat down on Daniel's bed, back straight and knees in an almost perfect 90 degree angle.

Daniel just stood there, unable or unwilling to move. Adam was not a patient man, but if his own loss of temper at the mall hadn't cured him of any tendency to lose his patience again, at least today, his quiet contemplative moments in his own bedroom earlier had. He always checked the 'temperature' of his own anger before going out and handle this particular chore. So he simply waited.

"Do you want me to pull you over?" Adam already knew the answer, but offered anyway.

"NO! I mean…," Daniel lowered his voice, "No, I can do it. Just…I just need a moment."

"That's fine. I have all night."

But Daniel knew as well as Adam did that they didn't really have all night. At the moment everyone else was outside. It's not like the house was soundproof, but they were on the other side of it and they might not hear the entire thing. However, they wouldn't stay outside forever. And when they all came back inside, there was no avoiding them hearing the entire production. Adam had given him as much privacy as possible, he knew he needed to take advantage of that. It was just so darn hard to put himself over Adam's knee. He was fourteen, for crying out loud! And Adam just sat there. Daniel could feel the frustration build again. And he let that frustration help him do what he had to do. Instead of carefully lowering himself he just threw himself over his brother's knee. It was easier to do when you were a bit angry. The small 'oomph' he heard from Adam's lips was almost satisfying. Almost, because he knew he'd make a lot more noise soon.

Glad this part was over, Adam quickly wrapped an arm around Daniel's waist and watched as the teen grabbed a handful of bedding and buried his face in it as well. He knew Daniel would try hard not to make a noise. He also knew the boy would fail. Jeans or not, the brush hurt. And as always, it would be preceded by a hand spanking.

He patted his younger brother's backside and felt the body tense even more than it already was. He released Daniel's waist and rubbed his back, hoping it would relax the boy, but it didn't really work. Daniel seldom relaxed in this situation. Unfortunately, Adam had some experience in this area. "Ready?"

"That's a stupid question, Adam."

"Maybe, but that tone is why you're here, remember?" Adam kept his voice firm now. "Wanna try that again?"

It took a few moments but finally Daniel mumbled, "I guess."

"Good enough, kiddo," Adam didn't ask to humiliate the kid. He just didn't want to surprise him with the first swat. Again he patted the upturned backside as his other arm wrapped itself around Daniel's waist again and then lifted his hand before bringing it down. The first swat was always hard and he could feel Daniel's flinch. He had to give it to the boy. Not a sound left his lips. Of course, in Adam's experience, it always felt much better to just cry out, but like Daniel, he had always tried to hold out as well.

All too soon for Daniel the first swat was followed by number two and three as Adam got into a rhythm. Not that there was much of a rhythm after the first couple. Daniel had been here before and knew his brother's style. The first would be spaced out evenly as Adam alternated cheeks. But just before you could allow yourself to get used to the rhythm and let it help you deal with the pain, Adam changed it up. He'd smack faster, slower, the swats would land more randomly, only to settle into a rhythm again. It was a maddening technique. It made anticipating the swats nearly impossible which added to the pain, at least on a psychological level, although they would all swear it had a physical effect too.

Daniel hated how his body always betrayed his pain before his mouth did. His feet was flex, or he'd cross his ankles. Sometimes they became drums on the floor, pouncing in hopes of alleviating the pain. His eyes would start to water. His hands clenched on his quilt. And then the inevitable gasps and hisses followed.

The first hiss was almost a relief to Adam, even if it wasn't to Daniel. To Daniel it signified a kind of defeat, to Adam it was a sign his brother was giving up his strict control and allowed to feel other emotions than just frustration. He knew that it helped to release the guilt. And he knew Daniel really felt guilty. The way Adam had behaved all afternoon was proof of that. So when Daniel started making noises of distress Adam sped up the swats again, letting lose a barrage of random swats until his hand hurt from hitting the denim. Maybe a hand spanking on jeans wasn't such a good idea after all. Usually he had the kid in pj's before doing this and that was easier on his hand. The seams and the pockets were turning his own hand a bright red and he could only imagine the state of Daniel's behind. Judging from Daniel's reactions, it was turning a painful shade of red as well.

Finally, Adam stopped swatting and for a brief moment Daniel prided himself in not having cried. His eyes were wet, but he hadn't made a spectacle of himself. It was a relief beyond comprehension and then all of a sudden he felt something else against his backside and disappointment and dread washed over him. They weren't done yet. He still had the brush to deal with.

"You know how this works, buddy, we've done this often enough. We'll finish up with your age in swats with the brush." Adam heard the muffled groan and sighed. "I'm sorry, kiddo, but your behavior really has to change."

"I'll change it," Daniel hated hearing the desperation in his voice, but couldn't help it.

"I know you will. I have faith in you, I always do." Those words brought more wetness to Daniel's eyes and he felt a few tears drop on the bedspread. He also felt a shudder go through him as the words hit home. It was like someone had turned on the heater. And not just on his backside. "I'm proud of how you've always worked hard to fight your temper. I'm proud of so many things, kid. Your compassion for others. Your gift for music. Your scholastic achievements. Your hard work on the ranch. But I know you are who you are because we are who we are. Because you were raised a certain way. And I intend to continue that. Because I want the world for you. I want you to become the best you can be. And believe me, your best is more than most people's. So we'll do this and if I have to do it again, I'll do it again and again, until it's no longer necessary. Because I love you, kid."

Only Adam could make a threat sound so wonderful and another shudder wend through the teen as his body fought the sobs trying to come out. As the brush tapped against his behind Daniel tensed again and as soon as the thing smacked down his eyes widened in pain, a shriek left his mouth and his hand flew back to stop that hateful thing to hurt him again. It didn't work, it never did. Adam always seemed prepared for it and before his hand reached his butt Adam had already grabbed his hand and pinned it in the small of his back.

"I didn't say I was ready….I didn't say I was ready…"

"I'm sorry, kid," Adam didn't even point out that he usually didn't ask that again before starting the final stage of a spanking. He knew Daniel knew. But he also knew the kid had been taken by surprise. Maybe not so much by the swat as by the pain it caused. Even Adam had expected the jeans to give more protection. Clearly they didn't. "I know a part of you wants to drag this out, but I also know another part wants it over with. And since I do as well, I think we need to get this done now."

"I don't want to…."

Adam squeezed Daniel's hand in comfort and encouragement. Of course Daniel didn't want this. No one really wanted it. But it had to happen. It was the right thing. And so, while holding his brother's hand, the brush sliced through the air again landing on the other cheek now. Another shriek followed. And Adam felt Daniel squeeze his hand tightly as if holding on for dear life. "It's okay, kiddo, you can do it." A third swat, right in the middle this time and Daniel cried out for real now.

The tears wouldn't stop anymore as the brush set Daniel, or at least a small part of him, on fire. He couldn't help twisting his body in hopes of avoiding the brush, but it never worked. He even struggled against his brother's hold, but Adam had him, as his oldest brother always had him: safe. And instead of fighting Adam, Daniel held on to him, like a life line in a bad storm. Adam's words of pride, love and encouragement penetrated every fiber of his being. It was hard to really believe them, but somehow the vulnerable position he was in, helped open up his heart and mind and they did seep in just a little. As they did, sobs started to wreck his body, big painful sobs that forced out the guilt and pain.

By the time the fourteenth swat landed, Daniel was a mess of tears and snot, crying out with every swat, and not caring who heard him. Forget modesty. Forget pride. Who knew a brush could hurt this much through jeans? Daniel certainly hadn't expected that. It took a while for him to calm down, but Adam gave him time. In fact, the oldest brother needed some time himself. It always hurt him to the core to hear this distress in the knowledge he was causing it. He cleared his throat hoping to dislodge the lump that had formed that, but it wouldn't go. Neither would the tears that had filled his eyes. Well, they went, but not in the direction he was hoping for. They dripped down his face. Just a few, but still.

He kept rubbing Daniel's back without saying anything, until the sobs had changed into soft sniffles. Finally, the teenager pushed himself up. He couldn't look Adam in the face. All of a sudden he felt embarrassed and wanted nothing more than be alone.

When Adam got to his feet Daniel quickly put a bit more distance between them. He wasn't even sure why, because he desperately wanted a hug. He just wasn't sure if he wanted one from Adam. Before, he'd always been able to push Adam away and go to Crane for comfort. Crane had always given it. Of course, the sensitive older brother had always pointed out that Daniel needed to 'make up' with Adam as well, but had never withheld a hug. Now Crane wasn't here and Daniel wasn't sure what to do.

Adam, too, wasn't sure what to do. Daniel wasn't Guthrie. Not just because he was older. He just never had been one to want a cuddle after being in trouble. And Adam hadn't always wanted one from dad. Or rather, hadn't been able to accept one. But he wasn't sure how to force a hug on a kid. That felt wrong. So he settled for a hand on Daniel's shoulder, "I meant what I said, kiddo, I'm very proud of you and I want the best for you. The absolute best. I promise we won't talk about this anymore. You've paid, it's done. Just.." He so wanted to pull the kid in his arms, but Daniel turned away and words that came easily when Daniel was over his knee didn't come as easily now that the teen looked a little sullen again and kept his distance. "well, take as much time as you want. Chores can wait until after dinner. I'll…I'll be downstairs."

As Daniel watched Adam leave the room he wanted to say something to stop Adam from leaving, but no sound came out. All of a sudden, it was impossible to hold on to the life line Adam had been only a few minutes ago. Daniel didn't know how.

T.B.C.

A/N: I know….not a nice place to cut this off. But I promise some TLC for both Daniel and Adam. They just need a little push.


	15. Chapter 15

Author's note: hi everyone, I never should have given myself the task to post a chapter a week. That is just impossible with a work in progress, especially once you get further into the story and you need to remember all the little things you started that also need finishing. So the frequency will probably go down, but I hope no one will really mind. Don't worry, I'm not losing interest, just need the time to write this right.

On with the story!

Chapter 15

"Boy, does this look bright!" Adam looked shocked as he looked at the house. Even though it wasn't completely dark yet, it was easy to predict how bright the lights would be once she sun had fully set.

"Hey, you okay-ed it," Brian grinned wickedly.

"I got to help, Adam!" Guthrie said proudly as he looked up at his biggest brother.

Immediately alarmed Adam looked over at Brian, "You didn't let him up on the roof, did you?"

"What do you think I am? An idiot?" Before Adam could confirm or deny, Brian added, "I had a much more important job for Guthrie, didn't I, champ?"

"You bet! I had to make sure all the lights were straight and working."

Adam had swallowed away his worry and managed a proud smile, "That really is important. The house would look really weird if it was crooked."

"That's what Brian said!" It helped Guthrie to hear Adam confirm Brian's earlier words.

"You got it, buddy," Brian ruffled Guthrie's hair.

"And I got to help on the roof, Adam!" Ford was quite excited about that.

"I'm so glad I didn't see that, kid," Adam shuddered a little. "I don't like any of you up on the roof."

"Not even Brian?" Evan sort of chuckled, but Adam looked serious.

"Not even Brian. I mean it. He's still my little brother too."

Brian laughed, "You're such a mother hen."

"Yeah, you are, Adam," Evan fully agreed.

"Well, this mother hen wants you all to go and get washed up, do the chores, while Brian gets supper ready and I….relax."

"Nice try!" Brian winked at the rest, "I think I can come up with a few chores you can do, brother."

"Yeah! Make Adam peel the potatoes," Ford grinned, in full knowledge that Adam hated that with a passion.

"Hmm you want me to peel potatoes?" Adam kept a straight face and at Ford's nod he suddenly advanced on the boy and grabbed him, throwing him over his shoulders. "Wanna take that back?"

"Nooooo," Ford was giggling like mad and Adam was glad he could at least make one of them laugh today.

"Maybe I should throw you in the horse trough to clean you up," Adam started to walk towards the trough, causing some sounds of protest through the giggles.

"That's not very clean, Adam," Guthrie pointed out with a very serious expression. But Brian had a more well founded and serious objection.

"It may not be freezing, but it's definitely too cold for that, bro. Come on, better get these rug rats inside."

"Okay, okay…saved by Brian, champ!" but Adam didn't put Ford on his feet yet. Instead, he carried him through the front door over his shoulder and then dropped the 12-year-old on the sofa. Ford pretended to protest, but his laughter made it clear that he was enjoying every minute of it. Adam rubbed his shoulder. "You're getting big, kid. Won't be long now and I won't be able to do this anymore."

"Like me, right, Adam?" Evan kept his distance, just in case.

"If I really wanted to, I could still do it, boy, so beware!"

"Okay, no more throwing kids around," Brian crossed his arms, "Or no dessert!"

"Hmm dessert…what's for dessert?" Adam loved dessert, but not everything.

"Certainly didn't have time to bake anything new today, so you already know the choices. There are some muffins left and there's apple pie with ice cream."

"Then you already know what I'll choose, as well," Adam made a grab for Guthrie but the boy was too quick.

"Yeah, apple pie and ice cream!" The youngest giggled. "Your favorite."

That made Brian laugh, "Yeah and yours too. Along with chocolate cake, blueberry pie, lemon meringue…pretty much everything except cherry pie. Now, go and do those chores or we won't get to supper at all."

As soon as the youngest three were scattered all over the house to do their respective chores Brian looked at Adam, "You okay?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm not the one who got spanked, remember?"

"Oh I know who got spanked, but I also know how much you hate doing it."

"It's not like you don't hate it."

"No, of course not. I'm just not the one who usually has to do it."

"I'm the oldest."

"We're in this together, Adam," Brian's voice was soft but insistent, "You don't have to carry that burden alone."

"I know I don't, it's just…" Adam's voice trailed off and Brian finished his sentence.

"You still feel the need to protect me from that as much as you can."

"Yeah, I know, you're an adult, a big guy, but you're also my younger brother."

Brian shook his head, "How often do I have to tell you to stop looking at me like that?"

"You can say it till the cows come home, but it won't change my feeling, Brian. You'll always be my little brother."

Brian rolled his eyes, "Well, if you want to torture yourself, be my guest. I'll rephrase my question: is Daniel ok?"

"I wish I knew. I wish I knew how to talk to him like Crane can."

"I bet dad felt the same with you." As Adam gave him a wry smile Brian went into the pantry and returned with arms full of ground beef, canned corn, onions and beans. "Would you cut some tomatoes and lettuce?"

"Mexican?"

"Figured something easy would be best. I'll cook the ground beef and the rest just needs cutting. Salsa's ready in the fridge. There's cheese. Only thing we don't have is avocados, but we can do without guacamole, right?"

"Sure we can. As long as we have lots of wraps."

"No, but we've got lots of taco shells."

"Even better."

Keeping an eye on the beef, Brian started cutting the onions. "Hope there's enough meat."

"Could add chicken."

"Could….if we had chicken…"

"We're having chicken?" Evan was the first to come back down and immediately made a grab for a piece of tomato only to have his hand slapped by Adam.

"Wash your hands. And we wait until everyone's here." Adam waited until Evan did as he was told.

"And we're not having chicken," Brian answered the question.

"Too bad. I like chicken taco's."

"You like taco's period." Adam laughed and Evan shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Why don't you go and get your brothers," Brian put the pan with chilly-seasoned ground beef on the table, "Dinner's ready."

"DINNER'S READY! COME AND GET IT!"

"Thanks, buddy," As Evan passed Brian, the older brother landed a mild swat on the boy's backside, "If I'd wanted it yelled, I could have done it myself."

"Sorry," Evan grinned and slipped into his seat, "This was quicker." And he was right, because the sound of footsteps down the stairs was already heard.

"Maybe, but next time, go and find them."

"Sure, Brian." Evan still wasn't too phased by it. He loved taco's and couldn't wait for everyone to sit down.

"Adam?" Ford appeared in the doorway with Guthrie on his heels, "Daniel says he's not hungry."

"I said he had to be," Guthrie added, "But he said he had too much for lunch."

"He did have a big lunch," Brian said softly watching Adam. It wasn't common for them to let one of the boys miss dinner because they'd been in trouble. Of course, with an all-boys household it was rare for any of them wanting to miss dinner. Trouble or not, they'd eat.

Adam slowly nodded, "He did. I'll go up and check on him later. You boys go and wash your hands before Evan starts without us."

Taco's was something they all enjoyed and part of the fun was making them yourself. Guthrie liked lots of tomatoes, whereas Ford preferred more cheese on them than the rest of them. And then there was Evan. Evan usually ended up in the pantry or the fridge getting things out no one would think of, so no one was surprised when all of a sudden Evan got up only to return a few moments later carrying a bag of raisins and chocolate syrup.

"What? It's good!" Evan defended himself when he saw the wrinkled noses. "You don't have to eat it."

"You put it on your taco, you're eating it, that's all I'm saying," Brian remained perfectly calm and enjoyed his own regular taco with extra jalapeno peppers.

"Oh don't worry," And eat it, Evan did.

By the time the horses and other barn animals had been bedded down and taken care of, and the youngest boys were in bed, Adam was beat. After saying goodnight to Evan and Ford, he did stop at Daniel's door. It was not completely closed and he pushed it open to find the moonlit room very quiet except for Daniel's slow breathing. Adam walked over to the window and quietly closed the blinds before walking over to Daniel's bed. The boy was sleeping on his stomach, hugging his pillow with his face towards the room (or was that towards Crane's bed, Adam wondered). It was clear the youngster had cried himself to sleep and Adam felt that familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach knowing he had caused those tears. He couldn't help pulling the blanket up a little bit more, to cover his brother and tucked it in lightly. He was careful enough not to wake Daniel. He looked down on him for a few moments before leaning over and placing a kiss on Daniel's forehead, or rather, the side of it. "I love you more than you'll ever know, kiddo," he whispered before straightening up. "Sleep tight."

He met Brian on the landing before going down. Showered, changed, and wearing the cologne Adam disliked so much, Brian was definitely ready to go and pick up his date, even if it was still a bit early. "You spoke to Daniel?"

"He was asleep," Adam left out the part about having cried himself to sleep, partly because he hated the thought that he'd caused it, but also because he knew it would upset Brian. Of course, Brian knew, but didn't comment on it either. Because he knew it would upset Adam. Neither wanted to see the other one upset. "You ready to go?"

"Pretty much, but still have a bit before I have to leave." While talking the two had made their way down the stairs. "So what are you making for lunch tomorrow?"

Adam laughed, "I was hoping you'd have some ideas." Even though Brian was usually the cook, Adam did cook. And Brian didn't have to point out that if Adam was bringing his girlfriend home, he'd better be prepared to do the cooking.

"I'd suggest something you can make now and just put in the oven tomorrow. You don't want to spend your time in the kitchen while she's here."

"Hmm might get her to help," Adam joked.

"Maybe not the first time, bro," Brian opened a few cupboard and checked the fridge, "Are you sure this is wise? Bringing her home already?"

"Why not? Better let her get used to the idea that I have all these brothers here before we get too far into this." Adam thought it made perfect sense. After all, the fact that he was raising his little brothers was the reason his high school sweetheart had broken up with him.

Brian rolled his eyes, "It's not like you to just think about yourself, bud. Usually, you think about the boys first. Do you think it's wise to expose them to your girlfriend in this stage of your relationship already? What if they get all attached to her and it doesn't work out? Not to mention what it will do to Daniel."

Adam sighed, "Sorry, I know. But come on, Brian, they already know. They were there when I asked her out. I'm already in over my head. And…I really like this girl. I really do. I've never felt this way about anyone before. She…she could be the one."

That last bit took all the wind out of Brian's sails. For Adam to admit he had strong feelings for someone outside their family was big. For a moment the 23 year old was lost for words. "I'm happy for you, bro, really. Well, you'll be happy to hear that while you were in the barn earlier, I made a blueberry pie. Girls love something sweet after a meal." It was the best he could offer that didn't delve into conversations he wasn't ready for. "All you have to do is put it in the oven now."

"You're the best! I thought I'd have to pick up something after church."

"Girls love homemade things. You can even claim you made it yourself. I won't mind. Well.." Brian glanced at the clock, "I guess I'd better head out. Girls may be allowed to keep you waiting, for a man it's definitely not acceptable to be late."

* * *

"This looks just incredible, Adam."

Evan and Ford dared to exchange a mocking glance as Emily praised Adam's cooking for the third time. And she hadn't even tasted it yet.

"Bet you never thought us guys could really cook," Brian teased.

"Well, I have to admit I had my doubts, but I already know how seriously Adam takes his role in the family so I knew he'd also take care to cook proper meals," Emily sent a smile Adam's way.

"Brian does most of the cooking," Adam made sure to give credit where credit was due.

"Really?" She looked surprised at the other man, "I guess it makes sense. I'm sure Adam's too busy doing all the ranch work."

Brian gave Adam a look, wondering what kind of picture Adam had painted of their home life and Adam's part in it. "Yeah he's a busy man." He looked over at Ford, who was about to set the table, "Better get the good china out. Adam will want to impress."

"Oh please, not on my account!"

In the doorway Daniel's face suddenly turned pale, "Mom's good china?"

"I know, kiddo," Brian said softly, "But she would have wanted it out for an occasion like this."

"Please," Emily spoke up, realizing that things could easily escalate over this. " I would love to feel right at home and not be treated like some royal guest."

"See, Brian," Daniel said with an almost pleading tone, "She doesn't want so herself."

Adam and Brian exchanged a look, reading each other's minds and Brian nodded, "Alright, like family it is. Be careful what you wish for, Emily."

Emily grinned, "I think I'm used to it. I'm from a big family myself, remember?"

In the meantime Ford had gotten the regular plates out of the cupboard and was finishing setting the table. "You're Daniel's teacher right?"

Emily smiled at him, "Yes, I am. And you are…Ford, I bet."

Ford grinned, "Yeah, you have a good memory."

"I have to as a teacher. Do you like to read?"

"Sometimes," Ford admitted carefully. He liked to read, but he was very particular about what he read and when he didn't like something, no one could make him read. At least, no one had managed so far.

"Maybe you'll like my class when you're Daniel's age."

"I don't know…I like science better."

"Ah…."

Brian appeared behind Ford and wrapped his arms around the boy's shoulders, "At least this one loves school. Evan over there would rather spend all day on the ranch working with the horses."

"School's a waste of time," The 13-year-old agreed. "But Adam and Brian don't think so, so I gotta go."

"Well," Emily tried to think quickly, "if you want to work with horses you'll also want to know about things that could be wrong with them and how to help them get better."

Evan rolled his eyes, "I know lots about that already. Our vet lets me help him all the time. And our brother Crane's at college to learn all about it too."

"Crane's studying to become a veterinarian?" Emily wondered.

"No," Adam answered for Evan, "He's going to major in business and husbandry, probably. He's only just started, so who knows what he'll end up doing."

"He'll choose whatever's best for the ranch," Ford piped up, "He wants the ranch to do well."

"You all love this place very much, don't you?"

"Of course," Brian had let go of Ford to allow the boy to finish his chore, "this is our home. And our legacy. We have to take care of it."

"Why don't we sit down and start lunch, so we can talk while our stomachs are being taken care of as well?" Adam suggested, pointed at the now set table. Two big casserole dishes and baskets with biscuits along with corn on the cob on plates sat on the table. "I hope you'll like it."

"Oh I'm sure I will," Emily allowed Adam to pull back her chair for her while the boys giggled.

Guthrie leaned over to Brian, "Why's he doing that, Brian?"

Brian couldn't help a chuckle, "That's what men do when they want to make a good impression. Show a girl you're raised right."

"You didn't teach me that," Guthrie looked worried, "Didn't you raise me right?"

"We're not finished with you just yet, Guth," Adam said after pushing Emily's chair to the table. "We'll get to this soon enough."

"I'm sure you're doing a great job raising these kids, Adam," Emily looked around. They were all in their Sunday best and relatively well behaved, considering their young ages. Daniel was positively quiet, but she couldn't blame the boy. Who'd want to have their teacher in their home?! One of her school friends had been the science teacher's daughter, but Emily had never liked being over at her house and when the girl had to be picked up she'd always prayed it would be her mom and not her dad. So she could sympathize with Daniel. She'd made a promise to herself not to bring up Daniel's class or school work.

"Brian raises us too," Evan hadn't liked Emily's last statement.

"I'm sure he does, Evan," Emily immediately regretted the way she'd make that sound. "I'm sorry, Brian, I didn't mean to make it sound like Adam told me he's doing it all on his own. On the contrary."

"It's okay," despite his words of warning earlier he kept a close eye on the boys to make sure they left her enough of everything and to ensure they weren't throwing food around. "I know Adam would never do that."

"Of course not," Adam agreed, "If it weren't for Brian I couldn't have done it. We're a team."

"So how many brothers and sisters do you have, Emily?" Evan had just picked up his corn and bit into the buttered vegetable not caring about spraying its juices around.

"Evan!" Adam warned, "For one, we do not speak with our mouths full and secondly, be careful when you bite into those."

"I can't help it that it goes everywhere!"

"Yes, you can and you know it. You have to eat more carefully." Adam gave him a firm look, "Now finish that bite and then you can ask Miss Morgan the question again." He emphasized the name and Evan sighed as he swallowed the corn.

"Sorry…Miss Morgan…"

"It's perfectly fine, Adam, they can say Emily here. As long as I'm Miss Morgan in school."

Adam looked hesitant, but finally nodded, "I guess that's okay."

"If you marry her she'd be our sister anyway, so we gotta," Evan's reasoning made Emily blush and Adam nearly choke on his food.

"It's not polite to say things like that," Brian explained.

"How come?" Guthrie's innocent eyes looked up at his brother.

"Cause it puts them on the spot."

"I don't understand, Brian."

"What he means, Guth," It was the first thing Daniel said since sitting down at the table, "is that it's too early for them for that question. You need to get to know each other first. But bringing it up now makes Adam think about whether or not he wants to get married. And it makes Emily think about it. And it gets all awkward."

"I still don't get it," Guthrie insisted.

"It's a good question, Guthrie," Emily helped him out. "grownups can get really silly over things like this. Your brother's right. It made me feel all flustered and embarrassed, but it shouldn't. Because all Evan did was point out the obvious reason for you guys calling me by my first name: I'm dating your brother. And your brother's dates are not 'miss', no matter the age difference. Right?"

"So how come Adam almost choked?" Guthrie still wasn't satisfied.

"A pea just went in the wrong way, buddy," Adam had no intention of going into the whole marriage question yet. It really was too early for that. "It happens."

"Okay." And with that Guthrie went back to his lunch.

"You haven't answered my question yet, Emily."

"You're right, Evan, I haven't," Emily agreed. "I am one of 6 and there's 5 girls and 1 boy."

Ford's eyes grew wide. "You have 5 sisters?"

"Count, dummy," Evan rolled his eyes, "She's one of those girls, so she's got 4 sisters."

"We don't call each other dummy in this family, Evan!" Adam's voice was strict now.

"Sorry, but geesh, an idiot wouldn't make that mistake."

Ford's eyes were slowly filling with tears. "I just…"

"It's an easy mistake to make, nothing to do with math skills," Daniel comforted him. "Evan's a dummy himself."

"Daniel!" Adam was nervous enough having Emily there, he didn't need them fighting and calling each other names. "Evan, you were warned. You can go up to your room."

Evan's eyes grew as wide as the Atlantic Ocean, "Over a silly word? We're just kidding. I'm just kidding, Ford."

"Ford clearly didn't see it as kidding and you were warned." Adam put his fork down as he spoke.

"But….but you only said not to call him dummy anymore. And Daniel said it too."

"Daniel can go up to his room as well."

"ME?" Daniel couldn't help raising his voice a little. He'd tried so hard to stay out of trouble and be polite. "I was comforting Ford."

"You heard me say it to Evan, didn't you think I meant everyone when I said 'this family'?"

"But…Adam…."

"Move it! You too, Evan. You know perfectly well what I meant. So you're done eating."

"That's not fair!" Evan got to his feet, but he sure as hell wasn't giving in that easily. Daniel on the other hand quietly put his knife and fork down and got up to leave.

"Evan, do you need me to take you there?" Adam's tone was very low and all the boys knew that being taken to your room was a very, very bad thing.

"Adam…" Brian said softly. He knew Adam was right in telling them off for the name calling, but the oldest brother was overreacting slightly now and it was clear why.

"You stay out of this, Brian. They know better than this." Adam had gotten to his feet and although Daniel was gone, Evan was still holding his ground. "Evan, last chance. You can go up to your room yourself or I'll take you there and I promise you I won't wait till Emily's gone before I spank you!"

Now Evan's face turned a bright red. He was old enough to feel embarrassed having people know how he was punished. He wanted to refuse, but the thought of Emily hearing him being spanked, and worse: his reaction to it (and he knew he had no hopes of remaining quiet), made his feet move. He hated himself for being a wimp like this but he didn't want to end up over Adam's knee bawling his eyes out with a woman downstairs who might be his English teacher next year, no matter how unfair he thought Adam was being. So the teenager stomped out of the room and up the stairs. As he stepped into his room he wasn't able to resist slamming the door with a satisfyingly loud bang before plopping down on his bed.

Hearing the door slam Adam was about to run after him, but Brian stopped him. "You don't want to do that, bro, believe me."

"Maybe you're right," Adam conceded and Brian released his arm. "I just don't know why they have to keep pushing. You'd think Daniel's still feeling yesterday's spanking."

Brian didn't say anything, but he thought it was a good thing Daniel was upstairs right now or the boy would have been extremely embarrassed. As it was, Brian was embarrassed for him. They never discussed specifics about punishments with outsiders. He could tell the youngest two were a little taken aback by the whole thing too. So Brian slipped back into his seat next to Guthrie and tousled the boy's hair. "Hey kiddo, don't let it get cold. You know you love corn and casserole. Adam did a good job, didn't he? Maybe we should let him cook more often."

It made Guthrie giggle a little, but not wholeheartedly. And good natured Ford simply hated bad feelings, so he had his head bend over his plate and focused on eating.

"I'm sorry about all that, Emily," Adam sat back down and placed his hand over hers. "I'm sure with a big family you know how easily these things can escalate."

"Oh don't worry, Adam, I know only too well. It's a shame though, because lunch is just so lovely." Emily's heart went out to the two upstairs and the two young boys still at the table. The atmosphere was tense and awkward, but Adam kept trying. She thought it was commendable and tried to help him by asking all sorts of questions about the ranch hoping to engage the kids as well. She was skilled enough to manage that quite well and soon the youngest two were chattering away with her, much to Adam's delight. She was telling them about the antics she and her siblings had gotten into as kids. And the boys were telling her about all the things they did on a ranch.

"Goodness, you really chop your own firewood?" Emily couldn't help glancing at Adam's biceps. Just looking at him made her feel all flustered.

"Uh huh!" Guthrie said enthusiastically. "It's fun!"

That made her forget all about Adam's biceps and her head made a sharp turn in Ford's and Guthrie's direction. "I thought you meant in general. As in you guys. You're allowed to use an axe?" The mere thought of that sweet little boy using an axe made her sick to her stomach with fear.

"Sure," Ford said proudly, "I do it all the time." In fact, since turning 12 it was one of his main weekly chores to make sure there was enough firewood for the fireplace. Now that it was winter and they started using the fireplace again at night, that was becoming more important. Guthrie didn't do it unsupervised and was still not strong enough to really do it himself, but he was being taught a bit.

"He's been taught well," Adam noticed her fearful, not to mention disapproving, eyes and felt the need to speak up, "Don't worry. We've all been taught safety on the ranch from a very young age."

"But still…." She still couldn't imagine.

"You weren't raised in the country, right?" Brian guessed as he collected the plates.

"No…no, I've always lived in the city. But why should that matter? Something is safe or it isn't!"

Now all boys laughed. "It is safe," Adam explained. "Boys Ford's age do it on every ranch or farm. "We teach things early on, so by the time the kids are old enough they know exactly what to do and how to do it safely."

"Same with alcohol. Dad always said that it was better to have a sip of beer now and then as a teenager, than not knowing what it is and wanting it badly by the time you're 21. It teaches responsibility and normality."

"Drinking shouldn't be normal!" Emily exclaimed, "You shouldn't teach kids that drinking alcohol is normal!"

"So you make it more attractive by prohibiting it? That's never worked. How many college students go on these binges? I know Crane won't because of how he's been raised." Of course, Brian knew that part of the reason Crane wouldn't, was that Crane was Crane. And still, the guy had smoked dope. That had been unexpected. So you never really knew as a parent. Brian and Adam knew not to rely on such certainties, despite their young age.

"So you show them it's okay to go out on the town and get drunk every weekend?"

Brian's eyes rested on hers for a moment before moving to Adam. "You been telling stories about me?"

Before Adam could answer Emily did, "He didn't even have to, Brian. You're quite well known in Murphys. You'd think you would be a better role model for your brothers, helping your brother more. I can't imagine what it's like to give up a scholarship to raise six brothers at the age of 18. But drinking so much on a Saturday night that you can't even make it to church doesn't help and neither does undermining his authority when he's disciplining the boys. You really need to…"

She never got any further. Brian had turned completely white. He was hurt. And angry. Angry at her for saying all those things. Angry at Adam, because he suspected Adam had talked about him. And not in a favorable way. Angry at himself for having tried to be nice. But mostly hurt. He didn't even notice that Adam had gotten to his feet, "You need to leave…yes, I think you need to leave."

Suddenly Emily realized what she'd said and how it was affecting these men, "I was just trying to…to help…"

"You were just lecture my brother," Adam said in a voice that those who knew him would call his dangerous voice, "He doesn't need lecturing. He's my right hand man."

"I'm sorry I made it sound like…"

"Oh I know what you meant," Adam glanced at his brother's hurt face. Brian would still not speak up for himself. He never did. "You see a fun-loving care-free guy who likes to go out. Sure, I give him grief over that at times, but that's between him and me. When I wanted to go on a date with you he cancelled all his plans and stayed at home. He stood in this kitchen last night before his date to bake a pie so I could show off. And then, despite being home late, he was up early and spend his morning cleaning just so I could show off our home to you." Fact was that Brian took pride in their home. It was his way of honoring their mother to keep her home neat and tidy. But he never said that out loud. "When the boys are ill, he's the guy who cleans up vomit, brings medicine and glasses of water, makes chicken soup, and sits with them while they're asleep to keep an eye on them."

"You do too," Brian's voice wasn't more than a whisper.

"I know, buddy, but you do so much and I know you sometimes wonder if I see it. I do. And I'd never tell anyone any different."

Brian shrugged. He couldn't really deny it, but admitting it sounded awfully pathetic. "You're the one who gave up a scholarship."

"You still had to start your senior year. You would have had one too. You stopped football to help! What 17 year old gives up his senior prom because his baby brother can't sleep if he's not there?"

While they talked Emily had quietly gotten up and had gotten her coat. She was crying softly, "I'm sorry…I really didn't mean anything bad. I just…I like you too and I thought…I thought…"

Brian turned to her, "It's okay." Suddenly he noticed Ford and Guthrie were still at the table. Both boys were watching the adults with wide, scared eyes. In one step he was behind them and pulled them up and in his arms. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have said all that."

"Did you miss your prom cause of me?" Guthrie had tears in his eyes.

"You're much more important than a stupid dance, kiddo!" Brian nuzzled his hair like he'd done that same prom night. If he was honest, he missed the smell of baby shampoo.

"Then I won't go to mine either," Guthrie promised sincerely.

Brian would have none of it, though, "You'll do no such thing!"

"I will, you'll see."

"Let's leave the prom talk for later, boys," Adam interceded, "no need for that just yet."

Emily would have left already, she wanted to, but she had come with the family and it was too far to walk. She started to wonder if maybe she should just go.

"Adam?" Brian nodded in her direction, "If you don't take her home, I think she's going to walk and she looks too upset to do that. And Mom's raised you better."

"That she did. Come on, I'll take you home." Adam's voice was still curt and not very forthcoming, but Brian was right, he was taught to always be a gentleman.

Emily already dreaded the long ride home. It was going to be even longer if they wouldn't even talk. But what could she say to make this right? She didn't think she could.

T.B.C.

Oops…no hug for Daniel yet. I promise they'll get there, but things just kept happening to prevent it.


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks to all of those that left PM's and reviews, including the guest reviews. I agree, Emily messed up. And yes, a lot of things have to be resolved now. Sure hope I won't forget things. This chapter is for Adam and Daniel mostly. Hope you all like it.

Chapter 16

"Please, Adam," Emily found herself begging, "I'm so so sorry. Please, can't we talk about it?"

Adam had been quiet. They were halfway to town already and he had barely said a word. He was mad. But if he was honest, he was mostly mad at himself. Who on earth takes his girlfriend home to meet the family after only two dates? Problem was, if his parents had still been alive, he probably would have, feeling the way he did. And it would have been fine. But they weren't alive. He was the parent. And that role came with responsibilities. He had completely blown it today. He should never have brought her home. He should have made sure he knew her better. He should have known how she felt about all sorts of things before introducing her to his brothers, not just the ones he was raising, but his partner in raising them as well.

Brian. Of course Brian had made a name for himself in a small town such as Murphys. People liked to gossip and the McFaddens were a grateful subject. Their large family had always been the talk of the town, but ever since Brian and he had taken up the responsibility of raising their younger brothers, the town had kept a close eye on them. He knew they talked about them. It was usually well meant, but it felt intrusive. They all hated it. And Brian had made a special object of interest out of himself with his frequent visits to the town's nightlife, or what passed for it. He'd dated pretty much every eligible young lady. Adam often teased him that if it had boobs he'd date it. It wasn't completely true, but Brian had to admit it came close to the truth. It was one of the reasons Adam disliked him going out so often. It attracted attention and it had taken a long time for the town to light up on their suggestions of helping out, or even adoption. So yes, Adam was mad at Brian as well. If it wasn't for Brian's reputation, Emily wouldn't have had any ammunition.

Daniel. Yes, he was also mad at Daniel. Although he wasn't sure why. Why on earth was he mad at the boy? The young teenager hadn't really done anything. Evan was the one who'd pushed this time. But again, if Adam was honest, and to himself he usually was, Evan hadn't done anything to warrant being sent to his room and threatened with a spanking. And Daniel had only defended his younger brother. So why was he so mad?

Nerves. That's what it was. He'd been too nervous. He was so nervous she wouldn't like the ranch or would think they lived like country hicks. Afraid she wouldn't fit in. His high school girlfriend hadn't been able to picture herself living on the ranch raising those boys. He remembered her words well. Too well. They were ingrained in his brain. He hadn't worried too much about the boys liking her. Because, well, she was just so likeable. Right? He glanced sideways, finding her tear-filled eyes resting on him.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have brought you home," Adam knew his tone was clipped, but he couldn't manage a kinder one.

The tears spilled over, Emily couldn't stop them. "I was so excited coming here. I so wanted to see your home and meet your brothers. I shouldn't have said all those things."

"But you did." It was a mean thing to say, he knew it. Mom and dad had taught him to gracefully accept apologies. But it was too hard. She had said things that hurt the core of his family. She'd implied he wasn't a responsible parent, allowing his younger brothers to chop wood and do other ranch work. She'd criticized Brian as a role model for the boys. And that felt even worse. Sure, he criticized Brian at times, but no one else could.

"I know. I can't take them back. I wish I could, but I can't."

"Which ones would you like to take back? And would you want to take them back because you don't really think that I shouldn't let Ford use an axe? Or because you realize that was unfair criticism from a person who has no idea how much training and supervision goes into chores like that and how things work on ranches? Or how about Brian? You said what you did for a reason. You must think that as a parent he shouldn't go out."

"That's not true. Of course he can go out. I just…I just felt that…"

"You think he's not a good role model for the boys," Adam continued, mercilessly. "You think he doesn't pull his weight in this family."

"You do so much. I can tell you do. I just wanted to be liked…" She'd wanted to be liked by Adam, to support him and she'd overreacted. She knew that. But Brian's ways made her worry, that was true.

"Well, you have a strange way of showing that. You have no idea what Brian gave up. You have no idea what he does in this family. You hardly know us. And don't say you know about us from the towns folk, because they don't know either. I couldn't do this without Brian. He always has my back. Always. He's the one person I can always count on. So if he goes out for a drink every now and then, if he dates girls…he's so young, only 22. He shouldn't have all this responsibility. He should be graduating college now and starting his future. Instead, he stayed here."

Emily was crying softly now, "You must hate me now."

It took the wind out of Adam's sails. "No, I don't." And he didn't. There were people he didn't like, people he was mad at, but he never hated anyone. Hate was poison. "I really don't. I'm mad. But more at myself. I shouldn't have brought you home after only 2 dates. What responsible parent does that? It was stupid. It wasn't fair on you. But it was especially unfair to the boys. I'm responsible for them." And that included Brian, but that was something he wouldn't say out loud, not to her. People didn't understand.

"It wasn't wrong…Adam, you're only 23 yourself. You should be able to date and take a girl you like home with you."

"Maybe, but I'm no ordinary 23-year-old. I have responsibilities people my age don't have. And so I shouldn't have done this." They were on main street now and nearly there.

"Are you…will you…do you think we'll go out again?" Her voice was so soft Adam had to strain to hear the words.

He shook his head, "I don't think so. I liked you a lot, but…"

"But not anymore."

"Not saying that," he knew he still liked her, despite everything. But his life was too complicated for this.

"You said 'liked'."

"Right now I still hear you criticizing our parenting skills and calling my brother a womanizer and a drunk."

Her eyes flew wide open, "I didn't say such a thing!"

"You implied it, Emily. I could see he heard it too. You hurt me. That I could probably get past. But you hurt him too and I'm not sure I can get past that." He pulled up at her house and got out the car to open the door for her. She was faster though and got out before he could reach the door.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish you'd allow me to make up for my mistakes. You're not the only one who has baggage. I'm really not such a bad person." She could tell he wanted to say something, but she wouldn't have answered his questions even if she'd given him the chance to voice them. "Everybody deserves a second chance, don't they?" She was already crying, but knew she'd make a complete spectacle of herself if she stayed where she was, so she ran inside and closed the door leaving him standing on the street, his emotions very much conflicted.

* * *

"Brian?" Brian looked into his little brother's blue eyes.

"Yes, Guth?"

"Can we go and finish the Christmas decorations?"

"yeah!" Ford immediately perked up. Brian was grateful for their resilient spirits. Guthrie was so trusting and Ford so easy-going, that it didn't take much to reassure them. It was a good thing too, because Adam had said things the little ones didn't have to worry about. Parents don't, or shouldn't, tell their kids about the things they gave up for them. But then, the difference was, parents more or less chose to become parents, Adam and he had parenthood thrust upon them by fate. At a far too young age. But that didn't mean the little ones had to have guilt added on top of their loss. It was the same reason he'd hid his own hurt over Emily's words deep away.

"Well, we can get the stuff out maybe. Finish the outside. Decorate inside. We don't have a tree yet," Brian wished they'd gotten out to get a tree after church, instead of having lunch with Emily. There was a fleeting image in his mind of the girl as she stood in their living room, completely devastated, pale and on the verge of tears. But the image went as Ford spoke again.

"Can we finish the lights too?"

"Well, I'll need Evan and Daniel for that. And I won't do any decorating without them anyway." Christmas decorating was a family-thing.

"Can't you get them?"

Ford's question made Brian think about it. With all the drama it was hard to remember exactly what the boys had done wrong. They'd called each other some names and had continued to do so after warning. So in all fairness, some punishment was warranted. But they'd spent some time in their rooms now and anything more than a quick word about being nice to each other seemed excessive. "I think I will. Why don't you two clear the table and I'll go and get your brothers. Then we can do the decorating together."

Brian watched the two fly into the kitchen. A request to clean up was seldom met with such enthusiasm. It made him smile. Then he glanced up the stairs and the smile disappeared. There were two angry and upset teenagers upstairs. And their upset was partially justified. But he couldn't undermine Adam. He couldn't apologize for the man. Slowly he made his way up the stairs and knocked on their doors. "Dan'l? Evan?"

One door opened, the other remained closed. Normally, Daniel would be the stubborn one, but in this case it was Evan. Brian wasn't surprised. "Can I come down?"

Daniel's defeated look broke Brian's heart, "Sure kiddo."

"Did Adam say so?" Daniel was a little hesitant.

"Adam's taking Emily home, but I'm saying so, buddy," Brian reached out and pulled Daniel over. "You're done being punished. It wasn't nice to call Evan a dummy, I'm sure you know that and I'm also positive you'll apologize for that."

"If he'll let me," Daniel wasn't so sure Evan would accept his apology.

"He'd better. He has some apologies to make himself, don't you agree?"

At those words Evan's door flew open and the sullen looking teen appeared, "I didn't mean it like that and Adam knew it! Adam was being mean."

Brian threw the boy a look that made him simmer down, even if just slightly, "You called your younger brother a dummy and an idiot all within about 60 seconds, after having been warned the first time. Don't you think that was a little mean and hurtful? You can say you didn't mean it like that, but you said it and you hurt Ford."

"But I didn't mean to hurt him. It's just…it just came out," Even Evan knew it was a lame excuse.

"It just came out…" Brian repeated the words while keeping his eyes on the boy. Evan couldn't hold his gaze.

"I know…pretty lame."

"No kidding. You know better, buddy," Brian's tone was kinder now.

"I'll tell Ford I'm sorry. I promise."

"Good, I'm sure he'll accept it."

"And I'm sorry I said it to you, Ev," Daniel finally spoke. "I saw Ford's hurt look and lashed out at you. Let my temper get the best of me again. You'd think I'd learn not to, but apparently I don't."

"It's okay…I kinda was," Evan conceded. "Especially when I did it again after Adam warned me. "That was pretty stupid."

Daniel shrugged, "I was just as stupid."

"You two might want to tell Adam that," Brian cupped their chins, "For the first time in years he brought a girlfriend home. The guy was a wreck. You two made it much harder for him than necessary."

Daniel wanted to look down, but Brian's hold of his chin was too strong and so all he could do was blink. "I'm sorry. I really tried to be polite and nice. I'd promised Adam I'd try and I did. I guess I didn't try hard enough."

Brian moved his hand to touch the side of the boy's face instead, "I know you tried. As to what I said about talking to Adam…let's wait till he's home and see what kind of mood he's in. I'll help, okay?"

Both boys nodded against his hands and he released them, "Guthrie and Ford suggested we continued with the decorations and I think that's a great way to spend the rest of the afternoon. But not without you two. So…." He watched smiles breaking through two very contrite faces, "Let's get to it and maybe we can have some Christmas spirit by the time he comes home."

* * *

The sound of Christmas carols and the sight of his brothers decorating the house greeted Adam when he returned. It brought a smile to his face and for a moment it overrode all thoughts of Emily and the painful situation that had arisen earlier. It had taken him a while to come home, having needed time to digest what had happened. He realized he'd talked more during their dates than she had. Maybe there was some missing information that explained her behavior towards Brian. Maybe he'd looked at it a little one-sidedly. But that was the problem: he had to. He may not like it when people called him a parent, but he was. He was his brothers' parent. With that came responsibilities and one of those responsibilities was that he always had to put them first. No exception. It was the promise he'd made to himself and to them the day he stepped into the role of guardian. The judge had even told him so.

"ADAM!" Guthrie yelled as he saw his brother. "Did you see outside? We did all the lights. We even got lights in the treehouse!" That had been Ford's idea and Guthrie had actually been able to help with that. Brian hadn't been able to come up with any objections with Guthrie going up in the tree to do that, considering the fact the boy was up in there all the time anyway.

"So I saw! It looks great, guys. And inside too….makes me wish we'd gotten a tree today."

Ford grinned, "That's what Brian said too."

"Well, great minds do think alike," Adam threw his brother a glance. Brian was studying him a little too much for his liking. "I'm fine, bro," he reassured, but clearly that accomplished the opposite.

"Sure," Brian wasn't fooled. Adam's face was pale and he looked more than a little troubled, despite the attempt at smiling. "Well," he handed his brother the traditional wreath, "We figured you'd like to put this on the front door."

"I think I can manage that." Adam kept the smile on his face as he finished that. "Still a shame we didn't get a tree."

"We planned to do that next Saturday, so that gives us enough time," Brian had it all figured out. He'd planned to have the lights up this weekend and do the rest of the decorating the next. They'd done more decorating already. Others might think it odd, but Brian seldom worried about what others thought of them. Well, if he did, he didn't let on. He tried to gauge his brother's mood, but it was hard. At least, he didn't look too angry anymore.

Apparently, Daniel and Evan had come to the same conclusion, as, after a quick look at Brian, they both spoke simultaneously, "Adam?"

Adam turned to them and watched them look nervously at each other. Finally, Daniel was the first to speak up, "I'm really sorry, Adam. You were right. I did exactly what you told Evan not to."

"And I knew better than to say the same thing, in different words. I'm real sorry, too," Evan added. "And we never thought about how you were feeling with Emily here."

Adam closed his eyes for a second and then looked both of them in the eye, "Apology accepted. But you're not the only one who owes an apology." Two pair of questioning eyes met him and he smiled, "I'm sorry too. I overreacted. You two shouldn't have done what you did, but I let my own nerves and frustration rule me. In fact, I did exactly what I lecture Daniel about. So that wasn't fair."

"You were nervous cause Emily was here," Daniel offered him an excuse, but Adam wouldn't allow himself a cop out like that.

"Maybe, but that shouldn't have mattered. I'm the adult here. So I'm sorry for overreacting. And I'm sorry for embarrassing you in front of your teacher. There can be situations where it might be called for, but this wasn't one of those times."

Daniel wasn't sure he liked the fact that Adam still might threaten him in public like that, but he had to admit that in the past, he'd given him good cause to do so. Adam may be quick to jump to conclusions and a bit quick-tempered, but he was also good with apologies and was usually pretty darn fair. "I'd rather you'd never."

It made Adam laugh a bit, "Well, that's all up to you, kiddo." Then he became serious again, "So, we good again?"

Both boys nodded, both basically grateful Adam wasn't mad anymore Brian's words had long taken the sting out of the angry words. "Course. That's what brothers are for, right?" Evan grinned and easily gave his oldest brother a hug. "Glad you're not mad anymore."

"I could never stay mad at you for long, kiddo," Adam wrapped his arms around the teenager's body, holding him tightly, glad that this one still allowed hugs. It wasn't until he looked up that he noticed the odd look on Daniel's face. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn the boy looked somewhat jealous. "Danny?" He said softly as he held out one arm.

"I'm good," was the short answer, but it was clear Daniel wasn't 'good'.

After giving Evan one more squeeze, Adam placed a kiss on the boy's head and released him. He looked at Daniel and again he could see that same look. It confirmed his suspicions and in two steps he was at the couch Daniel was leaning against. "Hey, kiddo…" he reached out and gently cupped Daniel's face. He tried to think what could be troubling the boy and for a moment struggled trying to come up with reasons for Daniel's odd look. Daniel was quite the sensitive boy, always had been. It was what had caused his temper issues after their parents' deaths. His therapist had explained that, when he'd finally gotten some therapy for it. His emotions were overwhelming him and he didn't know how to deal with them, so he lashed out or clammed up. This time he wasn't lashing out, but he was definitely clamming up. Clearly emotional overload. He didn't know what to do and did nothing. Adam had to be the grown up and figure it out for him.

Suddenly he realized Daniel wasn't pulling back from the gentle touch and that's when it clicked. Following his instinct, Adam simply pulled the boy into his arms and hugged him tightly. When he felt Daniel starting to shake he knew he'd made the right decision. Over Daniel's head his eyes met Brian's and Brian read his mind.

"Come on, boys, let's get dinner started. We all worked up an appetite. Well, I did." Most of dinner would be leftover lunch. They never had reached dessert even. He hoped the meal wouldn't remind Adam too much of the disaster lunch with Emily had been. Maybe he should try and make something else out of the leftovers. That might work.

As soon as everyone had left the room Adam returned his attention to Daniel. The boy was clearly fighting tears and Adam wasn't going to let him win that fight. So he held his brother and rubbed his back. When it didn't completely work Adam decided to take a huge risk. He moved his body so he could sit down on the couch and then he pulled Daniel on his lap.

"I'm too old," The boy protested, but he didn't fight Adam and that told Adam he'd made the right decision.

"No one here to see you, kiddo," Adam kept his arms around him and despite the words Daniel leaned against his brother. "You do know how much I love you, don't you?" He felt the nod against his shoulder, "I made a mistake yesterday, kiddo. I should have stayed with you afterwards. You wanted me to, didn't you?"

Daniel couldn't admit it out loud. A part of him wanted to, but something was holding him back. It was the same thing that had held him back yesterday. The difference was, this time, Adam didn't let him go.

"It's okay, kid, I know you did. I needed it too. That may sound weird, but I know I need those hugs as much as you boys do."

"You..do?" Finally finding his voice, those were the only words Daniel could manage.

"I do. So it's a win-win situation to hug. You win. And I win."

"Oh…I never…" Daniel sniffled, still fighting the tears.

"You didn't think about that. I know. Neither did I when I was in your situation." Adam knew he had to speak of painful things to help his brother, "I did the same thing you did when dad punished me. Once I'd become a teenager he'd give me a pat on the back, say a kind word, but he never pushed me into hugging him. I just thought he wanted me to be strong and be a man about it. I thought men didn't hug. But you know what? Brian told me that Dad hugged him. Every single time. Even the last time, when Brian was all of 16. And I realized, it wasn't dad, it was me. Dad wanted to give me my space, because I always stepped away from him. He thought I needed space from him. But I didn't. And he never knew. I bet he felt hurt thinking I was upset with him, so upset that I didn't want to hug him."

"But you weren't."

"No, I wasn't. I desperately wanted him to hug me."

"He should have." It was very rare for any of them to admit a fault in their parents. Their parents were saints in their eyes. The perfect parents. Adam knew he had big shoes to fill. For Daniel to say this was big. And it probably said more about Adam than about Dad.

"I should have yesterday." He'd repeated Dad's mistake. In a way, he was in good company, but it hurt knowing he hadn't learned from his own experience. "I should have done what I'd wanted dad to do all my teenage life. And I didn't. I was too busy thinking about my own hurt feelings over you pulling away from me."

"Like daddy."

"I guess so, yes. But I should have gotten over those and think about you instead."

"Like daddy should have."

Adam had to swallow the lump in his throat away. He could feel the salty tears threatening to spill over. He was even afraid to blink for fear they would do just that. "Maybe."

"Not maybe. He should have."

"But I won't let that happen anymore, Danny, I promise." And with that he held his brother even closer. He could feel Daniel's breath hitch. "It's okay to want a hug. And it's okay to cry." Another little shake and although he couldn't see Daniel's face, he knew the boy had just lost the battle against the tears. It was a relief.

"Daddy always called me Danny," the boy cried.

"I'm sorry….if you don't want me to, I won't."

"It's okay…" His entire body was shaking now and Adam just rocked him in his arms. "I can't remember how it felt, Adam." Adam knew Daniel meant the feeling of dad's warm arms around him.

"I know," And with that, Adam lost his own battle. Despite his words to Daniel, the man had been battling a losing fight of his own against tears. "I've had so many more years. And when I close my eyes and concentrate I try to feel them…but it's hard."

"I miss them so much."

"My too, kiddo, me too." Adam couldn't get more out.

"I close my eyes and I see them, but their voices….their hugs…that's so hard."

Not bothering to try his face Adam spoke softly, "And then you don't want to hug me? Because it reminds you too much?"

The boy shook his head against him, "No…it's cause…cause….you're so much like daddy. And…"

When Daniel's voice trailed off something Crane had said once, clicked in. Crane had told him once that the fact that Adam was so much like their father was actually what made it harder for Daniel. As a teenager you fight your parents. And you fight with your brothers. But when a brother becomes that father, things get complicated. It had been enough for Adam to understand why teenage Daniel fought him so much. He resisted seeing Adam as his father even though Adam never pretended to be that. But maybe Crane had meant more than just that. "And then you feel guilty?" Silence met him, but he went on. "You don't want to see me in the same way, because I'm your brother. But that's hard when I am so much like dad. And then you feel bad because you see him in me."

"It's almost like he's back." The words were whispered, but Adam heard them.

"And that hurts." A nod as the sobs increased. "And part of you still wants to see me that way?" Another nod and Adam's heart broke.

"I feel the same, kid, I feel exactly the same. But it's okay. It's okay to want it. We're not betraying him. He'd want this for us. He'd want you to feel safe and loved. He'd want you to be able to fight me the same way you'd have fought him if he was still alive. And he'd want you to be hugged the same way he'd have hugged you. He wouldn't want you to be deprived of that. That would make him incredibly sad." Adam spoke very softly, but he knew Daniel was listening through his tears. "We all need hugs, Danny, every single one of us. And every kid needs a parent. And if I have to be that parent, I will be that parent. We don't have to say the words and we don't have to advertise it to the world. But if it helps you, then accept that. I know it helps me. I know I always emphasize the fact that I'm your brother, not dad. But in a way I have stepped into his shoes. So I have to embrace the role. Accepting that will make me a better parent to you boys. Because that's what I am. I'm not dad, I know I'm a poor wannabe, a flawed copy,"

"You're not." Suddenly Daniel's voice was stronger, "Don't you put yourself down. You're a great parent to all of us. Dad'd be so proud of you."

"I hope so, kid…thank you, it means a lot to me to hear you say that." In fact, it meant the world to Adam. "He'd be proud of you too. You've got a great heart, kid. And you are so talented. I can tell you're growing into a very special adult. One any father would be proud of."

"You too?"

"Are you kidding me? You bet me too!"

They remained on the sofa for a few more minutes, in silence while Daniel got himself under control. And Adam as well, if he was honest. And if he was even more honest, he was disappointed when Daniel had calmed down so much that he didn't feel comfortable sitting on Adam's lap anymore and slipped off. Adam knew he'd gotten away with a lot today and it would probably not be repeated any time soon, if at all. It had ended too quickly. But he understood. "You okay now, Danny?"

Daniel nodded and then suddenly gave him a sharp look, "You're not gonna call me Danny all the time now, just cause I said it was okay, are ya?"

Adam had to smile a bit, "Only if you won't go around calling me dad."

They were both too serious still to laugh, so Daniel shook his head, "I won't. But it's not cause you're not a good one." The boy had gotten to his feet and Adam did the same thing.

"Hmm I may remind you of those words next time you're in trouble…..Danny."

Daniel rolled his eyes, "Oh my god, don't! Older people have such bad memories…dad!"

"Don't call me old! And don't call me dad…" But despite the tone both knew there was genuine feeling behind the word dad. And that was okay. They knew. And that was enough.


	17. Chapter 17

I'm simply overwhelmed by all the wonderful comments. I was slightly worried people would find it a bit too soppy, I was afraid I'd get negative comments about the scene between Adam and Daniel, especially since I had Daniel on Adam's lap, but the complete opposite happened. And although I still maintain I'll write the story the way I see it, it's great to hear people see things the same way.

Thanks everyone for the reviews. Also a big thank you for the support on the issue I chose for Crane to get worked up about.

This chapter is a shorter one. I've written more, but this was where I felt I needed to stop the chapter.

Chapter 17

Adam liked this time of night. All the boys were asleep, the house was quiet and he and Brian were enjoying a cold beer on the porch. It was December, but not only was this California, it was also a mild December so far. They had their coats on, but were quite comfortable on the porch. Brian was sitting on the bench, left foot on the bench and the right one on the floor, his back against the armrest. Adam was leaning against the porch rail, looking out over the land. It was a clear night and the moon and stars gave enough light for him to see. They hadn't even turned on the porch light.

"So you and Daniel talked?"

"Yeah we did," Adam didn't look up. He could still feel the young teenager in his arms. "We had a good talk and a big hug. We're good."

"Until English tomorrow," Brian said dryly.

"Yeah, that'll probably be uncomfortable," Adam winced slightly. He felt the weight of the guilt over his decisions on his shoulders. "Damn it. I should never have started something with one of their teachers."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You're allowed to date, you know." Brian rested his beer on his knee and looked at his older brother. "No one said you had to take a vow of chastity."

"I know. But I should have been smarter."

"So you liked a girl. Hell, I was happy you did. It was good to see you falling for someone. And this town is so small, it doesn't matter who you date, it can always get awkward. Because word gets out. Trust someone who knows all about gossip."

"I'm so sorry she said that."

"You didn't say it, did you?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why apologize?"

"Because I brought her here, Brian. I brought someone I barely knew home."

"So you misjudged her. That happens. It's not the end of the world. She's Daniel's teacher not someone you picked up on the street or in the bar."

"I never said that meeting a girl in a bar was wrong, bro," Adam turned around and now leaned with his back against the porch rail so he could look at Brian. Despite Brian's relaxed posture, there was a tension in his brother.

"Well, I remember some arguments about that."

It was clear to Adam that Brian was not looking him in the eye as he spoke and that told him not all was well between them. "I may have said some things in the past. Mainly because I worry about you. But I don't think worse of you because of it."

"Your girlfriend seems to do just that."

"She's not my girlfriend anymore. We won't see each other again."

"You sure about that? I mean…you liked her enough to invite her home and after a few comments you break up with her? I saw her standing in our living room. She looked devastated."

Adam shook his head, "All I could see was your face. You may think you're good at hiding your hurt, but not that good that I didn't see it."

"So? We already established that you feel the same. So why can't she say what you feel?"

Brian's calm voice did nothing to convince Adam his brother didn't care. "Because I don't think you're a womanizer and a drunk!"

"You just think I'm an irresponsible party animal who would rather date a different girl every week and spend every night in the bar drinking than being at home."

"Of course I don't think that, Bri. That's the problem. I know you're a great guy. You're responsible, dependable and kind. You're much wiser and patient than I am. That's why I don't understand why you do what you do."

"I'm young, Adam. Unlike you, I refuse to grow old before my time. I like to enjoy life a bit. There's time to settle down later. Besides, you've just proven how difficult it is to settle down while the boys are still growing up. So I might as well enjoy some feminine companionship without strings attached."

"Do the girls know there are no strings?"

"Of course! Who do you think I am."

"I know who you are, but I've just had a lesson in communication. Not just with Emily, but with Daniel as well. So I know how easy it is to get your wires crossed. That's all I'm worried about. And…"

"You have nothing to worry about, Adam. I'm not one of the kids okay? I'm a grown man and go out on dates and with friends. Nothing wrong with that. If mom and dad had lived you would have done the same thing right now."

"Maybe, but we'll never know. Because they didn't live. And I have a responsibility. I don't have the luxury you have."

"I took on the same responsibility. I thought you knew that."

Adam took a deep breath, realizing he'd yet again said the wrong thing. Why couldn't he ever get it right with Brian? "I know. Brian, I know I couldn't have done this without you. I know I wasn't the only one who gave up their future, who didn't go to college to take care of his brothers. I know what you sacrificed. And I hate that I needed you so much that I couldn't encourage you to do it anyway, the way we did with Crane. And I still can't do it without you. Damn it, others may not see it but I do. So please, don't twist my words to mean something they didn't. For me it's a legal obligation, for you it's a moral and a practical one."

"And you feel responsible for my choice?" Brian turned his body and put his left foot on the floor as well as he intently looked at Adam. "You do, don't you?"

"Because I am, Brian! I was your guardian as well. I'm the oldest. You were a minor."

"When they died…technically, you were too."

"I know, but within two months I wasn't and you still had more than a year to go. It was made perfectly clear to me that I was responsible for you finishing high school, for you not getting in trouble. Brian, no matter how old you get, you're my little brother. Just as Crane is. As Daniel is. As they all are. And I know you're an adult and I know you have the right to make your own choices. But you'll always be my little brother and that means I'll always try to look out for you. And I'll always worry about you."

Brian looked down at his hands holding the bottle of beer and thought about his reaction to those words. Part of him resented that Adam felt that way. Not just because he was an adult and didn't need his big brother looking over his shoulder, but also because Adam didn't need the extra burden. There was also a part that felt warmed by Adam's words. It felt good that Adam needed him. It felt good that Adam knew that Adam wasn't the only one who had given up his teenage dreams. He sighed. "I really wish you didn't worry so much."

"Can't help it. I still hear mom's words to me when we were growing up: 'he's littler than you, Adam, you have to be careful. You have to be the big brother.' It's ingrained in my brain, in my entire being. I can't stop worrying."

"Okay, I can't stop you. But I can't stop going out and have some fun either. Just because you deny yourself that, doesn't mean I should."

"I know, and I'm not saying that. I just worry about your reputation. I worry about you drinking and getting behind the wheel. I worry about you getting into a fight in the bar."

Brian had to grin a little at that, "Well...like Dad always said: sometimes a man has to fight."

Adam, too, laughed a little, "Yeah, I know. But mom never agreed with him."

"No she didn't." Brian gave his brother a hard look as he got to his feet, "You say you're worried about my reputation. Is that a roundabout way of saying that if I hadn't built myself such a reputation your girlfriend wouldn't have jumped to conclusions about me? That I brought it all upon myself?" The question may have sounded cold but there was hurt behind it. And insecurity. And fear. But he wouldn't voice that.

"Of course not!" Adam said vehemently, "she simply had no right to say what she did. And I'd never say that. And she's NOT my girlfriend." He lowered his voice, mindful of the sleeping boys upstairs and inside on the sofa, "I would never date someone who hurts my family."

Brian shook his head, "You overprotective idiot."

"You can say what you want, call me what you want, but I won't change my mind."

"She can't hurt me, Adam."

"I saw your face. I know you were hurt."

"You saw wrong….I was hurt because I thought it was what you thought. I don't care about her. I care about you. I care about what you think of me. And I think you've made it clear what you think of me."

"I think the world of you. You're a great guy."

"Yeah yeah…let's not get all soppy here okay."

A wicked grin appeared on Adam's face. He pushed himself away from the rail and took two steps in Brian's direction. He pulled his brother into a strong hug, "I love you, little brother, and I'm proud of you. And grateful to you. Don't ever think any different."

Unlike Daniel Brian didn't melt into the hug, but he did surprise himself and Adam by returning it. He slapped his brother on the back before pulling back, "Okay…that was different."

"You're the one who told me it was good to hug."

"I really should stop telling you stuff about me. And about the past.

Adam shrugged a little, "I'm glad you did. It helped me with Daniel."

"Glad to hear it. You two needed a little help there."

Adam couldn't help the wry smile, "No kidding." Neither of them mentioned the hug he'd given Brian. It wasn't something they talked about with ease. But he felt good having done it. "I think I'm heading up. Morning comes early."

"I'll finish my beer and lock up. You go up." Brian watched Adam go inside and then looked out into the dark, breathing in the night air for a few more minutes. Their talk had shaken him more than he was willing to admit. It had also given him a lot of food for thought. There was still a lot unsaid between the two. Then again, neither would probably have thought of the things that needed to be said, mostly because they didn't completely realize why they did the things they did, especially Brian.

* * *

"I tell you, Adam was really, really mad at her," Ford had his arms on the back of the seat in front of him so he could talk to his brothers. Guthrie, next to him, was doing the same thing.

"If Adam saw you, he'd tell you to sit on your backside and be safe," Daniel scolded, "And you've told us that three times already. Still doesn't mean it's over."

"Yes, it is," Guthrie was sure of it. "He took her home and then he didn't even talk about her anymore when he got back. She said mean things about Brian."

"Why on earth would she be mean about Brian?" That part baffled Evan. "I mean…she doesn't even know him."

"I don't know…something about his going out."

"It's cause of his drinking and dating," Ford said in that manner all 12 year olds have when they talk like little adults when they're really not.

"How would she know?!" Evan got a bit defensive when it came to Brian.

"Because," Ford said almost patiently as if he was talking to a child, "word gets around. Don't you think the girls he dates don't talk about it? Miss Morgan is pretty much their age. And then there's the people in the stores. There's Marie at the diner. I bet the teachers at school even talk about him during lunch."

"No way!" Evan turned around, "And don't talk to me like that. I can still pound you, you know!"

"I'd like to see you try," Ford laughed. The two were pretty much even in size and weight. And Ford may usually be cheerful as can be, he held his own when it came to fighting.

Daniel immediately spoke up, knowing these two could easily start a real fight, right in the bus, and he had no intention of being thrown off the bus for weeks. Charlie, their bus driver, had done it before, only for a week, but it had been a long week! "Hey, there'll be no fighting. You guys wanna explain to Adam and Brian why we're kicked off the bus? You know what Charlie said last time."

"Yeah!" Guthrie piped up, "He said we wouldn't get back on the bus for a whole month!"

"Oh yeah," Ford immediately backed down, "I've got a pretty good record with Adam this school year. I'd like to keep it that way."

"So," Evan looked at Daniel, "You got English today?"

"Yeah, third period." Daniel sighed, "Great. Worse than your big brother dating your teacher is your big brother breaking up with your teacher. Wanna bet she'll flunk me for the test we've got?"

"Either because she wants to get back at Adam or because she's hoping he'll come to school again."

Daniel groaned at Ford's words. "oh God, kill me now!"

"No can do," Evan grinned, "We're on the bus. Charlie doesn't like a mess on his bus and killing you would probably make a big mess."

"You're so funny…..NOT!" Daniel scowled, but he wasn't mad at his brother. He was just worried about English and Miss Morgan.

As it was, he needn't have worried. Or maybe he should have. Because when third period came around, Miss Morgan wasn't in her class room. Instead, the vice principal came in and told them that Miss Morgan had called in sick. There was no substitute at the moment so they all got to work on their homework while he supervised and worked on his own files. At the moment, Daniel was just relieved he didn't have to deal with an upset teacher, but later on the bus home the boy wondered if she'd called in sick because she was too upset over the break up and there was a part of him that felt sorry for her. Being dumped by Adam couldn't be fun.

* * *

"How'd you do?"

Crane turned his head to look at the young man behind him. He shrugged, "I never know. It felt ok. I guess I knew most of the questions."

David groaned, "That means you've probably aced it."

"You don't know that!"

"Yeah I do. I've seen you do it over midterms. You kept saying you weren't sure, you probably did ok, and then you had top marks."

"Well, I do have a scholarship to keep in mind. It depends on good grades," Crane defended himself, "And I am not lying, I honestly am not sure."

"Hey, no need to get defensive, buddy," David laughed, "I think you need to feel more secure. You study hard, you prepare for every class, you deserve good drags. You work hard enough for them."

It was Crane's turn to laugh, "Well, I guess I can't help myself. I love it here."

"You going out to celebrate?"

"Nuh uh, we may have tomorrow off, but Wednesday there's Principles of Psychology AND Biology. I'm hitting the books straight away."

"Suuuure" David's tone was teasing, "and you won't be seeing June at all…."

"I don't know what you're getting at, man, she's just a friend."

"So you're going to study together…."

"Well, she is in my psychology class. So yeah, it makes sense to study together."

"Hmm….hope they teach about safe sex in that class."

Crane gave his friend a little push, "You can stop that thought right there. I'm not having sex with her. I'm not like that. Like I said, we're friends."

"Okay, okay…if you're blind to her beauty…mind if I ask her out?"

"You? She wouldn't say yes if you were the last man on earth. You've got quite the reputation with girls already."

"Who me?" David pretended an arrow hit him square in the chest and pulled it out, holding out his empty hand to Crane, "That hurt, man. I just have trouble choosing…they're all so lovely and soft and beautiful…"

"Yeah yeah….didn't you have a history exam to study for?"

David sighed heavily and let his shoulders drop like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, "I know….did you have to remind me?"

"That's what a good friend does, Dav: protect you against yourself."

"Okay, fine, but after the exams are done you and I are doing to party!"

"If I'm still standing by then." Crane wasn't ready to commit to a big party yet. He'd gone out a few times since Thanksgiving. He'd had a beer or two. But he hadn't really partied.

Just then David spotted his latest conquest and he waved at her, "see you later, pal, I gotta…" what he had to, he never said, because he was off leaving Crane alone to head back to his dorm and his studies. June was meeting him later that day for supper. After supper they had plans. Plans he had no intention of sharing with David. David was a great guy, but he wasn't sure the guy could keep his mouth shut. He probably could, but Crane wasn't going to take the risk. He'd already accepted that he'd be in trouble if they succeeded, but he wasn't going to get caught before they had what they needed. And he knew June felt the same way.

As he passed the phone in the hall way of his dorm he sighed. He'd promised Adam to call after his first exam, but he didn't really want to. Adam was bound to bring up the whole thing about the teacher again and Crane was sure his big brother had realized Crane had never really made the requested (ordered?) promise. So Adam was bound to come back to that 'request' a little forcefully this time. It was one thing in Crane's mind to avoid making a promise and actually promising not to do something and then go around and do it anyway. He wished he'd never brought up the entire thing with Adam. It was easier to apologize later.

Instead of picking up the phone Crane continued to walk on to his room and hit the books. Smart as he was, it never occurred to him that he was already breaking a promise by not calling. Nor did he realize that not calling would worry those back at the ranch. He simply wasn't used to having people worry about him.

And worry they did. Not right away of course. Adam never did expect a phone call right after the exam. He didn't even know what time Crane had it. He didn't expect it before supper time. But by the time it was 8 pm he was looking at the phone and the clock and back at the phone every 5 minutes. Another half hour and he glanced at Brian who just shrugged.

"Maybe he's relaxing with friends," was the younger brother's answer.

"Maybe….Daniel, time to head up."

"Aw Adam, I wanna talk to Crane." Daniel hated the whine in his voice, but he had been looking forward to this phone call ever since Crane's last call on Friday and after the weekend they'd had, he had things to talk to Crane about. Brian and Adam's Christmas present the last on the list.

"If he…when he calls, it's to talk about his exams, buddy, you'll get your chance for your chat on Friday. So….it's bedtime." Adam wasn't one to budge on bedtimes. Ever.

"Don't you think that 8:30 is early? On Saturday I get to stay up till 9 and I still get up the same time."

"Hmmm," Adam pretended to think about it, "Of course, we could always change your bedtime on Saturday to 8:30 like on school nights."

Daniel got to his feet. He scowled a little, but wasn't too put out. He never fussed much about going to bed, unlike Evan, and even Ford at times. "Never mind. I'm actually really…" he faked a yawn, "really tired."

"Night kid," Brian smiled and gave him a hug.

"Night, Brian, night Adam," Daniel gave his oldest brother a quick hug too, allowing the kiss on his forehead without too much fuss.

"Night, Danny," Adam whispered in his ear and then released the boy and watched him go up the stairs two steps at a time.

The man's attention immediately went back to the phone. "He promised he'd call."

"I'm sure he'll keep his promise."

"I know. He's never broken a promise before."

"What exactly did he promise?"

Adam thought about it for a moment, "He said he'd call after his first exam."

"Well," Brian rubbed his chin, "technically, tomorrow is still after the exam."

Adam's eyebrow rose till it almost met his hairline, "No way! He wouldn't play word games like that."

Brian wasn't so sure, "He did over the other promise, last Friday."

That thought made Adam's eyes darken, "He'd better call."

They stared at the phone for a few more minutes before Brian got up, "I'll make some coffee."

"Yeah…." Adam didn't look up from the phone, willing the thing to ring.

When Brian returned a little while later with two mugs of coffee he just caught Adam hanging up the phone. "Who was that?" There was no reply. "You didn't call Crane, did you?" Still no reply. "You did!"

"Well, I wasn't gonna sit here and just wait till he decides to call," Adam's tone was defensive.

"He's 18 and the night's not over yet."

"No, but it might as well be," Adam took one of the mugs from Brian, although the man didn't exactly offer it, "He wasn't there. The guy that answered the phone said he'd just seen Crane leave with a girl."

"Oookay…."

"It's almost 9 pm and he's going out? He should be studying and getting an early night."

Despite his own concerns, that remark made Brian laugh out loud, "Okay, now you're really overreacting, bud."

"It's exam time. That's not the time to go out and party."

"Who says he's partying?"

"He's out with a girl!"

"So? I'm glad he's over that other girl and moved on."

"What if it's the same girl?"

"He wouldn't. He's got more sense than that. He broke up with her, remember?"

"Yeah, but he wasn't completely over her."

"I doubt it's the same girl. Come on, sit down, drink your coffee and relax." To set an example Brian turned on the tv and sat down on the sofa.

"I can't relax! How can you sit there when that boy is breaking his promise to call home after his exams? If he breaks one promise he's capable of breaking more. He could be up to all sorts of things. When he should be studying and keeping his promise to call home."

"He might still call."

Adam harrumphed, "Yeah right. He's had plenty of opportunity." The man was pacing up and down. "I'm gonna kill him. I swear, I'm gonna wring his neck!"

"No, you won't. You'll yell at him, but that's it. He's 18, he's in college. He's just had his first final, he's letting off steam a little and has completely forgotten about us. That's not very nice, but it's hardly a crime. We would probably have done the same."

"Yeah, and then mom would have given us the guilt trip from hell and dad would have worn out butts out." Adam angrily sipped his coffee.

Brian laughed, "No, he wouldn't have. He'd have yelled at us a bit, mostly to appease mom, and that would have been it."

"Still means I get to yell."

"Yes, you'll get to yell at the boy. Does that make you happy?"

"No, not really. Hearing from him would."

"You worry too much, bro, you really do." Brian leaned back in his chair. Inside he was doing some yelling of his own. If Crane had been there he'd have been surprised to find Brian yelling the loudest. But with Adam this worried, Brian knew it was better not to voice his own worry or anger. Instead he turned on the tv, "M*A*S*H is about to start."

"I don't feel like watching," but at the show's unforgettable opening song Adam did allow himself to be somewhat distracted, he did like the looks of 'Hot Lips".


	18. Chapter 18

My apologies to those waiting for an update. Life got a little bit busy over here. Mostly great stuff, but still...I also know I owe thanks to all the reviews. Will reply individually, but that will have to wait until tomorrow.

Hope the chapter makes up for the wait.

Chapter 18

By Friday, Miss Emily Morgan still hadn't returned to school. On the upside, the school had found a substitute, on the downside, the substitute wasn't nearly as good as Miss Morgan was. The life of a substitute wasn't easy to begin with, but this poor man was ill-equipped for the job. He was nervous and 14-year-old school kids turn into sharks when they smell fear. This time was no different. They would not quiet down. The teacher leaned against his desk with his arms folded, "I'll just wait until you're all quiet."

He might as well have not spoken at all. Those words were like oil on a fire. He couldn't figure out why it didn't work. He'd been taught that yelling at them would show weakness. You could never out-yell a class full of kids. Simply remaining calm and staring them down would make them feel uneasy. You could talk, but in a normal voice. That would force them to quiet down in order to hear you. And then you had them. Your collected manner would be strong and self-assured. Now why wasn't this working?!

Suddenly the door opened with a bang and the vice-principal appeared in the doorway. It was like someone has suddenly turned off the sound of the television. The man didn't say a single word. He just stood there. The substitute watched the kids fidget under the hard look he gave each and every single one of them. He found himself swallowing hard. His first day and he had already failed miserably. He knew it. How on earth did this man do it? This was exactly what they'd taught at school, yet, he himself hadn't had that result.

Finally, when every single teenager wanted to disappear into the ground, the vice-principal spoke, "I am sure you will all agree that this was unacceptable. I could hear you all the way down the hall in my own office." He waited to let those words sink in, "So I'm sure you'll also agree that an hour detention after school is a fair consequence." A collective groan was silenced by yet another look. "I certainly think so and I'm sure mister Young will agree, don't you, Mister Young?"

The substitute nodded wordlessly, finally able to breathe again, but feeling very flustered, "Y-yes, I suppose that is fair."

"Never suppose, mister Young, never suppose." The vice-principal winked at the man, who in the older man's eyes was hardly a man at all at age 22. He knew he'd made his own share of mistakes at that age. He'd take him aside during lunch and give him some advice. The future would tell if that advice would be followed or not. Normally, he wouldn't interfere with a teacher's class like this, because it undermined the teacher's authority, but when half the school was suffering from the noise he had no choice in the matter. "I will see you all after school." And with that he left the room. Mister Young had no trouble with them after that.

* * *

"Are you gonna tell Adam?"

Daniel had to think about Evan's question. As was usual on Fridays, the two boys had just been dropped off by Mrs. Bateman's and were now walking the last mile over their property to reach the house. The last couple of weeks Evan had been helping making the set for the Christmas concert. Daniel was actually scheduled to play, as was Mrs. Bateman's daughter Grace, but because of his detention he'd had to miss rehearsal. The music teacher was not happy with him. But Evan had a good point. They were always home late on Friday and Adam wouldn't be suspicious. There was really no need to tell Adam. But then, last week's talk with Adam was still fresh on his mind. It wasn't so much the spanking he'd received, although those tended to make him behave for quite some time, it was the talk they'd had the next day. And now he didn't feel right lying to his oldest brother, not that Daniel lied easily to begin with.

"I guess," the 14-year-old said reluctantly.

"You don't have to," Evan tried, "He'll never know. Especially not since he's not seeing your teacher anymore."

"He might still find out," Daniel countered.

"Maybe, maybe not," Evan shrugged, "I think I'd take my chances. It's not like you'd really tell a lie."

"Lying by omission is lying too."

"I guess."

"No guessing about it…." Daniel was using Crane's words and he knew it. Of course, Crane was doing some truth evasion of himself right now, but Daniel didn't know that. "Besides, I don't think Adam'd be real mad. The entire class was there."

"I still don't think it's fair you all got detention. Maybe you'd been telling everyone to be quiet. He never investigated. He just punished you all."

Daniel give his brother a wry smile, "He knows us. There wasn't a single innocent person in that room."

"What if Adam….well…."

"he won't punish me, Ev," Daniel was sure of that. "he'll just yell. He always yells."

"Rather at you than me. Gee, can he yell."

They'd reached the house finding Guthrie playing on the swing. As soon as the boy saw them, he jumped down and started running inside. "Brian! They're here! Can we eat now?"

It caused the boys to laugh and they followed at a slower pace. Within 10 minutes they were sitting at the table and digging into Brian's pasta casserole.

"Are we gonna get the tree tomorrow, Adam?" Ford barely took the time to chew.

"Yeah, Adam, it's weird having all the decorations up, but no tree," Guthrie piped up as he reached for the milk.

"Yes, we'll get the tree tomorrow," Adam dug into his own casserole, not caring about table manners. He and Brian had tried to teach the boys their mom's rules, but as long as it was just them, they had long decided to pick their battles, and table manners wasn't high on the list. Besides, he was tired. One of the spring calves had gotten stuck in a ditch and although they'd gotten it out, it had taken more time than they had. There was so much to do still, in repair work, storing everything for the winter, which wasn't too bad in their area, but still. It had been a long day and a long week.

"We'll get the tree," Brian agreed, "And then next week, while you're all at school, I'll go and get the groceries."

"I can help," Daniel offered with a cheeky grin.

"I'm sure you can, but you won't." Adam pointed at him with his fork, "You'll go to school and do your best. That's your main job."

Daniel refrained from rolling his eyes, "It was just a joke, Adam."

Adam relented and took a bite before asking, "So how's the concert coming along? Set ready? Orchestra ready?"

"Set's almost done," Evan was still excited, "Me and Grace had…"

"Grace and me," Brian corrected automatically.

"Grace and me," Evan couldn't completely hide the sigh, "we got a lot done." Their high school had a bit of tradition when it came to the Christmas concerts. There was always a theme, with an actual set. "I'm glad we got the theme approved. I mean, a North pole set was a bit too predictable."

Daniel laughed, "And a Cowboy Christmas isn't?"

"No, it's different!" Evan disagreed.

"Different it is," Adam laughed, "And you? Did you practice your solo?"

Daniel swallowed and studied his plate for a second, "I…I didn't get to practice. I had detention."

"Detention?" Adam put his fork down and gave the teenager his full attention, not that the boy wanted more attention right now. "What happened?"

"We got a bit rowdy with the substitute for Miss Morgan and the vice principal gave the entire class detention."

"Must have been more than a bit if the vice principal had to step in," Brian remarked, causing Daniel to blush a little.

"Yeah, I guess it had gotten pretty bad."

"And I'm sure you were no exception," Brian kept his eyes on the teen who shook his head.

"No sir."

It wasn't often Daniel called any of them sir, but especially Brian. It gave Brian a funny feeling. Was there more to this? But Daniel seemed open and honest. "Then I guess the detention was deserved," he observed.

"Yeah, it was," Came the grudging answer. "You know how it goes with substitutes. They're always tested. And this one…well…but it doesn't make it right, I know." Daniel was a kind soul and the idea that he'd hurt someone else was hard. The teacher had looked rather upset.

"Do you mean to tell me that Emily…Miss Morgan still isn't in school?" Adam was still stuck on the first part of Daniel's confession, much to Daniel's relief. There wasn't even any yelling so far.

"Uh huh," The boy nodded, "She hasn't been back at all."

"I knew you'd mentioned she was ill Monday, but I thought she'd be back by now," Adam wasn't sure how to feel about this. He just knew that it affected him more than he expected. Across the table someone else realized the same thing.

"Maybe next week," Daniel surprised himself with the hope he felt in that statement. Apparently, your brother's sort-of ex-girlfriend was still better than a new substitute teacher.

Distractedly, Adam nodded.

In an attempt to change the subject, Brian started clearing the now empty plates while talking, "So what kind of game do you guys want to play tonight?" Adam barely noticed the change of subject, but Daniel sure did and was grateful for it.

"Go fish!" Guthrie cheered at the same time Evan yelled, "Battle ship!"

"Hmm Battle ship is for two players, so maybe that's not very practical right now," Brian gave Evan a knowing look.

"We could play monopoly," Ford suggested, "We haven't played that in ages."

"OHh I want the cannon!" If he couldn't play Battle Ship, at least Evan could have a cannon.

"I want the ship!" And within seconds tokens were claimed and the game was decided. The kitchen table was the perfect place for games and while Brian got the brownies out for dessert the boys got the game out and started setting up.

"I want to be the bank, this time!"

"Maybe we could do it together, Guth, how about that?" Adam suggested, knowing things could get tricky otherwise. "And no getting upset if you don't get all the railroads, okay?"

"Adam!" Guthrie was genuinely hurt, "I'm 8!"

"Yeah and only three months ago you threw a fit because Ford bought Pennsylvania Railraod," Evan teased.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Okay, okay…boys…Guthrie's 8 now and 8-year-olds don't throw fits over silly things like that. So no need to argue about that now, right?" Adam knew there'd be enough bickering before the night was over. For some reason family game night always involved a lot of refereeing on Brian and his part, which was one of the reasons they didn't do it every single Friday.

Soon they were buying streets, getting sent to jail, only to buy themselves out with their get out of jail cards, paying taxes and utilities, buying hotels, earning money from their houses and hotels – if he thought about it, Adam had to admit he didn't really like the game. It was too materialistic for his taste. But he tried not to think about it that way.

Each had their own strategy. Guthrie only wanted the railroads and so waited and waited until he'd land on one and then buy it. And so far only one was in his hands. One time Ford had landed on Reading Railroad, but the boy was too nice and hadn't bought it. Evan, on the other hand, bought everything he landed on, which resulted in a very empty pocket. And soon the boy was borrowing money to pay his taxes. Hmm Adam had to admit the game did teach a good lesson when it came to borrowing money.

In the midst of a laughing fit over Ford in jail (the boy really played the part of the jail bird) the phone rang.

"Crane!" Daniel cheered and before anyone could stop him he was at the phone. "Hey Crane! How're you doing?"

Adam rolled his eyes. He had a few words to say to young Mr. Crane McFadden, but it would wait until everyone else had had their turn. From the sounds of it, Daniel was telling Crane all about his week, the disastrous lunch with Emily, the concert…

"Come on, Daniel…I wanna talk to Crane too!" Guthrie pulled on Daniel's arm until the boy finally said his goodbyes and handed Guthrie the phone.

"Hey Crane! I got an A on my math test." It was the first thing Guthrie said and it made the brother on the other side laugh. Not to mention proud.

"That's great, kiddo," Crane smiled, "I knew you could do it. Told you, right? You only had to study and you'd be great."

"yeah! And you had tests too, right? Were they as hard as mine?"

"Well, don't know about that," Crane answered seriously, "That math test was pretty hard."

"Uh huh…but I bet you did just as great."

"I hope so."

"Do you hafta wait long for your grades?"

"Yes," Crane sighed, "We don't get them the next day like you. I wish we did."

"I don't like waiting."

"Neither do I."

"Come on, Guthrie…it's my turn…." Ford took over and then Evan and while Evan was talking to Crane Brian and Adam had a silent exchange to decide who got to talk to Crane next and do the yelling. Adam pulled the 'oldest card' and won. As soon as he felt Evan had had enough time to talk to his brother, Adam held out his hand to get the phone.

"Eh…Crane…" Evan interrupted his brother, "I gotta go. Adam wants you."

Although he'd expected it, Crane still felt his heart skip a beat. Part of him had hoped Adam would be out on a date or working with some animal or something in the barn. He'd thought long and hard about what time to call, but couldn't decide and so figured he'd best go with his regular Friday night time. He heard the phone change hands.

"Crane."

"Hey Adam," Crane kept his voice pleasant and casual. He should have known better.

"Don't you 'hey Adam' me, mister."

Wow, mister, that sounded ominous. The entire room at the McFadden ranch fell silent and Crane swallowed hard. "Sorry, Adam."

"I'll call you after my first exam, Adam, I'll let you know how it went…remember those words?" Adam's voice changed tone, "And don't try telling me it's still after your exam."

"I won't, Adam. And I won't say I forgot either."

"Then what the hell were you thinking?!"

"ooohhh Brian…Adam said…"

"I'll put a dollar in the jar, Guthrie," Adam didn't look at the youngest as he spoke, "I'd like an answer, Crane."

"I don't really have one, Adam."

"You were avoiding me."

"Don't you want to know how the exams went?" Crane figured it was worth a try.

"I'd like an answer to my question. Although I guess you just gave it."

"I guess I was..sort of…" the usually very articulate young man didn't know what to say. No matter how often he'd rehearsed this talk, he'd never been able to come up with an acceptable explanation that avoided the talk about what he'd been up to.

"You promised me, young man, and you broke that promise."

"I know and I'm really sorry, Adam."

"Sorry doesn't buy me anything. Sorry is empty. Especially since you did it on purpose. Was it so hard to pick up the phone and call?"

Crane nodded and then realized Adam couldn't see that on the other side of the line, "It shouldn't have been, but it kinda was. Our last call didn't go so well."

"Hmm," Adam's mind quickly put two and two together, "You didn't want to talk to me because you knew I'd bring up your whole plan about getting revenge for your teacher."

"It's not revenge, Adam, it has nothing to do with revenge. It's about justice."

"Right now, I don't care. It could be about world peace or the planet exploding. You tricked me during our last call, making me think you'd promised not to get involved. And you knew I'd realize that, so you didn't want to talk to me right away, because I'd make you promise this time."

Silence on the other side of the phone. Crane had nothing to say. What could he say? Adam hit the nail on its head.

"That's as bad as a lie, mister. Well, guess what? I'm going to take your trick promise as a promise and I'm going to make it an order on top of that. You had better not get yourself involved."

"It's the right thing, Adam. You always taught us that to do the right thing isn't always easy, that sometimes it means going against others, but if it's the right thing, you have to do it."

"This is not the right thing. You don't have all the information. You are not in that teacher's shoes. And you are not in the administration's shoes. So this is how it will be: you will not put your own future or anyone else's on the line. You will focus on your exams and then you'll come home for Christmas. Am I making myself clear?"

"Crystal, sir."

Adam didn't have to see Crane's face to see the kind, but strong and determined eyes. Crane was only 18, still very young, but there was a strength in him that was unshakable. "You already broke one promise, Crane."

"I'm really sorry about that, Adam. I don't want to be someone that breaks promises. I couldn't bring myself to call you, knowing it would be a difficult phone call. And I made it even harder."

"Apology accepted. This time."

"Thanks…."

"So the exams went well?"

"I guess so, I don't think I flunked any of them, but it's hard to tell how I did."

"You did fine, I'm sure." Brian was holding out his hand and Adam nodded, "Brian wants to talk to you too….study hard and we'll talk soon."

"Have a good weekend, enjoy the tree shopping." There was a bit of sarcasm in that, as they all knew Adam hated shopping. As Brian took the phone and sat down on the sofa to talk.

"Hey kiddo." The man waved at Adam to take the other kids back to the game and Adam did.

"Hey Brian….I'm sorry to you too."

"Well, if I'd had you here a few days ago or before Adam got a hold of you I would have given you hell….yes, Guthrie, I'll put in a dollar as well…anyway, I think Adam said it all."

Crane suddenly fought his emotions, "I'm not used getting yelled at."

It made Brian laugh, "Yeah, you seem to be making up for being far too good in your earlier teenage years. Look, kid, you know he only yells because he worries. So do I."

"I know…" Another thing Crane wasn't used to.

"And Adam won't say it, but I will: we are proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. We really are."

"You just don't want me doing that." Crane's voice was bitter and Brian sadly shook his head.

"No kiddo, it's not like that."

"It sounds like it. Adam flat out told me not to."

"Look, what did you expect him to? Kid, you pretty much lied to him."

"I didn't lie, Brian. I…"

"I know what you did. You made a half-promise, you let him to believe you'd promised something you didn't. That's very sneaky. I know you're smart, but it's your moral behavior I've always been proud of. Your ethics. This wasn't very ethical, kid. You're the last one I would have thought to be this sneaky and deceitful. I have to say I'm pretty disappointed. And then to avoid calling us after your exam, even though you'd promised. I never took you for a coward. I expected more from you, much more."

Crane could hardly speak. He didn't think his brothers realized he was standing in the public hallway of his dorm. It wasn't overly busy, but every now and then people walked by. He had his back to the hall and was facing the wall, but he still felt acutely aware of the fact that he was in public and he didn't want to break down. But he was close. Very close. "I'm sorry," the voice was strained, but Brian could hear the emotion and took pity on the boy.

"I know you are. Here I am telling you the yelling's over and I immediately start lecturing you. We love you, kid. You are growing up into a fine young man. One we can be proud of. And you're starting to make your own decisions. You just have to realize that it's still our job to make sure they're the right decisions for you too. So use your head, kiddo, and remember that we're in your corner, always, no matter what."

Crane swallowed the lump in his throat away and coughed a little, "I know. I'll use my head. That I'll willingly promise."

"That's something at least." Both realized exactly what Crane was saying. But Brian would take it. At least the boy promised to be careful. But he also knew that Crane had not given up on the idea of taking action, despite Adam's edict. He knew Adam wouldn't like it. He wondered if Crane realized just how badly his guardian was going to take being disobeyed on this. But he didn't his thoughts. Adam had already laid down the law. Brian'd done his best to lay on the guilt. They were done. Crane was hours away and they couldn't monitor him the way they would Guthrie. The boy was 18. Old enough to decide if the trouble was worth it. That didn't mean Brian didn't worry, but unlike Adam, he was relaxed enough to realize he'd simply have to wait this out.

After they had ended the phone call Crane took a moment to collect himself before going back to his room. June was waiting for him there and he didn't want her to see him upset.

As soon as he stepped into his room she looked up, "Are you okay?"

He took the coffee pot and poured himself a coffee, "Yeah, it was brutal, but it's done. Should have called on Monday."

"They didn't like that much, did they?"

Crane let out a bitter laugh, "That's an understatement!" He sipped the hot liquid in his mug. "Before our parents died I was too young for the big stuff, you know. Sure, I'd get into mischief now and then, but nothing major. And then after they died, I felt so many responsibilities that I didn't even think about getting in trouble. I didn't want to add to their burden, didn't want to be a bad example, wanted us to stay together and knew that too much trouble would attract the attention of child services, not to mention our neighbors and friends."

"Sounds like you were far too responsible for a young kid."

"Maybe, but the result was that I'm not used to being yelled at."

"So they yelled." It wasn't a question.

"Adam did…Brian…God, that was worse."

"Let me guess: guilt trip."

"The disappointed lecture."

"Ouch," she sympathized.

"Yeah…."

"So…have you changed your mind?"

"About tomorrow? Of course not!"

Her face lit up, "Good! I was afraid they'd get to you. And I wouldn't have blamed you."

"You would have," Crane winked at her, but for once she remained serious.

"No, I wouldn't have. I know you love them and don't want to disappoint them. And they're right: we are taking risks. I know my own folks won't like it, but mine are used to me being…well, me. Your…well," She'd been going to say 'folks', but although Brian and Adam were his folks in a big sense of the word, they weren't really, "your brothers aren't. And they do want what's best for you. I want what's best for you."

"Doing the right thing is what's best for me. Alex isn't talking to us, but we know that he dropped a sealed envelope into the dean's box close to midnight two days before John was fired."

"I know…Marcy confirmed having seen him and earlier today I spoke with the secretary on duty the next day and she said there was a sealed envelope with funny letters addressed to the dean. She doesn't know what it said though."

"There's only one way to find out what's in the letter. I've known from the start that that's what we'd end up having to do."

"I know. We tried slipping in when you distracted that lady at the office." She laughed at the memory of Crane flirting with that young girl. "You had her completely dazzled, but we still didn't get in. And we can't try it again."

"Maybe if there's someone else to flirt with…."

June grinned, "You just discovered flirting and now you're addicted. I've created a monster!"

"All for the good cause, of course."

"Of course," She winked, "But it's much easier to slip in after hours. They don't even lock the file cabinet, just the door. And if it's not in either Alex's or John's file, we can always check the dean's desk. We have to find the prove before we can actually DO something."

"So tomorrow it is."

"Tomorrow it is." Crane tried not to think about Adam or what he'd think of this. Or do when he found out. He'd never told June exactly what had happened at Thanksgiving. He wasn't ashamed or too embarrassed, but there were things you didn't tell others. This definitely was one of those things. Not that he thought Adam would do that again. Crane didn't even think there'd be much trouble. He'd already spent about two weeks researching the movements in and out of the office at various times of day, he knew they could do it. So they spent the rest of the evening carefully planning their mission.

* * *

"Are we going now? I'm ready!" Guthrie was practically bouncing. "We're gonna sing on the way to town, right? Right? Come on…"

Adam lifted him up in the air and swung him round, much to Guthrie's delight. "Again!" And Adam was happy to do it again. Happy to still have one who was young enough to play with like this. "Wonder what's keeping those slowpokes."

"Who are you calling slowpokes?" Behind Adam Brian appeared. "Someone had to do the dishes, since two McFadden brothers apparently thought they didn't have to…."

"Not our turn, right, Guth? We had much more important things to do."

"Yeah, Brian, me and Adam had much more important things to do," Guthrie echoed Adam's words.

"Hmm since you're so busy, maybe you shouldn't come and pick out the tree….I'm sure we can do that without you." Brian kept a straight face as he watched Guthrie's face.

"Nooooo you can't go without us. He can't do that, can he, Adam?" The young boy looked up at his oldest brother in a near-panic.

"No, he can't, buddy, don't worry."

"See, Brian, you can't!"

"Oh, well….maybe I should stay home then. Have some peace and quiet for a change." Brian didn't give up easily.

Again, Guthrie looked stricken, "You can't stay at home, Brian. We gotta do this together. We all hafta be here. Bad enough Crane's not here."

"Alright," Brian relented and picked Guthrie up, lifting his feet off the ground, "You're right. We have to do this together."

Of course, picking out a tree together wasn't an easy task. There was six McFaddens present and that meant six different opinions on what kind of tree they needed. The one thing they all agreed on was that it had to be a real tree. Adam had teasingly said they could buy one of those fake ones, because it would save on cleaning, but that had caused horrified reactions. It had to be a real tree, and Adam agreed.

But the size was a different matter. And then there were different kind of pine trees. To avoid the arguments over which tree to cut, Adam had decided to just go and buy one this year. Of course, there were still arguments. And many. Because the tree one chose, the other thought was too small, too big, too wide, not wide enough. Some were crooked, but then Ford would argue that the crooked trees deserved a nice home too. And that with decorations it would look much nicer.

Guthrie suggested putting small trees in each room, but since that meant buying at least 6 trees (and Guthrie was about to argue the attic and storage room were rooms too) the two oldest ones quickly put a stop that that.

Finally, they settled on a big tree that would reach the ceiling of their living room. With everyone happy, the tree was loaded up in the truck and back to the ranch the family went. They lost a few needles getting it into the house, but that was it. Decorating it took the other half of the day, but no one minded. They were singing carols and tossed tinsel at each other. And to top it all off, Brian baked cookies. Christmas spirit was high and they were having an amazing time. Nothing could ruin Christmas.


	19. Chapter 19

I'm so sorry for disappearing. I thought I'd be able to get the new chapter up before I left for vacation for a month, but I didn't and then I was traveling without much opportunity to write, let alone post. But I'm back! Vacation was great, but it's also good to be back home.

A quick thank you to all my reviewers. I'll get to the individual thank you's, but wanted the chapter up first since it's been so long. And a big thank you for the support in the flame-situation. No, it wasn't the first flame, and in comparison it was actually pretty mild, but I figured it was good to show people the kind of reactions a writer sometimes has to deal with. I'm sure we all get them, but we all delete them and so it's easy to feel like you're the only one. So I approved it.

Anyone…I'll stop rambling. Let's get on with the story.

Chapter 19

The two youngsters exchanged a look before slipping through the door. It was amazing how trusting people were. The two had long discovered that the secretary kept a copy of the key in a little decorated box – clearly a treasured souvenir from some tropical vacation – on the window sill. It hadn't been difficult to distract her enough to get the key. They'd put it back before the woman could even miss it. She'd be none the wiser.

The wait till dark had been much more difficult. They'd decided that the day time wasn't the best option for what would technically not be a break-in since they were using a key, yet still had to be executed unseen. There'd be less chance to be seen in the dark, especially not since most students would be out partying, unless they were studying for finals on a precious Saturday night and not even Crane did that. Of course, Crane had studied all day, or had tried to. But he wasn't partying now. No, instead, he was standing in a dark office with a small flashlight.

"Okay, you check John's file, I'll look at Alex's," June whispered while Crane closed the blinds.

"Okay…just make sure not to point the flash light at the blinds. Just to be sure."

"Of course…" June almost giggled. They sounded like pros, she thought. They were even wearing gloves and dark sweaters. It didn't take her long to find Alex's file and almost less time to realize there was nothing there. In a way, it made sense, because no one would file an anonymous letter in a student file. But they'd had to check. She walked over to Crane. "Found something."

"Not much. Just what you'd expect. Except…."

"What?"

"Well, it's weird…word is that he's fired, but it says here that he quit."

"So?" June was looking over his shoulder, "They probably gave him the option. When you're applying for a job it's easier to explain why you quit than to have to explain being fired."

"True…" Crane admitted and silenced a nagging voice in the back of his mind, "But anyway, there's nothing here. We'll have to go into the dean's office."

Putting the file away and closing the cabinet was quickly done. No one would see the files had been touched, Crane was sure. He hoped it would be as easy in the other office. Fortunately, closing the front door seemed to give everyone the idea that whatever was inside was locked as well, so the dean's office wasn't locked either. But where would he keep an anonymous black mail note?

"There's a small filing cabinet in the corner," June pointed as she walked in its direction. It, too, wasn't locked and she started to go through it while Crane sat down in the dean's chair behind the desk. The dean was an extraordinary tidy person. There was a leather writing mat that Crane lifted to find nothing there. Not even dust. There was a photo frame of the man's wife and kids that Crane ignored. The man didn't even leave work on his desk. Crane grinned, thinking the man would never survive in their chaotic household.

Next, Crane checked the drawers on the right side of the desk. The bottom one contained files, but not what they were looking for. The second drawer just showed pens, pencils, an eraser, everything very well organized in separate compartments. The only thing in that drawer that looked out of place was a small blue and purple rubber frog. Crane wondered if it was a toy belonging to one of the kids, or maybe a personal mascot? But he didn't dwell on that question. Instead, he tried the top drawer only to find it closed. "Hmmm.."

"What?" June asked from the corner.

"This drawer is closed."

"Try the pen box on the desk. It's where most people keep their keys. Stupid, but true."

Crane looked up and shuffled through the pens in the box. "Noop." He opened the second drawer again and there it was: in one of the compartments was a small key. He tried it and the drawer opened. He found a few files and when he went through them, he found what he was looking for: an opened envelop with the dean's name on it in cut=out newspaper letters. "Bingo!"

June quickly put the file cabinet back in order and closed it before walking over to the desk. "Found it?"

"Sure did….geesh, this is really cliché though, look!" Even June had to grin.

"He sure read too many detective novels."

"No kidding…and the letter itself isn't much better. It's clearly blackmail. Fire him or we'll let everyone know that he's gay. Well, in more insulting words." Crane didn't even want June to read it. He had immediately folded it and put it back in the envelop. "Come on, let's get out of here." He put the envelop in his pocket and carefully locked the drawer and put the key back where he'd found it.

Seconds later, the two were out and on their way back to Crane's dorm to discuss their follow-up strategy. They had been so busy discussing the injustice of the dismissal and the plans for finding proof, that they hadn't really thought about their next step.

#$&#%%#&#&%&&#&#&&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#

"Raisins, nuts, cranberry sauce," Brian was sifting through the groceries in his cart while checking things off the list for the second time. He absolutely did not want to have to go back just to get a forgotten item. Actually, he didn't mind grocery shopping. It wasn't his hobby, but he didn't mind. Unlike Adam. Adam hated it with a passion. Brian could almost enjoy it. That is, if it was less crowded. Unfortunately, a week before Christmas it was far from quiet in the supermarket. He'd driven an hour because their regular supermarket didn't carry everything he wanted and found this one so crowded that he had a hard time getting through the different aisles.

Not only was it hard to reach what he needed, people were also incredibly rude. Five times now someone had bumped their cart straight into him. The first time he'd easily accepted the mumbled words that sounded like 'excuse me', but after the second time he realized the excuses didn't mean anything. People were just pushing their way through and if that meant hitting ankles with the carts or even going straight over someone's foot, that was just how it had to be.

And the children! There was a reason Brian liked to do this particular shopping trip alone, even if it would have been nice to have a few extra hands to gather and carry groceries. He'd learned early on that children and supermarkets were a bad combination. Even now most of his brothers were in their teens, he preferred to go alone. So why people were shopping with toddlers in these crowds was a mystery to him. Kids didn't handle crowds well, and it was clearly past naptime for the two little ones the lady next to him was lugging around. They were whiny and on the verge of full-on tantrums and he knew that when one started, the other would follow suit. It took strong and consistent parenting to be able to get through it and that was only if you didn't take tired kids into the store.

He took a deep breath and headed for the next aisle. He was nearly done and he'd promised himself a cold beer as soon as he got home and everything was put away. He'd be the only one there and would just take half an hour to relax before the troops came home demanding food and attention. He turned the corner and headed straight for what he needed while keeping his focus on the moving carts in order to avoid more bumps. He safely reached his destination and reached for the minced pies, Ford's Christmas favorite.

"Hey, watch it! You almost tore that from my hand!"

The shrill voice next to him caused him to look up, "Sorry…" Before he'd fully looked up he took another glance at the stack of minced pies, unable to understand why this person was bothered about exactly that pack he was holding.

"It's okay, you just startled m…Ohhh…" There was shock in the voice and when Brian finally turned to look at her he realized why.

"Ah Miss Emilly Morgan," He almost grinned at her frazzled look. Not only did she look like she'd just woken up, but the deer-in-the-headlight expression on her face complemented the look. If it hadn't reminded him of the last time he'd seen that look, in their own kitchen, he would have laughed. As it was, he couldn't help teasing a little, "I thought you were ill. Shopping out of town to avoid being caught playing hooky by the principal?"

"I…no, I mean…yes…no,"

"Well? Is it no or yes? I do have to warn you to have a better come back in case you do run into someone from work."

"You are not funny!"

The deer-in-the-headlight look was making place for a more fiery look. It was rather becoming. "I hear that a lot lately."

"Maybe you should listen to those that tell you that."

"Nah, where would the fun be?" He glanced at her, "You do look like you're unwell. So why not go to our regular supermarket for the necessaries? Or ask help?"

"Not that I owe you an explanation, Brian McFadden, but I am sick. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that groceries magically appear in my fridge and since I only moved to Murphys this semester, I don't know anyone that could help me. So why here and not in Murphys? I could ask you the same thing!"

"That's easy: more variety."

"Well, that's my reason too." She stuck her chin in the air a little, as if daring him to contradict her.

"Doesn't sound smart to me when you're ill, but hey, who I am to judge?"

"Exactly!" She picked up another pack of minced pies and was about to turn when she looked up, her eyes having changed again. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm acting like this…"

When her voice trailed off Brian finished her sentence for her, "defensive?"

She blushed, "Yeah, defensive. I'm the one who was in the wrong a week ago and now I snap at you again."

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were into me," Brian teased. When the color of her face turned to an even deeper red he started to feel sorry for her, "Now I'm the one who's sorry. Look, you apologized for what you said and I accept that. I'm used to people telling me I should change my ways. Nothing new."

"I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't even know you. I still don't."

"Like I said, nothing I haven't heard before."

"I saw your face. You may think you're good at hiding hurt, but it was there. A flash of hurt. And I caused it. You'd done nothing to deserve that. And neither did Adam. I don't know anything about living in the country. And certainly nothing about your background."

"You heard how I date another girl every other week. You heard about a couple of bar fights I got in. And you felt the need to protect and defend the guy you're falling in love with."

She looked down to hide her eyes, knowing they always gave away her true feelings. "Still shouldn't have listened to gossip. I just…."

"I get it, really…"

"No, you don't. I don't want to be that kind of person. The judgmental kind."

"So? So okay, you judged me. Unfairly in my own opinion, but it's just an opinion. And since I don't know you either, your opinion really doesn't matter much to me. Besides, I don't think you were trying to be malicious. You meant well. You said it because you care."

"More like out of fear."

Brian raised his eyebrows at her mumbled words. "Fear?"

"Never mind. Again…I'm sorry." And with that, she turned and took off, too quickly for Brian with his full cart.

"Damn it!"

"Watch your language, young man! There are children here!" He found himself scolded by an older man passing him.

"Yes, sir…I'm sorry." Brian wasn't one to swear easily. Not since he'd gone through a little swearing phase when he was 7. He thought that the kids had no business in the store anyway, but wasn't about to point that out. He knew he shouldn't have sworn.

He watched Emily take off and knew he'd never catch up with her unless he left his cart there and he couldn't do that. So he finished his shopping and suffered through the long lines at the check-out before finally being able to load the groceries into the truck and head home. It was hard to put the conversation out of his mind though. Why would she have spoken out of fear a week ago? And why had she suddenly taken off?

He was about to turn onto the highway when he noticed her standing next to a little car in the corner of the parking lot. The hood was open and she was staring inside. He stopped and put the car in reverse causing another car to have to swerve out of the way. When they honked he held up his hand in apology and then motioned at the girl. The man didn't see that though and drove on. Brian stopped next to her and got out.

"Car trouble?"

Dear lord, were the McFaddens following her? She didn't look up. "It won't start."

"Want me to have a look?"

She wanted to say no. She wanted to say she could take care of herself. But, although that was true in most cases, she wasn't too great with cars and this was clearly too much for her to deal with. She had tried the few things she knew, but had no idea what was wrong. Common sense dictated her answer, "If you wouldn't mind…"

"Of course I don't," As she stepped aside Brian took her place, but it didn't take him long to come to the painful conclusion, "I'm sorry…." He straightened up and took his handkerchief out to get the grime off his hands, "I wish I had better news…"

"It can't be fixed." She didn't even make it a question.

"Well…I guess it could be, but…," He took another glance at the car. The rusted vehicle barely deserved the name automobile. He was actually surprised it had driven here all the way from Murphys. "Considering it's age and the amount of work that needs to be done, I'm not sure you should put that much money into it. I certainly can't fix it right here." And that was saying a lot. Having lived on a ranch all his life, the McFadden boys were all very capable at fixing their own vehicles and equipment. "I mean, I may be able to find a good deal on some parts for you…but…."

"It's garbage. That's what you're saying. But you're trying to say it nicely."

Brian shrugged, "You might get a bit more time out of it, but I just don't think it's worth it. I mean….you have to be safe too."

She turned her head to hide the emotion. She was near panic. The move to Murphys had taken all her savings and she hadn't been there long enough to save up enough for a new car. Not even for a new old car. And without a car she couldn't leave Murphys. "Well," She cleared her throat, "Thanks for your help. I'll just…I'll take it from here then."

He had his hand on her back before he had time to consider how she would react to that. It was an instinctual move on his part. "Don't be like that," his voice was soft, "Is it really so hard to accept help?"

"No…" She didn't shrug his hand off, but didn't look up.

"Or is it because it's me?" When there was no answer he continued, "I promise I have no ulterior motive. I know I have a reputation, but if you listen to the gossipers you'd also find out that part of that reputation is that I am a generous person that likes to help people. Not every offer of help is a pick up line. I promise."

"It's not that. I know you wouldn't….not after last week and not with me having dated your brother. That's against some kind of code, isn't it?"

Brian chuckled softly, "Well, I guess it is. We never reached that bridge so never had to cross it. But you're right, I wouldn't. Especially not since I know…or at least suspect…that Adam still likes you. And you like him."

"Doesn't matter," Emily did look up now. "Anyway, you can't help me. You just stated that."

He noted that she didn't deny his suspicion, but filed that away for later. "Well, we could call a tow truck and have coffee while we wait for them to arrive."

She wasn't sure how she could get through having coffee with him without giving into her tears. She was fighting them as it was. But this man was not taking no for an answer. The oldest two McFaddens definitely were alike in that respect. When they set their minds to something, it was going to happen.

Not waiting for an answer Brian started lifting her grocery bags from her car to his truck and she resigned herself to her fate. Still, she couldn't help one more attempt at getting out of it, "What about your groceries?"

"Well, it's all safely in the car. And the meat is in the cooler, so nothing will spoil either."

"Oh."

"Come on. There's a coffee place around the corner. Good coffee and their lemon meringue pie is to die for. And the best part is, they have a phone." He opened the passenger door and after locking her car, Emily climbed in.

"You sure are persistent."

"I know," he winked and got in as well. Within minutes they were sitting in a small, but warm and friendly coffee house. After ordering, Brian asked if he could use the phone and made the necessary call. When he got back to the table the lemon meringue and coffee had already been served.

"They should be here in about 45 minutes. They're at another job now and after that they'll come straight to us. So we have some time to kill." He sat down and took a sip of the hot dark liquid. "You sure pie is all you're having? You look like you could use more than that."

"I'm fine." She was holding her fork, but wasn't actually eating. Her mind was spinning with worries.

Brian studied her for a few moments. In the store he'd thought she'd just woken up, but it was more than that. The young woman that had looked so together the times he'd met her, now was wearing a complete mismatch of clothes. He may be a man, but even he could see the colors clashed. Her hair looked like it hadn't been washed in a couple of days. Her eyes were red and there were dark circles under her eyes. The worried look might have been because of the car, but this was about more. "Is this about Adam?"

She blinked at the abrupt question, feeling the tears sting her eyes, "No." It was partly true.

"Sorry, I'm usually not this blunt, but it's clear you're very upset about something and considering the state you're already in, this has to be more than the car."

She could only shrug, afraid her voice would betray everything.

"So I'm right. There is more."

In an attempt to stall she finally took a bite of her pie. Despite everything she found herself melting as she tasted the soft meringue.

"Good huh?"

She nodded, "Yeah you were right. This is to die for."

"Well, don't take that too literally."

That made her look up, "I'm not quite that bad."

"Well, you look like you've been hiding under a blanket for a week. Until you ran out of food and had to go to the store."

It was too close to the truth for comfort. "I've been sick."

"So I heard. But you know…the timing of your illness is quite interesting."

"Are you always this annoying?"

"No, I don't always succeed." He grinned, but then became serious again, "Okay, I know you are full of prejudice against me, but I'm a nice guy. Honest. And I'm a good listener. When I'm not goofing off or flirting." Actually, it was a character trait that had landed him more dates than he could remember.

"I'm sure you are."

"I could continue to guess….because I don't think you'd get all depressed after only three dates. Even though you don't look like the type to date just anyone….I'm sure you've experienced some dates that didn't work out before. So….either you had already really fallen in love with my brother, or there's more to this."

"Look, you're really nice in helping me out and I don't want to be rude, but this is all none of your business."

"I know. But I see hurt and I can't help wanting to fix things. I'm a fixer. It's what I do."

"And when things can't be fixed?"

"You mean…when you can't be fixed?" He kept his voice gentle and when he saw her raw reaction he knew he'd hit the nail on its head, "Everyone can be fixed, honey." The term of endearment slipped out before he caught himself. "It can't be that bad, can it?"

"I'm just stupid. Worthless."

"Whoah!" The impact of those words felt like a shock to the 22-year-old. "Don't you ever speak of yourself that way! That's plain bullying."

"It's hardly bullying when you're talking about yourself."

"Actually, that's the worst kind of bullying there is. If you were one of our boys you'd find yourself over my knee or getting your mouth washed out for name calling."

"Good thing I'm not then." She tried to sound strong and feisty, but failed. "But it's the truth. They say you end up like your parents and it's true. You can't escape it. Look at you and Adam…I've never known your parents, but I know you must be just like them. And then look at me….just like my parents. I tried hard not to be, but there's no escape."

Brian found himself lost for words for a while. He tried to gather his thoughts. There was a lot of information available, but he felt he just couldn't put it all together and come to a conclusion. "Are you saying you didn't have the best of parents?" That was hard to imagine to the guy who felt he'd had the best parents anyone could have had.

She snorted, "They tried. When dad wasn't drinking."

And then the figurative light bulb appeared over Brian's head. Suddenly everything clicked. "Your dad was an alcoholic."

"Yeah."

"Did he….was he a violent drunk?"

"No, just a nasty one."

"Ah….and you believed what he said."

"You do after a while."

"Maybe. But you're an adult now. You live on your own. You've gone to college, I'm going to assume you worked yourself through. You've got a good, steady job. You're a great teacher. Your students think you're great. You clearly proved him wrong. You are far from worthless. And I don't even want to hear you call yourself stupid. He has no power over you. Unless you still let him."

"Well, I guess I do, because no matter how hard I try, I always mess up my life."

"Aren't you a little hard on yourself now?"

"Well, look what I did last week. I had a good thing going there. And I ruined it."

"Well, you made it difficult, that I won't deny. Adam is a protective kind of guy. He'll yell at me for going out and coming home drunk, but if anyone else says something all hell breaks loose. Like I said, I'm over it."

"Well, you shouldn't. It was a mean thing to say."

"I think you got scared. You heard about my drinking, fighting and womanizing ways and you couldn't help compare me to your dad. It's okay. I understand that. I may not be like that, but you can't help gut reactions like fear."

"But I shouldn't. It wasn't fair and it wasn't true."

"No, it wasn't and I'm glad you see that, but I can see where you were coming from. And Adam is a forgiving man. In the end. He'll forgive you."

"You two are too nice." She was playing with her food again as a single tear slipped down.

"You'll find most people are. If you give them half a chance. Now, stop playing with that pie and take a good sized bite."

She found herself obeying and a part of her wondered if that was a response to the parental tone in the young man sitting across the table. "Maybe I should just move away and start anew somewhere else."

"Now, you eat and I talk," Brian leaned on his elbows, his chin on his hands. "You've had a bad childhood. I get that. And I know that things that happen when we're children or teenagers, have their effect later on in life. But there comes a point in time where you have to let go and stop letting the past determine your future. You control who you are and how you see the world. No one else. So pull yourself together, get back to work, to the job you love, and stop listening to your dad's voice in your head. It's that simple. You can't let his voice become your voice. Walking away now is cowardice and I don't think you're a coward." He watched her eat through her tears and sipped his coffee. "As to Adam…only thing you can do is talk to him. Be honest. I don't know if things will work out, but you gotta put on your big girl pants and face your fears. Or you'll live under that blanket the rest of your life."

# # # # # $ $#H#$*U$#Y%#OII#O IY#OIY$# OIY#OIY$O#I# OI# #% Y%YO*

"Yes! One more exam to go and we're done," Crane grinned broadly at his friends David, June and Martin. "Wanna go grab a coffee before we hit the books again?"

"You and your studying," David complained, "Of course I wanna go grab a coffee….a beer would be nicer."

"Well," Martin slapped him on the back, "Let's put off the beer until tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah," June agreed, "I sure love celebrating, but waiting sounds smart."

"Good," Crane pushed the door to the small coffee shop on campus open. "I'll leave it to you to find us a spot," It was busy, but June was always good at finding seats. He always teased her with that.

"Sure, but my expertise comes at a price," June kept her face straight.

"Hmm…let me guess," Crane pretended to think, "a coffee."

"Of course," And with that she was off leaving the three boys standing.

"Are you sure you're not secretly dating her?" David tried again. "The way you two are always together and the constant teasing, the inside jokes…."

"Give it up, Dave, we're just friend," Crane walked up to the counter while his two friends behind him exchanged knowing glances. They had a bet going on and David was counting on winning. "Two coffee and two hot chocolate, please. Large." He placed his order as he reached into his back pocket. A small frown appeared on his face and he checked the other pocket, even though his wallet was always in the other one. "Eh guys….I guess I left my wallet at home."

"Very convenient, pal," But Martin already reached for his own wallet. His folks were well-off and unlike the other three, he never had any worries about money. On top of that, he was as easy-going as Ford was and enjoyed sharing with his friends. "First round of beer's on you tomorrow."

"Sure," Crane grinned knowing there was no such thing as rounds of beer. It wasn't like they could just go out and buy beer at a bar anyway. So they'd be partying at the dorm. And since Martin was his roommate…his room was where the beer was. The legal drinking age may have been 21, but there were always ways to get it and having money helped. Crane wasn't a party animal, but even he was ready for a little celebrating after all the exams were behind them.

#$%$%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%%#%#%#%#%^$^$^^#^#^^^%%%%%%%%%^^#^#^#^^#^#^#^#^

"Hey, you'd better leave some of that corn bread, buddy," Adam warned Evan who was loading up his plate. "You know Ford loves it."

"Well, he should be here then," but Evan did put the extra piece he'd taken back on the plate.

"How about we say that the next time you're late because of working on the set or football practice or just playing at a friend's house. Hmm?" Adam didn't have to see Evan's face to know the look he was getting.

"I put it down, didn't I?"

"You did, but there's no need for the attitude," why did the kids always have to be this difficult this time of year? He wondered if their parents ever wondered the same thing when he was young. Younger, he corrected himself.

"Sorry." Evan's apology came quickly. Adam had been short tempered the last couple of days and the boy had no intention of having to miss out on dinner. BBQ chicken, oven roasted potatoes and corn bread, how could you go wrong with that?! The beans he'd eat because he had to, but as far as Evan was concerned Brian needn't have bothered with those.

To divert attention Brian looked at Daniel, "Looking forward to the concert on Friday?"

"Yeah," Daniel grinned, "It's gonna be great. Too bad Crane can't be there. He's probably the only one who'd appreciate Miss Morgan's contribution. She's going to be reciting some poetry."

"At a concert?" Guthrie was so surprised he nearly dropped his spoon. "Ain't it supposed to be music or singing?"

"Isn't it supposed to be, and careful, kiddo," Adam corrected, but then Daniel's words penetrated his brain, "She's back?"

"Yeah, she started today. Definitely better than Mr. Young, that's for sure."

"It sounded like he needed some more experience," Brian calmly observed.

"Yeah, like a couple of years." It had actually surprised Daniel how easy Miss Morgan's class had been to handle. It could have been awkward, but it wasn't.

"Always be kind to those that need help," Adam said softly. "That's what mom always said. And she was right."

"Yeah, we weren't too kind to him, I know," Daniel conceded, "And I told him I was sorry. Can't speak for the entire class, but I really was and so I had to apologize. Good thing I did, because today she was back."

"Good for you for apologizing," Brian couldn't feel more proud of the boy at that moment. His musical talent was something to be nurtured, but it was his heart that made his older brothers burst with pride. While they spoke he kept looking at Adam from the corner of his eye. It was clear that the news affected the oldest McFadden. Brian had not told Adam about his meeting with Emily. He'd waited with her until the tow truck arrived and had offered her help with finding a new vehicle if she decided to write this one off. She had said she would let him know. They had parted on good terms and he had a feeling she would stick around and follow his advice. "So she's going to be in the Christmas show, is she?"

"Yeah," Evan grinned, "They were trying to get her to sing as well. She has a good voice, but she said she'd prefer to recite."

"I guess that's more in her comfort zone," Brian remarked. He was actually rather proud of her for going back and actually even stepping up to the plate in participating in the show. That was more than anyone could expect. He also felt a little pride in the way he had handled their little talk. He truly had forgiven her completely and knowing that she was facing her fears made him even like her. Not everyone could be that strong. Especially after having started to fold. "Well, we'll get to see her Friday. Can't wait to see the show. Set should look amazing too, Ev."

"It will!" Evan was excited even if he wasn't on stage himself. "Christmas is gonna be great!"


	20. Chapter 20

Loved all the reviews. Sometimes it's really a shame I can't reply to guest reviews, just know they're just as appreciated!

An especially big thank you to sueturpen for telling me a bit about the area, Murphys, as well as Davis, and for being a sounding board on the 70s. It really helped with the rest of the story.

And an equally big thank you to Jasper's Mom for our discussion on music of the 70s. It not only brought back memories, but inspired a little scene in this chapter.

Of course, any mistakes are completely mine!

Hope you'll all enjoy this.

Chapter 20

"Adam?"

"What's up, buddy?" Adam was about to turn off the light by the door, but halted and looked back. Ford was leaning on his elbow and looked at his brother.

"When's Crane coming home?"

"You know when, buddy," Adam released the door knob and walked back to Ford's bed. "Wednesday's his last exam, but he'll be celebrating with his buddies and so he's coming home on Friday." He sat down on the bed.

"Oh…yeah, I guess I knew…" The boy tried to hide the disappointment, but Adam didn't miss it.

"Something on your mind?" He sat down on the bed resting his hand on Ford's side.

"Don't matter now anyways."

"It doesn't matter anyway."

"Yeah…"

"But it looks like it does, buddy," Adam couldn't resist stroking the boy's hair. "Why don't you tell me and we'll see whether it matters or not."

"If he's home on Friday, he's home on Friday," Ford snuggled under the covers, feeling very safe with Adam there. And since Evan still had 15 minutes before he'd be up Ford enjoyed the private time with his oldest brother and substitute-parent. He tried to keep his voice indifferent.

"I think it matters to you…you miss him, don't you?"

"Yeah…it's not the same without him," It was a nice escape. It was true that Ford missed Crane. It was, in fact, the reason he was upset that the older boy wasn't going to be there on Thursday. "I'd hoped he'd be here sooner."

"Hmmm well, he'll be here in time for Christmas."

"Yeah," Ford stifled a yawn.

"You need your sleep, kiddo," Adam continued to stroke his hair, knowing it always calmed the second-youngest of the family.

"Don't go yet…"

"I'm right here, buddy, don't worry." Suddenly a thought his Adam and he said softly, "Is it about the Christmas Parent Day-show?"

Ford had to swallow hard. "It's just…you helped Guthrie with his project and you're gonna be there to see it in the exhibition…"

"And Crane helped you with yours and he's not there to see it." Ford shrugged, afraid he'd cry if he said something. So Adam gently continued, "Did you tell him your greenhouse experiment would also be displayed?"

"No," Ford whispered hoarsely. "It was going to be a surprise."

"You'd hoped he'd be here sooner." A nod was Adam's answer. "Oh buddy," wish his thumb he brushed at the tear that insisted to betray Ford. "I'm sorry. I never realized you were still hoping he would be home in time."

"It's okay…"

"No, it's not. It's reality, but that doesn't mean it can't hurt. It's okay to feel sad about it, kiddo."

"I'm too big to cry over this."

Adam hid a smile, knowing his brother wouldn't appreciate feeling that he was being laughed at, "No one's too big to cry."

"You never cry."

Adam sighed, "Oh I do…sometimes…"

"I've never seen you cry."

That would be because the oldest McFadden had always done his crying in private. "Doesn't mean I never do. I cried when you got lost in the mall a few years ago and we found you eating ice cream with that old lady."

Ford snorted, "You spanked me!"

"Well, you wandered off on your own when I'd told you to stay beside me. But I hugged you first."

"And then you spanked me!"

"And I was crying while I did it."

"In the mall!"

Adam sighed, "Yeah, I did, didn't I? I'd been so scared, kid. You have no idea of all the bad things I thought had happened. And then to find you. And to realize you were eating ice cream and enjoying yourself."

"It's okay…I get it, Adam. You don't do scared very well."

"Crane taught you that, didn't he?"

Ford nodded, "He said that sometimes when parents get that scared, they hug and swat at the same time. They love you so much."

"He said that, huh?" at Ford's nod Adam laughed, "Well, Crane should know. I'm sure he remembered the time he got lost at the fair when he was about the same age."

"He got lost too?"

"Sure did. And got the same treatment when mom caught up with him."

"Mom spanked him?"

"Oh you think mom never did? Think again, buddy."

"I always thought…"

"You thought wrong. I promise."

In a way Ford thought it was cool he and Crane had something in common. It wasn't often that he felt that with his older brother, even if it was misbehavior. In fact, that might have made it even cooler. Ford yawned again.

"I promise I'll be there. And Brian'll be there. In fact, everyone else will be there. We're all very proud of you and Guthrie. And then we'll all go to see Daniel's and Evan's show in their school. We'll have a great time, I promise."

"It's gonna be a busy day, Thursday," Ford commented as he stifled yet another yawn.

"It will be…so you'll need all the sleep you can get. Now…" Adam bent over his younger brother and kissed him on the forehead. Without Evan there, the boy didn't protest at all. "Sweet dreams."

"Love you."

"Love you more."

"Love you most."

"Love you ad infinitum..." and everyone knew that it was impossible to love someone more and longer than that. Adam adjusted Ford's quilt and as he watched the boy's eyes getting heavy he got up and exited the room.

As he walked down the stairs Evan was just heading for the stairs.

"Brian says I can read for 15 minutes. Till I hear Daniel come up," Evan said as if afraid Adam would take that right away again.

"That's okay, I'll come up when Daniel goes up, to say goodnight."

"I'll turn the light off, you don't have to check."

"It's not that, kid, I believe you."

"Then you don't have to check."

"Okay…if you don't want me tucking you in….but only use your night lamp, okay? Ford's asleep or almost asleep."

"Kay…"

A little puzzled Adam continued on to the kitchen to find Brian drinking a cocoa and Daniel putting his books away.

"Ford asleep?"

"Pretty much," Adam couldn't resist ruffling Daniel's hair. "Homework done?"

"You'd think teachers had more compassion this time of year," Daniel grumbled causing Adam to laugh.

"That much huh?"

"Yeah…but it's done and I'm beat. I'm gonna head up already. Might read a bit in bed."

"Okay," Adam watched the boy get up and gather his books under his arm. "Goodnight then," he pulled Daniel over for a quick kiss on the head before making himself a cocoa as well. After Daniel had left he glanced at Brian, "Is it me or is there something going on?"

Brian shrugged, "They've been whispering a bit ever since they came home from school."

"Whispering…early to bed…maybe I'm paranoid, but I call it experience. There's something suspicious going on."

Brian laughed, "Bro…come on, it's Christmas time! Of course they're whispering and staying out of sight. They asked me if they could stay in town after school tomorrow. They were very secretive about that too. I just promised to pick them up later."

Adam had the decency to look embarrassed, "Of course…I completely forgot."

"You forgot about Christmas? Shame on you!" Brian couldn't resist as he got up and got some marshmallows for his brother.

"Of course I didn't…but…oh you know what I mean." He put the mini marshmallows in the hot chocolate. "I'm just glad I didn't say anything to them."

"So keep it that way and don't ask too many questions tomorrow. That way they won't have to tell you lies." Brian sat back down himself.

"I won't," Adam promised before sipping the hot liquid in his favorite mug. "We should be drinking eggnog by now."

"Mom's recipe or dad's?"

Adam laughed again, "Dad's of course!" Their father had been famous for putting far too much bourbon in it. There were always two separate batches. One non-alcoholic for the kids and one for the grownups. But as soon as mom was out of the kitchen their dad would come in and add more bourbon. As his oldest sons got older he even shared a bit of the spiked treat.

"Figured as much," Brian leaned back in his chair, almost to the point of pushing the front legs off the floor, something they would certainly scold the boys for. "So what's on the agenda tomorrow?"

"Aside from the regular watering, hauling hay, checking the water troughs and opening up the ice on the creek and all that fun stuff?"

"Funny guy…yeah, aside from all the regular stuff?"

"We'll need to check the fences in the northern section before the weekend. We won't get that done during Christmas."

"Well, with Crane home on Saturday, that might actually be a good chore for the weekend," Brian thought out loud.

"True," Adam nodded and continued, "Need some repair work done on the barn. The door almost fell off its hinges, for starters."

"I can do that tomorrow. I need to take a look at the furnace too, by the way…it wasn't working properly earlier and we don't want it breaking down."

"Oh God, no…" Adam's face contorted.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine. Might need to clean out the vents soon though. That should help too." Unfortunately, taking care of the house usually took a backseat to the rest of the ranch. "OH, and the vets coming to check on Ace. Just to make sure the infection is really gone."

"He looked fine when I checked earlier today. Well, I guess we're going to be busy."

"You bet…and we'll have to make up some time because Thursday's going to be mostly out. We need to be at Guthrie's and Ford's exhibition at 2pm. That cuts into our day."

"Ford is really upset that Crane won't be there." The memory of that crestfallen face would haunt Adam.

"Maybe you should call him and ask him if he can come home a day early?"

But Adam shook his head, "That's not fair to Crane. He's entitled to some time for himself. When I think about all the things we relied on him for, it wasn't fair on him. So I'm not taking him away from his after-finals celebration with his buddies just so he can be at the kids' school for an hour."

"I agree," Brian nodded, "we'll just have to make up for it." The two sipped their cocoa for a few moments in companionable silence. Brian couldn't help thinking back to the conversation he'd had with Emily the previous day and Adam's reaction when he heard she was back in school. But how to get his brother to talk to her? "Are you dreading the concert knowing Emily will be there?"

Adam looked up, startled, "Eh…I don't think so…I mean…we only went on three dates, if you count lunch here."

"Still," Brian said softly, "You felt strongly about her."

"Yeah…." Adam's eyes glazed over and Brian knew he was right.

"What if she tries to talk to you?"

"I was raised a gentleman and most of the times I show it," Adam looked up at his brother, "Don't give me that look."

"What look?" Brian feigned innocence.

"You know what look…the one that questions every word I say."

"Actually…well, okay, I admit: most of the times is an exaggeration, but that's not what I was thinking. I was thinking it wasn't fair of me to hide things from you."

"Hide things from me?" Adam leaned forward, puzzled.

"Well, I ran into her yesterday when I was out grocery shopping."

"In Stockton?"

"Yeah."

"Why would she go all the way there when she's ill?"

"Well, she was back in school the next day, so not very ill anymore."

"Still…"

"I know. I thought the same thing…anyway…we got to talking."

"Don't!" Adam sat up straight, "Don't tell me you're falling for her now."

"Oh gee, you're as bad as she is. No, I'm not falling for her. And I was not hitting on her."

"Oh…sorry…"

"I swear, if you weren't my brother…."

"I said I'm sorry…"

"So did she."

"Doesn't change a thing and you know it."

"I can't betray her confidence and I won't, but if she does talk to you…"

"That's a big if! She seems to be avoiding me completely. I thought she was leaving town just to avoid me."

"No, she's not. She's staying. And I have a feeling she might try to talk to you. If she does…give her a chance."

"Bri…I know you mean well, but I'm in charge of my own love life, okay?"

"You're mostly upset because of her comments about me." Brian held up his hand when Adam opened his mouth to protest. "No, it's okay. I know. You can yell at me all you want and take digs at me, but when someone else does it, you get protective. It'd be sweet if it wasn't so damn annoying."

"She had no business judging you."

"No, but without saying too much, just keep in mind that everyone has their reasons for their actions and words. We all have baggage, big brother."

Adam rolled his eyes, "Well, mine's always neatly packed."

It was Brian's turn to roll his eyes, "Well, I could list a few things that still have wrinkles in it, could use some mending or are just plain sticking out of the suitcase. Just don't bite her head off, okay?"

"Okay, I promise I'll be nice to her. Happy?"

"Ecstatic." But despite the gruff tone, Brian was extremely pleased with the result of their talk. Adam always kept his promises.

* * *

"Let it go, Crane," June pleaded for the third time.

"I can't," Crane groaned, "I know it's getting late, but I just can't stop until this entire thing is over."

"This isn't just about tomorrow's exam, is it?" The pretty brunette closed her note book and leaned over the library table as she softly said, "This is about the letter."

Crane shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. It's weird. I know we decided, but I keep wondering if it's the right course."

"It is. It's the most honest one and that's what we want, right?"

"Yeah," it was bad enough they had snuck into the office and took the letter, Crane wanted to be open about what had happened, consequences be damned. June felt the same, although Crane suspected that she had an ulterior motive for wanting her involvement known. She wanted to embarrass her father. It was amazing that such a bigoted man had produced an open-minded daughter like June.

"Then stop worrying."

Crane wished he was as carefree as she was. He was a worrier. Always had been. Even his mom had called him too serious for his own good, and that was when he'd been eleven. He tried not to think about his mom, worried what she'd think of his recent actions. He hoped she'd at least approve of the sentiment behind them. He gave June a rueful smile, "That's easier said than done. You know me."

"Yeah, I do…" She grinned and playfully punched his arm. "Come on, why don't you crash here and leave your room to the boys. You won't get any rest there anyway with their partying."

Crane groaned and buried his face in his hands, "I didn't even think of that. They'll both be drunk."

"Well, not quite drunk, but definitely buzzed. It's a miracle they actually pass exams that way."

"But I can't crash here. In fact, I need to get going. It's been 10pm already."

"So?"

"So? Are you serious?" Crane rolled his eyes, "No boys here after 10pm? Remember that rule?" The fact that her dad had insisted she'd stay in an all-girl dormitory had led to quite a bit of friendly teasing on Crane's part.

June shrugged with a wink, "I don't follow the rules, didn't you realize that yet? And besides, we're not even dating."

"I don't think that really matters."

"I guess not. But no one saw you come in."

"And Maggie?" In fact, come to think of it, Crane wondered where June's roommate was. Maggie wasn't known for being a party girl. On the contrary. The girl was a mouse. Very studious, always on time. Always home after dinner. And always in bed by 10.

"Gone home. Her last exam was today and she was gone within an hour." June grinned, "So you see…nothing to worry about. You can crash on her bed if you want to be all modest about it."

"It's not that, silly," Although, if Crane was honest, part of it was that he didn't think it was proper to share a room with a girl, even if he slept in another bed.

"You know I can read your mind, right?" June had picked up her pillow and suddenly she wacked him square in the chest with it. "You don't have to protect my virtue. It's long gone."

"I don't have to know, June. We're not…you're not…I'm not…"

"You're so sweet. A real gentleman. The moment I met you I knew you were raised well." Her words made Crane blush, but the hint of sadness in his eyes was what caught her attention. "There's that sad face again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up sad memories." She wacked him again, hoping bring a smile on his face and entice him to having some fun, but it didn't work and she put the pillow down. "Hey…" She reached out and took his face. "It's okay. Your mom would be proud of who you've become."

"I hope so." Crane said hoarsely and he couldn't look at her. He was fighting tears all of a sudden.

"I know so. You're a great guy. A good human being."

"We broke the law, June. I know it's right…or the cause is right, but does the end justify the means?"

"Sometimes you have to take a stand for what is right. You always have to do what's right, even if the establishment think's it's not."

Crane smiled. "You're bad, using my own words against me."

"Well, you're a wise man, Crane McFadden. And a brave man. A good man…" With every word their faces moved closer to one another. Neither of them knew who initiated the kiss, but all of a sudden they were kissing. All thoughts of letters and exams forgotten for the moment. Also forgotten was the lost wallet in its dark hiding place. It was waiting patiently as only inanimate objects can. Waiting to be found. Hopefully by its owner.

* * *

"Ford, Evan!" Brian threw their door open, "Time to get up…." Two groans sounded from under the covers.

"Five more minutes…" Evan hid his head under his pillows.

"I've heard that one before," Brian knew his brothers. He pulled the covers off and landed a mild swat on Evan's backside. "Up. Now!"

"Hey!" Evan sat up and shot his brother a glare that could melt ice. "I was coming."

"Sure you were." Brian turned his attention to Ford, "You too, young man."

But unlike Evan, Ford was already sitting, blinking against the light and shivering slightly, "I'm up."

"On your feet. As long as you're in your bed I don't trust you two to really be downstairs in ten minutes. And that's all you've got." As soon as two pair of feet his the cold floor Brian moved to the next room, "Dan'l…up you get!"

But before he had the chance to open Daniel's door the door swung open and a dressed Daniel appeared. "No need to yell, Bri, I'm up."

It took the older McFadden only three seconds to recover, "Okay…great…I guess miracles do happen. Breakfast in 45 minutes."

"I'll get to the chores." And off Daniel was, leaving a still slightly surprised Brian behind. The man stepped into the bathroom to quickly wash up. He'd already done his own share of the morning chores and needed to wash before starting breakfast. It was their regular morning routine. He was always up first and did his own chores before making breakfast while the younger boys did their own chores.

As he walked down the stairs he heard Guthrie singing in his young soprano and for a moment he grinned thinking the boy had Christmas on his mind. But then the lyrics penetrated his mind and the grin turned into a frown.

"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk. Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked…."

"Guthrie McFadden!" Brian called out and the boy looked up in shock. He'd stopped in the mid of dancing to the song as well and Brian had to hide a smile. The boy clearly had no idea what the Bee Gees were singing about and to watch him dance like John Travolta was pretty funny. But he hid the smile knowing he had to be the parent here.

"Brian?"

"Where on earth did you hear that song?"

"Eh…it's on the radio a lot. And Daniel was singing it with Evan dancing. It's fun, isn't it?" The boy's innocent eyes looked up at his older brother and Brian sighed. Suddenly, he was transported back in time to another brother singing inappropriate lyrics. To 8-year-old Ford Ray's Steven's lyrics of The Streak had been funny as hell and giggling he'd sung about the naked streaker in the store. The combination of the man who "ain't wearing no clothes" and the funny word "Boogity" had proven irresistible to the young boy, just as Guthrie found Staying Alive a fun song. It was popular, sounded good and kids had no idea what they were really singing. Brian knew that. But he also knew Mom would not have liked hearing her baby sing a song like this at his age.

"I didn't think Daniel liked disco music," he hedged.

Guthrie shrugged, "I think it's in the Christmas show."

Brian raised his eyebrow. "In the Christmas show? I thought that was about Christmas."

"I dunno..he said they were rehearsing it. I think he's singing it."

"What do you think it's about?" Brian tried not to be too judgmental about music, but disco was not his thing. In fact, none of them listened to it much.

Another shrug, "Bout staying alive?"

"When you sing you're a woman's man, that gives a very wrong impression. Remember us talking about not saying chicks, birds, bunnies or foxy when you're talking about girls."

"Uh huh, you can't say foxy mama either," Guthrie remembered.

"Exactly. That's not nice."

"I don't say that, Brian, ever," Guthrie reassured.

"Well, saying you're a woman's man and talk about women warm, is pretty much the same. It's not nice talk."

Guthrie's face fell, "It's just a fun song, Brian. I don't mean nothing by it. I didn't know."

"I know it's a fun song, but now that you know, I don't think you'll want to sing it anymore."

Guthrie shrugged for the third time, "I guess…"

"You don't sound convinced."

"Well…Daniel sings it. How come he can and I can't. And how come that guy on the radio can?"

"Well, the guys that sing this are grownups and I can't tell them what to sing. As to Daniel…I'll have to ask him what the story is. If it's in the show the school approved it. He is a little older than you are, after all." And they could hardly fault the school for not banning popular music and movies.

"But if it's not nice to talk that way bout girls, how come it's okay when you're older?"

"That, Guthrie, is a very good question."

"So?" Guthrie gave his older brother an expectant look and not for the first time, Brian cursed himself for having started a conversation in the first place. Maybe he should have just ignored the song. It wasn't all that bad, really. In fact, it was pretty funny. Right? But now he was stuck.

"It's never okay."

"So Daniel can't sing it?"

"You leave that to me, okay?"

"Okay…" And Guthrie skipped off, humming the song without singing the words causing Brian to roll his eyes, but very relieved Guthrie was such an easy child still. Evan would have made his life a whole lot more difficult.

* * *

"Hmmm a few more minutes," Crane wasn't ready to stop the dream he was having. It was the nicest dream he'd had in a long time. For some reason he was dreaming about June. And not just any dream either. She was snuggling in his arms, her body warm against his, the sheets entangled between their bodies. He didn't know why he was dreaming about June, certainly not a naked June, but it felt good to have her in his arms, even if just in a dream. And it wasn't just her in his arms, he was in her arms too and if he was honest, it made him feel warm and loved. It brought on all sorts of feelings. Old memories all mixed up with new feelings. He missed being hugged. Mom had been a very tactile person and was always hugging them. He'd just reached the age where he found it embarrassing and annoying and then she died and he knew it was the thing he missed most about her.

And now he was being held again. Very safe. In this lovely girl's arms. But the other feelings…oh boy. He pulled her even closer, "You're soft," he whispered in her ear, "You're beautiful."

"Well, you're soft too and you're definitely handsome," was that voice still in his dream? "But we have to get up or we'll miss the exam."

Why did his dream girl remind him of his exam? That shouldn't be a part of his dream. This dream was too nice to mix with exam-stress.

"Crane…come on.." that hand tracing his spine all the way down to his behind did nothing to convince him to open his eyes and stop dreaming. The pillow that suddenly smashed into his head, however, did.

"What? Oh man…I didn't want to wake up just yet…" Slowly he opened his eyes, but funny enough, the other sensations of the dream were still there. He blinked. June was now sitting up, cross-legged with the pillow on her lap. But that pillow was all she was wearing. "Oh…" slowly realization dawned on him and he suddenly blushed to his roots, "Oh….I'm…"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry, cause I'm definitely not and I'd hate to think you made a mistake."

"No…I mean…I never….you must think I'm…"

"Hmm what I think is that you definitely need some coffee, clothes….although that's more for the sake of other people, not for me," she giggled, "maybe some breakfast…and then we really have to get going."

"What time is it?" He was still groggy.

"8 am."

Suddenly he was wide awake, "We have 45 minutes!"

"Enough time…but unfortunately not enough time for…well…an encore." She winked and slipped out of bed. He watched her go, he hips swaying slightly as she walked, the sight mesmerizing him, but then he, too, quickly got up. Later on, he'd have to think about what had transpired here last night, but she was right: right now they had an exam to think of.

* * *

At breakfast Guthrie was still humming Staying Alive, although he was carefully avoiding singing the words. The only words he did sing were "Staying Aliiiii…..iiiiiii…..hihi…..ve!"

Brian and Adam exchanged glances, but Adam let it go for the time being. Both noticed the grin on Daniel's face and it was all Adam needed to know where Guthrie had heard the song. Because the radio in the truck definitely was not on anything other than his favorite station and that station only played country and folk songs. Certainly not disco. The boys must be turning the radio at home to stations he'd never choose himself.

As the youngest four got their school bags and lunches Brian pulled Daniel aside, "Is that song in the show or isn't it?"

Daniel studied the floor, "It's not, Brian, honest. We started singing songs from Grease during the break and then Tom suddenly changed it to playing this on the piano and within seconds the entire band was playing. It's a good song. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Maybe not, but I don't like Guthrie singing it. He has no idea what he's singing."

"I know, but I can't help that, Bri, it's all over the radio."

"He hardly listens to the radio…" Daniel blushed, "it's okay, you don't have to listen to Adam's choice of music all the time. Or mine. We're not that bad, are we?"

"No, I know…we have the radio on sometimes when we're doing homework."

"Ahh…as long as your grades are fine, I'm okay with that." Brian noted the relief on Daniel's face and wondered if they really were that strict. But there was something else he needed to know, "So where did he get the idea it was in the show?"

"That's not exactly what I said…I just told him we were singing it at rehearsal yesterday."

"Hmm…okay, well…he'll be disappointed it's not. He seems to like it."

Daniel grinned, "He has taste. Unlike some."

"Cheeky…" Brian gave Daniel a little push in the direction of the door, "Good thing I've got a sense of humor."

"Sometimes you do…" And off Daniel was leaving his older brother in the doorway, shaking his head. Brian felt a little silly having made a big deal out of a song, but then, he didn't want their baby brother singing grownup songs yet. He wasn't ready for Guthrie to grow up too much, too soon.

The phone pulled him out of his reveries. "Hello..."

"Is this Mister Adam McFadden?"

"No, It's his brother. I'll call him, he's just outside." He put his hand over the receiver and called out, "Adam! It's for you." Then he spoke again, "Who can I say is calling?"


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. I so appreciate them all.

There have been a few requests from guests, for outtakes on some of the memories I hint at, and for a new story starting when their parents die. I won't say I'll never write outtakes, or turn one of those tidbits into a full story, but no promises either. I'm already thinking about a sequel to this story (which will end with Christmas day) and there are only so many hours in the day.

A prequel story to this is harder for me, for personal reasons. Not sure if I can write about their loss being that fresh and raw. It's not that long that I lost my own mom and I'm afraid that would be too hard to do. But then again, it might be therapeutic. But again, no promises. Maybe someday. Maybe never.

For now….hope you'll enjoy finding out what the phone call was about. Don't think any of the characters did.

Chapter 21

Brian watched in silence as his older brother lowered himself on the sofa, the receiver still in his hand. The call had ended, but Adam hadn't recovered yet. Brian wasn't surprised. He still didn't know what had happened, but he'd heard enough to put some of the pieces together. Slowly he took the receiver from the man and put it back where it belonged. Then he sat in the comfortable chair opposite of Adam and leaned forward with his lower arms on his knees.

"Care to tell me exactly why the dean of UC Davis calls you here?" Adam's face worried him.

It took Adam a few more moments to pull himself out of his daze. "He wants to see me."

"He wants to see you? Why on earth?"

"Crane."

"Well, that much I gathered. It's a bit early for a meeting about Guthrie." Brian tried to make it sound like a joke, but wasn't completely able to hide the sarcasm.

"Okay, okay, I know. It's just…I don't know exactly why. You heard me ask."

"Yeah…he didn't answer?" It had been quiet after Adam had asked the man on the other end of the line, so Brian had figured Adam knew by now.

"No," Adam shook his head. He picked the coffee mug on the table up and downed the remainder of the coffee before realizing it was stone cold. "Damn! Bleh!" He pulled a face and Brian took the mug from him.

"I'll get you fresh hot coffee….but you're going to have to tell me a bit more than this." He headed for the kitchen and started making a fresh pot of coffee.

"Well, for starters, I'm going to need a full thermos."

Brian didn't ask, but added more coffee.

Adam followed him and leaned in the doorway, his eyes more clear now and looking at his brother, "I'm gonna have to head out there as soon as that's done. It'll take me at least two hours to get there and I don't want to push it."

"He wants to see you today?" Brian sounded alarmed.

"Yeah, at 11:00. He said he tried to call Crane this morning, but he had probably left for his exam already, so he left a message at the facilities and they'll tell him to get over to the office right afterwards."

"So Crane's okay."

"Yeah, no hospital or anything like that," Adam's tone didn't match the relief Brian felt. "but it's serious. His words were he wanted to talk to me and Crane before making a decision on whether or not to involve the police."

"The POLICE?!" Brian turned sharply on his heels. "What the hell did he do?"

"He didn't say. He said we'd talk about that when I got there." Adam pulled a hand through his hair in frustration, "I can't believe he'd do something that'd get the police involved. He's smart for crying out loud!"

"Yeah," Brian could, actually. He wasn't sure why, but he could believe it. "It's probably got something to do with that teacher being fired."

"No kidding, Sherlock," Adam's sarcasm didn't touch Brian this time.

"He promised me he'd be careful. He willingly and openly promised me that."

"Well, if the dean's involved he must not have been careful enough. I told him to stay out of it completely! He sure didn't do that." Adam was completely out of his shocked daze now and started getting angrier with each drip of water through the coffee filter. "I swear I'm gonna kill him!"

Brian held up his hand, "Don't draw conclusions and don't start thinking about killing until you've got the facts. There's no sense working yourself up when you've no idea what's going on. For all you know Crane's the victim of something that might involve bringing charges against someone else." He didn't want an angry Adam on the road by himself for two hours.

"You're right, but I have a feeling the dean would have said more if that had been the case," Adam wasn't easily convinced.

"Maybe, but you don't know," Brian insisted before offering, "Maybe I should come with you."

But Adam shook his head. Much as he would have liked his brother there, if only to keep him from literally losing his mind, it wasn't practical. "I've no idea how long it will take. You promised you'd pick up the kids after their extra time in town today. And even if we only did the bare minimum of work today, there's still hours of work to do. If I'm not here to help, it's gonna take longer than normal. It's just not practical."

"I know, just wanted to offer," Brian studied Adam's face and warned, "You be careful, you hear!"

A small smirk broke through Adam's thunderous face, "Yes, sir."

It caused Brian to roll his eyes, "I mean it, big brother. Between the snow here, the traffic there and your worries and anger…you've got a recipe of disaster."

"I promise I'll be careful," Adam replied seriously now, "And I always keep my promises."

"I know." Good or bad, Adam always did. "And don't kill our brother."

"That I can't promise."

"He's your brother and you love him."

It was Adam's turn to roll his eyes, "Yeah yeah…" but the oldest McFadden wasn't making any promises, Brian noted. Brian couldn't help feeling a little murderous himself, it did sound like Crane had broken his promise to him and that, Brian did not appreciate.

But Brian had to wait a while to find out what had happened. Patience was not one of his stronger points, but fortunately there was a lot of work to cover while Adam was away. After he watched Adam drive off, he made his way over to the barn to fix the door. The livestock and business always came first on the ranch. The furnace would have to wait until the work in there was done. He hoped the hard work would keep his mind off what was happening at Davis, but deep down he knew he wouldn't stop worrying until he knew what was going on.

* * *

With ten minutes to spare Crane put his pen down. He had managed to answer every question carefully and completely, and read it through one more time to make sure he hadn't made a mistake in reading the questions. Misreading questions led to wrong answers, Crane had learned that early on. His quick mind would sometimes skip to answers before he'd read the complete question and get it wrong because of it. Of course, it didn't happen as often as it did when he was younger. After all, he was a quick study, even when it came to this. He closed the paper and turned it over, not wanting to look at it and start second-guessing himself. That was something he was more prone to, still. He might be bright, but he was also insecure at times, especially when it came to his own abilities.

Looking around he noticed most people were still frantically writing down their last answers and he was glad he wasn't one of them. June, however, was ready too and she threw him a wink before quickly looking away again. It made Crane blush a little. With difficulty he'd pushed the previous night to the back of his mind. It had been highly embarrassing having to sneak out of not just her room, but the entire building, unseen. He'd managed, but had felt more in violation of rules than he'd felt during their entire criminal expedition the previous weekend.

Thinking about last Saturday he knew they had another important deadline that afternoon. Getting the evidence was pointless if they didn't use it. They had to set the final part of their plan in motion. It was time.

At that moment it was time in the room as well. One of the supervisors called out and everyone put down their pens, some more reluctantly than others. They had been told beforehand to remain seated until all the exams had been collected and so Crane stayed where he was. When his paper was collected another piece of paper was put down and he looked up, startled, as he picked it up.

"It's a message from the dean. Your presence is required for a meeting. I'd hurry, if I were you," The young woman spoke, "You have to be there in 15 minutes."

"But…why…" Crane started, but she shrugged and walked on, leaving Crane to read the note, which said the same thing she'd just told him. He was expected at the dean's office.

As he exited the room June caught up with him.

"What was that about?"

He shook his head, "I don't know. The dean wants to see me. Pretty much now. So I gotta go."

"But why?"

"The note doesn't say. I've really no idea."

"You think it could be about the…well, the letter?" June suddenly developed a stomach ache.

"I don't see how it could. I mean, if we'd been seen he would have summoned me sooner."

"And I'd have been summoned too," June agreed, relaxing slightly.

"So I really don't see how it could be about that…unless…"

"Unless what?"

"No, that's silly…" Crane shook his head as if trying to clear it.

"Tell me!" She insisted.

"Well, I never did get back to my room so haven't looked for my wallet yet…what if…" He almost didn't dare voice the words.

She relaxed again, "Oh that IS silly. How on earth could you have lost it there of all places? That would have been extreme bad luck. I'm sure it's just in your dorm."

Crane wasn't completely convinced. He knew first hand just how much bad luck a person could have. Still, he didn't contradict her, "I'm sure you're right."

"I could come with you. We were going to…anyway…"

He smiled at her and briefly touched her hand, "Don't worry. I'll be fine. It won't work if we do it now. Alex won't be there now. Let's stick to our plan. Okay?"

"I'm not worried. I promise," it was a lie if ever she told one. But then, Crane knew.

"Good! Well, I'd better run or I'll be late. That won't go over well." He hesitated one second and then leaned in and gave her a quick kiss before jumping on his bicycle. "I'll see you at lunch."

"See you…" She watched until he was completely out of sight and then slumped against the wall, covering her face in her hands. Despite her reassuring words, she was afraid it was exactly what the dean wanted to talk about. She wished she could have gone with him, but Crane was right. Insisting might have made him more nervous than he already was and they couldn't talk to the dean yet, they needed Alex around and Alex was taking another exam.

"I doubt you did that badly!" David's voice made her look up.

"Oh I don't know…." She wasn't about to tell him why she was upset.

"It's behind you now. I'm sure you did well. So let's celebrate. Where's Crane?" David looked around. He was certain he'd seen Crane leave the room. He'd expected him to be with June.

"He had to do something…I'm meeting up with him for lunch."

"Oh..okay…well, let's get some coffee."

While David and June found a spot at the coffee house, Crane reached the administrative office. He hesitated for a moment, but didn't want to be late, so after taking a deep breath he opened the door and walked over to the receptionist. It was the same girl he'd flirted with the previous week. The look on her face told him she remembered his face. He'd made an impression even if it hadn't worked.

"Hi," He smiled a little, "Crane McFadden to see Mr. Brocket."

The smile disappeared from her face and made place for one that he'd almost describe as reproachful. "He's expecting you. One moment," She pressed a button and leaned forward a little, "Mr. Crane McFadden is here."

"Let him in, please, Janet." The voice sounded a bit choppy through the speaker, but clear enough and she nodded at Crane.

"Go right in. That door."

The change in her demeanor was unsettling, but Crane tried one more smile, "Thank you." The smile was not returned. With a sigh he walked over to the door he'd slipped through a few days earlier and knocked before opening it. "Mr. Brock…" he stopped speaking. In front of the desk sat a familiar figure. "Adam?"

The man turned around and scowled at Crane unnerving the 18-year-old. "Crane.."

"Mr. McFadden," the dean called his attention and both brothers looked in his direction. When he did, Crane's eyes fell on the item lying on the desk and he felt all color leave his face.

"Ah…," Mr. Brocket nodded, "I see you recognize your personal belonging."

Crane didn't think he could speak. His mouth was too dry. But he managed a nod and a croaky, "Yes, sir."

"It's your wallet." Crane nodded again. "Would you like to guess where it was found?"

'Okay, pull yourself together, man,' Crane told himself. After all, they weren't planning on staying anonymous like the writer of the letter, anyway. And the missing wallet had been nagging at him since yesterday afternoon. He'd known this was what he had been called to the dean for. What else could it have been? It was simply too much of a coincidence. "I don't think I have to guess, sir. Considering the fact I'm here and Adam is here."

"Then you admit you broke into this very office."

"Technically," Crane managed to keep his voice calmer than he felt. "it wasn't breaking in, sir. I used a key." He was very glad June hadn't insisted so he could do anything in his power to protect her. His words did nothing to calm down the other two men though.

Up to that moment, Adam had been trying to give Crane the benefit of the doubt. The fact that the wallet had been found underneath the dean's desk was very incriminating and would probably get Crane convicted if it came to that, but part of him didn't want to believe his brother would go this far. Hearing Crane quip about technicalities caused his temper to rise, "I can't believe you!"

Mr. Brocket held his hand up to calm Adam down, "I've got this, Mr. McFadden. Crane, do you honestly think technicalities are going to save you here? You took the key without permission, you stole it from the office when no one was looking. And you came into my office after hours, again without permission, and stole something that was in a locked drawer in my desk."

"That I did do. Yes." Crane admitted.

"I suggest you sit down so we can discuss the consequences of your actions." Mr. Brocket pointed at the second chair, right next to Adam's.

"I think we do have quite a bit to discuss, sir," Crane nodded, "Unlawful dismissal, for starters. Giving into blackmail, second."

"The man told you to sit!" Adam snapped and Crane swallowed hard at the angry tone. He sat.

"Thank you," Mr. Brocket nodded. "Let's not beat around the bush. You came in to find proof and you found it."

"Yes, sir," Crane nodded. Before he could continue Adam interrupted again.

"You promised me not to!"

"Technically, I didn't."

"Again with the technicalities?" Adam was furious. The only thing stopping him from pulling Crane up and shaking him, was the fact they were on campus, in the dean's office. "I told you to stay out of it. I told you I would hold you to your trick-promise. So don't you start about technicalities!"

Crane had the decency to study his hands for a moment. He definitely hadn't liked deceiving Adam the way he had, it went against everything he believed in. And he also clearly remembered his promise to Brian. He sure hadn't been careful enough. "I'm sorry, Adam, sir," He glanced up again. "I couldn't let it go. I just couldn't. It's not right to fire someone for being gay. Even if it wasn't against the law now, which it is, it's not right."

"I agree, young man," Deep down, Mr. Brocket liked the young man in front of him. He always liked it when people used their own moral compass instead of simply accepting what they were being told. But Crane had put him in a more difficult position than the boy knew. And he'd broken the law on top of that.

"You do?"

"It might surprise you, but yes, I do."

"Then why did you fire John?" Crane pushed, totally confused now. "All because you were afraid of being blackmailed? Of losing students?"

"I suggest you stop jumping to conclusions, young man," Carl Brocket's tone had turned very stern. He knew he could make students shake in their boots when he wanted to and right now, he felt this boy could use a healthy dose of fear. "John Lawry was not fired. He resigned."

"Why would he resign?" Crane was subdued by the tone, but it wasn't in his character to back down when he thought the cause was right.

"You really think I owe you an explanation at this point?" Carl raised his eyebrows. "I don't owe thieves anything. Or were you about to blackmail me as well?"

Crane's head shot up, but he had to admit that stealing made you a thief. It just sounded very bad and the anger coming off of his older brother was enough to make him shiver. "Maybe you don't owe me anything, but, Mr. Brocket," he reached into his pocket retrieving the infamous letter, "this letter demands his dismissal and he is gone."

"You watch your tone, boy!" Adam warned him, "The man's told you what happened and he doesn't owe you anything."

"Thank you, Mr. McFadden," Carl nodded at the eldest McFadden. It didn't escape his attention that Crane bristled a bit against the word 'boy', but was respectful enough not to protest. It was an interesting relationship between these two brothers. He had enjoyed his earlier talk with the oldest McFadden. "I do not owe Crane anything. But I'd like to know what he was planning to do with this 'evidence' he has."

"So would I," Adam agreed, "and the truth, Crane."

"Well," Crane chose his words carefully. He didn't want to say anything that would drag June into this, "at first, I just wanted the proof. But then, having evidence still means nothing if justice is not served. It was harder to decide what to do than it was to find this, actually. I thought of going to the press…" a gasp from a corner behind him caused him to look around.

"Oh God!"

"Mr. Lawry…." Crane was shocked to see the man standing in the far corner of the room. He'd missed him there when he came in, but now he realized the man had been there the entire time.

"Don't you realize what that would have done to me?" John's distraught face cut through the 18-year-old like a knife even if he didn't realize why the man was this distraught over someone helping him. Or trying to help, anyway.

"You'd have your job back."

"You'd have outed me to the entire world! To my family…my parents…"

"They don't know?" Crane was surprised and shocked and suddenly he didn't know what to think anymore.

"No, they don't. They're very religious people and would disown me."

"But that's not right…parents don't...shouldn't…" Crane insisted. Having lost his parents at the tender age of twelve he couldn't imagine parents disowning their children. He missed his own terribly, still, but he'd known unconditional love and knew there was nothing he could have done to lose that love, not even breaking into the dean's office. He glanced at Adam for a moment and wondered if Adam felt the same his parents did. Probably, but he wasn't 100% sure. After all, parents were different, weren't they? This was the first time he'd heard of a lack of unconditional love on the part of parents, but he knew a few instances of siblings not talking to each other anymore. John was already replying, though, and Crane listened.

"Maybe not, but it's how things are."

"You should tell them. You should be who you are."

"Maybe, but don't you think that should be MY decision, not yours?" John had come forward and stood next to the desk, looking at Crane. Carl Brocket, having orchestrated the entire session, watched realization dawn unto the boy in the chair on the other side of the desk. He almost felt sorry for the strong young man with a clear sense of justice.

"Yeah…you're right…I just never realized…" Crane stammered.

"You didn't realize," John nodded. "Please tell me you didn't go to the press…"

"I didn't. Honest. I'd decided to request a meeting with Mr. Brocket this afternoon and confront him. Not that that matters now. Just know that this is all there is, no copy, nothing," Crane held out the letter and John took it, relief visible in his entire body. "I'm sorry…but it's still not fair."

"No, it's not fair. But it's my decision. Now do you see why I resigned? I love my parents. I love teaching. At least, now I can find a job at another college, be a little bit more careful and still do what I love and be with those I love. I don't want to jeopardize that. And that is my choice. My decision. Not yours."

"And that," Mr. Brocket finally spoke up, "Is why I spoke to the person affected by this blackmail letter before doing anything else. The world is not always a fair place and I wanted to make sure I wouldn't do more damage by ignoring this blackmail attempt. See, that is what sensible people do when faced with injustice: they speak to the victims, they collect all the facts, before acting."

All fight had left Crane. The boy looked the picture of misery as he slumped in his chair, "I'm sorry."

"Well," Mr. Brocket sighed, "being sorry doesn't really help here, does it?"

"No, sir," the boy didn't look up, too ashamed now, too aware of the damage he could have done.

John took pity on him, "I wish everyone thought like you, Crane. Maybe there's hope for the future, but for now, I choose my own path. However…" he placed a hand on Crane's shoulder causing the boy to look up, "I know you meant well. And that means a lot to me. So…thanks."

Crane swallowed hard. He didn't deserve to be thanked, "I did mean well…I'm really very sorry."

"Which brings us to the consequences, Mr. McFadden," Mr. Brocket turned to the matter at hand.

"Yes," Crane scraped his throat. "What happens now?" He swallowed hard, "are you going to…contact the police?" Instead of coming into the office demanding answers and justice, he was there to be interrogated and sentenced. Things certainly had changed in a matter of minutes. Suddenly, he had visions of being excluded from college or worse, going to jail. He'd accepted that earlier, as a price to pay for righting a wrong, but now it felt stupid and scary.

"That, young man," Mr. Brocket looked troubled, "Is the problem. And it's the reason your brother is here."

"I understand," Crane said. Even though he, technically, wasn't a minor anymore, he understood why the school would get the parents there in case a student was arrested. Not that he really knew how the school handled such an instance.

"I'm not sure you do, sir," Mr. Brocket said calmly, "I can see you're feeling very ashamed and apprehensive. You thought you were doing the right thing and would have accepted the consequences for that…" he smiled as he noted Crane's surprised reaction to his understanding, "You're easy to read, young man. But what you don't understand is the difficult position this puts me in. You still don't see the full picture."

Crane glanced at John and suddenly he knew, "You can't," Crane said softly, "you can't call the police because that would end up ruining Mr. Lawry after all."

Mr. Brocket nodded slowly, noting that Crane had needed less time to put two and two together than his older brother, "I can see why you got a scholarship. You're smart. And you're right. I can't call the police without damaging Mr. Lawry. And that is something that is not fair to him, is it?"

"No, sir, it's not," Crane agreed and looked at the professor again. "So I'll be asked to leave." It wasn't a question, but it should have been.

A wry smile appeared on the dean's face, "I can't do that either."

"I don't understand," Crane admitted.

"That's understandable. Smart as you are you've never had to deal with college protocol and administration before. If I expel you, and don't for a moment think I shouldn't or couldn't…but if I did that, I'd have to follow protocol. And protocol states you get a defense. Protocol states I have to give a reason."

"But the reason is clear," Crane stammered. It wasn't that he wanted to be kicked out, but he didn't understand the leniency that was threatening to be extended to him. "I mean…I would rather not...but…"

"No, I'm sure you'd prefer to stay in school," Carl said almost amused.

"Giving a reason and allowing you a defense, is also a threat to me," John spoke softly. "I'm sorry, Carl. I had hoped my resignation was the end of this. I never thought one of my students would resort to this."

"Not your fault, John," Carl reassured, not for the first time that morning. "That is why I called Mr. Adam McFadden as Crane's guardian, even though Crane is 18 and we'd normally deal with the student in case of problems. I needed to have a different strategy this time." The turned his attention to Crane, "Your brother and I have had an interesting conversation this morning, Crane." Crane dared a glance at Adam. The man may look calm, but the boy could feel the anger simmering beneath the surface. He could only imagine what his brother and the dean had talked about. "And we have come to an agreement. I will release you, as the police would say, to his custody, and he will ensure this will never happen again."

"Damn right I will." Adam couldn't care less if Crane was embarrassed by him talking discipline with the dean. As far as he was concerned, his brother had given up the right to be embarrassed when he broke into the office, not to mention disobeyed him.

"Since this was your final exam, you will go home with your brother today."

"Yes, sir," Crane kept his eyes down. He was a mess of emotions right now. His fall from his righteous attitude had been too quick and too hard. He'd been so convinced he was right that he never even considered another side to things. But there was a small sense of relief too. There'd be no police involvement and he would remain at Davis, from the sound of things.

"I will rely on his ability to set you straight and your own ability to learn from all this. Having such a sense of justice is commendable, but unless you do something about your fact-finding qualities, it won't get you far. Never rely on the gossip of those only too eager to spread the results of their wrong-doing. Don't look so surprised, I know very well who left this note and I know whose gossip you listened to."

"Yet, he gets away with his actions," Crane couldn't help feeling bitter.

"Oh, young Alex Tanner will find his own consequences quite unpleasant, believe me. He'll never know I know what he did, but he won't get away with it." Crane was curious, but had the good sense not to ask any more questions. At least Alex would face consequences as well. "See? You're learning already…I wish you'd trusted me enough to come talk to me when you heard this news."

"Or me," John added. "I would have happily talked to you and set your straight."

"I'm sorry," Crane repeated. "I really am."

"Mr. McFadden?" Carl got up and held his hand out to Adam, who took it, "Thank you for coming all the way here to see me. You have saved us a lot of trouble."

Adam grimly shook the man's hand, "No problem, Mr. Brocket, I should be thanking you! I'm just sorry Crane caused this much trouble. You can be assured that will be dealt with." Crane blushed to his roots, but kept his head down.

"I have complete trust in you, Mr. McFadden. And Crane?" Carl turned his attention to Crane now, handing the young man his wallet back, "You may be allowed back after Christmas, but I've got my eye on you from now on. Any sign of trouble and I'll come down on you like a ton of bricks. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir," Crane forced himself to look up at the dean, "Crystal clear. But it won't come to that." He had a feeling Adam would ensure it wouldn't. He wasn't sure exactly what Adam was going to do, but it was clear the man was more than a little upset with him.

"I hope not. Because I honestly think you've got the potential of growing into a fine young man with a great future." To Carl, the meeting was over, "Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I've got more work to do."

"Of course," Adam said curtly and pretty much pulled Crane to his feet. The boy felt himself propelled towards the door, but then Adam's strong hand wrapped itself around his bicep and he was quickly marched out of the building. Knowing that the receptionist saw how he was treated, cured Crane of all ideas of flirting with her again. In fact, he hoped he'd never have to see her again.

Outside, Adam released Crane's arm, "Get your bike."

Rubbing his arm Crane cautiously glanced at Adam, "I'm sorry, Adam, I really…"

"I told you to get your bike. I suggest you do as you're told."

Wordlessly, Crane walked over to his bike and took off the chain. Not exactly knowing what he was supposed to do next and not wanting to do anything to anger his brother even more, he looked in Adam's direction again, only to find the man was walking off. What did that mean? Did Adam expect him to follow him? Did he expect him to go to his dorm and meet Adam there?

"Ain't got all day, boy," Adam didn't even look around as he spoke, but Crane got the message and quickly caught up with him.

As they turned two corners and he saw the truck parked behind a wall, Crane realized he had been purposely kept in the dark of Adam's presence at the meeting. For some reason he found that upsetting, even if it shouldn't.

"Put it in the back," Adam nodded at the bike and again, Crane did as he was told, lifting the bike in the back of the truck while Adam got behind the wheel.

As soon as Crane stepped into the truck as well and closed the door, Adam drove off. The direction was clear and by car it didn't take them long to get to Crane's dorm room. When Adam got out, so did Crane, as quickly as possible. He didn't want to be dragged up to his room the way Adam had dragged him out of the office. It would have been even more embarrassing here. But Adam just walked in in long strides.

"Pack your bag. Books too."

The short orders were getting to Crane. It would have been better if Adam would just yelled at him. Punched him. Not that his brother had ever punched him. But anything would have been better that this. As he packed he realized June would wonder where he'd gone to. What if she went to the dean? What if she said the wrong things? He had to warn her. Had to let her know what had happened. "Adam…can I just call one of my friends to let them know where I am?"

"Leave a note. They can read, I'm sure."

"But they won't come here. I was supposed to meet them….Adam please…"

His answer was a glare and Adam throwing some books from the desk in Crane's bag. Problem was, they weren't his.

"Those are Martin's." He took them out and placed them back on the desk.

"Oh so when it comes to your friends you do know not to take what's not yours."

Crane flinched, unable to come up with a defense. "Adam, I…" Adam turned around and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Finish packing. Leave a note if you must. We're NOT discussing this here. I can't. I'm too mad right now. You have 5 minutes." And with that he left the room and waited outside in the hall, leaving the door open. He was too afraid he'd say or do something he'd regret for the rest of his life.

Packing didn't take long, but finding the right words to write a note that said enough, yet not too much, was more difficult. He struggled for a minute and then settled on asking Martin to excuse him to June for missing lunch, saying he was called home suddenly. It wasn't a real lie, he figured. He could only pray June wouldn't do anything to put herself in the same position he was in now.

As it was, he was spared that worry. When he threw his bag in the truck June just came around the corner.

"Hey Crane!" She called out. There was surprise and worry in her voice, understandably.

Trying to ignore Adam's impatient glare Crane waved at her. "Hi."

She knew him well enough to know there was something wrong. "Are you leaving?" She got off her bike and threw a puzzled look in the direction of the car and the strange man who resembled her friend.

Crane nodded, "June, this is Adam, my oldest brother. Adam, this is June, my…friend." Friend sounded wrong considering what had happened, but girlfriend sounded presumptuous. Besides, he wasn't ready for Adam to delve into this part of his personal life.

"Hi," She held out her hand and Adam stiffly shook it. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. And I apologize to have to cut this short, but, Crane…we have to get going."

Crane took a deep breath, "I have to go. I'll see you after Christmas, okay?"

"Okay…" She sounded unsure and wished he'd just tell her what was going on. But it was clear he couldn't with his brother there.

He gave her a hug, resisting the urge to kiss her. Instead he quickly whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry. Everything's okay. But please, don't do anything about the letter. It's important that you don't."

"Okay…I won't," she promised hesitantly.

Remembering that, unlike him, she had a phone in her room, he added, "I'll call and explain…but it will be late. After midnight. Until then, don't do anything."

"I promise," She wished she could say or do more, but it was clear that Adam's presence was holding Crane back and without talking to Crane she wasn't about to show they were more than friends. At least, she thought they were. God, she hoped he felt the same. What if he regretted what had happened? Without saying more she reluctantly released him. Keeping her voice upbeat for Adam's sake she said out loud, "Have a great Christmas. Again nice to meet you, Adam."

"You too," Crane got in the truck and she watched them drive off, her heart full of worries.

Crane wanted to keep his eyes on her, but instead he looked at Adam, "I really am sorry…"

Adam didn't acknowledge him and Crane tried again, "Honest, Adam, I never realized…I mean…if I'd known…"

"Crane, I'll only say this once: we'll talk about this when we get to the ranch. Until then, don't say a word. Not one word."

And Crane didn't. He slumped in the passenger seat and looked out the window at the changing landscape, trying to keep his emotions under control. It was going to be a long drive home.

Adam had hoped the long drive would calm him down, but it hadn't. He'd tried turning on the radio, but even John Denver's Country Roads had been no help. So he'd turned the radio off. It was clear to the man that his brother was getting more anxious by the minute, but he couldn't bring himself to reassure him. He figured Crane deserved to feel anxious. The boy could have landed himself in jail, of all places! He had not raised a thief! Well, technically, much to his chagrin, he had to admit he had.

That train of thought only increased his anger and so he told himself to think of something else. He tried to think about ranch business, chores that needed to be done. But that only brought to mind the fact that because of this, Brian had had to handle the ranch on his own for half a day, and that, too, made him angry. He slapped his hand against the steering wheel. It helped release some of the anger. Beside him, Crane jumped at the sound, but the boy stayed silent.

As soon as Brian heard the truck pull up to the house he was outside as well. Work had distracted him, but he had still be on pins and needles all morning, waiting for news. With worried eyes he watched Crane get out of the truck and get his bag out. The tension between the two brothers was palpable. Sometimes silence did speak volumes. That silence worried Brian more than yelling did.

He reached out to take Crane's bag only to be stopped by Adam's voice, "He can carry his own bag."

"I'm sure he can," Brian agreed. "Just trying to be nice here."

"It's okay, Brian," Crane's subdued tone was another big sign of trouble.

"Coffee's on the stove," Brian nodded in the direction of the kitchen. "I was just going in to get some myself, have been busy in the barn most of the morning."

"Thanks," Adam slammed the door closed and motioned Crane inside with his head, "I suggest you go up to your room and unpack."

"I will," Crane headed in the direction of the house and then turned, "Are you…I mean…after…"

"I'll call you."

Realizing he'd been effectively sent to his room Crane swallowed and slowly made his way inside and up the stairs to the relative safety of his room. As soon as he closed the door behind him he sank to the floor, his back to the door, and buried his head in his hands. So much had happened that he had to digest and there were so many things going through his mind, let alone all the emotions he was feeling. There was some anger and frustration over the fact that the world wasn't fair, wasn't just. There was worry over his immediate future, dread thinking of what Adam was going to say and do. There was the thought that he'd disappointed his parents. There were even thoughts of last night and June. But above all, there was this overwhelming sense of guilt. It was too much and all he could do was hug his knees to his body, rocking back and forth as he tried to make sense of everything.

Outside Brian looked at Adam. As soon as Crane was out of sight the man had leaned against the truck, bumping his head against the window over and over again. He'd let it go about three times, but finally spoke up, "Hurting yourself isn't going to help."

"Better than throttling that overgrown teenage delinquent upstairs." But the man did stop and looked at his younger brother, despair in his eyes, "I came this close," he held his fingers about a quarter of an inch apart.

"But you didn't."

"No, because as mad as I am at him, he's my kid brother and I love him."

"Just keep reminding yourself of that."

"I am. I promise." While talking Brian had led him to the porch and Adam sat down heavily on the bench.

"Good. Now…can you please tell me what's going on before I lose my mind too?!" Brian's patience had been wearing thin all morning and was about to completely dissolve. He leaned against the porch rail with his hands on the wood. Despite his impatient words ad internal worry, he was the picture of peace.

Adam took a deep breath, drawing calm energy from his brother, "In short? To find evidence of wrongful dismissal of that teacher, your brother broke into the dean's office with a stolen key and then stole the anonymous letter. And he had the gall to stand there and tell us he hadn't technically broken in as he had the key."

"He did WHAT?" Brian took a step back. "He promised me he'd be careful…."

"Well, he wasn't careful enough because he'd dropped his wallet on the floor and that told them everything they needed to know."

"He broke his promise," Brian still couldn't believe Crane had broken a promise. Strangely enough, he wasn't nearly as upset about the break-in as he was about that.

"Oh he broke more than one promise. And I'd told him to stay out of it. No excuses, just stay out of it. I can't believe he disobeyed. It's just not Crane."

Brian gave Adam a wry smile, "I think it is exactly Crane. We like to see the ideal child in him, the one who never gave us any trouble, or hardly any anyway, but you have to face it: he's always followed his own moral compass. He's as stubborn as I am and as moral as you are. Smarter than the two of us together. He will always fight for what he feels is right, the world be damned."

"Still…," Adam shook his head as if by doing so the entire thing would disappear. In a few words he told Brian everything that had been discussed in the meeting, including the precarious situation the dean had found himself in.

"Ah, well, can't say I'm not relieved he couldn't call the police," Brian slowly digested the news. "I think we need coffee. Strong coffee. And you need to calm down. You're in no shape to deal with him now. Or do you want me to talk to him?"

"No," Adam was adamant, "you've always co-parented with me, but it's my responsibility as guardian. And I made a promise to his dean to handle it myself. And Crane might get into the habit of breaking promises, I'm not about to."

"Well, you're not talking to him alone. We'll do it together. You're welcome to handle the final consequences, but I want him to know that this is coming from the both of us." Sometimes Brian was considered to be the easier 'parent' by the younger McFaddens, and although there was truth in that, as Brian's boundaries were wider, they were also firmer, and once crossed, there was no talking yourself out of trouble. Adam, on the other hand, had more narrow boundaries and was quick to anger, but he usually calmed down quickly and then could sometimes be reasoned with, especially if he knew his famous temper had caused him to overreact. In the very rare instances Crane had found himself near those limits, he had always profited from that fact.

"I don't even know how to deal with that, Brian," Adam looked up at Brian. "I mean, this is serious. We vowed never to use the strap, but…" His voice trailed off as he looked back down at his hands and Brian waited, "I don't want to use that blasted thing. I really don't."

"Then don't," to Brian it was an easy decision.

"I used the belt on him for that joint. How can this not be worse?" Adam shook his head. "Hell, this is the worst thing any one of us has ever done, I'm sure."

Suddenly Brian laughed, he really couldn't help it, "You have short memory, brother."

For a moment Adam wondered if Brian had literally lost his mind, "What?"

"I'm sure dad would say that the stunt you pulled in your senior year pretty much equals this." He had the satisfaction of watching Adam giving a little shiver, "Ah so you remember after all."

"How could I forget?" Adam shifted on the bench. "Dad made sure I'd never forget."

"And I happen to know he did it without that...blasted thing."

"No, he said I 'technically' didn't risk my life."

"There you have it," Brian nodded knowingly. "Adam, when you dissect it and look at it more objectively, this really wasn't so different from what you did. So take a leaf out of dad's book."

"I guess you've got a good point," Adam acquiesced, although there was a part of him that felt relief too.

"It happens every now and then, don't get used to it." Brian may have been teasing, but he was feeling pretty angry himself. "It will be a few hours before I have to pick up the boys…why don't we work off some of this anger. It won't hurt our criminal brother to stew for a while."


	22. Chapter 22

I would like to thank everyone for your sweet words about my mom and for understanding. Never thought my words would lead to all the reactions I got, but they really were heartwarming.

And the reviews themselves were incredible as always. I have to admit that these chapters are mostly about Crane, but close readers will see the crumbs with the others for what they are: pieces of their own story line, things I've also been leading up to.

And another thank you to Sueturpen for helping me with the distances between Davis and Murphys. I think I gave her a headache, so I'm very grateful. Wherever the time frame is stretched beyond real life possibilities, the mistake is all mine.

Anyway…on with the story and an unhappy couple of McFaddens. I need to post this a little early, because I keep changing little things and I need to move on. The next chapter needs a lot of tweaking still.

Chapter 22

Crane stared at his bag. He'd been told to unpack, but most of it was laundry. Normally, he'd simply take it into the laundry room and start the first load, but he couldn't do that now. He was stuck in the room he shared with Daniel. Sent to his room. Boy, that hadn't happened in a long, long time. If it wasn't for the still enormous amount of guilt he was experiencing, he'd feel embarrassed, maybe even a little resentful. But as it was, he'd been glad for the escape. And he'd taken quite some time to calm himself down enough to be able to get his mind working again. Not that that helped. Because no matter how he looked at it, he'd nearly hurt the very man he'd tried to protect and in the process he'd broken promises, deceived, stolen and broken in, technicalities aside. And more importantly, he'd hurt Brian and Adam.

He was smart enough to see through the anger – although he wasn't used to that anger, certainly not directed at himself, and it was a humbling and scary thing to experience – and see it for what it was: fear and disappointment. Both his older brothers were hugely disappointed in him and he had no idea how to get past this. How on earth could he right this? He'd known they'd be disappointed, but he'd been convinced it had all been for a good cause. "Sometimes you have to do things to right a wrong" and all those things he'd said to June. He'd believed them, despite the occasional moment of doubt. And all of a sudden the rug had been pulled out from under him. Suddenly there was no right to justify all his wrongs. And what was left was hurt and anger and disappointment. He shuddered.

But stuck in his room meant he couldn't go to the laundry room. So how was he supposed to do as he was told? And he really wanted to avoid angering either of his brothers any further. In despair he looked at the laundry. Sure, he could go downstairs anyway. Crane's bedroom window looked out over de yard and so he knew Brian was in the barn. And the constant thud of the axe told him his other brother was working off his temper on the woodpile. Even if he hadn't known Brian's whereabouts, Crane would have known it was Adam who was cutting wood right now. Adam had spent many hours on that woodpile as a teenager. Adam at Daniel's age had had quite some trouble with his temper and dad seemed to have realized that having his firstborn spend an hour cutting wood was much better to get him to simmer down than any lecture or punishment the man could give. And they always had enough firewood this way. In fact, they often had more than they needed. Even after their parents' untimely deaths Adam had taken himself there at times when he was angry or upset. It often calmed him down. So Crane knew it was Adam down there. Part of him was wondering if the man was picturing Crane's head on the block every time he brought the axe down. Probably not, but Crane wasn't sure. Adam had been awfully mad and had looked pretty murderous.

But even knowing his brothers were both outside didn't mean Crane would simply go down to do his laundry. Adam had pretty much told him to stay in his room until he was called and so there was no way Crane was going to disobey the man. Not again. Not now. But that meant he was still disobeying, because he wasn't unpacking. In frustration he kicked the bag. What did the man want him to do? All of a sudden Crane's anger at himself had another object and he kicked the bag again. And again. He took his shoes off and tossed them against the bag in a display that could easily be described by critics as a temper tantrum. And all of a sudden, like a deflated balloon, he sunk down on his bed, realizing the stupidity of his action. Again. He sure was making a habit of doing stupid things.

Why on earth was he worrying over stupid laundry? He had more important things to worry about. And it was clear Adam wasn't going to yell at him over an unpacked bag. He had more than enough time to do laundry. He was certain he wasn't going back to Davis until the Christmas break was over.

Suddenly he realized the thudding sound of axe splitting logs had stopped. His heart started to race and he found his palms getting sweaty. Was Adam coming up now? He half got up and looked out the window. He watched Adam walk into the barn and a minute later both Adam and Brian exited the wooden structure and headed for the house. With baited breath Crane waited for the inevitable call of his name. Or maybe there'd be footsteps on the stairs. This was it. And he still didn't know what to tell them. What to say to try and make things right with them.

But nothing. Crane watched the minutes go by on his watch without a sign and he rubbed his hands against his pants to get them dry while forcing himself to take deep breaths in order to calm down. It only partially worked. If Brian wanted him to stew, he had achieved his goal. Crane was definitely stewing. Looking at the time had made him realize it should be time for the boys to come home. It made him wonder if Adam was purposely waiting for that. Or maybe he wouldn't be allowed downstairs at all and was Adam making him fret until tomorrow. He couldn't deny that he deserved that, but he sure didn't like it. Of course, he didn't know that the boys would be home late that day, not till around supper time.

His mind went back and forth between worrying over when Adam was going to start his expected yelling and feeling guilty. It was an excruciating wait, tossed from one emotion into the next, working himself up until he felt he couldn't take it anymore, without relief. He finally ended up in pretty much the same position he'd started out in when he first set foot in his room, only this time sitting on his bed and with his back against the wall instead of the door, praying for a solution. Praying he'd be forgiven, yet fearing he wouldn't be, because he was convinced this was the worst thing any of them had ever done, including the Thanksgiving fiasco.

He was so lost in his misery that he didn't even realize his door had opened until he heard someone scraping his throat. He raised his head to find both his older brothers looking down on him and scrambled to get to his feet. For some reason that felt more respectful. But Adam stopped him with his hand.

"Stay there, kiddo, we'll be here awhile, might as well be comfortable," And to prove his point Adam sat down on Daniel's bed. Brian followed his example.

The use of the familiar term of endearment nearly brought tears to Crane's eyes. He'd hated how he'd been addressed today, especially by Adam. The word 'boy' had hurt him more than if Adam had yelled or even slapped him. Not that Crane, or any of the McFaddens, knew what being slapped felt like. Crane settled himself back on his bed, the only difference now that his head didn't rest on his knees. He was still hugging them, though. Warily he looked from one brother to the other.

"Surprised to see both of us here?" Brian asked and Crane nodded. "You thought I'd be less mad than Adam?"

"Yeah…no…maybe…" Crane found his voice was hoarse and he tried to clear it.

"You shouldn't be."

"I know…"

"Do you, Crane?" Brian continued, "Do you really? Do you have any idea what I'm the most upset about?"

Crane thought about it, trying to list all the things he'd done wrong and shrugged. "The break in?"

Watching Crane shrug nearly caused Adam to explode again, but the man held his cool. Brian and he had discussed how they would handle this lecture and he needed to give the man the space to do this. Brian shook his head, "You thought wrong. I'm mad about that, or upset and disappointed, but what really hurts me is that you willingly promised me, in your own words, that you'd be careful. You said you would be careful. And I trusted you. Then you get caught because you lost your wallet. That's far from being careful. That's being careless! And that means you broke your promise to me."

"I was careful…just not careful enough." Crane didn't believe he was actually defending himself, despite his guilty conscience, but he was.

It didn't sit well with Brian though, "I can't believe you're actually trying to justify that, kid. You're such a meticulous and thoughtful person. You're the only kid I know that actually plans his homework. You make schedules. When you do something it's well thought out. And then you do this? Don't get me wrong, I'm very upset that you took such risks in the first place, but you were far from careful." Brian found his voice had risen in volume and he toned it down, "That really makes it hard to trust the next time you promise me something. The only reason I'm not calling it a lie, is that you don't plan on being careless, so I know you meant what you said."

"I have no such qualms. You had no intention of keeping your promise to me. That's lying."

Even though Crane had already in vain argued Brian on that very subject, he couldn't help looking up sharply, "I didn't lie."

"Oh you worded it very carefully, Crane, but you did lie. You promised you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize the man's future and you did jeopardize it, you know it now. But I'll give you that you didn't know that beforehand, even if a bit of communication could have told you. That falls under Brian's carelessness. But you also vowed me I didn't have to worry about your own future. And that was a lie if ever there was one!"

Crane swallowed. "I didn't mean to lie…" The irony that this was the second time he was in real trouble with his brothers and that both times he'd been careless, didn't escape his attention.

"No, you meant to lead me to believe you'd be okay, that you wouldn't do anything foolish or wrong. Can you honestly tell me you really thought what you were doing was legal or smart?"

"I thought it was the right thing, Adam."

"That's not an answer to my question."

"I knew it wasn't legal," Crane admitted softly, "But I really thought that sometimes what is right is more important than what is legal."

"I'm sure you did and I think that Brian and I agree there are such times." Crane couldn't hide his surprise.

"Of course we do," Brian took over, "this country was built on citizens going against the government. We were made of people that think for themselves. There are times when you have to do what's right. But you do that with all the facts. You don't act on gossip. And you don't do it sneaky. When you think it's right, you do it openly. And you don't deceive those who love you in order to do it."

"It's the dishonestly that bothers Brian most," Adam leaned forward on his knees to look at the disheveled and miserable teenager in front of them. "How can we trust you when you deceive us? When your word is not your bond? Does it mean I can't trust anything you say from now on?"

The tears that had only threatened earlier, now filled and stung Crane's eyes. He wiped at them, "I'm sorry."

"But are you? Or are you just saying that to make us think you are?" Adam knew he was being mean, but he had to drive this message home. Brian didn't even look shocked, he felt the same.

Crane was completely defenseless. He hugged his knees harder. "I am….I really, really am."

"I've already talked to you on the phone about that promise that you broke about calling me. And I accepted your apology."

"That time," Crane whispered, knowing where Adam was going to.

"Exactly. I never ever want you lying to us again. Or deceiving us." He held up his hand when Crane opened his mouth, "Don't promise me." Crane snapped his mouth shut, realizing that to his brothers a promise at that time wouldn't mean much anymore. He was trembling with emotion over that. "Just remember and don't do it again." Crane could only nod before burying his head on his knees.

Brian moved to sit on Crane's bed, next to him, and gently lifted Crane's head by his chin, "I know we're being quite hard on you over this, but there can't be anything between us, you know. I mean, you boys mean the world to us and the thought that I possibly can't trust one of you kills me. It really does." Crane couldn't lower his head, but blinked hard against the tears, only to find them spilling.

"I really am sorry…I know you can't believe me right now, but I am."

"I do believe you," Brian spoke softly as he released Crane's chin. "I can tell." Crane's relief was short-lived.

"There's another side to this too, Crane," Adam picked up where they'd left off earlier, "by deceiving us and doing this behind our backs, you didn't give us a chance to help you."

For the first time a little bit of resentment came through when Crane retorted, "You didn't want to listen. All you said was I had to stay out of it."

"When one of us isn't listening, you make us listen," Brian had expected this and had told Adam to expect it, "I know Adam jumped straight to the orders. But that doesn't give you the right to keep us out. We love you, kid, and you may be 18 and we may not really be your parents, but you're just as much our responsibility as your brothers are. And so we have to look out for you. We'll always want to protect you. It's our job to protect you. We can't do that if you don't tell us what's going on. If Adam is yelling, you let him go on for a bit and then you make him listen. Or you talk to me. And we'll talk to Adam together."

"I know I'm not always the easiest person to talk to, but once I'm done ranting, I am not that difficult either."

"I guess…" Crane didn't think Adam would have really listened to reason on this. But then, he wasn't sure what reason was in this case anymore. He'd made a lot of mistakes.

"I know," Brian said adamantly. "So talk to us, kiddo. Don't keep us out. Don't go behind our backs. And don't deceive us."

Not wanting to make another promise Crane tried to answer as respectfully as he could, "Yes, sir."

"Ugh," Brian pulled a face, hating being called 'sir', but Adam thought it was very fitting here. "Anyway, it's not just us you shut out, is isn't it?"

Crane shook his head, "The dean said I should have just come to him and talk to him about it. Or talk to John himself. They would have told me what was going on." He groaned, "I've been so stupid."

"Not stupid," Adam disagreed, "You're never stupid. If you were stupid I wouldn't be this angry or disappointed. You didn't use the brains God and our parents gave you. You didn't think things through. I don't understand that, Crane, I really don't."

"Neither do I," Crane sighed. "It's not like me."

"No, it's not," Brian put his hand over Crane's, "You're our scholar. You're the one who always studies and plans. Why didn't you talk to your teacher or your dean to find the facts? Why didn't you listen when Adam said you couldn't know for sure what was going on?"

Crane shrugged, "I don't know."

"I think you got mad," Brian kept his voice soft, but there was strength in it, "You may come across as the most level-headed of us all, but even you couldn't escape the famous McFadden temper. I think you got mad that the school you admired so much was giving into blackmail and fired a teacher you like."

"And I also think," Adam added, "that the guy who told you about the dismissal, this…Alex…that he got you mad too. And when you're mad, you don't listen to your own voice of reason."

"I don't lose my temper the way you guys do….sorry," Crane stopped and looked down again. Who was he to accuse his brothers of anything, today of all days?

But neither brother was offended. They knew themselves well. Brian actually laughed a little, "Oh I know you don't. You don't get mad and start fighting. I know that's me. And Adam will start yelling and jumping to conclusions…sometimes he fights, but he hasn't done that in a while. You, on the other hand, get mad and dig yourself in. You get stubborn. Not often, but when it happens…."

"Yeah…" Crane had to admit it. Sometimes he got stubborn and then it was nearly impossible to change his mind.

"Which is why you should be open to us. Had you come to us when you'd heard the news we might have been able to help you sort things out. Use that stubborn streak to make us listen instead of do things you shouldn't."

"I know, I should have," Crane still couldn't believe he'd let things get this out of control, "And because I didn't, John almost got hurt, very hurt, I could have damaged the school, I hurt you two…"

"YOU nearly got hurt!" Adam practically yelled and Brian felt Crane cringe. But although part of him felt bad for the boy, he knew this message had to come across.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," Crane's words made Adam even more upset.

"I don't care if you thought it was the right thing. Even if it had been the right thing to do, even if you'd saved that man's job, I'd still be mad and worried. Because you took risks with your own future."

"I thought it was worth it." As soon as he spoke them, Crane regretted the words. Not because he didn't think them, but because he knew they'd upset his brothers. He wasn't disappointed.

"Going to jail was worth it? Being excluded from college was worth it?" Adam was more upset than Brian about this. Brian had known all along how Crane's mind worked, Adam had not believed it. Not wanted to believe it.

Crane wanted to say 'no', because that was the answer Adam was hoping for, but he knew he couldn't. He might have broken promises and he might have tried to deceive the man, but he had never lied to him. "Yes," he quickly continued, "I know you think it's not, but I really thought it was worth going to jail for. I just never thought that others could get hurt in the process. I don't mind getting hurt when the cause is right. I really don't."

Brian nodded, "Adam and I don't fully agree on this point, but I think if it was him in your shoes, he'd feel the same. I really admire that in you. You have a great moral compass. You stick up for what you believe in. You'd take on the world for what you believe in. I really think that is one of your best character traits. More important than being smart, that's for sure. And I can imagine situations where you do something illegal for the right cause, where I'd support you. Hell, I'd be next to you."

"I wouldn't."

"Maybe not," although Brian wasn't sure about that, "But you would be proud."

"Maybe," Adam grudgingly admitted, "But that wasn't the case here." He looked at Crane, "Don't get me wrong, I'm proud you wanted to stand up for what is right. But I'm not proud of the way you went about it."

"Neither am I," Crane wished the floor would open and just swallow him. Even the lecture over the joint hadn't been this bad. Of course, that had only been Adam. This time, they were tag-teaming him. He'd never been on the receiving end of a two-person lecture and he never wanted to be there again. And the voice inside kept agreeing with them, making it even worse. Even if it felt good to hear Brian speak of his admiration for Crane's morals. "I wish I'd done things differently. I really do."

"So do I, kiddo," Adam sighed, "So do I. But you didn't. And it worries me that you didn't. It worries me that you take risks with your own future. That you seem to have no concept of self-preservation. That you're careless with your own life. We talked about that same thing at Thanksgiving. You worried about Daniel then, and about me, even about others you could have hurt while high, but not about yourself. And the same happened this time. Despite that talk. What do I have to do to get it through to you that YOU matter. That YOU matter to US?"

"I know that, Adam…" there was power behind Adam's words. It blew Crane away. His breath hitched in his throat.

"Then show us by not risking your future!"

"Crane," Seeing the emotion on Adam's face Brian knew he'd have to take over now, "I know you're 18, but we didn't stop worrying and caring OR being responsible the day of your birthday. And although you may think you're past the age where you're accountable to us, we simply cannot stand by and let you make mistakes like this without taking action. We have to try and convey the importance of your own life to you. And of honesty. And we have to teach you to continue to use your brain."

"I…" But Crane had a hard time voicing his thoughts. He was one big mess of emotions.

"I need to hear you understand that, kiddo," Adam insisted, "I need to know."

"I do, Adam," Crane's voice was strained, already fighting a losing battle against the tears. Every now and then one slipped down his cheeks. "And I don't think I'm past that age. You eh..made that clear last Thanksgiving, if there was any doubt to begin with."

"Well…." Adam glanced at Brian, "this does bring us to the nasty part of this discussion."

"Consequences," Crane was almost relieved, "I'm just glad you're talking to me again…and I've been feeling so guilty, all that time I was up here alone I was kicking myself. Well, mostly…I kicked my bag too."

"Your bag?" Brian looked at Crane's bag puzzled.

Crane couldn't help the small blush, "Adam told me to stay up here, but also to unpack. I didn't know how to do both without disobeying and so…well…I ended up kicking it in frustration. Felt good too."

"Oh geesh," Adam groaned, "Of all the things….I didn't mean it that literally. Well, about unpacking anyway. I definitely wanted you in your room, yes."

"I figured that was the most important part," Now Crane felt even more silly having worried about his laundry.

"And I'm sorry I didn't talk to you much," Adam apologized. "Usually I don't need this much time to calm down, but this just scared and angered me too much. I felt like the floor was disappearing underneath me. When I heard what you'd done, I thought there was nothing I could do to protect you. Nothing to save you. Thankfully, that wasn't the case, but I'd just been too scared."

"You don't do scared well," Crane sniffed hard. He hated that he could feel his chin tremble, but he couldn't stop it. Tears were spilling. "And I know that…it was just very…nerve-wrecking. I'd never seen you this angry. …"

Brian had. A few weeks after their parents had been killed Adam had completely lost it. He'd found his oldest brother kicking hay bales and throwing things in the semi-privacy of the barn. A full rage. He'd been so angry. Angry that he couldn't just be a normal 18 year old. Angry that he had to take care of his brothers instead of going to graduation parties and even college. Angry at meddling neighbors. Angry that he didn't know what to do half the time. But mostly, angry that his parents had left him. Brian hadn't known what to do and just watched the raging young adult. Finally, after a long time his brother had suddenly slumped down in the hay and had started crying uncontrollably. Brian had sat next to him and for the first time since they were little they had sobbed in each other's arms. Afterwards they had both known that Adam wasn't in this alone. They had each other.

Of course, this was not the time to bring up that moment in their history.

"If I'd spoken I would have said things I'd regret. Or even punished you in full anger. And that I'll never do." Adam waited a moment before continuing, "Which really brings me to the consequences now. There are quite a few things to deal with. There's the broken promises, deceit and disobedience, endangering your future, and other people's future. And there's breaking the law. It's a long list and nothing on it is insignificant."

Crane felt his stomach clench, "I know…." This sounded like it was going to be a real whopper. He remembered what Adam had said about the strap, but maybe he would use it after all? It may not be a repeat of smoking a joint, but it was still a repeat of illegal behavior. Right? The 18-year-old shuddered, but he'd welcome it, if it meant he could put this all behind him. The guilt was killing him. "I just really would like it over with."

"Well," Brian had known that Crane would have preferred a trip to the barn, "Considering the fact that this could have long-lasting effects, we feel you need a consequence that lasts a while too."

"I figured I'd be grounded this break," Crane nodded knowingly.

"Oh not just this break, kiddo," Adam said grimly, "you're grounded indefinitely."

Crane stared from one brother to the other, uncomprehendingly. "But…" It wasn't that he wanted to protest the fairness of the punishment, he just didn't understand it. "The dean said I'd be back after Christmas. Are you…I mean…Adam, I love college!" He couldn't keep the panic out of his voice.

"Oh you bet your life you're going back. If it kills me," Adam shook his head.

"But then…I don't mean any disrespect, honest, but I don't understand."

Brian felt it was time to explain how this was going to work, "You're grounded until you have to go back to school. And then every week, after your last class of the week, you'll get on the bus home. We'll pick you up in Stockton. And we'll take you back on Sunday night."

There was silence while Crane digested this. Finally, he looked up again, "But that takes hours out of your day. And…I thought I couldn't come home that often because of the money."

Adam nodded, "That's true, but this is more important. You are more important. We've relied on you too much with the kids and you never learned to rely on us for advice. I know you felt we had enough on our plate already and so you didn't want to bother us. You solved things on your own. And that was fine when it was little stuff. But now, you're dealing with bigger things and the consequences and risks are bigger. But you never learned to ask for our help. You didn't learn to lean on me as your guardian. And so you felt you didn't matter, that there was no one to look out for you. But you do and there is. And so you're coming home every weekend. And much as I know you'd like to help out knowing there's always work to be done, you will not do it. At least not in the beginning. It's not your job. Your job is being a student. So you'll study."

"And losing some freedom when the real world adult consequence of what you've done would have meant losing your freedom completely, seems fitting," Brian added.

Crane swallowed hard. He wasn't a party-animal, but most college parties took place on the weekend and so his social life was seriously impacted by this. "Indefinitely?"

"Until we feel we can trust you again." Adam watched that information sink in. He and Brian had already decided on some kind of time line. The first weekend Crane would not leave the house, but as time went by, he'd be allowed to work alongside them or even go on an errand or two. All to show his brothers he could be trusted again. It had been Adam's punishment at 17 and it had been a hard-learned lesson. But Brian had pointed out another benefit: it would allow Crane to be a kid for a while and trust them to be the 'parents'. It also allowed them somewhat of a second chance with 'their oldest'. Adam had liked that idea.

"Oh…" was Crane's intelligent response after a few moments of silence. Suddenly, his future looked grim and he didn't even have the satisfaction of a successful mission. The tears that had fallen when he admitted how scared Adam's silence had made him had long stopped, he was too shocked to even cry.

The two oldests exchanged a look. Both could tell their younger brother was feeling very punished right now, but they knew they weren't done yet. Finally, Adam spoke up again.

"That covers the breaking the law part of this," It gave Adam no satisfaction to watch Crane's eyes grow wide. "The rest we'll deal with in a more physical manner."

Realization set in and Crane slowly nodded, "I know…I knew I'd end up in the barn again."

"Not exactly," Adam intently looked at the 'overgrown teenage delinquent' as Brian had called him.

"But this was worse than the joint….wasn't it? And you…well…" for some reason it wasn't easy to say the words, but Crane managed, "you took your belt to me for that. I mean…I figured it'd be worse this time. Not less."

"There's a difference between Thanksgiving and now," Adam kept his eyes on the boy as he spoke, "Although you risked your future and freedom, the content of your life, so to speak, you didn't technically risk your life. And so that part and the dishonesty won't have to be dealt with in the barn."

"But you said there were physical consequences," Crane was relieved, but still confused.

"Those don't have to necessarily take place in the barn," Brian got to his feet. "But I'll leave that to you and Adam to sort out. I have to go and get supper in the oven before I pick up the boys."

* * *

"Well now, I get low and I get high

And if I can't get either, I really try

Got the wings of heavens on my shoes

I'm a dancing man and I can't lose

You know it's all right, it's okay

I'll live to see another day…."

Evan and Daniel were at the elementary school waiting for Guthrie. His school was the last one out. Ford was still over at his school on the other side of the road, talking to a friend while the two oldest boys waited. Daniel was sitting on the low wall around the school yard and Evan was doing some dance moves he'd seen one of the seniors do to Daniel's beautiful voice singing the famous lyrics. They were still full of excitement over their rehearsal. The seniors had played this song again during the break. The teacher had been only happy to let them cut loose a little. The Christmas show was full of classical music and Christmas carols, and the likes, not too much pop music. She was young herself and personally, she would have chosen a more diverse and contemporary line up so she could only imagine how the older kids felt.

"Wish we did THIS tomorrow!" Evan said longingly. "I'm starting to dislike "White Christmas" and I've never liked that…what's his name?"

"Händel," Daniel answered, "He's amazing though. But I can see why you wouldn't like him. Maybe when you're older."

Evan snorted, "And you're sooooooo much older than me."

"Maybe not, but definitely more mature," Daniel grinned smugly as he swung his legs in a very immature way.

"Right. Sure…." It was a good thing that at that moment the school door swung open and children started pouring out, or the friendly banter might have turned into a fight. It easily happened between those two.

"Daniel! Ev!" Guthrie yelled as he ran their way. "Guess what we did? Guess! Guess!"

"Hmmm," Daniel pretended to think hard, lifting his brother up in the air to swing him around. "You did….spelling."

"No silly!" Guthrie waited until Daniel had put him down again, "Really guess."

"You learned you get to be the donkey in the Christmas pageant," Evan guessed.

Guthrie pulled a face and was ready to punch Evan. If it wasn't for the fact that Daniel had seen it coming and was holding him back, he might have. "I'm not a donkey!"

"Angel then? In a dress." Evan now was in full teasing mode.

"Stop teasing him, Ev," Daniel admonished, "I would say you got to prepare the class room for your Christmas breakfast tomorrow."

Guthrie looked disappointed, "I wanted to tell! You weren't supposed to guess."

"Sorry, Guth, honest," Daniel tried to play the part of peacemaker, "but it's all you've talked about for the past week and we have been in the same school, remember, so it's an easy guess."

"Oh…"

"Guess what?!" Another voice joined in and Ford looked like he was about to burst as much as Guthrie had.

"You get to be the donkey in the Christmas pageant," Evan grinned, liking his new-found joke.

"Huh? Why?..Never mind," Ford couldn't hold it in any longer, "My greenhouse project is going to a regional exhibition!"

"Wow!" Daniel was suitably impressed, "that's really amazing, Ford."

"I bet you'll win," Guthrie was almost as excited as Ford was, "Can we go get Adam's and Brian's gift now?"

"Too bad Crane can't be here right now to do this together with us," Evan sighed and Ford looked down.

"I'd been hoping he could come see the exhibition...but now maybe he gets to see the big one," Ford was hopeful again.

"Don't get your hopes up too much, okay," Daniel didn't want to see his younger brother hurt, "He has classes and things to do. So he may not be able to see even that one."

"I know…but I can hope, can't I?"

"That you can," Daniel admitted. "Let's get going, guys, or there won't be a Christmas present for Brian and Adam."


	23. Chapter 23

I'm glad everyone is still enjoying this story. Last chapter seems to have gone over well. Hope the same will apply to this chapter. Some questions will be answered in this one, others will have to wait a while.

Thanks to Sue for all her help on the school research. I'm sure I've given her a few headaches. And despite her help I still get my facts mixed up once I start typing away.

Well, on with the story.

Chapter 23

As Crane watched Brian leave his room he felt more confused than ever. A trip to the barn, unpleasant as it would be, was something he had more or less expected. It was the consequence for very serious things. And although he'd never known what it really entailed until he'd had to make that trip last Thanksgiving, he felt comfort in the knowledge that he at least knew what to expect from it. Now, he had no idea what to expect. "So I guess…I mean…" he swallowed. It seems the time was there and since the barn wasn't going to be the venue for this…, "Do you want me over the bed then? Or…the desk?"

"No, I don't."

"I don't understand…"

Adam almost smiled, "That's not how this goes, Crane. You know how punishments in this family are handled, aside from the few times one of you endangers their lives and we end up in the barn. You know how mom and dad did it most of the times and although you haven't been on the receiving with us, I'm sure you've realized how Brian and I do it."

"Yeah, but…" Although he knew, Crane still didn't understand. With all his intelligence he simply couldn't wrap his mind around it. "I was barely 10 the last time Dad..you know…."

"Spanked you," Adam finished Crane's sentence and the boy blushed.

"Yeah."

"I spanked Daniel this month. He's 14."

"Still…" Crane shook his head as if trying to wake himself up, "Adam, I'm 18!"

"Wouldn't have made a difference to dad. I can tell you that. And it won't to me."

"You can't know that!" Crane couldn't help protest. He could hear his voice rise in pitch.

"I can, kiddo," Adam sighed, "Brian had to remind me of that today, not that I could forget. Dad made sure of that. I was a senior in high school."

"No way!" Momentarily, his own fate was forgotten and Crane was simply astounded. "That's impossible."

"Kid, I wouldn't lie. You know me. I don't lie to you boys. Do you remember the stunt with the stolen Redskins costume? That turned up scalped and tied to a makeshift totem pole at the football field of our school right before the big match?"

Crane nodded, "Everyone knows that. Still the best prank in Bret Harte history, mostly because to this day no one knows who did it. That's the way to pull a prank."

"Some people know."

Realization dawned on Crane and his jaw dropped, "You were involved?"

"Yeah, I was one of the four guys that broke into the school and took it. And we got caught. Coach tried to persuade the principal to keep us in school. If all four of us were expelled, or worse, we'd lose the championship. But the principal felt he had to set an example. He couldn't let us get away with it just because we were good football players. So coach got our folks involved and they came to an agreement. Dad took me home and settled it with me, just like the others did."

"Wow, you're a school hero. And no one knows."

"I wasn't a hero. I was a dumb kid who broke the law to pull a prank. We let a whole lot of people down and somewhere in the process we'd told a lie or two as well."

Crane groaned, "I get it, Adam, pretty much the same thing I did when you look at it."

"Exactly. So Brian reminded me of the way dad dealt with me for that. I was grounded for a very long time for the theft and I got a spanking for the lie and risking my future."

"A spanking," Crane repeated the word as if it were a curse. "You mean…really.."

"Yeah, okay, for dad serious offenses meant a trip to the barn, and so I thought I'd be bending over for the belt. But although we did go to the barn, more for privacy, he didn't do what I expected him to do. I ended up over his knee."

"So you're going to…"

"Yes, you're getting a spanking, Crane. A pants down, over the knee spanking. And the lying means it's going to end with the hairbrush on your bare butt."

Adam braced himself and he was right to do so. Crane scrambled off the bed and took a few steps away. "You can't do that!"

It was interesting to see that the teen didn't move towards the door. He'd simply put a bit of distance between him and Adam, but clearly he had no intention of running. Brian hadn't thought he would and Adam was pleased to see his brother had been right. "Not that I'll change my mind, but what makes you think I can't?"

"Cause…I'm 18!"

"And I was 17. Age has no part in this, Crane. No part whatsoever. Your behavior is all that matters."

"But…."

"Hmm?" Adam waited. He knew what was coming. Both Brian and he had predicted it. Brian had told him to brace himself for it. Not to take it personal and Adam had vowed he wouldn't, yet when Crane uttered the words, they cut through him like a knife.

"You're not dad!" It was sheer panic that caused Crane to say those hurtful words.

It was good that Adam had expected this. So although it hurt, he hid the pain and simply nodded, "I'm not dad. That's true. I hope I can be half the man he was, but I know I'm not him."

"See!" Crane wasn't even sure why he was being this adamant about it.

"Absolutely," Adam continued calmly, "I'm not dad, but you see, when it comes to you and your brothers, I am in dad's shoes. I am your parent. I've cared for you boys when you were ill. I stayed up nights with crying babies. I spoke with teachers about grades and detentions. I took you boys to the dentist and the doctor. I am proud as any father when you boys do all those amazing things you do. I was proud as dad would have been when you gave your valedictorian speech. And when you got that scholarship….God, I thought I'd burst with pride. I worried every single night when you were away. Worried that you weren't feeding yourself. Worried that something would happen and you wouldn't call me. Worried that you were lonely. Finding out you smoked that joint kept me awake every single night since. I trusted you not to do it again, but couldn't stop the worry. And now you did something else that will keep me awake for months, scared to death for you….do you know why, Crane?"

Crane shook his head, not so much because he didn't know where Adam was going with this, but because the entire speech was making him dizzy. He wanted to remain upset that Adam planned to spank him, but he couldn't deny Adam had done all those things, just like a parent would. He couldn't deny that Adam indeed was every bit of a parent to him. And he knew Adam had told him he'd worry after Thanksgiving, but he hadn't truly gotten the intensity of it.

"Because it's what parents do. For the past six years you have been so much more than my brother, kiddo. I've been your parent. I won't say I'm dad, but I am your parent. And that comes with certain things you have no say in. It means I get disappointed when you let me and yourself down. It means I get to be mad when you do things you shouldn't. Scared when you're in danger. And it means I get to be proud of you for all you are and love you so much I can never put it into words. As angry and disappointed as I was today, it will never change that fact. For once I don't care if it sounds corny: I love you, kid, and that means you're stuck with me."

Crane had lowered his gaze, unwilling to look Adam in the eye, but slowly raised his eyes now, "I…" he wasn't sure how to say it. "I don't mind being stuck. I didn't think you..you'd…or maybe I just wondered…"

"Stop wondering," Adam knew what Crane was going to say. Again, Brian and he had been right: their younger brother wasn't sure of his place in their lives. "We've gone over this at Thanksgiving and we'll go over it as much as needed." He reached out and took hold of Crane's chin, "So are we clear about what I can and cannot do?"

Crane painfully swallowed, "Yes, sir. I shouldn't have said that. I'm really sorry," And he meant it. He had refused to see Adam as anything but his big brother, but if he was honest, he'd always known and felt the man was much more than that. Of course, it didn't make it any easier to accept what was coming. "I'm just…" He blinked against more tears that were threatening to spill. He couldn't finish.

"You're embarrassed. You're apprehensive. Anxious. And just a little scared."

"Not of you!"

"I know, kiddo. I know you're not scared of me. You weren't even scared when I was steaming mad earlier today. But you're scared of what's going to happen."

"It's stupid…I'm not that same 10 year old anymore."

"No, you're not. But the punishment will reflect that and you'll find the result quite…painful." It was a promise if ever there was one. Crane took it seriously. He vividly remembered his last spanking from dad. "As to embarrassment…well, it's not my intention to embarrass you."

"I can't help feeling that way, though," Crane admitted softly.

"I can't say I'm sure why dad did it this way…" Adam pulled his free hand through his hair, "I mean, I never got to ask him. But I do know I do it because it feels a whole lot better than standing behind one of you guys and snapping that belt against a bent over backside. That's far too distant and formal. And there's nothing formal about this for us. This is personal. Between you and me, not you and some institution like school."

"You don't have to justify yourself," Crane wasn't sure he wanted this much discussion about it, but more importantly, he wouldn't have expected it from dad, so why should Adam do it? Still, it was interesting to hear the words, there was a sense of comfort in them. "You're right, you're the parent."

"I don't see it as justification, more…explanation and reassurance. I want you to realize that it's not about embarrassing or humiliating you. Far, far from it."

"I get it…I really do, Adam."

"Good….so, let's get this over with." Adam finally let go of Crane's face and sat back down on Crane's bed. He pulled the hairbrush out of his pocket and placed it on the quilt. He could see Crane's nerves were building. "I need to know you understand exactly why you're getting this spanking, kiddo."

"Isn't that clear?" Crane sighed, "You and Brian just lectured me about it for an hour." In reality it hadn't been even close that, but Adam had to admit it felt like they'd been in there that long.

"No need for an attitude, Crane."

"Sorry, I'm not trying to have one. I just…I want it over with. As much as I can." He knew it would be far from over, but at least this part would be.

"I know, so would I. I don't like this any more than you do." Adam felt the same churning in his stomach he'd felt when he'd been in Crane's position as a boy. It was just as horrible dishing this out than getting it. The pain was different, yet just as bad. "But I need to know you understand. So why, Crane, why is this happening?"

"Because I pretty much lied to you when I deceived you. I broke promises, deceived and disobeyed you." He lowered his head, hesitating before he continued.

"And?"

Crane sighed deeply, "Because I risked my future when I broke the law. I hurt you and Brian, could have hurt John and the school…" he closed his eyes, still not really convinced that hurting himself was just as bad, but now realizing it was what mattered most to Adam, "and myself."

"It's that lack of self-preservation in you that scares me the most, kid. The dishonesty…well, it will take some time before I'll fully trust you again, but I can handle that."

"It's what hurt Brian the most," Crane felt his throat constrict thinking back to seeing the hurt on Brian's face.

"Yes, it is. And it might take him quite a while to get past that. You'll get the chance to prove yourself trustworthy again, I promise that. But you doing things that are potentially harmful to yourself is what really scares me to death. As long as you don't show you care about your own well-being, I have to show you that at least WE care."

"I care….I do, Adam." Crane was almost desperate to convince his brother of that.

"Then start showing me and maybe we don't have to do this again."

"So…you're really gonna do this. That way." Crane didn't even make it into a question.

"You bet I am, kid," Adam said grimly. "So get those jeans down, please."

Despite the word please, Crane knew it wasn't a request. He slowly moved his hands to start opening his jeans. It was more difficult than one would expect. He actually fumbled trying to unbutton. But he managed. Button after button popped open and finally he managed to push them down over his hips. Then he decided he'd feel better and less silly if they were off completely and so he took them off and threw them on Daniel's bed. If it surprised Adam, the man didn't show it. He simply waited for Crane to take the next step and when that didn't happen right away Adam softly patted his knee.

Crane swallowed hard. For some reason this had been a lot easier back when he was ten. He couldn't even remember putting himself over dad's knee. Not that dad had been the yank and spank type. The man had always taken the time to talk to you, but things had been more natural back then. Usually he'd already been standing very close to dad and dad helped him take his jeans or shorts off before taking his hand and before Crane knew it he'd be over his father's knee. Adam clearly wanted him to take responsibility for his actions by actively going over his lap. Crane wasn't sure he could do it. He stared at Adam's knees for the longest time trying to will himself to do it.

Crane misinterpreted Adam's intentions. The man simply hadn't wanted to belittle his younger brother by pulling him over. However, when he looked at Crane, it was clear he had trouble doing it and so Adam carefully extended his hand.

Immediately, Crane shook his hand, "No, I can do it…" And with those words he took a deep breath and almost threw himself over Adam's legs. The sharp intake of breath came from the oldest of the two. "Sorry…I just…."

"This was the easier way, I get it." And Adam did. His knees would survive. Looking down at the tall young man over his knee he couldn't help wonder how Dad had managed. He could feel by the tension in Crane, that his brother found it just as awkward. After the rash way in which he'd thrown himself across Adam's knees, the boy was practically kneeling on the floor, holding himself up with his hands on the floor. His body was on Adam's knees, not his legs. "You're going to have to move a little, Crane. I'll help.." He wrapped an arm around Crane's skinny torso and pulled him close to his body, forcing the hands off the floor to hold onto the quilt over his bed in the process. "Rest your head on the bed, it's easier. You might want to hold on to your pillow." As Crane dutifully reached for his pillow, even though he didn't think he needed to hold on to anything, Adam used Crane's forward motion to push him up a little, effectively forcing the knees off the floor too. Suddenly, Crane realized that although he was more comfortable, he truly was over Adam's lap now, in a very vulnerable position. That realization made him bury his head in the pillow.

"Comfortable?" Adam asked and Crane nodded into his pillow. "Words please."

Lifting his head the boy quipped trying to calm his nerves, "As comfortable as I possibly can be, Adam…I'm over your lap of all places."

Adam couldn't help a little chuckle, but tried to hide it. "I'm sorry, I know there's not much comfort in this position. Well…" Adam patted Crane's behind once, "Ready?"

"Yes, sir," Crane buried his head in the pillow as he tried not to think about how silly that question was. In the barn at Thanksgiving, Adam had explained why he did it and it made sense, but that didn't mean it didn't sound like a rhetorical question. He also tried not to think about the pain that was coming. Not that he thought it would hurt as much as his tanning for the joint had, but he knew this wasn't going to be a walk in the park either. Suddenly, his train of thought was interrupted by a sharp swat to his backside. He couldn't help the small gasp, muffled by the pillow. Funny how memory works. You remember that something hurt, but you forget the pain itself and its intensity.

It quickly came back to him as Adam peppered his behind with sharp, stinging swats. At first they were just individual explosions of sting that didn't even linger until the next swat, but very quickly, that small fire didn't die out before the next fell and the fire started to become quite uncomfortable. Crane kept his face hidden though and tried to cope with it in a mature manner, hoping to show his brother he was accepting his punishment. But it was becoming more and more difficult and he knew he was already flinching with every swat.

None of the flinches or gasps escaped Adam's attention and it took a lot out of him not to stop. But he knew it would get a lot worse before it got better. "I love you far too much to allow you to risk your entire future without so much as talking it through with me, kid. Brian might be right that there could be times I'd support you, but I'll certainly won't if you don't let me in." The swats didn't stop while Adam spoke. In fact, to Crane they felt harder and sharper than before.

"I'm sorry…" The plaintiff tone in his own voice took Crane by surprise. He didn't know he could sound like his younger brothers, but he did.

It hurt Adam to hear that young voice, so close to breaking, but he simply continued, "I know you are, but I'm not sure you won't do it exactly the same way again and that's what scares me."

"I won't!" A sharp swat followed that desperate promise.

"No more promises, kiddo," Adam knew it wasn't what Crane wanted to hear, but it was important to him, "Show me. Show us. When something you feel strongly about happens, get your facts straight. Ask questions, do your research. Talk to those involved. Talk to us." Every 'suggestion' was accompanied by another hard swat to a behind that was already on fire. The words were definitely being driven home.

The pillow underneath Crane's face was already getting wet with his tears, but he wasn't crying out yet. He couldn't deny the truth in Adam's words. If only he'd talked to John. He would have probably argued with the man, trying to make him take a stand, but he would have left the decision with John. He wouldn't have broken in, that's for sure. And by not doing all that he'd hurt so many people. He knew Adam was right. And despite his attempts to let the pillow absorb every sound, he couldn't avoid them getting increasingly louder and more noticeable.

For a while Adam stopped talking and just focused on creating a fire Crane feared would burn right through him. As Adam's hand got hot and sore he knew the behind pointing up at him was feeling the same way. And if his own hand wasn't a good indicator, the fact that Crane started to squirm was. It was clear to the man that the adolescent was trying hard not to, but was losing the battle with his own will. His breath was hitching, his toes were curling and stretching, his hands had fistfuls of pillow and the knuckles were white from the strength of holding on. And the low moans and hisses had slowly turned into more higher pitched sounds and he knew his brother was crying.

Finally the barrage of swats stopped and Adam moved his left arm to gently rub Crane's heaving back. "I'll not have it, kiddo, I'll not stand by and let you risk your entire future. I simply can't and won't do it. Not just because it's my job to prevent that from happening. I just love you too much to stand by and watch you do it."

Crane tried to get his crying under control, which wasn't easy. He nodded into the pillow, not trusting his voice just yet. The spanking had definitely been worse than he'd remembered. Much, much worse. At least, he told himself, he hadn't begged or yelled out. He hadn't fought Adam. He'd taken it, like the man he prided himself in being.

"So…although I would rather never do this again, if you take unnecessary, unfounded, unauthorized or unconsulted risks again I'll make this spanking feel like a walk in the park. Clear?"

Crane was smart enough to know now was not the time to point out that unconsulted wasn't a real word. "Yes, sir!" And it definitely was! He vowed never to be this stupid again. A small part of him was surprised how comforting the threat actually sounded. For a fleeting moment he wondered why he wasn't upset with Adam. The man had just given him the soundest spanking he'd ever had. He should be mad. Or at least resentful for being treated this way at his age. But he wasn't. It was clear Adam had done it out of love and in a way the knowledge that no matter what happened, Adam would be there to catch him, made him feel more safe and secure than he'd felt in years.

Adam sighed in relief, but then he wrapped his arm around Crane again, knowing his next course of action was likely to meet some resistance.

As soon as Crane felt Adam's fingers hooking around the waistband of his underwear he let out a groan, "Oh God no…." they weren't done yet. He'd known, of course, but he'd been so relieved to have this part over with that he'd temporarily forgotten. Now he knew he still had more coming to him and a sob got caught in his throat. He didn't fight Adam, but that didn't mean he didn't dread what was about to happen.

"I'm sorry, kiddo, but you broke your word. You deceived me and Brian. You lied to me." And with that Crane's underwear was pushed down far enough in the back to uncover a red-hot backside. Adam swallowed hard. For one moment he thought of letting Crane off the hook for the last part. The skin looked sore and hot to the touch already. He was sure the boy would find it difficult to sit still through dinner. But he knew he couldn't. He'd told Crane what was going to happen and he had to show him that he was a man of his word. Also, the dishonesty definitely needed to be addressed. "I told you it would be bare for the dishonesty, kiddo."

Crane nodded, "I know…I just…" he swallowed hard, "I know."

"I want you to know that we almost decided to give you twice your age for the two broken promises." In fact, much to Adam's surprise it had been Brian who suggested it.

Crane gasped in horror. "Please, Adam, don't…" He hated that he was begging, but he couldn't help it. The thought of enduring that much on top of what he'd already received was too much.

"I'm not. We both feel that is excessive." It wasn't a lie, it just had taken Brian a few minutes longer than Adam to come to that conclusion. Adam picked up the hairbrush as he spoke and felt Crane relax despite everything. The wood felt cold against Adam's hot hand, but he knew that wood would heat up quickly enough. "So we'll stick to your age."

"That's…that's gonna be bad enough," Crane's tearful voice sounded so much like Ford that Adam had to fight his own emotions.

"I'm sure it will be." And Adam knew it would be. He tapped the brush against the red skin and then quickly snapped it down causing Crane to let out an anguished yelp. It pierced Adam's heart. "You can make it, buddy."

As the brush snapped against the defenseless behind both McFaddens were in their own world of hurt. At first Adam could avoid hitting the same spot twice, knowing how much worse that was, but soon he ran out of new area and he was forced to land one on top of a previous one.

Much to his own disgust Crane cried out in pain and his hand involuntarily flew back in an attempt to avoid further onslaught. Adam easily caught it without missing a beat. He'd had it happen too many times now not to expect it. Not wanting to his Crane's hands or fingers with all the rists of that, he simply grabbed Crane's hand and held it to Crane's side, giving it a little squeeze as he still managed to keep the boy's body in place. With the way Crane was jerking to each additional splat of the brush, and the involuntary twists of his hip as his body tried to avoid the brush, it was important to keep him as steady as possible. Adam had no intention of hitting the side of his hips, the thighs or anywhere else except those glowing globes. Not that Crane appreciated that effort, Adam was sure. The pain of the brush was different than the hand spanking his brother had received. Although that had been very painful, the pain from the brush was on a deeper level. And it lasted longer. To Crane it felt like he would never sit again.

"We're past the halfway mark, kiddo, almost there now." Of course, almost there still meant far too many to go in Crane's opinion, but he tightly squeezed Adam's hand with each remaining swat. He remembered dad holding his hand like that when he was in this position and the touch of Adam's hand was so similar to dad's that it completely broke the dam and he found himself sobbing. He was crying out with each additional splat. Still, his hand gripped Adam's as tightly as he could, drawing strength from his brother.

"No more lies, Crane."

"No more…."

"No more broken promises."

"Noooo…"

"And no more deceit…" on the word deceit the last one fell and Adam immediately dropped the brush on the bed, restoring Crane's underwear to its normal position while the boy cried his heart out. It broke Adam's heart to know that he'd been the one to cause that heartache and pain. Since Crane was still holding on to his hand they both stayed the way they were. His right hand free now, Adam used that hand to rub Crane's back in small and slow circles waiting for the sobs to subside into soft crying. He didn't speak.

Finally, Crane's hold on Adam's hand weakened and after another moment he released his hand to rub his face with it. Adam continued to rub his back. After a while Crane shifted his body and slipped off Adam's lap, but stayed on his knees, his head on Adam's knee and Adam couldn't help stroking his hair. "You'll be okay, kiddo. You'll be okay…"

Crane still couldn't stop crying, "You'll never trust me again."

"Oh buddy…." Adam lifted Crane up a little and awkward as it was he pulled him towards him and held him close, "of course I will. I love you, remember? Nothing you can do can change that. I'll always love you and I'll always forgive you. Trusting you again may take a little while, but it will be back. That I promise."

"Kay….I hope so…"

"Have I ever broken a promise to you?"

Those words nearly caused another crying fit, but Crane was calming down enough not to, "No."

"And I won't. So trust me." Adam felt the nod against his chest and kissed the boy's hair. "You might be more comfortable lying down."

"Will you stay?"

Such a difference between all them as boys, Adam mused. Some you had to force to accept a hug, much as they wanted it, others would ask you to stay and comfort them. Okay, Crane didn't ask for the latter, but Adam had learned a lot that month. He helped Crane to a standing position and Crane stretched out. "Of course I'll stay. I'll stay as long as you want me to." And he meant every word. As Crane settled on his stomach Adam sat back down on the bed and went back to rubbing the 18-year-old's back.

"Brian won't forgive me."

Adam had to laugh a little, mostly because he'd never heard that kind of whiny tone from Crane before, not even as a kid, "Of course he will. Don't be silly." As he rubbed Crane's back he felt how Crane's breathing slowly returned to normal, the occasional sniffle the only thing betraying that the boy was still tearful. "He's picking up the boys…"

Crane's head suddenly snapped up, showing a tear streaked face with red, puffy eyes, still glistening with tears, but now also filled with surprise, "It's late…I thought…they're not home right?!"

"Shhh…." Adam reassured Crane, "They stayed in town after school, wouldn't tell us what for, so I assume it has something to do with Christmas presents. Brian's picking them up and they'll be here for supper…." Crane settled back down, putting his head on the pillow again. He couldn't voice the immense relief no one had heard this. "which should be soon. I hate to do this to you so soon after this, but you know Daniel will be up to put his stuff away and see you. You might want to get up, wash up and be downstairs. It'll be awkward enough without him seeing you on your bed…like this…" He didn't have to point out the fact that Crane was dressed in only a shirt and his underwear, which didn't even completely cover all the red skin.

Crane sighed, "I feel like I could sleep for hours."

"I could keep them all downstairs and not tell them you're home…."

At that moment Crane's stomach rumbled and he gave Adam a tearful grin, "I guess my stomach decided." He hadn't had a single bite to eat since breakfast that morning, and that had only been a sandwich on the way to his exam after sneaking out of June's dorm. Had that really been only that morning? He shifted a little to lie on his side so he could look at Adam. "Adam?"

"Yes?"

All of a sudden Crane wished he hadn't turned. On his stomach he could have avoided those eyes and reading the truth in them. He closed his own eyes, "Do you think Brian will listen to my apology?"

"I think apologizing is a very good idea. And you know he'll forgive you. I'm not saying it will repair things, but it will be a very good first step."

Crane swallowed and nodded, "I will. I want to do whatever I can to earn his trust back. And yours."

"I have full faith in your ability to do that," Adam patted Crane's hip and got up, "I'll let you wash up and get changed. Supper should be ready soon. After supper you can talk to Brian. Okay?"

One more sniff and then Crane pushed himself up, avoiding the sitting position by immediately standing up, but despite his caution he still couldn't help the wince, "Okay."

Adam pulled him into a hug once more. "Never forget I love you, kiddo."

Not trusting his voice, Crane simply nodded and Adam released him.

"See you downstairs."

While Adam made his way downstairs, Brian and the younger boys were on their way home from town.

"So you got all your shopping done," Brian grinned at the four boys who were looking distinctively secretive.

"Uh huh," Daniel climbed in the truck, followed by his brothers.

"So did you happen to see Mr. Johnson?" Mr. Johnson owned the hardware store and so Brian was shamelessly prying for information on their Christmas presents.

"Hmm can't remember seeing him," Evan said seriously, "can you, Daniel? Maybe….it's all a little blurry."

"We've been to so many places, Brian, we really can't remember who we saw," Daniel was glad they'd warned Guthrie to stay quiet, knowing Brian would try to find out where they'd been. Even as an older teen Brian had been known to look for the Christmas presents in every hiding spot he could think of. "Miss Betsy said to say hi to you, though." He couldn't completely hide the grin. Miss Betsy was a hairdresser on main who had a soft spot for Brian and showed it. Problem was she was in her late 40s, but no one had the guts to remind her of that. Of course, they had actually been to the salon, but only to go out back to the small building in the back yard that her youngest son was using as a workshop. A 'studio' he called it. Daniel chuckled when Brian turned a little pale.

"Oh please don't tell me you said I'd be in town," the man groaned.

"Nuh uh," Ford shook his head, "But she asked if you were gonna be in town Friday…she felt like dancing."

"Oookay…so how was school?" Not that she wasn't a good looking lady, but Brian was looking for girls around his own age, not ones who could have been his mother. Changing the subject was the best thing. He missed the wink the boys exchanged.

"We set everything up for the Christmas breakfast!" Guthrie finally knew he was on safe ground and so was the first to jump in this time.

"He gets to be the donkey in the pageant too," Evan laughed.

"I do not!"

"Do too," Evan hadn't finished the second word when Guthrie's elbow jabbed in him the stomach. "Hey…" and he pushed back.

"Ain't funny, Ev," Guthrie complained. "Briannnnn, tell him to stop…."

Brian shook his head, "You started it, buddy."

"See?" Evan stuck his tongue out at Guthrie only to feel Brian's hand slap his thigh next. It wasn't a hard swat by all means, but it got the message across, "Ow!"

"He may have started it, but I'm finishing it," The 22-year-old said firmly. "We're not going to be bickering all the way home and I'm not pulling over to dish out discipline. And Guthrie…keep your own tongue in your mouth…"

Guthrie snapped his mouth shut. How did Brian know he was just about to stick his tongue out at Evan? Maybe Brian could read minds. He studied Brian's face. That must be it. But then they shouldn't even think about the presents or he'd….oh no, now he'd thought of it already. There was nothing in Brian's face that gave away he'd heard the thoughts, but Brian was good at keeping a straight face. Guthrie couldn't be sure what Brian had heard and what not.

"I'm going nowhere…somebody help me…somebody help me yeahhhh…" Daniel started singing, in the high pitch the song required unlike most of the seniors at school who couldn't reach those high notes. Immediately Evan joined in, followed by Ford and Guthrie and Brian let out a sigh in relief. He didn't like the song much, but as long as that was all they were singing he was fine with it. Anything was better than the bickering. So the man actually hummed along all the way home to the ranch. It wasn't until they pulled up in front of the house that he realized he hadn't even told the boys Crane was home. But maybe that was a good thing. Crane was bound to be hurting and needing some privacy and time to recuperate.

As soon as Brian had turned off the engine the boys jumped out of the truck and tumbled into the house, except for Daniel. The boy was lingering at the truck and Brian grinned, knowing the teenager was waiting for him to go inside so he could safely get some purchases inside. He tried to get a peek, but Daniel just waited and so Brian sauntered inside. He had to hold back a chuckle when he heard Daniel scurrying into the barn. So that was the hiding place!

"Wash up!" Adam called out as the boys came in. "Supper's ready, so wash up and sit down."

Guthrie had other things on his mind, though, "But I gotta tell you something, Adam."

"All that can wait until you've washed your hands," He sent the boy to the sink with a pat to his bottom. Once there, Guthrie pushed Ford aside to get to the water.

"Are you that hungry, Guth?" Ford laughed.

"No, but we gotta tell Adam…..don't you wanna tell Adam?"

"Tell him what?" Evan asked suspiciously.

"Bout the project and the concert and the breakfast."

"Oh I thought you meant about the donkey."

"You're not funny, Evan!" Guthrie splashed some water on his brother, who was expecting it and ducked causing it to splash Adam instead.

"ooohhhh," Adam pretended to look upset, "Now you've done it. You're in for it…"

Guthrie started to giggle and ran away, but he was no match for Adam's tall legs. If the chairs weren't in the way he'd have crawled under the table just to make the chase more fun, but now Adam caught him and lifted him in his arms, tickling him all the way to the table. "Stopppp ittt…..stop it…" Guthrie was giggling like mad though.

"Not until you say I'm the best, bester, bestest big brother in the whole wide world…" Adam tickled.

"I can't chooooose….." Guthrie would never choose one brother over the other, "You're the best, bester, bestest…biggest brother in the whole wide world…"

"I'll take it," Adam laughed as he released the 8-year-old. "And you're the greatest youngest brother."

"In the whole wide world, Adam?"

"In the whole wide world."

It bought Adam a big hug before the boy sat down in his seat. Brian had to laugh. He could tell Adam was exhausted, emotionally, from dealing with their oldest younger brother, and this was clearly helping him relax a little. He was glad for anything that would help him. Brian knew that there was a big part of him that had been relieved when Adam had said he'd hand out the spanking. Another part had felt rotten and guilty for leaving his brother to deal with what they both knew was a horrible job for any parent.

Watching the boys settling in their own spots at the table and Daniel coming in and washing his hands without having to be told, Brian sat down in his regular seat. He couldn't help glancing at the empty spot at the table. He figured Crane was upstairs, asleep, but just as he thought to himself he'd bring the boy a plate up later, he heard footsteps on the stairs. In their excitement to tell Adam everything that had happened at school, the boys made so much noise that they, themselves, missed it, but Brian had been looking out for it.

"Evening," Crane tried to sound normal, but Brian and Adam noticed the subdued tone and the slightly hoarse voice, not to mention the puffy eyes.

As the two oldest McFaddens acknowledged Crane the others fell into a stunned silence that lasted all of 5 seconds before they all erupted in loud excitement.

"Crane! You're home!" Guthrie was the first to jump into Crane's arms, wrapping his legs around Crane's torso, completely missing the wince as his shoes touched Crane's butt.

"Yes, I am, buddy," Crane hugged Guthrie. "I missed you guys!"

"I thought you weren't coming home till Friday," Evan was so happy it was contagious. Even Adam and Brian couldn't help smiling.

"I was, but plans changed, Ev."

"How come you're home early?" Daniel wasn't sure what to make of it all, but despite his excitement over seeing his favorite brother, he couldn't help noticing all those tell-tale signs that there was something wrong with Crane.

"You didn't say anything!" Ford accused Brian before Crane could answer Daniel. "You knew he was home…you knew, right?"

"Yes, I knew, Ford," Brian admitted. "With all the bickering you boys did, I was glad you started singing so I wasn't going to interrupt that just to tell you.

"I don't care! It's okay…" Ford cheered, "Now you can come see my exhibition! It's been selected for the regional science fair, but now you can see it right here!"

"And mine too!" Guthrie was still hanging on to Crane, "It's not going to that big thing, so this was the only chance to see it…."

"And you'll get to see Daniel's Christmas Show!" It took Evan a lot of will power not to jump and cheer like Ford, but his voice showed the same excitement. "Well, mine too, I suppose, but I'm not performing. Daniel is! And you'll get to see it. You'll get to see everything."


	24. Chapter 24

I feel like I'm repeating myself, but I am so grateful for all the support and reviews. I can't reply to guest reviews, but know you're very much appreciated too. Yes, I do wish I could write all day and post a new chapter every day. Although, in all fairness, one needs to take the time to let a chapter settle and then reread it before sharing.

Oh and I guess I never made Adam's age clear. All the others were literally mentioned at some point or another, but Adam's wasn't. I was convinced that at some point in the story I had made it clear that Brian and Adam were very close in age, about a year, but it may have been too implicit. So for the record: Adam is 23, Brian 22, Crane 18, Daniel 14, Evan 13, Ford 12, Guthrie 8. Hmmm I should start thinking about birthdays. With this many brothers there's bound to be a birthday soon, right?

And I promise I'll get to the fun part with the next day soon…next chapter!

Chapter 24

For a second Crane felt sheer panic. He hated disappointing his younger brothers. And he knew they'd be crushed. But he could tell Adam and Brian were waiting for him to tell them and he knew it was the first step in showing them he was taking responsibility for his actions. "Eh guys…I'm really sorry, but I can't."

Immediately Ford's eyes filled with tears. Daniel was upset too, but hid it better. "How come, Crane?" Guthrie looked up at Crane with his big innocent eyes. "Do you have to go back?"

"No, I'm here for the entire Christmas break, but…" Crane took a deep breath, holding on to Guthrie as if he was his support, "I'm kinda grounded." Boy, that was harder to say than he thought it would be.

"Nothing kinda about it."

Brian's dry remark caused Crane to blush and look down for a moment. Clearly, he had some fences to mend there still. "Sorry, I mean grounded." He didn't look up to see Brian's nod. The man hadn't meant to sound so gruff, but hadn't wanted to allow Crane to downplay his punishment either.

"Grounded?" Evan repeated. For some reason he had trouble believing that.

"Yes, grounded. I'm sorry, Ford. Guys, I really am. Very much so too." He was still trying to digest the idea that he would be home every weekend from now on. Or at least, until Adam and Brian trusted him again. From the sound of it, that could take forever with Brian.

Ford had gone back to his chair again and tried hard not to let the tears spill, "It's okay…you weren't gonna be there anyway." The 12-year-old was the picture of misery.

"Yes, Crane is grounded," Adam finally spoke up. He exchanged a glance with Brian who gave him an almost imperceptible nod. Adam hoped he read his brother right, "Problem is, we'll all be gone, which means you'd be home alone. That's hardly the purpose of grounding. I certainly don't want to think about all the trouble you could get yourself into without proper supervision. So I guess the best thing is to take you with us, so either Brian or I can keep an eye on you."

While the youngest three broke out in cheers, Daniel bristled at those words. Not that he wasn't happy Crane would be in town to watch the show, but he felt Adam was wrong to treat his hero this way. He was embarrassed for Crane. Crane himself, on the other hand, recognized Adam's decision for what it was. Out of kindness to his brothers the man had found an 'out' out of the situation. Crane was certain that if there hadn't been younger brothers involved, he'd have been stuck in his room all day tomorrow. But Adam wouldn't do that to the younger boys. And as an older brother himself, albeit one who was in disgrace at the moment, Crane could only be grateful. "Thanks," his voice was soft in the loud kitchen. Adam just smiled in return.

"Well, while we're all standing here yakking, dinner's getting cold," Brian pointed at the table, "I didn't slave in here to let it go to waste."

"You make it sound like you were in here for hours," Adam laughed, "Took you all of 15 minutes to get it into the oven."

"Yeah well…who do you think went to the grocery story? Or do you think it magically appears on your plate?" Brian pulled out his chair and sat down, "No come back? Oh come on….make me work for it, buddy."

Adam just laughed, "Oh no, no come back whatsoever, you're right. You're the all mighty kitchen princess of the McFaddens."

That caused the younger boys to giggle while Brian threw a bread role in Adam's direction, which the man plucked from the air and bit into

"Thanks, I was just going to ask you to pass them," Adam sat down too and the others followed his example.

Daniel, however, was watching his brothers in growing anger and frustration. He couldn't understand why Crane would sit there so subdued. If it were him at 18, he was certain he'd kick up a fuss. Grounded! Crane shouldn't be grounded anymore. He was 18. At 18 you were above all that childish stuff. You should be. Right? And Adam making it sound like his brother couldn't be trusted to stay home alone after everything Crane had done for this family, was insulting. Daniel felt insulted. He'd accepted the situation at Thanksgiving, because he knew Crane had wanted it resolved and if he was honest, because he knew drugs were really bad and the consequences for using them had been clear all along. That, he could live with, even if it had taken him a while to stop being upset and angry over it. But he knew Crane wouldn't do that again. So there was nothing that could justify Crane being grounded. And he just knew that Crane had had another licking. Maybe the others had missed the wince as Crane sat down, but Daniel hadn't. Nor had he failed to notice the residual redness and puffiness in Crane's eyes. The more Daniel thought about it, the more he fumed. And watching Crane calmly loading up his plate only seemed to infuriate him more.

Of course, Crane wasn't really that calm. The young man was still quite emotional, not to mention sore. And also a little hesitant around Brian. He wasn't sure where he stood with that older brother yet. Brian had been awfully upset with him. Well, so had Adam, but they had settled that upstairs. But despite the emotional turmoil, his stomach was telling him to eat and as soon as he'd had the first bite he really dug in. "You have no idea how much a person can miss a home cooked meal."

"Glad to see you enjoy it," Brian couldn't resist a little teasing, "Maybe having to be here every weekend isn't the punishment we thought it would be. Maybe I should think about putting you on bread and water."

Crane's face got slightly warmer, but he'd take teasing over that disappointment cloud that had hung over them before, "Maybe you should. It'd fit the crime, of course."

"That it would," Brian nodded.

"You guys are crazy!" Daniel suddenly exploded. The pot had reached boiling temperatures and was quickly overflowing, "I can't believe how you're sitting there joking about all this!"

"Not without trouble, little brother," Crane remarked simply, "But would you like me to sit here crying?"

"NO!" The dark haired teen yelled. "I want you to yell. To say it's unfair that you're 'allowed'," He said the word as if it were a curse, "to come to our Christmas things at school. What could be so bad that you're grounded? You're an adult for Pete's sake. So stand up for yourself!"

"Daniel," Adam's warning tone was unmistakable. "Leave your brother alone."

"It's okay, Adam," Crane's immediate response was, before Daniel could say anything. He was so used to being a buffer between the two that he didn't even think twice about shielding his younger brother, even from that boy's own anger.

"No, it's not, Crane," Adam insisted.

"He just doesn't understand, Adam," Crane tried again, but Adam held up his hand.

"He has no business attacking you like this. You're just as entitled to some form of privacy as he is. I'm not saying you can't tell him or one of your other brothers what happened, but it has to be because you want others to know, not because you're being bullied into sharing."

Crane's eyes had grown big during Adam's words. Adam sounded so gentle, yet fiercely protective. Crane knew that if Daniel knew what he'd done, the boy would understand, but to have Adam stand up for him like this, was shocking. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. He simply lowered his head to hide his confusion while Adam addressed Daniel.

"What happened is none of your business. If Crane wants to tell you, that's his choice, but you'll not yell at him like that. Now you apologize to Crane and you apologize to Brian and me."

For a full minute there was an uncomfortable and tense silence. The younger boys were clearly intimidated by the yelling and Adam's edict to Daniel. Crane's mind was working overtime in trying to make sense of what had just happened and trying to will his younger brother to not push Adam on this and to just swallow his pride and anger. And Daniel was trying to decide if he could actually do that. He didn't think it was right. Adam was wrong in this. He had to be. As to Crane, well, he was still mad at Crane for being so compliant. But he loved his brother too much to want to hurt him. Had he hurt Crane? He knew he had. And that was the deciding factor. Finally, he looked at his brother and mumbled, "I'm sorry. I don't get it and I'm still mad, but you don't owe me an explanation."

"Accepted, buddy," Crane was quick to accept.

The other apology was more difficult, but Daniel swallowed his pride. He knew he had to. Adam was clearly not in any mood to let things go with a warning. "I'm sorry," He mumbled and then repeated a little more clearly, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't've yelled."

"Apology accepted," Adam picked up his fork and started to eat.

One look at his younger brothers told Crane that he had to tell them. At least the basics of it. They'd find out soon enough what his grounding entailed and it's was the worst any of them would be able to remember. There was no way they weren't curious. And worried. "Adam?" Adam looked up at the tentative tone. "I would really like to tell them."

"Would? Or feel you have to?" Adam wasn't sure of Crane's reasoning. The boy had always sacrificed himself for the others if necessary. It had to stop.

"You said it was okay if I wanted to. I do, Adam. It's not because I feel I have to. But…" he hesitated, realizing that wasn't completely truthful, "I mean, I do feel I have to, but not because I feel bullied to. I promise."

"I never meant for you to feel you had to keep it a secret either, kiddo," Adam reached out and patted Crane's arm, "I just didn't like it that you were yelled at."

A weak smile was Crane's reaction, "Thanks. I'm not used to…well…" He cleared his throat, "It's going to be clear that what I've done was serious since it's not just this break that I'm grounded. I'm gonna be home every weekend until you say so."

"Every weekend?" Guthrie had trouble not to cheer. His excitement was palpable though.

"Yeah every weekend, Guth," Crane almost smiled. Then he looked at Daniel, "I thought you'd be the one cheering. You'll get to see a lot more of me."

Daniel blinked, "I…" his thoughts were all over the place. He couldn't decide how he felt about it. Mostly, he was suddenly very worried. And scared. Crane must have done something very bad. "what….no, I'm sorry, you don't have to tell us. I just can't imagine…"

"Neither could I, but when you steal and hurt people, not to mention lying and breaking promises…you have to pay the price. I really messed up, Daniel. The dean could have easily gone to the police or kicked me out of school. I can only be grateful he trusted Adam to…well, handle it."

"Golly," Ford's jaw had dropped. "You stole something?"

"Well, technically I guess…" catching Adam's raised eyebrow, he amended, "Yes, I did. I thought I was doing something good, but as it turned out, I did something really stupid. And it was just wrong. It could have cost me a lot more than giving up my free weekends."

"I'm sorry you're in trouble, Crane," Guthrie didn't look too sorry, though, "but I'm really glad you're gonna be home more. I miss you."

"I miss you too, buddy," Crane smiled at Guthrie and then looked at the rest, "all of you. Just wish I was home more often because I suddenly had loads of money. Not because I'm in trouble. Now come on, don't let dinner get cold. I can honestly tell you you'll appreciate it more when you don't eat like this every night."

The rest of dinner was an amiable affair. They didn't get quite as loud and boisterous as they could normally get, but Adam started asking questions about the regional exhibition and Evan talked about the now finished set he'd built, and before they knew it, the subject of Crane's trouble was pushed to the background, allowing the young man to step out of the spotlight for a while and try to process everything that had happened. Not that dinner was enough time for that, but it was a start.

After dinner Crane helped Ford doing the dishes, enjoying the chance to catch up on the process of the little greenhouse project, and then glanced at the yard. He'd noticed Brian going into the barn and with all his other brothers inside, it felt like a good moment to talk to the man. He definitely didn't want witnesses to this. "Can you finish up putting the last bits away, Ford?"

"Sure!" Ford was always willing to help just about everyone. "You gotta do something else?"

"Yeah…" Crane sighed, "Eat crow."

"Huh?"

Ford's confused face made Crane laugh, but it was a bitter laugh at best, "I have apologized to Adam and we're okay, but I still have to apologize to Brian."

"Oh Brian'll forgive you," Ford's trust in his older brothers knew no bounds. "Brian never stays mad long."

"I hope you're right, bud," Crane wasn't so sure, "He was pretty mad earlier. And very hurt. I broke a promise to him."

Ford gave him a sad look, "That's bad, Crane, your word's your bond."

Crane almost rolled his eyes, "You sound just like him now. And that disappointment you feel now….Brian's is tenfold."

Ford shook his head as he dropped the towel on the countertop before wrapping his arms around Crane's waist. "I know he'll forgive you. We're brothers, even more, because Brian's like..like…well, like mom and dad. Just like Adam. There's nothing they won't forgive."

"I'm beginning to see that, Ford," And Crane really did. To hear those words out of Ford's mouth had a powerful effect on the 18-year-old. It was the same thing Adam had told him. "I'd better bite the bullet and go talk to him." Before Ford released him Crane gave him a warm squeeze which was willingly returned.

"I still love you, Crane," The boy whispered, "No matter what you've done."

"Thanks, bud, that means a lot." With those words echoing in his head Crane put on his coat and made his way over to the barn. As always the door was open and Crane didn't walk all the way up to Brian. Instead he leaned against one of the stalls, looking at Brian's back as the man was checking on Ace's leg. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing anymore, but I just like to check," Brian didn't look up. "He hurt himself and the cut got infected."

"Antibiotics?"

"Yeah, and we had to change the dressings twice a day, but he got the all clear this morning from the vet."

"Good."

"Yeah."

An awkward silence fell. Brian wasn't going to make an apology easy, that was clear and Crane had no idea where or how to start. He took a deep breath, "Bri…Brian, can we talk?"

"I thought we were."

But the man still didn't get up or turn around and it was killing Crane. He could feel the tears threatening again and tried to will them away. What was it with crying today? He couldn't seem to stop! "I…I am just so sorry I hurt you and I know you don't want any empty promises and I know I've always said that sorry is empty, actions speak louder than words, but I don't even know what to say except sorry. I.…won't you even look at me anymore?"

Brian released the horse's leg and looked down on his hands for a second. He could hear the hitch in Crane's breathing and knew how emotional the boy still was. It broke his heart. But the broken promises, the lie, those broke his heart too. For once he found it hard to get past that hurt.

Crane could feel his heart shatter in pieces when Brian still didn't turn, "Please?" the word sounded more like a sob and finally Brian got to his feet.

"I will still look at you," he found his own voice a little husky.

"But will you ever forgive me?"

Crane was already almost as tall as Brian was, but right now he looked so young and fragile that Brian could only see the 12-year-old boy Crane had been when their world had come crashing down on them and suddenly he found it hard to hold on to his own hurt. "Oh kid," he sighed, "Of course I will. I already have." Crane felt so relieved his knees almost gave out. He held onto the stall to keep himself upright while listening to Brian. "I am just hurt. I'm not the inherently distrusting one like Adam," of course, they both knew that was an exaggeration, "I trust you boys implicitly and unquestionably. When you boys tell me you're going to be somewhere, I don't check up on you until you force me to. Few of you do. And with you it never even occurred to me that I couldn't trust you on your word." He took a few steps so he was in front of Crane who was studying the floor, and cupped his chin, "That's what hurts the most. That I can't trust you right now. I know it'll return. But it will take me time."

"I know," Crane swallowed hard, "I won't make promises, but I know I'll do everything I can to make it up to you, to earn back that trust. So that I can make a promise again with you knowing I'll keep it. Because it means the world to me."

"And I have faith in that, I have always had faith in you, kid," He released Crane's chin, "Oh come here…" And with that he pulled the boy in his arms, hugging him tightly. "You really need to stop thinking we won't forgive you. That's not how this thing works and it's high time you learn."

Brian wasn't surprised at the strength with which Crane returned the hug. Brian held on for as long Crane needed to. The man knew better than Adam the power of a good hug. "I love you, kid. So much. I know we don't say it enough, but that doesn't mean we don't. Okay?" He felt Crane's nod against his shoulder. "And nothing can change it either. Nothing." Another nod and the arms around him tightened.

They stood like that for quite a while, but finally Crane released his hold and stood back a little, "Thanks…"

"You're welcome, kiddo."

"I…I'd better…go back inside. Unless you need help in here?"

Brian ruefully shook his head, "Even if I did, kid, this is the one time one of you boys is actually grounded from work on the ranch."

Crane pulled a face, "That's going to be the hardest of it all."

"And therefore the most valuable."

"I know…I know…"

Brian laughed, "You'll survive. Just think of all the studying you'll get done."

"I'll be so ahead I won't know what to do with my time when I'm not in class."

"Oh if you need more work, I'm sure we can talk to your professors…"

"nooooo, no need, I'll think of something." Crane took a few steps back and walked to the door. Then he turned around once more, "Thanks, Brian."

"You go on…don't get Adam on your case. I hope he knew you're outside." That caused Crane to pale again and Brian laughed, "Don't worry: house and yard, that's it. Even prisoners get to go outside every now and then."

"Yeah…but only for an hour."

"Well, it's winter. Without being allowed to work, I'm sure you'll want to be inside anyway."

"You have a point."

Brian watched Crane leave the barn and stood there for a few long moments before he went back to work.

The evening was a short one. The kids all had a long day ahead of them with the concert at the high school and so were send to bed earlier than usual, much to their dismay. Even Crane was sent to bed, along with Daniel. Not so much as punishment, but because Adam knew their college student (and thank God he still was) had had a very long and emotional day. The man felt he could use the rest. Crane hadn't protested. Truth be told, he was exhausted. However, he couldn't go to sleep just yet. He still had to do something.

"Crane…" Daniel whispered in the dark of the room.

"Yes, Daniel?" He whispered back.

"Did you really steal something?"

Crane rolled to his side and rested on his elbow, "I did. Didn't look at it like that at the time, but I did."

"How did you look at it?"

"I saw it as collecting evidence. An investigation. I thought the university was making a huge mistake and I had to right a wrong. I thought that would be worth any trouble I'd get in. Worth disobeying Adam, breaking promises. But I ended up being very lucky no one was hurt because of what I did. I could have ruined someone's life and career."

"Gosh…" Daniel was quiet for a moment, thinking it all through, "And if you'd got expelled or gone to jail, you would have been ruined."

"You got that right. I thought that was worth it."

"Must have been a big wrong then if you thought it was worth it."

"It was. But the university had handled it the right way. I was the one who didn't. I didn't get my facts straight. I was so convinced I was right that I shut everyone who gave me advice out. That was really stupid."

"So you don't still think it's worth it?"

"Worth it? Not on your life, buddy, seeing my teacher's scared face at what could have happened convinced me and then Adam and Brian did the rest. It was not worth it at all."

"Adam gave you a licking, didn't he? I mean…you don't have to tell me, but…well…it was kinda clear…"

"I lied, bud, I made him a promise I had no intention of keeping. And I disobeyed him. Broke a promise to Brian. So yeah, I eh…got a licking." He would never in a million years tell Daniel how exactly that licking had played out. That was between Adam and himself. Well, Adam, Brian and himself. "And deserved it too."

"I was really mad at that. And the grounding."

Crane chuckled softly, "You made that clear. Not very smart at the dinner table when Adam's already angry. You could have ended up in bed without supper."

"You would have brought me up some…."

"Maybe, but you're forgetting I'm in the dog house right now. Can't really risk it."

"Oh yeah…."

"But you're not mad anymore?"

"It's weird. I was really upset at Thanksgiving. Stayed mad for days. But I guess I'm not mad at Adam now."

"But still mad?" Crane was nothing if not a good listener.

"Maybe a bit at you."

"For not telling Adam I'm too old for that?" He pretty much had, but he wouldn't tell Daniel that.

"A little, but mostly cause you coulda gone to jail. It's bad enough not having you home except for the holidays, it'd be a hundred times worse if we had to visit you in jail on Christmas."

Crane swallowed hard, "Yeah that would have been bad." Daniel was right. Much as he'd thought it had been just his own future and life, his life affected his brothers too. He was a part of this family and as such he had an obligation to them. To be there. To think of them as well when he made decisions. He really hadn't done that. "I'm sorry, Danny, I really am. I never meant for anyone to get hurt."

"Except you maybe."

"Except me."

"But when you get hurt, I get hurt. And Adam would get hurt. And Brian, Evan, Ford, Guthrie…we all would get hurt."

Crane had to blink against the tears for the umpteenth time that day. "I know now, Danny."

"Don't forget again, okay?"

"I won't, buddy, I promise." He hoped this brother would still believe his promises.

"Okay."

"Thanks…for believing me."

"I always believe you."

The trust filled Crane with gratitude and guilt. Because Adam and Brian had felt the same, and he'd betrayed that trust. No more. Never. He would be a man of his word again. And he knew now that he wasn't made of the right stuff to be a criminal. Thank goodness.

"Night, Crane."

"Night, Danny."

"Night, John-Boy," Daniel giggled.

"Night, Mary-Ellen," Crane chuckled, but then got quiet. "we really should get to sleep.."

"yeah…" Daniel pulled the blanket up to his chin and turned over while Crane stared up at the ceiling.

It took a while, but then Daniel's breathing slowed down to a peaceful sleep. Still, the young man continued to look at the ceiling. Then he heard footsteps going up the stairs and the bathroom door open and close before another door opened and closed. Adam had gone to bed. More footsteps and the bathroom door again. Brian's footstep was unmistakable, but even if it wasn't, the fact that the footsteps went back downstairs after coming out of the bathroom made it clear which brother it was. Brian had changed and brushed his teeth, so was turning in as well. And still Crane waited. He waited until he'd heard the clock downstairs chime midnight and then still waited a few more minutes, just to be sure, before he quietly slipped out of bed and out of the room. Even though it had never been necessary for him to watch for the creaky steps, he was well familiar with the stairs and the steps that would betray him, so he knew which ones to skip with his long legs. He tiptoed past the pull-out sofa where Brian was vast asleep with an arm over Guthrie and in the kitchen he took the phone and his coat and slipped out through the door, unto the porch. Unfortunately, the kitchen opened up to the living room and so he had to go outside to talk freely. He couldn't completely close the kitchen door because of the cord, but it would have to do. He typed in the number praying she was still awake.

"Crane?"

"Yeah it's me. Thank God you're awake." It was so good to hear June's voice. Despite everything, he could feel his heart beat a little faster.

"After the way you disappeared today? Of course I am. You said you'd call after midnight, but I didn't want neighbors waking up because of a ringing phone…"

"I'm sorry." He felt like a broken record. He really was saying that a lot today. Or rather: the past 24 hours, because, technically (there was that word again) it was the next day.

"Crane, what the hell happened?"

"You didn't talk to anyone about it, did you?"

"No I didn't. I didn't even go to the party so I could avoid questions." That hadn't been the only reason. Mostly, she hadn't gone because she didn't want to go without Crane.

"Good."

"Crane….did you go to the dean alone?"

"No, I didn't. I promise. I was called in, remember?"

"I know."

"When I got there, Adam was there. And John. They'd found my wallet."

"So it was there after all," she said with a groan.

"Yes, it was," He matched her groan, "I can't believe how careless I was."

"You're just not cut out to be a thief."

Crane couldn't help the soft chuckle, "No kidding. I think I'll pass up that career choice."

"Good…I kinda like having you with me…"

"Well…" Crane took a deep breath, "I'm afraid you'll see less of me for a while. I'm eh…"

"They expelled you?"

"Well, they could have called the police."

"True…but expelling you? I mean, they were wrong! I'd have thought they wouldn't want the publicity."

"It wasn't like that, June."

"What do you mean? We saw the black mail letter. We know he was fired…"

"Remember what I said when I saw his file? That it was weird, but that he wasn't fired?"

"But we said that was probably to protect him in future jobs."

"Exactly. June, when the dean received that letter, he talked to John. John preferred resigning over fighting."

"Oh…."

"Yeah, I know. I was floored. A little mad too. I mean, I can't imagine not being able to be who I am, having to live a lie, but he hadn't even told his parents. Publicity would have outed him. It would have caused a rift with his parents. It would have ruined his career. He didn't want to lose that, so he didn't want to fight. And we nearly ruined that for him. We could have ruined his life and his career. I couldn't live with myself."

"God…." June had been pacing around the phone when Crane had called, but now sank to the floor with her back to the wall. "He really wasn't fired?"

"He really wasn't fired."

"And they found your wallet."

"They found my wallet."

"And didn't call the police because John couldn't afford the publicity, not because the school couldn't."

"You're even faster than I am in figuring that out."

"So that's also why they didn't expel you. That would have led to publicity too, considering the reason."

"Exactly."

"But if you're not expelled or in jail, what did you mean when you said I'd see less of you for a while?"

"Because they called Adam."

"They called your older brother." She didn't completely get it.

"They called my older brother, who is also my legal guardian."

"But you're 18, you're not a minor anymore."

"Good luck telling Adam that. The dean and he came to an agreement. They let Adam…handle it."

"He's the yeller, right? Brian's the one who guilt trips."

Crane sighed, "Yeah, he's the yeller, but he didn't speak to me all the way home. Can you imagine that entire drive in silence?"

She pulled a face even though he couldn't see that, "That bad huh?"

"I'm grounded," He definitely wasn't going to admit anything else, that was a bit too private. Not to mention embarrassing. Admitting he was grounded was bad enough, but he had to tell her that. "And then some. I mean…not just this Christmas break, but they want me home every weekend. Indefinitely."

"Oh…." Realizing her 'oh's' were starting to sound a little dumb, she continued, "Do you think they'll relent soon?"

Crane laughed a mirthless laugh, "I sincerely doubt it. There's this big cloud hanging over us called "disappointment". I'm on lockdown. In fact, I shouldn't be up right now. I shouldn't be on the phone. But I had to call you. I promised and I knew you'd be worried. But also, I had to make sure you didn't do anything with the information we had."

"I wouldn't. Not when you'd asked me not to," the trust in her voice was similar to Daniel's and just as hard to hear, "But I should go to the dean as well. It's not fair that you're in this on your own."

"But don't you see? I'm not in anything except at home. You don't have to turn yourself in. That would be the worst thing you could do. Why should your parents be called in too? I know what you told me about your dad…." He let that hang in the air.

"He'd kill me." Well, not literally, but still.

"So you don't have to."

"I know, but…Crane, it's not fair."

"It's my choice, okay. Nothing I said gave away that there was someone else involved. So let's keep it that way. And you can make it up to me by…eh…" he blushed as he spoke, "Well, by being extra nice to me during the week."

She giggled softly, "I think I can manage that." Then she became serious again, "So you're really…I mean…we never got the chance to talk about last night….I worried that maybe you thought it was a mistake…."

"A mistake? Baby, last night was the best night of my life. I hated having to leave and I hated even more when I couldn't kiss you with Adam there. But Adam would have asked questions about you and I'm not sure if I could have kept you out of it then. I can't tell a bold faced lie to him. I just can't. And certainly not now."

"Why especially now?"

"I broke a few promises I'd made them. So trust is a bit of an issue now. They're both so hurt and disappointed. It's going to take me a long time to earn their trust back. It may sound weird, because they're my brothers, but they're also…the closest thing I've got to parents and their opinion of me matters a lot."

"That doesn't sound weird. In fact, I love that about you."

"I love everything about you, so I win"

She laughed, "Well, I love you more."

"I love you ad infinitum."

"I'll let you win on that one, but I'll come up with something." She sighed, "Guess we won't get to talk again until after the break."

"Afraid not."

"I guess I'll go home then and suffer Christmas with my parents."

"At the mansion."

She snorted, "Yeah…with all their important friends. I'd rather be with you."

"Me too, baby, me too…I gotta go. Love you."

"Love you too…"

He ended the call and buried his face in his head for a moment.

"Well, if that is how you're going to earn back our trust, you might want to rethink your plan."

Crane's head shot up in sheer panic, "Brian…I didn't know you were there…"

"That was clear."

"I mean…how long…how much…"

"You mean, how much did I hear?"

"Yeah…"

"Long enough, kiddo, long enough to know you are well aware you shouldn't be here right now. Long enough to know you're aware that being grounded means no phone calls. Long enough to know you had a partner in this entire escapade. A partner you managed to keep out of this because you love her. Long enough to know my little brother is not so innocent anymore when it comes to girls. And long enough to know that you do think some promises are worth keeping after all."


	25. Chapter 25

Another huge thank you to all the reviewers. I can't respond to guest reviews, but know that you, too, are appreciated. I'm sorry about the cliffhangers, but one has to find a good place to end a chapter. At least I update quickly and don't leave characters hanging from cliffs for weeks or months, right? That has to count for something.

Another special thanks again to Sue. She was the inspiration for Ace's injury and a huge help in figuring out which schools the boys would be going to. Unfortunately, I had made a mistake very early on in the story and it was too hard to fix it, so Ford and Guthrie are in the same school and Evan and Daniel are. Oh well….such is life.

On with the story, hope it doesn't disappoint.

Chapter 25

"Brian…I can explain…"

"Oh I can't wait," Brian snorted, "I can't wait to hear you explain to me why you continued to lie to us."

"Lie?" Crane looked shocked.

"Do the words lying by omission mean anything to you? Hmm?" Brian flung the words at the younger McFadden. "Letting us believe you did this alone, constantly saying 'I' when it should have been 'we', that's lying as well, mister!"

Crane felt like he was going to be sick, literally sick. His legs felt like jelly and he couldn't hold himself up anymore. He sought support at the wall, putting his hand against it. "I…."

"Shit, kid, I'm pulling an Adam here. Okay, okay…" For once, it had been Brian to lose his temper with one of the boys and he could kick himself for it. Shoot first, ask questions later was Adam's style. After all the emotional turmoil of the day and then staying up to make this phone call, the boy was bound to be exhausted. Brian's protective side kicked in. In two steps he was with Crane and put his arm around the boy's body, leading him to the porch swing. "Come here. We'll talk. And I mean talk, not yell."

Crane felt completely torn apart between his guilt towards Adam and Brian and his protectiveness of June. The idea that Brian thought he'd continued to lie was crushing him. And he couldn't deny the truth in it, but how could he have done differently? He curled up on the swing, wanting to disappear, but not being able to. As Brian sat down next to him the man couldn't help feeling his heart go out to the kid brother who looked absolutely shattered. The movement of sitting down had caused the bench to swing a little and Brian pushed off with his feet to keep it going. For some reason, he felt the movement would help Crane. If not, it definitely helped Brian.

"So let's start again…" Brian had managed to change his tone completely, "what's her name?"

"June." The word was a whisper, but uttered with reference and it made Brian smile a little.

"Beautiful name. Suits you, considering you were born in June."

"I never thought of that."

"So….you're serious about her." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah. But it's really….I mean, we met at introduction and have been friends ever since. But I never realized what I really felt until yesterday. Or maybe a little earlier, but I wasn't sure."

"Ah, so still all very new."

Crane nodded, a bit shy at this line of talk.

"Wow and already saying you love her." Crane had to admit it had surprised him as well that those words had come out, but he truly felt them. Where had that come from? Brian was still talking though, "Well, I certainly am not the right person to lecture you on relationships and sex."

"You are, Bri," Crane disagreed. "Just as much as Adam."

"Well, our older brother would feel differently. And maybe he has a point."

Crane sighed, "Don't put yourself down like that."

"Well, I guess we have you to talk about anyway."

A shudder when through Crane as he braced himself. "Sorry."

"You're saying that a lot the past 24 hours. And despite my trust issues with you right now, I do believe you meant them earlier. Not so sure you really are sorry now." Brian watched Crane blush and lower his head.

"I am, Brian, cause I didn't think about what it meant to you, that it was pretty much lying. I really am sorry for hurting you by that."

"Okay, that I do believe," Crane relaxed a little, but continued to study his hands. "Whose idea was the break in?"

Crane's head shot up, "Mine! Completely mine. I got her involved in it. Please, don't blame her."

"You got her involved and you love her. A lot of reasons to want to protect her."

"You would have done the same."

"Maybe, but I'm not the one who broke the law here. Nor did I lie. I'm the parental figure that has to handle the consequences of it. Let me ask you a question: did you force her to help?"

"No, of course not." Crane was almost insulted at the question, but Brian held up his hand.

"No need to get upset. You're smart enough to know why I'm asking."

And once Crane calmed down he, indeed, knew why, "As long as she wasn't forced she was a willing participant and therefore just as guilty. But, Brian, I….there was no need for both of us to get in trouble. If things had gone really wrong, I don't want her expelled or in jail."

"So you're her knight in shining armor…..do you think she wanted to see you expelled or in jail?"

"No, no one does. Even Daniel gave me that lecture."

"He did, did he?"

"Yeah, he did a good job of it too," Crane's wry grin wasn't visible in the dark, but his tone was clear.

"Hope you'll listen to him."

"I will…"

"Look, in your shoes I probably wouldn't have let on to the dean about her involvement either, I'll grant you that."

"I wish there'd been a way to protect her without not telling you…without lying."

"Don't you see, kid? There was." It surprised Brian a little that with all that intelligence his brother didn't see that.

Crane looked utterly confused, "But…Adam would have…"

"See? That's where you go wrong. You don't know what he would have done, because you never gave him the chance. You never gave me the chance."

"Oh," Crane swallowed.

"You don't trust us."

"I do!" Crane said emphatically, almost crying. He probably hated them thinking he didn't trust them even more than them not trusting him right now.

"Then show us. You could have talked to us. I can see you didn't want to tell the dean. You don't know the man. But you know us. And you should have told us. Or one of us. But you didn't."

Crane had to blink hard against the tears, but kept it dry for the time being, "I guess I'm sorry isn't good enough."

"To put it in your own words: actions speak louder than words, words are empty. So show us you trust us and you'll find us trusting you again. It's that simple."

Crane nodded, afraid to speak for fear of losing the battle against the tears. He studied his hands.

"You think you have to do it all alone and you don't. You've got us. So let us help you solve your problems."

"Are you mad?"

The voice didn't match the body of the 18-year-old. To Brian Crane sounded more like Cuthrie or Ford right now. He squeezed the boy's knee, "No, kiddo, I'm not mad anymore. You boys always seem to fear we stay mad. We don't. I'm hurt though. I won't deny that."

"You think I should tell Adam?"

"Well, I think it would help building that trust again. Just make sure not to give the impression she's a bad influence on you…she's not, is she?"

"No, I pro...I mean…" it hurt that he couldn't say the word promise anymore, "She's not. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. She's lively, energetic, lights up a room. She's extremely smart, but unlike me, she doesn't bury herself in books."

"So she pulls you out a little…gets you to live…"

"Yeah, she makes every day special, she's amazing," Crane sighed, "Not to mention beautiful."

"I guess your grounding was even harder on you than we thought it would be."

"Yeah, but I deserve it, I know."

"That you do." Brian gave Crane's knee another squeeze and felt the boy shift a little until he was leaning against his older brother, who in turn, easily wrapped around arm around his charge, "I'd like to meet that girl some time. Maybe…maybe when things have calmed down a little and you've showed us you're learning from this punishment, you can bring her home for a weekend. Not right away, mind you, but maybe after a couple of weekends."

"You really mean that?"

"You bet I do. Anyone who's important to you, is important to us. Just…no more secrets, okay?" he lowered his hand and patted Crane's hip, just forceful enough to be a warning and Crane blushed in the dark.

"No more secrets or hiding things."

"Good," They sat there for a few minutes in silence, both grateful the silence wasn't a heavy tense one anymore. Unwilling to give up the comfort Brian was giving him right then, Crane tried to fight the exhaustion that was overtaking him, but Brian could feel it in the heaviness of Crane's lean and he'd heard the stifled yawn. "Time to head up, kiddo. Before you end up falling asleep here. And cold as it is right now, I wouldn't advise it."

With a nod Crane pushed himself up from the bench, his backside being the only part of him relieved to be standing. "Night, Brian…and thanks…"

"Don't thank me just yet…" Before Crane knew what was happening Brian had him in a vice grip and the fire in his backside was re-ignited when Brian's hand connected with it three times in succession, hard, and all in the same spot too. Crane was so taken by surprise that he didn't even have time to try and stifle the yelps as he tried to twist his body out of harm's way. "That, mister, was for breaking your grounding by being out here on the phone, in the middle of the night." He landed another one causing Crane to jump, "And that was for not trusting me to understand." He released Crane and watched the boy immediately turn around while rubbing his behind. It may have only been four swats, but on an already sore butt and with nothing but pajama bottoms to protect him, they had certainly been felt. "Be glad I decided to relent. When I heard you talking out here I was ready to give you much more than that. But…I think most of that was me being hurt you hadn't told us about June. Still…break your grounding or keep things from us again and I won't stop at four. Clear?"

"Crystal…" Crane still hadn't stopped rubbing, "Man, that really hurt."

"It was supposed to. No sympathy here," Brian said, although more than a little compassion did shine through. "Go on up, you need your sleep."

"Kay…night…" Crane didn't repeat the 'thanks', but he knew Brian was right: he had been more than aware of the rules surrounding phone calls and other privileges during grounding. This learning curve he was on in trusting his brothers to have his back, certainly was a steep one. Still rubbing he made his way up the stairs back to bed. He'd be really happy never to get swatted again. Ever.

With everything that was going through his head, he thought he'd have a hard time sleeping despite his exhaustion, but as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out and he didn't wake up until Daniel shook his shoulder.

"Crane…Crane! Adam says you gotta come down for breakfast."

"Wh…what…" Crane opened his eyes and immediately closed them again. Daniel had switched on the light and it hurt his eyes. "Is it morning?"

"Duh…"

Crane shot up, "Chores!"

"Done," Daniel grinned. "You covered for me plenty of times. Besides, the way Adam made it sound you're not even supposed to do chores. You know, it's not fair. When any of the rest of us are grounded we get long lists of chores. You don't hafta do a thing."

Crane pulled his hands through his hair and then rubbed his eyes to wake himself up, "That's because there's little I would rather do than help out. It's gonna be murder having to sit here doing nothing when I know how much work there is and how badly they need me. Trust Adam to come up with such a diabolical punishment."

"Still think it's not fair." Daniel started pulling at Crane's blanket. "Come on…Adam said we had to be there in 5 minutes. Guthrie's chomping at the bit to get to school. He's bouncing all over the place. If it was up to him he'd already be out the door. To just wait there in the snow for the bus." Daniel rolled his eyes as he got his own things ready for school.

"Okay...okay...I'm coming…" Slipping out of bed Crane reached for his jeans. "He had some kind of school breakfast right?"

"Yeah and the exhibition. Same as Ford. End of semester stuff. Ford's really happy you're here."

"Well, I have to admit I'm happy that I get to see it too. Just wish the circumstances were different." Crane pulled on a sweater, "Really glad I'll get to see you perform too."

"Me too…but don't forget that most of the big stuff is done by the seniors."

"Oh I know…still glad I can be there."

"Too bad you're grounded," Daniel suddenly thought of something, "that bites, I'm sure we'd have time enough to redo the picture. It'd be much better with you really in it."

"Oh yes, the present. You guys had that done right?"

"Yeah…We went in yesterday, even had Brian think we brought it home already. But I'm sure Chuck could still get it finished if we had to do it again. IF you could get to town."

Daniel's disappointed face broke Crane's heart. He had his hand on the doorknob to head downstairs, but hesitated for a moment, "Look I'm not going to push my boundaries right now. I've done enough of that. But, having said that, I think there are still things I can do. Aside from wrapping. You know I kill at wrapping. But, I was thinking…maybe Chuck can come here?"

"He might…" Daniel thought about it. "I can't get away from school long enough to ask though."

"And I can't call him." If the slight soreness didn't remind Crane of that, the memory of Brian swatting him on the porch did a good job of that. Not that Crane needed reminders not to break the rules. He never was one to do much of that. "Maybe one of you could call him? Either he comes here, or he meets us at school today….but that means I'd have to at least let Adam and Brian know there's some surprise going on. They'll never let me leave their sight otherwise."

"Kay…I'll call him before I leave for school. I'll let you know okay?"

"Okay…" Crane opened the door and led the way downstairs.

"I was just about to holler," Adam teased as they both sat down at the table.

"We had important stuff to talk about, Adam," Daniel explained grinning.

"You boys had better not keep any secrets," Adam couldn't help being a little suspicious, especially after the previous day.

Daniel refrained from rolling his eyes, but it took a lot, "It's Christmas time, Adam. That comes with secrets. Nothing bad, I promise."

"Okay, okay…I believe you," As he put the bacon on the table Adam looked at Guthrie, "Guth…I know you're having breakfast at school, but you did chores, you'll be on the bus for an hour…I want you to eat a bit anyway."

"But Adam…can't I go now? What if the bus is early? What if I miss it?" Guthrie's pleas made the rest laugh.

"The bus will be late. As usual." Evan loaded up his plate with bacon and scrambled eggs.

"It's not that bad, Evan," Brian poured Guthrie a glass of milk, "I want you to drink this, Guth. Come on."

"Is when it snows," Guthrie still wasn't moving away from the door.

"Well, it's not snowing now and although there is already snow, the roads are clear, so you can plant your backside on this chair, drink your milk and eat a piece of toast before you leave," Brian had his arms crossed as he looked at the young boy. Not even Guthrie was exempt from the famous McFadden stubborn streak and Brian wasn't about to let this escalate into something it needn't be. "That shouldn't take you more than 5 minutes, Guth. Come on."

Guthrie deliberated for a few long seconds whether or not he could win this battle, but he was a smart boy and knew when he was outnumbered. Besides, he also recognized the truth in Brian's words. "Okay…" He sat down and in two seconds downed the entire content of his glass before starting to wolf down his toast.

"Chew!"

With a sigh Guthrie slowed down, but now he went the opposite way and started eating exaggeratingly slow. Not that anyone paid him any mind.

"Talking about secrets, Adam…," Daniel hadn't sat down yet. "I need to make a quick call, but you can't ask questions."

"I'm really starting to dislike all these secrets," Adam groaned.

"No, you won't. This is a really nice one," Daniel assured. "I'll go into the living room…"

"Well, be quick, I do want you to eat before school!"

"Yes, dad!"

"Don't call me dad!" Adam called after him, but he had a smile on his face remembering their talk a few weeks ago. Daniel's wink told him that the young teenager remembered that talk as well. "Guthrie, I'm done playing games about breakfast."

"I am eating!"

"Like a normal person."

Seeing Adam was close to losing his temper Brian leaned over to the boy next to him, "Exciting day, huh?" The nod he got was emphatic, "Bet you had a hard time getting to sleep too…" another nod and Brian took the 8-year-old on his lap, "Come on, if you don't eat, you could get ill and miss it all. That wouldn't be worth it now, would it?"

Victory was his as Guthrie started to eat his toast at a normal pace. Adam rolled his eyes. He knew the soft approach often worked wonders, but sometimes he just didn't have the patience. The boys needed to learn to do as they're told.

The others had pretty much ignored the whole proceedings. Daniel had returned after what had indeed been a quick phone call and was now discussing the show with Evan while Ford was telling Crane all about the regionals again. Crane listened, but since Ford had already told him every single detail the previous night as they did the dishes, he allowed himself to enjoy the familiar sounds of his family at breakfast. He missed them so much when he was away, even though he enjoyed college immensely. And of course, now that he was here, he missed his friends there. And June. Oh how he missed her. And they hadn't even been able to properly say goodbye. Their phone call hadn't been enough. That thought made him blush, thinking about Brian hearing everything. He tried to remember exactly what he said. Had he embarrassed himself too much? He didn't think so. At least not during the phone call. And when it came to phone calls, he wondered what Daniel had arranged about the picture.

"See you later today, Crane!" Ford had jumped up and was putting on his coat along with his brothers. Guthrie was gone already.

"See you at school, Ford!" Crane ensured and watched them all file out.

Daniel was the last to put on his coat and before he left he suddenly walked over to Crane who had got to his feet. "I'm so glad you get to see the show," And with that he gave his brother a big hug. As he did Crane felt him slip something into the back pocket of his jeans, but the older boy didn't react to it.

"So am I, buddy!"

Daniel released him with a big wink and ran after the others.

"And no thanks to me whatsoever for allowing you," Adam grumbled.

"I thanked you," Crane disagreed, but he knew exactly what Adam meant. "He's grateful, Adam. He just doesn't know how to show it."

"There you go again, defending him…but at least he wasn't bullying you this time."

Crane blushed to his roots, unable to come up with a response to that. Instead he focused on practicalities and started clearing the table.

"Ahem…"

He looked up from with work to see both brothers watching him with raised eyebrows and arms in their sides. "What?"

"What did we say about work while you are grounded?"

"But…" he hadn't completely gotten rid of his blush yet and felt his face grow hot again.

"What did we say?" Adam repeated.

"No work unless you told me to."

"So what are you trying to do?"

"But Adam…this is not work, is it? I'm just helping. I've done this since I was 3. It's just chores…"

"We do without you when you're not here, we can do without you now." Brian took the plates from him and left the boy standing there dumbfounded.

"But…what do you want me to do then?"

"Right now?" Adam didn't have to think long, "Right now I'd like you to go up to your room and spend some time thinking about honesty, trust and about what you'd like your future to look like."

It shouldn't have come as a surprise. Even the previous day he'd suspected he'd be stuck in his room a lot for a while, but to actually hear it pronounced was a different matter. He needed a moment to digest it, but when he did he just nodded, "Yes, sir," and trudged up the stairs. Not to even be allowed to clear the table was hard. It made him feel like dead weight. If he wasn't allowed to even do this, he was certain there wasn't a single chore he'd be allowed to do. What on earth was he going to do with his time? Study? No, Adam said thinking, at least now, so he'd better do exactly what he'd been told. Not that he hadn't done a lot of thinking already, but considering what had happened with Brian only hours ago, he realized there was still some more thinking to do.

Watching their younger brother's forlorn figure disappear up the stairs was hard on the older two. Brian tried to busy himself with the dishes, but it wasn't working well.

"You sure you weren't too hard on him?"

Picking up a dish towel Adam looked at his younger brother and partner in ranching and child rearing, "You really think that or is it just your heart speaking?"

"Mostly my heart."

"Well," Adam picked up a plate and started to dry, "I think we have to be. This shows him how serious we are about him not working when he's here. Show him that we can manage without him. So he can focus on his one job in the world right now."

"I know…I just can't help thinking about how useless it must make him feel." He placed another plate in the rack. Adam was running behind as usual.

"I want him to feel taken care of."

"You can't make up time, Adam. You can't redo those 6 years."

"No, but I can bloody well take care of him now."

"Alright, you can, and you will." Brian knew he wouldn't win this one and since he'd been the one who had actually put this idea into Adam's head, he couldn't complain much either.

"Don't worry, bud," Adam smiled, "He'll earn the right to help out a little soon enough. In a few days we'll have him do dishes and clear the table…some of those little house hold chores. But I want him to know it is something that is not expected of him right now. He has to stop taking care of everyone else and take care of himself instead. And let us help him with that."

"I know…" Brian hesitated and then made a decision, "He's going to want to talk to you before we leave this afternoon, I'm sure."

Adam's suspicion was immediately raised, "Oh God, more confessions?"

"Yes, but…I've already handled it."

"Oookay," Adam didn't sound sure, "so you told me to tell me."

"Not really. I advised him that it would help if he told you. So listen to him, but know that everything's already been handled."

"Hmpf, so I get to be the understanding parent while you were the bad cop."

"I don't think he'd see it like that, although I think he knows now that I'm perfectly willing and able to swat him too."

Adam's eyes grew wide, "Well, that's a first."

"Yeah, but well deserved."

"You're not gonna say more, are you?"

"Nope. I'm….trusting Crane to do the right thing. And you."

"Ah so it's a test for all three of us."

"Jup…come on, bro, I'll run out of surface to put all these dishes on if you don't start drying again." He flicked some foam at Adam causing the man to laugh and retaliate by flicking the dish towel against Brian's leg. "Damn…you're asking for it, buddy…" Brian took the other dish towel and for a while the dishes were forgotten as they each reverted back to their school days in the locker rooms.

It was a good thing none of the younger boys saw them, because, of course, it would set a very bad example to them. Chores were not play time. But for two young men that had been forced to grow up too quickly, it was absolutely necessary to indulge every now and then in more juvenile behavior.

Upstairs, Crane was oblivious to the fact his older brothers were acting like high school idiots right now. The boy had stretched out on his bed to read the note Daniel had so discretely put in his pocket. He sighed. It was great that they could still do it with him really in it, but now he was faced with the problem of asking Adam for time away from him and Brian. In a way, it would have been easier on the ranch, although from the sound of it he wasn't going to see much of the inside of the barn for a while. But in town the two would be even more unlikely to let him go. Would Adam feel the Christmas card was pulled too often? Maybe he should ask Daniel to ask Adam?

He let his hand fall on the matrass, allowing it to bounce back. This was exactly what Brian had meant. Be open. Be honest. And trust them. But that was hard for someone who hadn't relied on anyone since the tender age of 12. He had to ask Adam this. AND he had to tell Adam about June and her involvement. Not to mention the fact that he had to tell Adam he'd snuck out to the porch to call her in the middle of the night. And then he just had to trust Adam to help him protect June. It scared him to death, but he had to do it.

Having only had a couple of hours sleep the previous night left the young student tired and it was no surprise that after a while of doing nothing he drifted off to sleep. A restless one, but sleep nonetheless. For the second time that day a hand shaking his shoulder woke him up and he sat up in shock.

"Is this your idea of thinking about your behavior?"

Crane knew he could point out that sleep was the best way to digest your day, that your brains needed the dreams to deal with everything on your mind, he could quote psychiatric studies on the benefits of dreaming, but he had a feeling Adam wouldn't appreciate those answers, "I'm sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night. I did think, but I fell asleep thinking."

Adam placed the tray with orange juice and a sandwich on Crane's nightstand. "I know you went to bed at 8 and I also know Daniel woke you up this morning, so you should have had a very, very decent night's sleep."

To win himself some time Crane picked up the glass of juice and took a sip, "Thanks…" he knew now was the time, but it wasn't easy. Where to start? "I…I went to bed at 8, but I didn't go to sleep."

"Oh?" Realizing Crane was working up to the announced confession, Adam wondered if he was ready to hear it. Or more importantly, if he was ready to react calmly. He prayed it was nothing too bad.

"Is it almost time to leave yet?"

"We still have time," Adam almost laughed at himself. He was actually nervous waiting for this news.

"I have to tell you something and it's really hard to, but I have to. Could you…maybe…just sit down?" It was hard enough without Adam standing over him. He waited until the man had sat down on Daniel's bed. He looked at the glass in his hand as if there was courage in the juice, "I…I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is usually a good place. Crane, I have to tell you, you're making me nervous here."

"I am nervous too. I…okay, the beginning…I lied yesterday."

"You lied that you did it?" Adam was confused.

"No, I…I know I never said I did it alone, but no one asked and I kept talking about just me…"

"But you had an accomplice."

Crane swallowed at the word. It made it sound very bad, but if he was honest, that's exactly what it was. He nodded. "There was someone else."

"And they let you take the fall?" Adam's protectiveness surfaced.

"Noooo, no not at all. I didn't give her a chance."

"Her!" Adam rolled his eyes and Crane couldn't help wonder how Adam would react if he did that. He probably wouldn't like it much. "Every time you're in trouble it's because of a girl."

"It's not like that, Adam, not this time," Crane couldn't really blame Adam for his reaction, considering what he'd told him at thanksgiving, "I got her involved, not the other way around. Like Brian pointed out, I didn't force her, but it was completely my idea."

"Hmmm," Adam still didn't like it.

"She's….she's special, Adam. Very special." The groan that escaped Adam's mouth was unmistakable.

"Aren't they all." He wondered if Crane was taking after Brian in the girl-department. It started to sound like it.

"She really is. We met at introduction and immediately we were best friends. I just never knew I liked her that way…or didn't realize…until two days ago. Maybe earlier, but I didn't want to risk losing a friendship…I don't know…"

"She's the girl that met us when we left Davis." Adam didn't have to hear the confirmation to know. Now that he knew it all made sense. That hug had been too long, too eager. In it, there had been a longing for more. He could see it clearly now.

Crane nodded, "Her name's June and I think I love her. No, I know I love her. It's just still so new."

"And you wanted to protect her."

"Yeah, but I should have told you once we got home."

"That you should have."

"I was afraid you'd want to call her parents."

"Well, don't you think they have the right to know?"

"She was willing to confess, but I wouldn't let her. Her parents….Adam, they're not like us."

"I'm sure they love their daughter and would hate to see her lose her place in school or have her end up in jail."

"I'm sure they love her, although they have a funny way of showing it," Crane looked up at Adam, an imploring look in his eyes and Adam realized there was more to the relationship between this girl and her parents than Crane could tell him, "Please, let me shoulder this alone. Please. I need to do this."

Adam studied Crane's face as the boy spoke. And he took some time to think about it. "Well, I guess since you didn't really have to tell us…"

Oh God, Crane thought, more confessions, "About that…"

"What? There's more?"

"Brian overheard me on the phone past midnight and so he figured it out from that." Crane got is out as quickly as possible. It was the easiest way. He watched Adam blink as the man realized what exactly he was confessing this time and then take a few calming breaths. It surprised him Adam didn't lose his temper.

"And Brian handled the lying and you being on the phone despite being grounded?"

"Yeah. Shocked the heck out of me."

"Is there anything unclear about what you are and are not allowed to when you're grounded?"

"No, sir. Perfectly clear." Another painful swallow before he added, "Are you going to…I mean…"

"No, it's been handled. Brian already told me he'd handled whatever you would tell me, if you'd tell me."

Crane lowered his head, sad that his brother had felt the need to inform Adam of that, knowing the man wouldn't be able to take his word for it. But then he realized the faith that was put in him by that same brother. Faith that he'd do the right thing. That thought made him feel better.

"Brian never told you to tell me. And so you didn't have to tell me, that's the bottom line. But I'm really glad you did. And although I'm sure that if I really put my foot down and told you to, you would give me her number…." He let that threat hang in the air for a bit, watching Crane sweat it out, "I won't. I'll let you shoulder the blame on your own."

Crane closed his eyes as relief washed over him, "Thank you!"

"It really means a lot to me that you confided in me. And I'd like to hear more about this girl of yours."

"Brian suggested I'd bring her home sometime."

"That's fine, but not for a while though."

"I know, no company over."

"Good, well…now that we've got this clear…" Adam got up, "why don't you finish lunch, freshen up a bit, and I'll call you when we're leaving."

"Eh…about that….there's one more thing…"

"Oh god, there's more?!" with a groan Adam sank back down on Daniel's bed.

It was two hours later that the three of them entered Michelson Elementary for the big Christmas Science Exhibition. Evan and Daniel were too busy with the final rehearsals for the show that night to get away from school, so it was just the three oldest McFaddens that walked in.

"Crane!" Guthrie came running down the hall and jumped right in his older brother's arms. Ford, who was close behind him, wished he could do the same thing, but at 12 that was definitely not cool.

"Hiya, guys," Crane laughed.

"Well, I guess Adam and I might as well leave," Brian teased, much to Guthrie's disgust.

"Noooo! You can't leave. Don't leave. You gotta see everything first."

"Don't worry, kid, we wouldn't miss this for the world." Adam took Guthrie from Crane seeing the longing look on Ford's face. "You boys will have to show us then…"

Ford immediately took Crane's hand, pulling him along and Guthrie did the same to Adam and Brian. "You gotta see mine first!"

Adam laughed, "And why is that, little buddy?"

"Cause mine's the first set up," Guthrie giggled.

"That's just cause you're the youngest with a project in this," Ford wasn't really upset though. He didn't mind at all if they saw Guthrie's first.

"Wow Guth, that looks really, really good!" Guthrie's solar system was indeed the very first project on display, a small paper name plate next to it, with his age under his name. Crane was suitably proud of his little brother. "Are you sure you're only 8?"

"You were there when I was born, silly!"

"Yes, indeed I was." Crane thought back to that moment with mixed emotions. There had been a pregnancy between Ford and Guthrie, but mom had miscarried. Crane still remembered his worries two years later that something would go wrong with either mom or the baby, but thankfully Guthrie had been perfectly healthy and so had mom. "But still…you'd think this was made by someone much, much older."

"Well, Adam did help," Guthrie freely admitted. "Parents could help and he did."

"Only a little," Adam immediately spoke up. "You did most of the work yourself and it was your own idea." He tousled Guthrie's hair, "You did a great job, Guthrie, I'm really proud of you."

"Me too, buddy," Brian draped an arm around the boy's shoulders, "And I've seen how much work you put into this."

"There's another solar system that's much better," Guthrie pointed at a project a few yards away. It did look much nicer, they all had to agree.

"I bet that either that kid's parents made it, or it's an older student."

"It's an older student," Ford said, "She's in my class. So don't worry about it, Guth, you did better than she did when she was 8. Can you imagine how good you're gonna be by the time you're my age!"

It made Guthrie beam with pride. "Ya really think so?"

"I know so," Ford assured.

"Can we go see Ford's now or do we gotta see them all?" Guthrie clearly had little patience for the whole process of this. It made the older brothers laugh a little.

"Well, why don't we go straight to Ford's first and then do a quick walk through to see some of the others."

Adam's suggestion met with approval and they made their way over to Ford's greenhouse. As they walked Adam pulled the boy in close and whispered, "That was really nice what you just said to Guthrie, kiddo."

Ford shrugged, "It was the truth, Adam." But he couldn't deny the warm feeling his big brother's praise gave him.

"Still, I'm really proud of the way you're with your little brother." Adam squeezed the boy for a moment, but there wasn't time for more as they had gotten where they had to be. "Oh wow, Ford," Adam was speechless for a moment.

"You didn't tell us this!" Brian picked up the golden cup standing next to the green house.

"You won first place?" Crane asked softly and Ford nodded, blushing.

"He did!" Guthrie cheered. "That's why he's going to the regional fair. Bet he'll win first place there too."

"I doubt it, Guth," Ford shook his head, "Do you know how many kids are there? How many projects? But I'm really pleased that I get to go."

"It's good to be realistic," Adam nodded, "But I'd say you do have a good chance. This was really a great idea, you know. And you built that thing alone, including the entire irrigation system."

"Crane helped," Ford wasn't willing to take all the credit.

Crane snorted, "I explained some theory to you."

"You were the teacher in this," Brian agreed, "But after you explained it all, you just encouraged Ford to go for it."

"He's right, Ford," Crane hugged his little brother, "I only taught you how it worked and answered questions when you had them. That's what teachers do. You did it all by yourself."

Guthrie gave Ford a push, "You sound just like me about Adam's help."

Brian laughed, "He does, doesn't he? You boys are crazy. You both did well, enjoy the praise."

"When someone pays you a compliment, say thank you and be happy," Crane repeated something he'd heard quite a few times growing up.

"I am happy," Ford's face beamed, "And you're here to see it. I hoped you'd be proud."

"Oh I am, buddy," Crane lifted Ford off the floor, not caring one bit about cool reputations and all, "I'm bursting with pride. You took what I taught you and ran with it!"

"Maybe we should have kept your projects for last," Adam mused.

"How come?"

"Well, Guth," Adam kept a serious face, "After these two, the rest is going to look like amateurs made them."

"Well, I guess we have to be polite and look at them anyway," Brian made it sound like it was a real chore and the two younger boys couldn't help their faces heating up.

While the five of them walked through the exhibition, over in Angel Camp at the Bret Harte High School preparations for that night's show were in full swing. Having chosen a theme for the show meant there were also costumes and dances, and at this time the school was buzzing with activities and sounds. Students in charge with costumes were making final alterations and adjustments. One of the dancers had fallen into the saloon doors and one of them had come off its hinges, so that had to be fixed while the dancer in question had a scraped arm tended to. Kids were doing vocal exercises, warming up and going over lyrics and dance moves. There were sound checks going on and the musicians were tuning their instruments. Kids were placing programs on the seats that had been set up in the auditorium. It was a cacophony of sounds.

When a few of the seniors stepped on stage it was no surprise to most present that they used Stayin' Alive for their sound check. Mr. Saunders, the music teacher, a man in his early fifties, was getting a bit fed up with the song, but told himself kids would be kids. Back in his day, his parents had hated jazz music with a passion. And he had to admit that these Bee Gees would have fitted right in with the Doo Wop music he had liked over twenty years ago, at least vocal-wise. The beat was a totally different matter. Not to mention the lyrics! They had definitely changed tone too. If his parents could hear these he was sure jazz would sound much more wholesome all of a sudden.

Before he was able to do anything about it, the band was on stage as well, to accompany the singers and all the kids in the room were doing those famous disco moves and singing along with the seniors on stage. Poor Mr. Saunders could only lean back and wait until it was all over. He was looking forward to hearing the choir sing Händel's Hallelujah from the Messiah with the full orchestra. It was a long four minutes for the man, but thankfully they came to an end and that was the end of sound checks for the soloists. As the three seniors vacated the stage the choir and orchestra took up their places, filling the stage completely and Mr. Saunders stood up to direct.

"Hey," One of the seniors, Patrick, had a look on his face that told his friends he was up to something, "I've got an idea." It didn't take long for him to convince them and minutes later the word was quickly, yet secretly, spreading amongst the students involved in the popular part of the show.


	26. Chapter 26

First off, I'd like to apologize for the confusion I caused earlier this week. I made a small adjustment to chapter 25, but deleted the chapter by accident and had to re-upload.

I've loved all the reviews and PM's. Thank you so much for all your kind words!

This chapter was difficult because they're all in the same place for pretty much the entire chapter, so it's always hard to keep track of everyone and make sure no one is overlooked. Also, it was a bit of a trip down memory lane to my own old school concerts, so I just may have gotten carried away a little…I apologize for that.

Chapter 26

"A-dam…"

Adam sighed. Guthrie's idea of whispering was not exactly acceptable while listening to a concert. He placed his finger against his lips, "ssh…"

"But Adam….when's Daniel gonna be on?"

"He'll be on in a little while, buddy," not that Adam really knew when, but it had to be soon, right? He wasn't sure how much more of this classical stuff he could take. Mr. Saunders' taste had not changed since Adam's high school days, that much was clear. And he sure didn't see the theme back in this program. The choir was in checkered shirts and cowboy hats, but the music didn't fit the costumes and the set. At least, Adam didn't see the connection.

"When's a little while?" Guthrie pressed.

"Daniel said they were in the second part of the show, after the intermission."

"That long?"

Guthrie's voice had risen so much that a few people around them were giving them looks and the woman right in front of them said to the man next to her, "Kids nowadays just don't have manners anymore."

"Just ignore it, dear."

"That's hard with all the talking…"

"A – dam? How come she can talk, but I can't?"

Brian had to bite the inside of his cheeks in order to avoid the snigger that was simply dying to escape his lips, but he couldn't hold it in completely, "He's got you there, big brother."

Adam threw Brian a glare that would have had the younger boys whither. In fact, Crane winced as he saw it. The young student had been sitting there quietly, grateful for the opportunity to be here, even if the music wasn't exactly their thing. But then, it was the usual program: before the intermission there was classical music and traditional Christmas carols, which they actually enjoyed, but they had to get through Bach and Händel and Mozart first. And then after the intermission they'd get the more popular part. Crane was sure the theme would match those songs much better.

"Well?" Brian insisted, "The boy asked you a question."

"None of us should be talking," Adam finally said and he could see the woman in front of him stiffen. Her back went absolutely rigid. Well, he hadn't made friends there.

Guthrie shrugged, "Kay…" He went back to swinging his legs. Unfortunately he was swinging them a little too wildly and every now and then his foot would kick the chair in front of him. Finally, the man in that particular seat couldn't take it anymore and turned around.

"Would you tell the boy to stop doing that!"

"Guthrie…"

"I'm sorry, Adam, I didn't mean to."

On stage Mr. Saunders favorite piece of music started. The man was directing like he was auditioning for the New York Philharmonic. Crane couldn't help rolling his eyes as he watched the man. He got more and more animated every year. When he looked sideways he found Ford leaning forward, seemingly engrossed in the music. Crane raised an eyebrow. It didn't seem like the kind of music a 12-year-old would be interested in.

But to Ford, it wasn't the music that appealed, it was the idea of singing in a choir. The boy loved to sing, but he was far too shy to stand on a stage and sing for an audience. In a choir, however, he figured he could do what he loved to do and still avoid the spotlights. He was seriously thinking about joining the choir when he got the chance. Maybe.

They were all so occupied with themselves and each other, that they missed the fact that Daniel was on stage as well. It wasn't until Ford nudged Crane that the older brother noticed Daniel. And he in turn gave Brian a poke.

"What?"

Crane nodded in the direction of the stage and whispered, "Look…Daniel…"

All of a sudden they were all listening to Händel with a different attitude. The only one who still remained indifferent, not to say bored, was Guthrie. Even the knowledge that his own brother was in this part of the concert wasn't enough to get him interested. The boy tried hard not to swing his legs and instead tried to find interesting things to look at in the room. The ceiling had all sorts of lights on them and he found the big spotlights interesting for a little while, especially the colored filters on some of them, but after a while those bored him too and he focused on the people sitting around them. He knew a few of them and tried to get their attention, but unlike him, they were listening to the music, or pretending to listen. The boy sighed. He'd been excited about this day, but from the moment he'd stepped into the high school auditorium almost an hour ago, his mood had quickly spiraled downwards. It had still been fun for all of 10 minutes when they met up with Chuck for the picture, but that had been the last of the fun, as far as Guthrie was concerned.

Finally, when Guthrie thought he really couldn't take another second there, it was intermission and he was the first on his feet and about to run off when Brian took hold of his collar. "You stay with us now, buddy. No running off."

"Aw but, Brian…."

"Oh no, you don't get to 'aw Brian' me," Although Brian knew that running off some energy might help Guthrie sit through the second part of the evening, he had no intention of having to track the 8-year-old down. "Intermission is only 15 minutes, bud, not enough time to play."

"Oh…" Guthrie looked disappointed for all of 5 seconds and then moved on to the next best thing, "Can we get a soda?"

Adam rolled his eyes, "I'm sure there's lemonade for the kids."

"Aw it's a special night, Adam."

"Come on, Guthrie," Ford shook his head and gave his little brother a push and then whispered, "they've got chocolate chip cookies over where the lemonade is."

That immediately perked Guthrie up. Not that he could possibly be hungry after having had dinner at Marie's diner. Marie had even spoiled him by giving him an extra big piece of cherry pie, too. So where the oldest three were still feeling full, Guthrie and Ford were stuffing their face with cookies They could only shake their heads.

"Did you see me?" Suddenly Daniel popped up behind them, startling them so much that Adam nearly spilled his coffee. "Well? Did you?"

"Sure did, Danny," Crane was the first to beam at his younger brother, "It was hard to miss you. You were the best there."

"Aw come off it, Crane, I was way in the back and there were about 50 kids on stage," Still, Crane's words caused a warmth to spread through the young teenager.

"That was fantastic," Adam agreed. "Best I've ever heard."

"That's cause you never listen to classical music," Brian couldn't resist teasing, but ruffled Daniel's hair, "You did great, kiddo."

"Thanks…I gotta go back. Gotta be there for the first song."

"Can't have you late…go and run!" Adam watched the boy run off and looked at the other two, "Well, that's one excited boy."

"I just hope the second half is a bit more entertaining," Brian sighed, "Or I swear, I just might fall asleep."

"You and me both, brother," Adam knew he couldn't take much more of this classical stuff.

"Well, I certainly won't be able to fall asleep," Crane groaned, "Those chairs are more uncomfortable than I remember."

Straight away, Adam felt guilt and concern flood through him, "Are you still…" to avoid embarrassment for Crane, Adam finished softly, "sore?"

Crane grinned, "Don't worry, Adam. I'm fine." Maybe he should have felt embarrassed at the implication but at that point in time he only saw the humor in Adam's unnecessary concern.

"Oh okay…" Adam wondered if he'd ever get used to the feelings of guilt after punishing one of his brothers. But then again, he didn't want to get used to it. "Well, I have to admit those chairs weren't made for sitting through concerts."

Just then the bell rang and Adam motioned the youngest two over to head back into the auditorium. As soon as the lights were turned down the opening notes of Santa Clause is Coming To Town rang through the large space and Guthrie started bouncing. It, too, may have been an old song, but for one, it wasn't quite as old as Messiah, but more importantly, it had recently been released by The Carpenters. Unfortunately for Adam, who quite liked Karen Carpenter, the version they had chosen was more of a rock version. Adam preferred the slower version of the Carpenters.

Brian didn't. Not that he had something against Karen Carpenter, far from it. If he'd had the chance he'd date her. But this version was much like Bruce Springsteen's and Brian was quickly becoming a fan. Okay, it wasn't country, but the man had style. Even if his brother disagreed.

The audience happily joined in with the lyrics whenever the senior boy singing the lead invited them to. It was clear to the McFadden's that Daniel thoroughly enjoyed singing the backing vocals with a few others. They all wore red velvet cowboy hats with a white furry trim and were sitting on hay bales as if it was a barn raising and not a Christmas concert. And at the word 'naughty' one of the guys would try to kiss one of the girls causing her to move to a different place.

The song had changed the entire energy in the audience. No one could fall asleep through this song. What followed was all more upbeat and fun for the younger people in the audience. Even Adam softly hummed along with some of the songs, until Brian motioned for him to be quite. Yes, this was more his style. Adam could tell the younger boys were enjoying this part much more as well. And Crane was just beaming, watching Daniel enjoying himself on stage, singing backing vocals or small parts. As was common with Mr. Saunders, only seniors and juniors got true leads.

Suddenly Adam sat up straight as he watched Emily Morgan enter the stage. She was carrying a guitar and seated herself on a stool behind the microphone. Adam's heart skipped a couple of beats as she started playing. Macarthur Park was on the radio a lot, but he didn't care much for Donna Summer's disco rendition of the beautiful song. It seemed Emily agreed as her simple version of the song took his breath away. She had a captivating voice and he found himself mesmerized. He also couldn't dismiss the feeling that she was singing this for him. Normally, he wouldn't be one to really think much of metaphors in lyrics. Not that he wasn't smart enough, but he just didn't think about things that way. He'd always had more with numbers. Normally, he'd call the lyrics nonsense. But not today. Today they made sense to him. He couldn't help shake the feeling that she felt she had put their love in the rain and could never get him back. He shook his head to try and rid himself of that conceded thought. It was just a song right? Right? But she looked so sad. Her voice almost broke when she sang she'd "never have that recipe again". Adam swallowed against a lump in his own throat.

Crane had looked sideways a few times. The perceptive teenager could tell this was somehow affecting his oldest brother in a way he couldn't remember having seen before. Having been away at school he'd missed the dates and the fateful lunch at the ranch. Daniel had spoken about it, but mostly from his own perspective. 'Adam's dating my teacher!' But Daniel had never mentioned her name. Still, it didn't take a genius to know that this was the teacher. And you also didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know that the man still had strong feelings for her. He wondered what had happened. Daniel definitely hadn't told him the entire story. Or maybe he hadn't been listening with everything that was going on at Davis? It wasn't like him to tune his brother out, but he'd clearly proven that he was capable of doing things that were out of character. At least, he hoped they were out of character.

Crane glanced at Adam again and then at the young woman on stage. She was pretty. And she, too, looked sad. And although she let her eyes sweep through the entire room, never did her eyes rest on Adam, clearly avoiding looking at him. Okay, so there were feelings there too. Maybe his big brother needed a bit of a push here? Nooooooo, he mentally chided himself. He'd done enough meddling. His gaze crossed Brian's and at that point he knew that he didn't have to do any meddling. Brian would do it for him. Or maybe the man was already on it. That was a big possibility.

Emily got a standing ovation. It made her blush shyly and after a quick nod she hastily left the stage making place for three juniors. Behind stage she leaned against the wall as emotions overwhelmed her. She still hadn't talked to Adam, but after this song she knew she'd have to. She knew he'd wonder whether it was about him. And truth was, it was. But could she admit that? She knew Brian was right, but actually talking to Adam wasn't easy. She heard the show on stage go on, but she was glad this was the only thing she had to do. She knew she couldn't do anything else.

On stage the final song was coming to an end and Mr. Saunders had to admit it had been a good evening. He always preferred the first half, but the second part had been fun too. He wasn't that old that he didn't enjoy a little rock. He was about to step on stage to thank everyone for their contributions when Patrick, one of his seniors took the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take the opportunity to thank you all for being here and for your enthusiasm. You're an amazing audience! And because you're so amazing, we feel we owe you something extra." Benjamin Saunders felt his face go pale at Patrick's words. If there was one thing he didn't like, it was the loss of control. He did not like surprises. He tried to hold up his hand and stop the 17-year-old, but was faced with a dilemma. You did not interrupt a performance. You did not show the audience something wasn't going according to plan. That was simply against the rules of the theatre. The show always had to go on. And so the poor man was stuck as he listened. "As most of you will know, we've been working on tonight's show for a few months now and we've all enjoyed every minute of it."

From his seat in the 6th row, Crane watched the boy he knew so well. They hadn't been in the same class, of course, but Crane had always been involved in the shows as well, as guitarist in the band mostly. And more importantly, Patrick's brother Ross used to be one of his best friends in school. Patrick was well known for being a fun-loving guy and easy to hang around, very popular. But he was also known for his pranks. Crane couldn't help but wonder if this was leading up to one of those pranks.

"Well, we'd like to do a little encore that we've been rehearsing…Tom! Hit it!"

Tom used his drum sticks to count off and the band started playing Stayin' Alive. Benjamin Saunders closed his eyes. He hated disco music. Absolutely loathed it. And he knew many parents felt the same way. But the kids…oh the kids….he didn't need to look to know that they were dancing. And not just dancing. It was those lewd hip movements that seemed to go with this type of music. He groaned, but there was nothing he could do right now. He simply could not bring himself to interfere with the show. That would ruin everything.

All the kids involved in the popular part of the show were on stage swinging, but not just them. The kids in the orchestra had put their instruments down and they, too, were swinging as the group of seniors performed their favorite song of the moment. Even those that worked backstage were now visible next to the stage as they were partying it out to the tunes of the Bee Gees.

"See?" Guthrie bounced up and down as he took Brian's arm, "I told you it was in the show. I told you!"

"Yeah you did," Brian didn't look happy though. He glanced at Adam. His older brother was definitely not a fan of disco either, but he didn't seem too bothered by this. Of course, that made sense as Daniel had not convinced Adam that the song wasn't in the show. No, he'd told Brian that particular lie. Not that it had been a lie at the time, but Brian didn't know that. Crane's dishonesty had left him a little sensitive.

In his enthusiasm Daniel had moved closer to Patrick and the other seniors and was just having fun, completely unaware that his older brother was fuming, thinking he'd been lied to. All of a sudden a microphone was pushed into his hand and one of the juniors, Kevin, whispered in his ear, "Sing, kid, you've got the best voice for this."

Daniel wasn't sure he agreed with Kevin, but he had the microphone and was already singing. All he had to do was bring the microphone up to his mouth. His voice was changing, but tonight it seemed to behave and do exactly as he expected it to. With his still young voice it was easy for him to imitate Barry Gibb's voice and it made him the perfect addition to the harmonies the older boys were singing.

The song was the perfect finale to the evening and left most of the audience dancing in the aisles. And for the small part of the audience that didn't like disco, it was a joy to see others enjoy themselves. The only ones absolutely fuming were Brian McFadden and Benjamin Saunders, both for very different reasons. But both bit their tongues for the time being and fumed in silence. Mr. Saunders was occupying himself by planning the most horrible punishments, at least for the popular seniors who had clearly instigated this mutiny. His ideas went from expulsion to suspension and strong corporal discipline, but he realized that even detention would be a stretch considering the fact that the principal was dancing as much as the kids were. Finally, he settled on the only thing that was still in his power: banning them from participating in the spring concert. He didn't care how popular these guys were, he would not let his students get away with this. He could only imagine what they would do next if no action followed this stunt. Or what others would do if they got away with it this time. No, he'd make them pay. Having decided on a course of action made him feel much better.

Brian, on the other hand, found that nothing could make him feel better. The more he thought about it, the more disappointed and angry he got. Also unlike Mr. Saunders, Brian had no strategy. He was allowing his emotions to overtake him. And although his brothers noticed that Brian wasn't exactly enjoying the finale, none of them realized just how angry he was.

Completely oblivious to his brother's feelings Daniel beamed as he bowed along with his friends. Evan, too, was beaming, even if the set designers didn't get to take a bow. And as soon as the show was over both boys made a dash for their family.

"Oh my gosh, that was just amazing!" Daniel shouted as he was close enough.

"Absolutely fantastic!" Evan was as excited as Guthrie had been on Christmas morning the previous year. "I wanna do it again!"

No one saw Brian move, but they all saw him grab Daniel by the arm and shake him, hard.

"Oww…" the boy yelped in shock, but before he had time to say anything else, the man launched into a verbal attack.

"You lied to me, mister!"

"L-lied?" Daniel was stunned, not that Brian expected him to say something as he ranted on.

"It's not going to be in the show, Brian. Honest, Brian. We just played it during a break, Brian. Remember those words? Huh? Do you? I don't appreciate being lied to!"

"I didn't lie…I promise…"

"I've had it with promises!" Another shake that rattled Daniel's head, "Too many promises turn out to be lies."

The transition from exuberance to being falsely accused was too much for the boy. To his disgust Daniel felt hot, salty tears fill his eyes.

To Crane the words were like daggers. And Daniel's tears the salt in the wounds the daggers had caused. No, he mentally corrected himself: the wounds he himself had caused. Had caused in his older brother. Because that was why Brian was so upset. That was why the man wouldn't even listen to his younger brother. "Brian…I'm sure he didn't…"

Before Brian could snap at Crane a shaken Evan intervened, "Brian, it wasn't supposed to be in the show. I swear! The guys only decided that today, this afternoon. We didn't even know because I was not one of the singers and Daniel was singing with the choir when they spread the news. We knew something was going on, but not what. Daniel didn't lie."

While Evan pleaded with Brian Adam had put a hand on Brian's shoulder, "Bri…look at them…you know them. They didn't lie. Come on, man, let him go."

Slowly Brian did just that and as he did he noticed the crestfallen, almost frightened looks on the faces of those he'd always consider the little ones. He also noticed Crane's guilt-ridden face. And he was instantly filled with remorse. "Oh God…"

"It was such a great evening," Daniel said softly.

"Oh kid…I shouldn't have yelled. this is the second time within 24 hours I lose my temper with one of you boys." He could kick himself. In fact, if it was physically possible, he would.

"It's because of me," Crane swallowed painfully. His stomach was hurting and he wished he could crawl under a rock and never come out.

"Okay," Adam knew he had to put an end to this or things would get out of hand, emotionally. He found his firm voice, "There'll be no more of that talk. Crane, no beating yourself up. Brian, Daniel didn't lie. Daniel, Brian's sorry, he pulled an Adam and jumped to conclusions. You boys did great tonight. That was one of the best Christmas concerts Bret Harte ever put on, even with Mr. Saunders choice of music. I even enjoyed that Hallelujah part and that says a lot coming from me."

A small smile broke through Daniel's tearful face, "That does mean a lot." He glanced at Brian, "If I'd known I really would have told you. You have to believe me."

Brian closed his eyes for a moment and then hugged his brother, not caring about the crowd around them, who had missed most of what had happened anyway, "I believe you, kiddo. I'm sorry. Honesty is a bit of a sore point for me. But I should have given you a chance to tell me what happened before accusing you. I could have avoided hurting you, and could have avoided feeling like a total idiot myself. Cause I am. A real chump."

Daniel wasn't quite ready to forgive completely, but Brian's use of the teenage lingo for fool was hard to ignore. He couldn't help the chuckle escaping his lips, "Yeah."

"Didn't have to agree there, buddy."

"Your words, not mine."

Brian tousled Daniel's hair and before they knew it they were laughing again. To make sure the good mood stayed this way, Adam bought a round of sodas. He also pulled Crane over to the side while the others drank their soft drinks, "Come on, kiddo, have some Pepsi."

"I'm more of a coca cola man," Crane shrugged.

"Yeah yeah…our big coke tasting event," Adam remembered, "they don't have Coca cola, I've asked. So make do with Pepsi."

Crane took the bottle and gulped some of the liquid down. He pulled a face, "Still too sweet."

"You know it's not your fault Brian blew up, right?"

"It is."

"No, our mistakes are our own. You made yours. He made his."

"But if I had been honest and open with you two, he would never have jumped to conclusions like this."

"Oh, I'm not so sure about that," Adam smiled, "I know I'm the one most known for it, but we all have a temper. Yes, kid, even you. You just need a lot more pushing than I do. Brian has a temper that he usually manages to keep in check when it comes to you boys. But today he didn't. And that was his mistake. Not yours. And Brian and Daniel have worked it out. So let it go."

Crane wasn't completely convinced. "I still think he'd have managed if yesterday hadn't happened."

"You need to trust me on this, kiddo," He threw the teenager a mock-stern look, "Or do we need to have another 'talk' about trust?"

Crane couldn't help the wince, "No thanks."

Adam smiled, "I see I made an impression." But he continued more seriously, "Then trust me and let go."

"Okay…" it was hard, but Crane did his best.

"Good boy," it may have sounded condescending to some, but Crane didn't take it that way. Very briefly he leaned against Adam and allowed the man's energy to take his worries away. Then he noticed Daniel's pretty teacher standing nearby, looking at them. "I think someone wants to speak to you."

Adam looked up and his eyes locked on Emily's eyes. "Oh…yes, I guess she does."

It took a lot for Crane not to give advice, but simply ask, "Are you going to?"

"I don't know…"

"Adam?" Emily came nearer.

"Emily." Adam nodded at her and then motioned in Crane's direction. "I don't think you've met Crane, our college man."

"No, no I haven't," Emily forced herself to take her eyes off Adam and look at Crane, holding out her hand, "Emily Morgan. I'm Daniel's English Lit teacher."

Crane took her hand and gave it a warm squeeze, "Nice to meet you."

"First year in college?"

"Yes, freshman at Davis." Crane looked at Adam, "I'm going over to Daniel, okay?"

"Oh…" Adam wasn't sure he wanted to be alone with her and would have preferred Crane to stay with him, but he couldn't think of a single good reason to stop him from going. "Sure…"

"Again, nice to meet you, Miss Morgan. Till next time." And off Crane was, leaving two people desperate to talk to each other, but not knowing what to say.

"Hope you liked the show," Emily finally said at the same time Adam said, "That was a great show." They both laughed, albeit awkwardly.

"Ladies first," Adam said.

"Well, you answered my question," She smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes, "I had hoped…well…I would like…" She groaned softly, "I seem to turn into a preschooler when I'm around you."

"Hmm…well, I'm not feeling very eloquent either."

"Still you manage to get a full sentence out. One containing a big SAT word."

Adam shrugged, "Sorry, that one just came out without thinking. Maybe that's the trick: not to think too much about what you want to say."

"Maybe…in that case….I know this isn't the right time and place to talk, but I'd like the chance to talk. I don't want to feel awkward every time I have to see you and we will have to see and speak to each other. Also, I have a few things I need to tell you and I'm sure you'd like the chance to tell me exactly what you think of everything I said."

Adam felt himself blush at her bold words, "I wouldn't say that exactly…"

"Please? Could we talk soon? Maybe have a cup of coffee together and talk?"

Unable to resist the pleading green eyes Adam found himself agreeing, "Alright, tomorrow? After school maybe? Coffee and some pie at Marie's."

Relief and nerves battled within as she nodded, "That sounds fine! I'll leave you to your brothers now…see you tomorrow after school at Marie's."

But Adam had been raised a gentleman. His mother would never forgive him if he arranged to meet a lady at the restaurant instead of picking her up. Date or not. "I'll swing by school to pick you up."

"That's not necessary, really."

"Maybe not to you, but it is to me."

"Alright," she swallowed her pride and agreed. "My last class finishes at 2."

"And you don't have some function with your co-workers or cleaning up to do?"

"Oh we've got a small Christmas party planned, just drinks and a few snacks, but that's not until 5pm, so I have more than enough time. As long as you can also drop me back off at school."

"I can do that. Alright…" There was that awkward moment where neither of them knew what to do. A handshake was too formal, a kiss far, far too informal right now. But kissing is what both of them would like to do, if they were honest. Eventually, Adam settled for casually touching her arm for a moment, "See you tomorrow."

They still stood there facing each other for a few long seconds before they both walked off. Adam forced himself not to look over his shoulder and just walk over to where his brothers were. As he reached them, Brian was just saying goodbye to a man Adam didn't recognize. They'd been talking while Adam was talking to Emily. Maybe even before, but Adam hadn't noticed them earlier.

"What was that about?" Adam asked as soon as he could.

Brian seemed deep in thought, "Not sure. That was that DA who helped us back at the mall, remember that shopping trip?"

"What on earth was he doing here?"

"His nephew was in the concert…I think that's what he said."

"And what did he want?"

"Don't know yet. He asked if I could call him. He had some kind of proposition."

"Weird."

"Maybe…we'll see." He looked at the younger boys and made a decision, "It's time we get this bunch home. Guthrie's falling asleep on his feet."

"I'm not tired, Brian!" A big yawn betrayed the speaker.

"Sure you're not…come on, time to go home."


	27. Chapter 27

Well, I've reached the penultimate chapter. Amazing. What a journey. The beauty about writing is getting to talk to readers. I've really met some truly wonderful people through this and so I'm very grateful for that.

Also glad with all the guest reviews, sometimes it's frustrating, because you'd like to say something in person. To thank them, or expand on their ideas or suggestions. An author's note is just not the right medium for that. It's especially frustrating when people send criticism. I can make adjustments in earlier chapters, and have done so when people point out tiny mistakes, but the big things I'd like to talk about. Still, it's heartwarming to see other reviewers voice my words in reply. Thank you all so much!

Anyway….on to the story. Hope you'll enjoy even if it's a somewhat shorter chapter.

Chapter 27

He hit the steering wheel in frustration. It shouldn't be this hard to pick up a nice, pretty young woman for a date. Except that it wasn't a date. This was nothing but an opportunity for her to apologize. He'd accept. He had to. She was right: chances were they'd run into each other from time to time and with her being a teacher the school all of his brothers would go to, there was a big chance she'd teach more than one of them. So he had to make sure those meetings wouldn't be awkward.

He gave a bitter laugh. Daniel hadn't gone about it the right way, but he had to admit the boy had had a point: it really wasn't sensible to date one of their teachers. It could lead to all sorts of difficult situations. What if she'd hold it against his brothers that he didn't want to date her anymore? Not professional, of course, but it was possible. He'd only dated her a few times. How well did he knew her?

A knock on his window pulled him out of his reveries. When he looked up, he looked into the face of sheriff MacKay. Slowly he rolled down the window.

"Can I help you, son?"

Although a part of Adam wanted to snap at the man that he wasn't his son. That he wasn't anyone's son anymore. Hadn't been for six long years. But he bit his tongue. It wouldn't do to antagonize an officer of the law, no matter how much he disliked the man. "I'm fine, sir. Is there a problem?"

"You've been sitting here for 15 minutes."

Adam forced himself to reply calmly, "Is that against the law, sir?"

"No need to take offence, son," the sheriff leaned against the truck. "Just doing my job."

"Well, I'm perfectly fine."

"Just enjoying the scenery?"

"Maybe."

"Well, I suggest you run along, son, people might need this parking spot."

Adam pointedly looked at the many empty parking spots along the street, "So I'm not allowed to park here?"

"Of course you are. But you're not parked."

"Engine's off….car's just sitting here…sounds like parked to me."

"Look, no need to get an attitude with me, young man," The sheriff straightened up, putting on an authoritarian look.

What was it he would tell his brothers to do in situations like this? Bite your tongue, swallow your pride and say yes sir. It was advice easier given than followed, as with most pieces of advice. It took a lot, but he did bite his tongue. He couldn't quite manage a 'yes sir', but he started the engine. The sheriff stood back. "Have a nice day," he rolled his window back up and drove off. The man didn't even give him a nod at his good wishes.

He found the minor confrontation with the sheriff had distracted him enough to get over his anxiety and within minutes he pulled up in front of the school, right next to Emily who was waiting on the sidewalk. "Am I late?"

"No, I was early." She smiled cautiously as he got out and opened the door for her.

"I'm glad. My mother would have yelled at me if I'd kept a girl waiting."

"Yes, that's supposed to be our prerogative," She got into the passenger seat and he closed the door before walking around and getting in himself.

"Well, I suppose it is. Not that my mother ever kept my dad waiting…" he thought for a moment, "that I know of."

"He was probably too much of a gentleman to point it out."

"Oh he could be direct and he could tease her mercilessly, but always with respect."

"He sounds like a great man."

"He was. They were both great."

"Big shoes to fill."

"Yeah…." Adam sighed. She sure got that one right. Not a day went by that he didn't feel inadequate. He could never be the kind of person his parents were. He shook his head as if trying to clear it. This was not the moment to start down that line of thought. "Have you decided on pie yet?"

"Oh no," She accepted the change of subject with ease, knowing Adam couldn't talk about this, not now and not with her. She wished he would, but knew she'd made that impossible. "I can't do it that way. I have to see the options and then I know. One of them will call my name."

Adam laughed, "I should have known."

He pulled up in front of Marie's diner and opened the door for her again, taking her hand to help her out of the truck. Touching her was still a shock. The mere touch of her hand felt like a bolt of fire went through him. He didn't want to let go, but forced himself. He completely missed her flushed cheeks and how her breathing became heavier at the same time. That might have told him his touch had the same effect on her.

"Adam! Emily!" Marie approached them with open arms and she hugged Adam, "You haven't come in for ages!" She playfully slapped his arm causing Emily to giggle. Immediately she turned to the young woman, "Have you been keeping him away from here?"

"Oh no…no, I wouldn't dare," Emily held up her hands in defense.

"Too bad," Marie winked, "This boy could use a nice girl in his life."

"Don't you start, Marie," Adam looked at Emily, "This woman has been trying to find me a match for as long as I can remember. I swear, I was 5 and she tried to get me to play with this little girl with pigtails."

"She was all alone, new in town, she could use a friend."

Adam shook his head, "She's mad I tell you, this girl was 3 years old and I was forced to play hide and seek with her."

"Sounds cute."

"It was torture. She kept peeking out saying 'I'm here'."

"Don't let him fool you, hon," Marie leaned over to Emily, "he loved every minute of it. He was always very good with the little ones. Even at that age."

"Well…right now, I'd like an adult conversation…"

"ooohhh I get it, you don't want to talk to your old friend anymore. That's fine." Marie wasn't insulted one little bit. "I'll get you two a table. Lunch rush is long over."

"Oh we just want some coffee and pie."

"Nonsense, Adam, you have to eat."

"I had lunch before I came to town, Marie, don't worry."

"And I had lunch at school. I'd never make it through the school day without lunch. Promise."

A deep sigh escaped the woman, "Very well, coffee and pie."

As they passed the counter with all the different pies Emily could feel the water running in her mouth, "Oh those look good…."

"Any of them call your name yet?" Adam couldn't help a bit of teasing, more like his father than he realized.

"All of them."

"Well, I guess all of them it is. Marie…"

"Adam!" Before she knew what she was doing, Emily slapped his arm, "stop teasing me like that. I can't eat a piece of each. I'd burst out of my dress."

"You could use some meat on those bones of yours," Marie judged. "You live pretty much next door and you seldom stop in for a piece."

"I don't often eat sweets."

"No sweets…" the face Marie pulled was comical and both youngsters laughed.

"I'll have a piece of apple pie with ice cream, Marie."

"No surprise there, you always have the same thing, Adam," Marie laughed, "Why don't you try to live dangerously for once and have lemon meringue?"

"Nah, I'll stick with the apple pie."

"Same here, please," Emily sat down in the seat Adam pulled out for her and watched him sit down too while Marie finally made herself scarce.

"She's quite the character," Adam's voice was full of care though, for the woman and Emily loved him for that. She kicked herself for loving him. She needed to work things out in order to avoid awkward situations in the future. She knew she couldn't have him.

"She's wonderful," She agreed.

"You realize she'll be back right?"

"Oh I wouldn't be surprised if she pulled up a chair herself."

It made him laugh, "I promise I won't let her."

"Good, because we need to talk."

"Yes, you're right, we do."

They waited until they had their pie and coffee at which time another customer came in calling Marie's attention, much to their relief. After the lightness in their teasing and banter an awkward silence fell over the table. Adam didn't think it was his place to start, gentleman or not. And Emily didn't know where to start, despite having rehearsed this over and over since the previous evening, or rather: since her talk with Brian. So she kept her head down and stirred her coffee.

"If you stir that any longer, the porcelain might break from…erosion," He tried to wink at her.

He wasn't disappointed when her head snapped up sharply. "Erosion hardly has…" She blushed, but couldn't help chuckling softly as she realized what he was doing, "You're bad, you know that, don't you?"

"Does that mean I get detention?"

"I have a feeling you'd like that too much."

That caused him to laugh, "Well, I didn't when I was in school. But then we didn't have a teacher like you there. That does change matters."

"It helps to have a pretty face to look at."

"You're much more than a pretty face, Emily." He leaned forward when he noticed her eyes well up. "Hey…"

"No, you don't get to be nice to me."

"I'll be the judge of that." He tried to take her hand, but she pulled it back.

"I mean it. I've been awful."

"Well, I'll admit I was angry…"

"You should be. Adam, I insulted your way of life, the way you raise your brothers and with that I insulted you. And then I insulted the one person in the world you can rely on to have your back, no matter what. And I was wrong on all counts."

He studied her face, she seemed so sincere. Was she saying it to get him back or because she truly meant the words? He was so confused about his own feelings, that it was hard to judge. "What…what made you come to that conclusion?"

"Learning more about how people live here. Observation. Seeing how your brothers behave. Talking to Brian. You have an amazing brother there. I completely jumped to conclusions. Not just about him. It's odd, jumping to conclusions is not my style, usually."

Adam couldn't help the wry grin, "No, that would be mine. I just can't seem to stop doing that. And my brothers always forgive me. I guess I should learn from them and do the same."

"They're your brothers, I'm just a girl you dated a few times. There's a big difference."

"No, it's all about morals and principles. We all make mistakes, the difference is in how we handle them."

"I've already apologized to Brian…"

"And I bet he'd already forgiven you before you finished talking."

"He's a very forgiving guy." She smiled at the memory of that talk, hard as it had been.

"He is. But he's also easily hurt. He just hides it well."

"I thought as much. He…," she hesitated, "He's a great guy. I'm sorry I didn't see that right away."

Adam raised his eyebrows, "Oh does that mean you'd have preferred to date him instead?" The tone was funny, but he felt a pang of jealousy that surprised him.

"Noooo," she blushed to her roots, "That's not what I meant."

"I was just teasing," but the relief he felt belied his words, if only to himself. As he finished another bite of his pie he noticed she hadn't touched hers. "Aren't you eating?"

"I'm not very hungry."

"Not hungry or….look, I've got a little brother whose appetite disappears as soon as he's upset. So I know how it works."

She let out a big sigh, "Did anyone ever tell you that you and Brian are very alike?"

"We? No. Of course not. We couldn't be more different." Adam chuckled.

"You're both annoying when it comes to eating pie."

"I think we both care. Go on, you know you'll love it. And you'd hurt Marie's feelings if you didn't finish it. And I tell you: I can't handle a second piece just to keep Marie from being hurt."

With a roll of her eyes Emily took a huge bite of pie and with her mouth full she said, "Happy now?"

It caused Adam to laugh, "Now you resemble one of my brothers. But it's not Brian, it's more Evan with his atrocious table manners."

She shrugged and tried to swallow the food. It was too big of a bite, but she had to admit it tasted amazing. Finally she managed, "You asked for it." Then she became serious again, "Adam, I really am sorry and I know I've ruined what we could have had, but I'd just really like to at least be friends."

"Is that what you really want?"

"No, but it's all I'm allowing myself to hope for."

"Look," Adam sighed, "Okay, I was hurt. And I felt defensive. And protective when you said what you did about Brian. Or more implied, but I get it. You didn't know us. We all make mistakes. I'm not mad anymore. Far from it. It's all right."

"So you forgive me?"

"I forgive you, if you want to hear it this formal," He grinned cheekily, but when he noticed her serious expression he straightened his face. "You're forgiven, I mean it. But friends? That's kinda hard when all I want to do is kiss you!"

"You do?"

"Hell yeah, especially with that bit of ice cream on your lip. I think you'd taste extremely well."

She wiped her lips with the back of her hand and groaned, "You really are bad."

"Darn it, now you've ruined it." He reached out and took her hand, "I really do. I'm just not sure where this can lead. I'm not sure bringing you home when I barely knew you, was such a smart idea. We should have dated for a while before I introduced you. So maybe….maybe we can date again? And you can tell me more about who you are?"

"Only if you can do the same."

"Ah with me it's what you see is what you get," Adam shrugged and finished his coffee.

"I don't believe that, Adam," She took a deep breath, "Alright we can try to get to know each other better." She smiled, "Brian told me to put on my big girl pants and just talk to you, to be open with you. I think I'd like to do that."

"I thought that's what you've been doing here."

"I need to tell you what I told Brian. It's not fair that he knows and you don't." It had been important to her that he'd forgive her without knowing her background. She didn't want it to be an excuse for what she did, because it wasn't, it couldn't be. Like Brian had said: she was a grown woman and couldn't hide behind her childhood any longer. But if Adam and she were to date, he needed to know her soul, not just her hobbies.

For a second Adam was worried, but he nodded and listened as she started talking.

* * *

"So how was your last day of school?" Adam was piling up his own plate with stew not looking up to see the incredulous faces of his teenagers.

"Who cares, Adam? It's Christmas break now, we don't gotta think about school for a long, long time." Anything over a week was an eternity, of course, in the mind of a 13 year old. At least, in Evan's.

"Really? You guys don't have to go to school next week?" Adam pretended to be surprised. He wasn't disappointed when Guthrie took the bait.

"Course not, Adam. It's Christmas next week. And we don't hafta go the week after either."

"Christmas? Next week? Hope Santa knows that."

"Adam, you're being silly," Guthrie lectured his brother, "You and Brian are Santa. And we all are. Santa's not real, remember?"

"Ooohhh does that mean I have to go and buy presents then?"

"Of course you do! Didn't you do that?" Guthrie looked worried, "You don't have much time anymore. Only three more days."

"More than enough time," Adam decided, although he and Brian had long stocked up on all the necessary presents. "Besides, who says you deserve presents? Maybe you'll just find switches in your stockings."

"We haven't been bad, Adam!" Guthrie looked seriously worried now and even some of the others couldn't completely escape their worries.

"Are you sure about that?" Adam looked at him seriously, "Did you always do as you were told? No disobedience? No back talk? Did your chores when and how you had to? Were nice? All those things?"

Guthrie tried to think back to remember if he could have racked up some items on the 'naughty list', but he couldn't remember a thing. Not really. "I don't think so…"

"Don't let him tease you, Guth," Daniel shook his head, "No one here did anything to deserve switches in his stocking. Adam's just playing with you."

For a moment Guthrie looked relieved, but then he worriedly glanced at Crane, "Even Crane?"

Crane blushed to his roots, "I think I'm the only one who just might."

"No you don't!" Daniel's eyes shot daggers at his older brother, "When you do something wrong and were punished for it, your slate's wiped clean. That's how it works." He was genuinely upset that his brother thought he might not deserve any presents.

"Well, I'm still being punished, buddy, my slate's not wiped clean yet."

"No one ever gets switches in his stocking," Ford piped up. "It's just folklore, not real."

"Okay, this joke has gone far enough, boys," And Brian ensured to include Adam in his glare, "There'll be no switches in any stocking this year. Except maybe big brother there who just can't stop teasing."

That caused some giggles and the mood changed.

"I wanna see that!" Guthrie shouted.

"Oh you do….well….we'll just have to see what Santa puts in Adam's stocking then." Brian winked at the younger boys and Adam just shook his head.

"I've got far more important things on my mind," He looked at Brian, "Like, what did that DA want from you?"

"Frank Harris!" Brian grinned, "Well, that was an interesting phone call. He had a proposition for us. Or rather, for Daniel."

"For me?" Daniel looked surprised. "That was the guy we saw at the mall right? The man who helped us."

"Yes, that's him."

"What'd he want from me?"

"Well, Daniel, it's not so much that he wants something from you, he wants to offer you something that will also benefit his daughter."

"He has a daughter?

"Yes, is that so strange?"

"No, but…I guess I just don't understand."

"Well, if you'd listen to me, you might find out." Brian's tone was teasing, but the message was clear and Daniel shut up. "She's studying to become a music teacher, or rather a vocal coach, and it's important that she gets experience teaching. She doesn't want to charge money for it yet, not really anyway, since she hasn't got her degree yet, but she needs the experience. And when Mr. Harris heard you sing last night, he knew he had to ask you if you wanted to be her student." Seeing the questioning look on some of the boys' face, he added, "She gives vocal lessons."

"Really?" Daniel's eyes had grown bigger as Brian talked.

"Let's talk practicalities first," Adam held up his hand before the excitement could truly take hold of the teenager. "We can't drive him hours each week for a lesson."

"We don't have to. She's home every weekend and they don't live too far away."

"And we don't take charity."

"It's not charity, Adam," Brian remained calm while his brother was going over every hurdle he could think of. "She needs the practice, so she needs good students. And Daniel could use help getting his voice through all the teenage voice changes as a singer. Mr. Harris thinks he has real talent. Adam, it's a win-win situation."

"Please, Adam! Please…please, you can keep all my presents if I can have this." Daniel threw Adam the best version of his pleading puppy eyes. Adam had to admit the boy still had it. Or that Adam hadn't grown completely immune to it. Besides, he couldn't really think of a reason to say no. Why should he? Why would he want to? The way he heard it, it wasn't charity.

"Okay….I don't see why not."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" In a very uncharacteristic move Daniel jumped up and hugged his oldest brother, only to have the second-oldest complain.

"Don't I get a hug for being a part in this?"

Daniel grinned, "Sure…"

After he'd gotten his hug Brian looked pleased as punch, "Well, that was well worth the long, long phone call."

"You're just as silly as Adam," Guthrie commented.

Evan leaned over and whispered just a little too loudly, "They're both zappy."

"What's that mean?"

Evan rolled his eyes, "They're crazy."

"I'm sooo zappy," Adam winked at Brian, "That I think I'll let Evan do all the dishes."

"Good plan, brother."

"No, not a good plan at all," Evan protested.

"Too bad, I think it is and my opinion counts." Adam got up and carried his plate to the sink while Evan got to his feet with a loud groan.

"I'll help you," Crane offered, but he was immediately shot down by Adam.

"You'll do no such thing."

Crane closed his eyes and nodded, "Sorry. I was just trying to be nice."

"I know, I'm not mad. But you're not helping."

"What can I do then?" Crane didn't think he'd ever get used to not being allowed to do a single thing.

"You and I can talk…" Adam draped his arm around the forlorn teen. "we can talk about the things you've learned in school. And about this June of yours."

Crane had to admit it didn't sound too bad as an alternative to doing dishes and he willingly allowed Adam to lead him to the sofa and sat down.

While they talked, a grumbling Evan did the dishes. He'd just made a joke, nothing more than that. Why was calling them silly okay, and zappy not? "Bet if I was Guthrie no one would've minded…"

He nearly jumped through the roof when he heard a voice whisper in his ear, "This is not punishment, Ev. It's your turn tonight…remember?"

For a moment Evan was perplexed and then he blushed, "Oh yeah…I forgot."

"Stop and think before you get mad. I promise, it's good advice," Brian tousled the boy's hair. "Come on, I'll help you. After all, it was my turn as well."

Within seconds Brian had the boy laughing over funny stories and the dishes were gone in no time. Seeing Adam and Crane talk, Brian decided to let them be for a bit and made his way up to get Guthrie in the tub while Evan went to check on Diablo. He listened to stories about the boys' day, about 'dumb' homework for the Holidays: "Who gives homework for the Holidays, Brian? Isn't that against the law or something?" Brian had sympathized with Ford, but no, there was no such law. He'd wished for one himself quite a few times growing up. Now that he was an adult, he'd come to realize there was no such thing as holidays. The ranch didn't take breaks.

Finally, it was his turn to have the bathroom to himself and he took his time. He showered and used his best cologne, made sure his hair was just right, put on his nicest shirt with his good jeans. Even his boots were polished by the time he made his way downstairs.

"You going out?" Adam queried with an expression that betrayed his feelings.

"Yup," Brian reached for his coat.

"Must be a hot date," Crane commented with a grin.

"Sure is, kiddo, the hottest. I may not make it home tonight."

"Brian!" Adam shook his head, a little shocked Brian would imply such a thing with Crane there, but then he realized that Crane was hardly a little boy anymore. "I can't believe you."

"Why not, Adam? Aren't I allowed to have a good time? You had your date this afternoon. I prefer mine in the evening." Brian shouldered into his heavy coat.

"Is it the same girl you dated last week…Lizzy?" Adam held on to some hope.

"Adam, date a girl more than three times and to her it's a serious relationship. I can't give them that impression…" He opened the door, "See you tomorrow."

As they watched him leave the remaining two were quiet, but after they'd heard the truck drive off Crane looked at Adam, "You know why he does it, don't you?"

"No idea, it's not how we were raised. Mom would be ashamed."

"No she wouldn't be," Crane disagreed, "She'd be sad for him. But she's not here and that's exactly the reason Brian does this. Don't you see that he's afraid."

"Oh what? Of being a good guy?"

"He is a good guy."

"I know," Adam amended, "That's not what I meant…I just…it frustrates me."

"He's afraid of losing someone he loves. He's already afraid of losing his brothers the way he's lost his parents, he can't allow himself to get close enough to someone else and lose her like we lost mom. He's afraid." He thought it was the same reason Adam hadn't dated for years, but Crane kept that bit of insight to himself.

"Oh…" Adam let that sink in for a few moments, "When did you get so smart?"

"June. Told you, she's going to be a psychology major. She's got good insights."

"I can't wait to meet this girl." Adam glanced up as the clock struck nine. "You'd better head up if you want to read some before going to sleep." He saw Crane swallow at the nicely worded order. It was a hard thing to accept that he was so grounded that he was send to bed at nine. Especially since he wasn't even allowed to help with the morning chores. But Crane slowly nodded.

"Yes, sir."

"You might want to be a bit more economical with the sir."

"It felt appropriate," Crane's voice was a little husky.

"Maybe you're right. But you don't have to. Night, kid."

"Night, Adam. It was good to...talk to you tonight."

"I liked that too."

Adam watched the teen trudge up the stairs. He knew Crane knew he'd follow in half an hour to say goodnight (he wouldn't dare call it tucking in in Crane's case) and make sure the light was off. He wondered how long it would take Crane to balk against the strict regime during his grounding. Right now, the teen was accepting of it, but that wouldn't last, Adam was certain of it.

The man poured himself another cup of coffee and watched out the window for a while. Crane's words about Brian made a lot of sense. And all of a sudden he felt a lot less frustrated at his brother's late nights out and many dates.


	28. Chapter 28

Well, we have reached the end of this story. But only this part of it, because I've already got enough ideas to continue. I can't let these guys go yet. I love to write about them. Unfortunately, due to illness, this chapter took a bit longer to write. Besides, it's always difficult to wrap a story up. I'm always afraid I'll forget something or mess it up.

Thanks for all the reviews! I've loved getting those. Yes, telling me you "LOVE this story" is a huge thing, so thanks for that too! There were some questions from guest reviewers wanting to know if I could let them know when this would be up. Problem is, it is against the rules to use a chapter for an author's note (even if some people do it), so I couldn't do that, and I can't reply to a guest in person either. So I'm sorry I couldn't do anything with that.

This one is a little sentimental, but come on, it's Christmas…..right? Hope you'll all enjoy this!

Chapter 28

"Adam, can I go now?"

"Did you finish all your chores?" Adam gave Evan a hard look, but the boy just returned it with innocent eyes.

"Course I did!"

"Well, sure then…" Before Adam finished speaking the boy had already taken off. It didn't surprise Adam that his destination was the barn. Diablo would get a full afternoon of attention. The oldest McFadden sighed. There was so much to do and he could use their help, but how could he keep the kids from being kids? He couldn't. Dad had always managed to allow them time to play, so he could too. And he would. Of course, under normal circumstances, Crane would be a big help the next two weeks, but now he'd have to do without the extra pair of hands. He would hand out the punishment again if he was faced with that decision today, but he had to admit he wished it hadn't been necessary. For more than one reason.

"Adam?"

"Yes, Ford? You want to go and play too?"

"Yeah, can I?"

"May I…sure, as long as your chores are done."

And off the next one was. Adam took his own coat off the coat rack and shouldered into it. Just as he opened the door Guthrie ran past him. The boy was fast, but not so fast that Adam couldn't grab him by the collar. The collar of his shirt, mind you, not his coat. That particular garment was noticeably absent. "Where's your coat?"

Guthrie shrugged, "Upstairs…I think."

"I suggest you start looking and put it on or you're not going outside. It's freezing, buddy." Adam didn't let go of the boy's collar though, "And is your part of the room tidy? Are all those clothes you like to leave on the floor picked up and taken to the laundry room?"

"Aw Adam…"

"I take it that means no."

"It's sort of tidy..."

"You hardly ever even sleep in there despite the perfectly fine bed, so how on earth do you manage to get it so messy?"

Another shrug, "I dunno, it just happens."

"Well, you can march yourself right back upstairs and clean it. And put the laundry away. And then you can go outside."

"But, Adam, I have to…" The boy stopped talking as if he was about to say something he shouldn't. It immediately raised Adam's suspicion.

"You had better not be up to any mischief."

"I'm not, Adam. Honest, I'm not."

Adam closed his eyes, for fear of rolling them. When would they learn not to add honest when they were anything but honest? "Up." He let go of Guthrie's collar only to give him a little push back inside. The boy looked at him over his shoulder in a last attempt, but with a firm pat to the backside he was sent in and he went.

"I never get to have any fun!"

"You can have all the fun you want….after you're done." After watching the 8-year-old trudge back up the stairs as if he was walking to the gallows, Adam glanced over at the sofa where Crane and Daniel were talking. Although whispering was a more fitting verb. "And why are you two being so secretive?"

"We're not secretive, Adam," Daniel protested.

"Well, you're whispering, so you clearly don't want me to hear."

"We just don't want to wake up Brian."

At Daniel's words Adam glanced at the sleeping figure, sprawled out on the pull-out sofa. He'd almost forgotten. Which was a miracle with the alcohol-induced snoring. "It's about time Brian gets up and at it. It may be a school holiday, but he's not in school and even if he was, this is a working ranch. There's work to be done."

"He got in late," Crane was quick to defend his other older brother.

Adam snorted, "Yeah, I know. I heard." Then he looked at Daniel, "So? Are you going to ask me if you can go off as well?" He saw the hesitation and realized, "You don't want to because Crane is grounded."

"Well, about that," Crane started softly. "I was wondering…"

"I think I've been generous enough, kiddo," Adam used his fingers to count off, "I let you go to the concert. I even let you go off with the boys for that surprise thing. You can't seriously be about to ask me to be allowed yet another thing that goes against your grounding."

"Not really."

"Good, glad we got that clear."

"I was just wondering about the exact boundaries…."

"We went over that: house and yard."

"I know…but the barn is in the yard…."

"As long as you're not mucking out stalls or doing any other work in there…OR saddle up for a ride…the barn is not off limits."

Crane's face split into a big grin that matched Daniel's smile, "I just wanted to make sure. Then I'll go to the barn with Daniel."

"Didn't I see Ford go to the barn as well? And Evan's there…what's going in the barn?"

"Lots of things, Adam," Daniel grinned as he grabbed his coat and Crane's. "We just want to hang out for a bit."

"Hmmm," Adam wasn't sure he liked this, but he'd said the barn wasn't off limits and he'd already told everyone they had time to themselves after their chores were done, he couldn't think of an objection now. "But I want you back in here in two hours, Crane. You're grounded to teach you you have only one job right now: that of student. So I want you in here studying."

"I'll be back…" Not that Crane had any idea what to study. He'd already finished all his exams and had no idea what his assignments were for the next semester, or which parts of the assigned books he had to study, even with all of them here since Adam had made him bring home everything. Well, there was literature. Maybe.

Adam watched the two take off and turned around to look at the sleeping figure again. For a moment he debated whether or not to rudely wake his brother up, but ultimately he decided against it. Brian had come home late and if Adam was honest, he knew that Brian always made up lost time. He certainly was no slacker. So the oldest turned back around and walked out himself. He really had no reason to go into the barn, but he was sorely tempted.

He chuckled and admitted that he was simply extremely curious. There was always a bit of a buzz around Christmas, people quickly closing doors when others appeared, or hiding things when you stepped into a room. But it was different this year. Bigger. He'd have to patiently wait and see. He wasn't a very patient man, that was the problem. Well, there was work to be done. The jeep had been acting up a little and they needed both their vehicles working. And they certainly couldn't afford to replace one. So he'd have to find the problem and fix it. If he couldn't, they'd be in a world of trouble. So he went outside and headed over to the jeep.

Suddenly the barn door opened and Ford came running out. The boy disappeared into the house, only to reappear a few minutes later, clearly hiding something under his coat. Adam was puzzled for a moment, but then focused on his own problems.

A few minutes later Daniel came running out. It was almost a repeat of Ford's action, aside from the fact that he came out with a box and disappeared back into the barn. The only sound coming from the barn that reached Adam's ears was the occasional sound of hammering. A few times, Adam was tempted to walk over to the barn, but he managed to restrain himself.

"Hey partner!"

Startled, Adam looked up, "Well, about time you dragged your butt out of bed."

"Hey, don't start like that. I had a rough night." Brian drank the last of his coffee and stepped off the porch.

"Ooohhh is that what they call it nowadays? Who was it this time?" Adam laughed, but kicked himself when he noticed the look on Brian's face. It only lasted a moment, but Adam noticed it this time and Crane's words from the previous night came back to him. They were all still hurting. It had been six years, but they all had scars. Some just hid them better than others. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to say that."

"It's fine, Adam. But it wasn't a girl. Well, it was, but not the way you think it was."

"You don't owe me an explanation, Brian, you're an adult. You have your own life."

Brian shrugged, "Yeah, I do, but that life's here and we both know it. I just had to help a friend who was in a bad spot. Call it a bad break-up."

"If you want to talk about it…"

"Nah, did more than enough talking last night. Finally had her calmed down at 3 and then I still had to get home. But don't worry, I'll get the work done." Brian turned around to get to work, but found himself be grabbed by the arm.

"Brian, will you please stop that?" Adam looked his younger brother in the eye, "I know I jump to conclusions a lot, but give me some credit. I know you never slack. You always work as hard as the rest of us, harder even. So I'm not worried. I'm just glad you could help a friend."

"Thanks…and sorry," Brian shook his head, "Your bad habits are rubbing off on me, man, not the first time this week that I jump to conclusions myself. Didn't mean to get so defensive."

"You just didn't get enough sleep."

"Noop. I'll try to get an early night tonight."

"Sounds like a good idea."

"Well, I'd better get to it…." Brian started walking off, but turned around, "Was it my imagination or did the boys keep going in and out the last hour?"

"You weren't dreaming," Adam glanced in the direction of the barn again, "They're hiding in there and for a while they kept running back to the house and coming back out hiding something."

"And is that hammering?" Brian looked puzzled.

"Yup, it is. Has been going on for a while too. I swear they're playing with us, Bri. They're just messing with us."

"Could be…." Brian looked at the barn for a few long moments and then shrugged, "Got work to do. All will be revealed soon enough anyway. And if it's mischief….well, that, too, will be revealed I'm sure. It always does."

"True." Adam bent over the motor again, "I'd best get on with this."

"Can you fix it?"

"Yeah, it'll take some time, but I can. Thank God."

"No kidding."

As Brian walked off, Adam bent back over the motor again. He almost lost track of time, but he did notice that the hammering sound had stopped and shortly after the barn door opened and Crane stepped out, carrying a box. Adam looked at his watch and smiled. Two hours on the dot.

"Have you thought about what you're going to work on the rest of the afternoon?"

Crane shrugged, "Only thing I can really do right now is read for literature. It's a long list for a course that doesn't give me all that much credit, so if I get the reading out of the way now, it'll buy me time during the semester."

"Sounds like a good idea," Adam closed the hood. "I just finished here and was about to get a cup of coffee, so I'll come in with you."

"You don't have to check up on me, you know."

"Well, not to rub it in, but you haven't exactly done anything to earn back some trust," Crane dropped his gaze at those words to hide his emotions, "but that's not why I'm coming in. I haven't had a cup of coffee since breakfast!"

"Okay," Crane wasn't sure, but he decided to believe it. He hated the fact that he didn't have his brother's trust. How easily he'd lost it. And how hard it would be to regain it.

Adam opened the door and let Crane pass, "Why don't you get your book and keep me company while you're reading. I've got a lot to do here."

Crane bit his tongue knowing exactly why Adam was staying inside, "I'll be right back." He ran up the stairs, two steps at the time, and put the box under his bed for the time being. He couldn't put it back where it belonged, not with Adam in the house. A few minutes later he came back down with his novel and settled on the sofa, finding a fresh cup of coffee waiting for him.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?" Adam raised an eyebrow and stopped sorting laundry for a second to take a sip of his coffee, "Do they teach that at Davis?"

"Well, it IS college," Crane reminded him, "Not high school." Their high school had banned the book a few years ago after complaints from parents. "Apparently, we're old enough now to decide for ourselves whether it's a good novel or not."

"Well, I never did agree with censorship, but keep it away from your brothers. I don't want any of them to read that kind of language yet."

"Have you ever read it?" Crane looked up, trying not to sound like he was challenging his brother.

Adam laughed, "Hey, I did say I never did agree with censorship, didn't I?"

"So you got a copy and read it without anyone knowing?" For some reason, Crane still had trouble picturing Adam going behind their parents backs, even though he knew Adam had been in his own share of trouble as a kid.

Adam grinned, "Didn't have to. Dad didn't believe in censorship either. He did believe in guided reading though and so he made sure to discuss it with me when I'd read it."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I know. Pretty amazing." Adam went back to folding. "And I'd love to hear what you think about it. Just…"

"Just when the others are in bed or not around."

"Right," Adam nodded and picked up another towel, "I meant it: make sure they don't get it in their hands. They're a bit too young to be exposed to this. And I don't just mean the language."

"Don't worry."

"You're asking for the impossible, kid."

Crane chuckled, "Yeah I know. Should have said: I will." He grew more serious, "It's hard though, Adam. 'I will' is like a promise and I try not to make those right now, knowing what I did. So I don't really know what to say."

Adam wished he could ease Crane's mind, but especially Brian was allergic for the word 'promise' now and he couldn't blame the man. "Just show us then. Say you will and do it. You'll find it growing in meaning for us."

"Okay…" Crane sighed, "I know it will take time."

"It will, but it's not the end of the world, kiddo. It may feel like it, but it's not.

"I know."

And with that, quiet fell over the house as Crane started reading and Adam silently folded clothes, started another load of laundry, put a roast in the oven since it was his job to cook with Brian out on the ranch, and then settled at the desk to do the books. They actually had a peaceful afternoon and both got a lot done. Even though Crane would have preferred to be out helping Brian or take over doing the books from Adam, he had to admit that this bought him hours of valuable time later in the semester. He'd even written down notes on what he'd read to review later on.

On Sunday, the only difference from Saturday's pattern was a trip to town to go to church. As usual, afterwards, they all visited with friends for a bit. Crane finally got to meet Emily as Adam and Brian introduced him while the younger boys were playing. Or rather, Adam and Brian thought they were playing. Instead, they were on a secret mission to meet up with Chuck and collect the photo he had taken at the concert of all five youngest McFaddens. It was the final piece they needed for their Christmas present. They were so excited they could barely wait!

Monday, they spent most of the day in the kitchen. Christmas wasn't Christmas without cookies and squares. And eggnog. You had to have eggnog. Of course, there'd be a special batch after dad's own special recipe. They were the only ones who'd actually gotten to taste it before that fateful night they lost their parents. Dad had allowed them a taste when they turned sixteen, which of course, meant that Adam had been the first to try it. Much to dad's amusement the experiment had caused a coughing fit.

But despite his initial reaction to dad's concoction, Adam still had a cup of it every Christmas. Throughout the year, all the alcohol they had was the occasional beer, but at Christmas the locked cabinet that contained Dad's whiskey was opened to make a small batch just for the two of them. Well, three of them by now as Crane had been included in the tradition when he'd turned sixteen. Crane actually liked it best of all three of them. Adam and Brian were more beer-guys, but Crane had taken after dad when it came to alcohol. Not that he indulged often. Not just because it was illegal, but mostly because it was expensive. And at home, they simply dreaded the day they had to use the last of dad's whiskey. Eggnog would never be the same again, even if they used the same brand.

But eggnog was not the only thing made that day. After taking the turkey out of the freezer Brian's focus was on cookies. Cookies. And more cookies. With all those kids and teenagers in the house there was no escape from baking. Not that Brian was very good at baking. Baking required following recipes to the letter and Brian was more the type to just guess and see how it turned out. But he had such fond memories of making cookies with mom at Christmas time (or other times of the year) that he wanted the same experience for his brothers. The only thing he could make was rocky road squares, but that just involved melting and stirring, it wasn't really baking at all.

No, he wanted the boys to cut cookies and bake them and then decorate. And so the first Christmas after their deaths, he'd gone for some expert advice . Of course, there had been no shortage of people willing to help him. Although some might miss the opportunity to bring cookies over for the little ones. But between some friends of their parents and Marie from the diner, not to mention his home economics' teacher, Brian had finally mastered the fine art of cookie baking. Six years later he had become quite the expert at it.

"Brian, can I put marshmallows in my chocolate?"

"The marshmallows are for the squares, Guthrie," Daniel answered in Brian's place.

"But there's loads of them!" The young boy wasn't giving up that easily.

To an outsider it might look like the McFaddens were just creating a mess in the kitchen. There didn't seem to be any structure or organization, but if you looked more closely, every boy knew exactly what he was doing. Each had their specific task. Every item had its own spot. And it worked. It worked for them. Since Daniel loved Rocky Roads he was melting chocolate at the stove. Adam was mixing the third batch of dough while Evan was rolling out the second batch with the wooden rolling pin their mom had used for years. In the meantime, Ford and Guthrie were fighting over the cookie cutters they wanted to use. And Brian? Well, Brian supervised. And he made sure there was a constant supply of hot chocolate. And hot chocolate wasn't complete without marshmallows.

"I'm sure there will be more than enough left, Daniel," Brian said soothingly.

Daniel eyed the bag of marshmallows. "I guess…."

"Oh go on…I've got another bag in the pantry." Brian couldn't resist.

"You're a softy," Crane remarked. The boy wasn't on the sofa studying this time. Instead, he was making frosting. The first batch was about to go into the oven and it wouldn't take long for the cookies to bake.

"Why is it okay for Crane to help bake but not muck out the stalls?" Guthrie liberally added marshmallows to his chocolate.

"Cause this isn't work. This is family time," Adam took Guthrie's hand when the boy reached for the marshmallows again. "That's enough for this mug, buddy."

"How about chopping veggies for dinner then?" Guthrie placed another cookie on the tray. "He couldn't do that either last night."

"I think you know the difference, Guth," Adam kept the boy's gaze and Guthrie nodded.

"Don't you want me helping, Guth?" Crane grinned at the youngest brother as he popped a piece of dough in his mouth. "Afraid I'll eat all the cookie dough?"

"Cookie dough's bad for you," Brian pointed out, but he knew it was a battle he wouldn't win because Adam was the worst for eating the dough.

"If it's so bad for you, it shouldn't taste this good," Daniel had finished melting the chocolate and was now stirring in nuts and marshmallows.

"Exactly!" Adam agreed and took a piece himself.

Brian rolled his eyes, "Just leave enough for the cookies!" He may have sounded gruff, but he was enjoying himself immensely.

And as soon as the first batch of cookies was done, it became a struggle to refrain from eating them long enough to actually decorate them. Surprisingly, Guthrie was the only one who managed not to eat a single cookie before it was decorated, but that may have been because he loved decorated them. He loved to drizzle frosting on them and using all sorts of sweets to make them even more fun: sprinkles, tiny pieces of licorice, more marshmallows and other pieces of candy.

Ford, too, was enjoying the decorating process, but unlike his younger brother, he took more time and was turning them into little pieces of art. Evan, on the other hand, just drizzled some frosting on them, added sprinkles…and ate them.

Looking around, Adam found it interesting how each of their personalities came out in this simple process of cookie making. But no matter how they did it, they all enjoyed this time spent together.

After all those cookies, and Brian and Adam did limit the amount of cookies that could be eaten, they had a light supper. By then, the younger boys were getting too excited to eat anyway. Adam feared they were also too excited to sleep. Turned out, he was right. But then, it didn't take a rocket scientist to predict that.

For once, there were no objections when bedtime arrived. Even Daniel, who was the worst at protesting his bedtime, went up to bed before Adam had to remind him. Each of them eager to place their small gifts under the tree before heading up.

"Just that they're going up, doesn't mean they'll sleep," Crane laughed, "You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, but I can enjoy it while it lasts," Adam sipped his eggnog. "Sure is good."

"Dad had good taste."

Adam nodded at Brian, "Yeah, he did."

"Well," Crane got up, "I'd better head up too."

"It's still early," Brian remarked, "Have a bit of eggnog."

"Early?" Crane laughed, "I've been in bed at 9 since I got home."

"Well, that's true," Brian glanced at Adam. "Was that part of the grounding?"

Adam shrugged, "Well, early, but not quite that early. I just figured he could use a few early nights. I may not have been to college, but I can imagine you don't get much sleep when you're studying for finals while also planning illegal activities."

Crane blushed, "Yeah, I didn't get too much sleep."

"And now you feel more rested. Right?"

Crane couldn't help but agree, "I do. You were right. But, Adam, I would have gotten the rest even without you sending me to bed."

"Maybe, but it's my job to look out for you."

Brian smiled as he watched realization dawn on 'their oldest' face. "Well, now that we've established Adam was doing what Adam does best, which is taking care of his brothers, have an eggnog, sit with us for a bit. You can get me another one while you're at it. And I'll go up and see how many of those rug rats are still awake. At least Guthrie and Ford should be asleep by now."

"Wishful thinking," Crane grinned as he walked to the kitchen carrying Adam and Brian's cups, "Three eggnog coming up."

As Brian neared the door to the room Evan, Ford and Guthrie shared, even if Guthrie hardly ever really slept a full night in it, he could see the light underneath the door. He made sure to make his footsteps heard and wasn't disappointed when the light was suddenly turned off. When he stepped into the room, all three boys were under their blankets with their eyes closed. Amazingly enough they didn't realize that their breathing always gave them away. A sleeping boy simply sounded different. Not that he would tell them. That knowledge was far too valuable to share.

So he sat down on Guthrie's bed and stroked the boy's hair out of his face as he whispered. "Sleep tight, little man." He leaned over him and kissed him on the forehead.

"Briiiian…." Guthrie opened his eyes, "Don't you think I'm getting too old to be kissed goodnight?"

Oh not him too, Brian thought, but he didn't voice that. Instead he shook his head, "I thought you were asleep. You fooled me there." It made Guthrie grin. "But I don't think so, buddy. Not as long as I'm your big brother."

"Oh boy," Guthrie groaned, "That means never."

From the other side of the room Evan laughed, "Yeah, that means never, Guth, better get used to it. These two are as soppy as can be."

"Hmmm soppy am I?" Brian got up and walked over to Evan. He knew better than to start tickling him now, but there were other ways. He pulled up Evan's blanket and tucked him in tightly before covering the teenager's head with kisses, "That'll teach you."

"Bleh!" Evan pulled a face, but in all honesty, he didn't truly mind. "Just don't do that in front of other people."

"I'd never."

While Evan struggled free from the restraints of the blanket, Brian moved to Ford. Ford was the groggiest of the three, but he had opened his eyes too, "I won't be able to sleep at all, Brian."

"Sure you won't," Brian agreed softly and tucked him in, "Maybe you should give it a good go, hmm? Just close your eyes and breath deep and before you'll know it, it will be morning."

"You sure?"

"Positive, buddy, couldn't be more sure." Brian brushed Ford's cheek, "And then in the morning we'll see if Santa came tonight."

"There is no Santa," Guthrie's voice sounded like he was halfway to dreamland already, but he was clearly still listening.

"There'll be presents, nonetheless," Brian smiled. "Now….you also know he won't come if you don't go to sleep, right?"

"You mean, still? Even though I know it's you and Adam?" Guthrie had thought all those rules didn't count anymore now that he knew the big secret.

"Oh that is a Christmas rule that's been around for ages. So you'd better not risk it and just go to sleep."

Brian tiptoed out of the room, checked on Daniel as well only to find him reading and promising to turn off the light in 15 minutes, and then returned downstairs for some down-time with eggnog and the two brothers closest to him in age. But it didn't take long before even the three oldest McFaddens were ready for bed and after they quickly cleared away their dishes, they got the presents from their hiding places and placed them under the tree. If either of the oldest two were surprised at the big package Crane dragged inside from the barn, they kept it to themselves and Crane wasn't giving anything away either. When they were satisfied everything was in place, the three of them went to bed.

Adam and Brian were always the last up Christmas morning. Only on Christmas morning, mind you. Usually, at least one of them was up before the rest. But on Christmas morning it was the other way around. Surprisingly enough, it wasn't Guthrie who was up first. Usually, that honor was Evan's. Adam could remember mom complaining they should have kept the little boy in his crib longer because as soon as he was in a big boy bed he crawled out. Not that the family didn't rise early as it was, it was a ranch after all, and that meant their day started earlier than most people's. But little Evan had them all beat. That is, until his teenage years hit. It seemed from one day to the other, all of a sudden Evan had taken to sleeping as late as he could get away with. All of a sudden he had to be pretty much dragged out of bed. But not at Christmas. Come Christmas morning, Evan turned back into his pre-teenage self and was up before the rest of the family.

Quietly he slipped out of the bedroom and tiptoed down the stairs. At the bottom step he halted and admired the pile of gifts under the tree. It was a sizeable one, he had to admit, even if you didn't count the big package Crane had added on behalf of all of them. Forgetting his ripe old age of thirteen, Evan got on his knees in front of the tree and studied the different gifts, trying to figure out what was what. And for who the present was. But the sizes and shapes were mostly just squares and rectangles. Not much to be made of that. He did think he saw one book, but that wouldn't be for him, he was sure of that. His brothers wouldn't be that cruel. And then there was a very tiny box. If there'd been girls in the house he'd have thought it was some kind of jewelry.

"And what do you think you're doing, young man?"

Evan nearly jumped. "Brian! It's not nice to sneak up on someone like that."

"Sneak up?" Brian laughed, "I didn't even move from the warmth of my bed. I think someone has a guilty conscience."

"I didn't touch anything!"

"Hmm I should hope so. Or we might have to break tradition here after all, and replace the content of your stocking with a switch."

Evan pulled a disgusted face, "You shouldn't be mean on Christmas."

Brian patted the bed, "Come here, bud, it's far too early to get into this type of banter."

"Can't we wake up the rest?" Slowly Evan sat down on the pull-out sofa next to Brian.

"Did you look at the time?" Brian pointedly looked at the grandfather clock that indicated it was only 5am.

"Oh…" Evan's face fell, "I thought it'd be later."

"Clock doesn't lie."

"I guess not." It didn't enter Evan's mind that you could actually change the time on the clock. That was so sneaky none of them would do it.

"Of course, we could get up, put some warm clothes on and get the animals taken care of. That way we're all ready when the rest gets up."

Now, normally, Evan would balk at the idea of having to go out and do everyone's chores for them, but in this case he saw the benefits. And sometimes, he had to admit, it was nice to do some work with one of his oldest brothers. It felt special. "Sure." He jumped up and was about to run upstairs to get dressed when Brian stopped him.

"You'll wake everyone up. Let's just get something from the laundry room. Doesn't matter if it's not clean, it won't stay that way anyway."

"That's smart, Brian."

"Nah that's just being practical."

By the time the two of them returned to the house Adam was in the kitchen making coffee and cocoa. As usual on Christmas, breakfast would wait until all the presents had been unwrapped. The first few years, mom had tried to get them to have breakfast first, but dad, who was usually her ally, had not helped her one bit. She'd lost the battle and neither Brian nor Adam could even remember having breakfast first.

"That was nice of you two, to get the chores done."

"Just being practical, Adam," Evan shrugged as he parroted Brian who just laughed.

"I'll go and make my bed."

"Already done," It was Adam's turn to grin. "And just a warning, the troops are about to come storming down. I already had two down, but sent them back up to put on sweaters."

Just at that moment the remaining McFaddens came running down the stairs, Guthrie up front and Crane taking up the rear.

"Brian! It's Christmas!" Guthrie was practically bouncing.

"Yes, it is, little man," With one swoop Guthrie was up in the air and over Brian's shoulder. "And I've caught my first present. And a good one it is."

"I'm not a present, silly!" Guthrie giggled.

"Sure?" Brian stopped and pretended to think, "Well, I guess you're not. But where are my presents then?"

"Under the tree….look!"

"Well, golly, you're right!" Brian ceremoniously dumped the youngest brother on the sofa and walked over to the tree. "I'd better start opening then."

"You can't, Brian!" It was Ford's turn to protest. "We don't have coffee and cocoa yet."

"And cookies!" Guthrie added.

"And even if we did," Daniel added, while Crane sat down on the sofa and pulled Guthrie over on his lap, "You can't just go and unwrap everything."

"Why not?"

"It's not all yours, silly." Guthrie snuggled with Crane while shaking his head.

"Well dang, another dream destroyed." Brian put on his best disappointed look, pouting lip and all. "So what do we do then?"

"Adam says which of us can pick the first present. Then that person picks, reads the tag and hands it out. Then that person picks the next present and so on."

No one was able to keep a straight face as Guthrie explained the process to Brian when it should have been perfectly clear Brian was well aware of it, after over two decades.

"Well, ADAM! We're waiting!" Brian shouted.

"No need to shout," Adam scolded as he came into the room carrying a tray of mugs, "I'm right here. Now," he put the tray down, but aside from Brian and Adam himself no one was interested much in the mugs yet. "I guess I have a duty to perform." He put his hand over his eyes, pointed and turned around twice before stopping. As he opened his eyes his finger pointed at Evan.

"YES!" Evan dove for the pile and picked out the first gift. "Crane….I bet this is a book, Crane. I bet it is."

"We'll see, Ev," Crane carefully opened the present, "Stephen King…" He read the title, "The Stand…someone must have thought a bit of light reading amongst all these literary works was in order." He grinned. "And someone knows I like a scary novel."

"You really like it, Crane?" Daniel's question gave it away. The younger boys didn't buy expensive presents for every brother, but they all got one brother a bigger gift and Daniel was only happy to give Crane something his brother really liked. Even if it had been more expensive than he'd counted on. All other brothers had to make do with very small gifts. But those were fine too.

"I love it, Danny!" Crane looked at the pile and picked the next one. It was for all of them and Guthrie got the honor of revealing the board game Clue.

"I figured we could have fun with that…" Brian smiled.

Slowly the pile of opened gifts grew while that of the unopened ones slunk. Sweaters and shirts and socks were staple gifts, but still appreciated. But they'd be liars if they didn't appreciate the other gifts more: books, a guitar pick (explaining the tiny package Evan had spotted), a blanket for Diablo (after which Adam practically had to force Evan to stay inside), a new wallet for Brian whose wallet was falling apart, a Lego box for Guthrie, a toy plane for Ford, everyone got something practical and something fun, Adam and Brian had made sure of that. And of course, their aunt had sent some presents for everyone as well, although they all dreaded her horrible and scratchy knitted sweaters that she made at least one of them each year. This year was Brian's turn and with a big sigh he put it on.

But throughout it all everyone kept eyeing the big package, yet no one picked it. Adam and Brian were bursting with curiosity, but didn't want to be the ones to pick it figuring it was for them. And the boys, although they could hardly contain their excitement, were all waiting for someone else to pick it. Finally, it was the last present under the tree and it was Guthrie's turn to pick.

The young boy looked at his brothers, "Can we finally give this now?"

The others laughed, "I think we should, Guth," Crane laughed. "Don't know why we didn't give it straightaway. I mean, we're dying to see their reactions."

"Yeah!" Daniel nodded emphatically. "Need help, Guthrie?" The two boys lifted the item and brought it over to Brian and Adam. "This is from all of us for you both."

"So you gotta open it together," Guthrie insisted.

"Oh...okay…together," Adam grinned at Brian and then the two of them simply ripped the paper off. Later they might have wondered why they didn't keep the boys on their toes for a few more moments, carefully opening the present as slowly as possible. But at that point in time, they had turned into 5-year-olds at Christmas and the present needed to be unwrapped…NOW.

"Ohhh…." Brian turned it over revealing a wheel-shaped collage of picture frames. It was handmade and contained a picture frame in the center with on each spoke more picture frames. The center picture was a group picture of the five youngest McFaddens and on each spoke pictures of either Adam or Brian with one of them. "I mean…boy…"

"Yeah no kidding, that is…" But Adam was just as speechless.

"See?" Guthrie pointed at the middle picture, "We took that one at the concert. That's why Crane had to be away for a bit."

"And then," Ford continued, "we went through all the photos we've got…see, that's you and me, Brian. That's when you coached my soccer team."

"And that one's where you taught me how to ride, Adam," Guthrie pointed at another one.

Adam had to swallow hard and he felt salt sting his eyes as realization dawned on him what they had done and why.

"It was my idea to take the group picture and Daniel knew who could take the picture, but Crane came up with the rest," Evan said softly.

"It's not to exclude mom and dad," Daniel said just as softly, "But for most of us, you two have been our parents."

"For all of us," Crane put his arm around Daniel, "Some of us just had trouble accepting that."

"Yeah, so Crane said we should add pictures about all those moments that showed just that." Daniel leaned into Crane's embrace, "Crane said the wheel would be symbolic."

Adam looked from Daniel to Crane, to the younger boys and then at Brian. He just didn't know what to say. He was too emotional.

"Don't you like it, Adam?" Guthrie looked worried and about to cry. "We didn't mean to make you sad."

"That's not it, buddy," Adam took Guthrie on his lap. "I love it."

"And so do I."

"Why are ya crying then?" Guthrie still didn't understand.

"I'm not crying!" Brian almost sounded insulted, but his voice was a little husky.

"Sure coulda fooled me," Evan grinned.

"Allergies. That's it: allergies." And Brian tried to sneeze to prove his point…and failed.

"Well, I'm not too big to cry and never will be," Adam kissed Guthrie on the top of his head. "Not when it comes to things like this." His tears were for more than the thoughtful gift, though. As so often his mind went back to the worst memory of his life. Most people would think that moment would be the moment the doctor at the hospital told him that his parents had died. Or maybe the moment the sheriff had come to get him to go to the hospital. But in reality, the very worst moment was having to tell his brothers. Because, how do you tell someone that the most important persons in their lives are gone? How do you crush someone's entire world? It's one thing to undergo it yourself, to be told, to see, but to go and break their hearts was another thing. He'd so wanted to postpone the moment. He'd been numb himself. And scared, there was no denying that. But his nightmares were of that moment he told them and saw their world come crushing down. Destroyed. Never the same again. He'd pulled them in his arms, even Brian, big as he was, and at that moment he'd stepped into the role they were acknowledging now. At the time, he hadn't realized all those implications yet. The conscious step had come later. The legal step even after that, of course. But that was the moment he'd become their care-giver, the one to console, hug, dry tears, and all those other things parents did. At the moment it happened, he'd simply saw himself as the one who was breaking their hearts. And that moment still haunted his nightmares.

Brian was thinking about other things. He thought about all those moments he hadn't been sure what his role was. Adam was their guardian, Brian wasn't. When it had happened, he'd still been in high school, sixteen years old. But very quickly he'd known he couldn't let Adam do this alone. His older brother would never have asked for his help, so he just did it. When he saw what it was doing to Adam, how panicked the guy was and how out of his depth much as the guy liked to hide it, Brian had known he, too, had to stop being a teenager who could waste his time goofing off because life hadn't started yet. For him, real life had started, childhood was over. But through his own insecurities about his role, he always watched Adam like a hawk for signs the guy was heading for a break down, like the one he'd seen him have that one day a few months after their parents' deaths. He never wanted to see that again.

But the photo's brought back all those wonderful moments with their little brothers: helping with homework, packing lunches, taking them to school because they'd missed the bus, changing Guthrie's diapers, running after the 2-year-old who never seemed to want to stay put, driving to school to bring Evan his books because the boy had forgotten them in his rush to get to the bus, putting Band-Aids on scraped knees, that time Ford had tried to help do laundry and had used so much detergent that the entire laundry room was covered in bubbles just like in a cartoon, Daniel dressed up as one of the kings at the Christmas pageant, pushing Ford on the tire-swing in the yard, Evan with Diablo who was only an hour old when the picture was taken, Crane going on his first date, watching him graduate high school…there were so many good memories.

"That is the best present I've ever had," Adam looked around to see embarrassed, yet pleased faces. "I don't even have words to say just how much I love this. Thank you!"

"Even if it didn't cost much?" Guthrie still wasn't sure.

"Some things are priceless, buddy," Brian reassured, "Simply can't put a price on it."

"Brian?" They all wondered what Evan was going to say, he sounded so serious, "This is all nice and all, but…when the heck are we gonna have breakfast? I'm starving! We've been up for hours and worked hard, you know, doing all those chores!"

They all laughed and Brian pulled Evan over in a headlock and gave him that tickling he'd wanted to give him at 5 am. "Oh you're hungry are you? Hmmm only if you say Uncle…."

"Never!"

"Then I'll just keep tickling you…." And he moved his hand to the back of Evan's knees, knowing how incredibly ticklish the boy was there. The reaction was instantaneously.

"Noooo Uncle! Uncle!"

Brian got up and put his hands in the air, "And the winner….Brian McFadden…."

"Well, Brian McFadden…" Adam winked at Evan over Guthrie's head, "your price is….you get to make us breakfast."

"Dang…."


End file.
